├── README.md
├── SearchString.js
├── books
    ├── AliceInWonderland.txt
    ├── JekyllAndHyde.txt
    └── LOTR.txt
├── images
    └── NotoryLogowhiteMed.png
├── index.html
└── style.css


/README.md:
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1 | # Notary
2 | Notary: A coding project for searching through text in javascript
3 | 


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/SearchString.js:
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  1 | //Load a book from disk
  2 | function loadBook(filename, displayName) {
  3 |     let currentBook = "";
  4 |     let url = "books/" + filename;
  5 | 
  6 |     //reset our UI
  7 |     document.getElementById("fileName").innerHTML = displayName;
  8 |     document.getElementById("searchstat").innerHTML = "";
  9 |     document.getElementById("keyword").value = "";
 10 | 
 11 |     //create a server a request to load our book
 12 |     var xhr = new XMLHttpRequest();
 13 |     xhr.open("GET", url, true);
 14 |     xhr.send();
 15 | 
 16 |     xhr.onreadystatechange = function () {
 17 |         if (xhr.readyState == 4 && xhr.status == 200) {
 18 |             currentBook = xhr.responseText;
 19 | 
 20 |             getDocStats(currentBook);
 21 | 
 22 |             //remove line breaks and carriage returns and replace with a <br>
 23 |             currentBook = currentBook.replace(/(?:\r\n|\r|\n)/g, '<br>');
 24 | 
 25 |             document.getElementById("fileContent").innerHTML = currentBook;
 26 | 
 27 |             var elmnt = document.getElementById("fileContent");
 28 |             elmnt.scrollTop = 0;
 29 | 
 30 |         }
 31 |     };
 32 | }
 33 | 
 34 | //get the stats for the book
 35 | function getDocStats(fileContent) {
 36 | 
 37 |     var docLength = document.getElementById("docLength");
 38 |     var wordCount = document.getElementById("wordCount");
 39 |     var charCount = document.getElementById("charCount");
 40 | 
 41 |     let text = fileContent.toLowerCase();
 42 |     let wordArray = text.match(/\b\S+\b/g);
 43 |     let wordDictionary = {};
 44 | 
 45 |     var uncommonWords = [];
 46 | 
 47 |     //filter out the uncommon words
 48 |     uncommonWords = filterStopWords(wordArray);
 49 | 
 50 | 
 51 |     //Count every word in the wordArray
 52 |     for (let word in uncommonWords) {
 53 |         let wordValue = uncommonWords[word];
 54 |         if (wordDictionary[wordValue] > 0) {
 55 |             wordDictionary[wordValue] += 1;
 56 |         } else {
 57 |             wordDictionary[wordValue] = 1;
 58 |         }
 59 |     }
 60 | 
 61 |     //sort the array
 62 |     let wordList = sortProperties(wordDictionary);
 63 | 
 64 |     //Return the top 5 words
 65 |     var top5Words = wordList.slice(0, 6);
 66 |     //return the least 5 words
 67 |     var least5Words = wordList.slice(-6, wordList.length);
 68 | 
 69 |     //Write the values to the page
 70 |     ULTemplate(top5Words, document.getElementById("mostUsed"));
 71 |     ULTemplate(least5Words, document.getElementById("leastUsed"));
 72 | 
 73 |     docLength.innerText = "Document Length: " + text.length;
 74 |     wordCount.innerText = "Word Count: " + wordArray.length;
 75 | 
 76 | }
 77 | 
 78 | function ULTemplate(items, element) {
 79 |     let rowTemplate = document.getElementById('template-ul-items');
 80 |     let templateHTML = rowTemplate.innerHTML;
 81 |     let resultsHTML = "";
 82 | 
 83 |     for (i = 0; i < items.length - 1; i++) {
 84 |         resultsHTML += templateHTML.replace('{{val}}', items[i][0] + " : " + items[i][1] + " time(s)");
 85 |     }
 86 | 
 87 |     element.innerHTML = resultsHTML;
 88 | 
 89 | }
 90 | 
 91 | function sortProperties(obj) {
 92 |     //first convert the object to an array
 93 |     let rtnArray = Object.entries(obj);
 94 | 
 95 |     //Sort the array
 96 |     rtnArray.sort(function (first, second) {
 97 |         return second[1] - first[1];
 98 |     });
 99 | 
100 |     return rtnArray;
101 | 
102 | }
103 | 
104 | //filter out stop words
105 | function filterStopWords(wordArray) {
106 |     var commonWords = getStopWords();
107 |     var commonObj = {};
108 |     var uncommonArr = [];
109 | 
110 |     for (i = 0; i < commonWords.length; i++) {
111 |         commonObj[commonWords[i].trim()] = true;
112 |     }
113 | 
114 |     for (i = 0; i < wordArray.length; i++) {
115 |         word = wordArray[i].trim().toLowerCase();
116 |         if (!commonObj[word]) {
117 |             uncommonArr.push(word);
118 |         }
119 |     }
120 | 
121 |     return uncommonArr;
122 | }
123 | //a list of stop words we don't want to include in stats
124 | function getStopWords() {
125 |     return ["a", "able", "about", "across", "after", "all", "almost", "also", "am", "among", "an", "and", "any", "are", "as", "at", "be", "because", "been", "but", "by", "can", "cannot", "could", "dear", "did", "do", "does", "either", "else", "ever", "every", "for", "from", "get", "got", "had", "has", "have", "he", "her", "hers", "him", "his", "how", "however", "i", "if", "in", "into", "is", "it", "its", "just", "least", "let", "like", "likely", "may", "me", "might", "most", "must", "my", "neither", "no", "nor", "not", "of", "off", "often", "on", "only", "or", "other", "our", "own", "rather", "said", "say", "says", "she", "should", "since", "so", "some", "than", "that", "the", "their", "them", "then", "there", "these", "they", "this", "tis", "to", "too", "twas", "us", "wants", "was", "we", "were", "what", "when", "where", "which", "while", "who", "whom", "why", "will", "with", "would", "yet", "you", "your", "ain't", "aren't", "can't", "could've", "couldn't", "didn't", "doesn't", "don't", "hasn't", "he'd", "he'll", "he's", "how'd", "how'll", "how's", "i'd", "i'll", "i'm", "i've", "isn't", "it's", "might've", "mightn't", "must've", "mustn't", "shan't", "she'd", "she'll", "she's", "should've", "shouldn't", "that'll", "that's", "there's", "they'd", "they'll", "they're", "they've", "wasn't", "we'd", "we'll", "we're", "weren't", "what'd", "what's", "when'd", "when'll", "when's", "where'd", "where'll", "where's", "who'd", "who'll", "who's", "why'd", "why'll", "why's", "won't", "would've", "wouldn't", "you'd", "you'll", "you're", "you've"];
126 | }
127 | 
128 | //highlight the words in search
129 | function performMark() {
130 | 
131 |     //read the keyword
132 |     var keyword = document.getElementById("keyword").value;
133 |     var display = document.getElementById("fileContent");
134 | 
135 |     var newContent = "";
136 | 
137 |     //find all the currently marked items
138 |     let spans = document.querySelectorAll('mark');
139 | 
140 |     //<mark>Harry</mark>
141 |     //Harry
142 | 
143 |     for (var i = 0; i < spans.length; i++) {
144 |         spans[i].outerHTML = spans[i].innerHTML;
145 |     }
146 | 
147 |     var re = new RegExp(keyword, "gi");
148 |     var replaceText = "<mark id='markme'>$&</mark>";
149 |     var bookContent = display.innerHTML;
150 | 
151 |     //add the mark to the book content
152 |     newContent = bookContent.replace(re, replaceText);
153 | 
154 |     display.innerHTML = newContent;
155 |     var count = document.querySelectorAll('mark').length;
156 |     document.getElementById("searchstat").innerHTML = "found " + count + " matches";
157 | 
158 |     if (count > 0) {
159 |         var element = document.getElementById("markme");
160 |         element.scrollIntoView();
161 |     };
162 | 
163 | }


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/books/AliceInWonderland.txt:
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   1 | ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND
   2 | 
   3 | Lewis Carroll
   4 | 
   5 | CHAPTER I. Down the Rabbit-Hole
   6 | 
   7 | Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the
   8 | bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the
   9 | book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in
  10 | it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice 'without pictures or
  11 | conversations?'
  12 | 
  13 | So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the
  14 | hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure
  15 | of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and
  16 | picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran
  17 | close by her.
  18 | 
  19 | There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so
  20 | VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh dear!
  21 | Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it
  22 | occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time
  23 | it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH
  24 | OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on,
  25 | Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had
  26 | never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch
  27 | to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field
  28 | after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large
  29 | rabbit-hole under the hedge.
  30 | 
  31 | In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how
  32 | in the world she was to get out again.
  33 | 
  34 | The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then
  35 | dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think
  36 | about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep
  37 | well.
  38 | 
  39 | Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had
  40 | plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was
  41 | going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out what
  42 | she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she
  43 | looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with
  44 | cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures
  45 | hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as
  46 | she passed; it was labelled 'ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great
  47 | disappointment it was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear
  48 | of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as
  49 | she fell past it.
  50 | 
  51 | 'Well!' thought Alice to herself, 'after such a fall as this, I shall
  52 | think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all think me at
  53 | home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fell off the top
  54 | of the house!' (Which was very likely true.)
  55 | 
  56 | Down, down, down. Would the fall NEVER come to an end! 'I wonder how
  57 | many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. 'I must be getting
  58 | somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four
  59 | thousand miles down, I think--' (for, you see, Alice had learnt several
  60 | things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this
  61 | was not a VERY good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there
  62 | was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over)
  63 | '--yes, that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude
  64 | or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, or
  65 | Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to say.)
  66 | 
  67 | Presently she began again. 'I wonder if I shall fall right THROUGH the
  68 | earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with
  69 | their heads downward! The Antipathies, I think--' (she was rather glad
  70 | there WAS no one listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the
  71 | right word) '--but I shall have to ask them what the name of the country
  72 | is, you know. Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and
  73 | she tried to curtsey as she spoke--fancy CURTSEYING as you're falling
  74 | through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) 'And what an
  75 | ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll never do to
  76 | ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.'
  77 | 
  78 | Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began
  79 | talking again. 'Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I should think!'
  80 | (Dinah was the cat.) 'I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at
  81 | tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here with me! There are no
  82 | mice in the air, I'm afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that's very
  83 | like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice
  84 | began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy
  85 | sort of way, 'Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, 'Do
  86 | bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question,
  87 | it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing
  88 | off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with
  89 | Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly, 'Now, Dinah, tell me the truth:
  90 | did you ever eat a bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon
  91 | a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.
  92 | 
  93 | Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment:
  94 | she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her was another
  95 | long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it.
  96 | There was not a moment to be lost: away went Alice like the wind, and
  97 | was just in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, 'Oh my ears
  98 | and whiskers, how late it's getting!' She was close behind it when she
  99 | turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found
 100 | herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging
 101 | from the roof.
 102 | 
 103 | There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; and when
 104 | Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every
 105 | door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to
 106 | get out again.
 107 | 
 108 | Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid
 109 | glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and Alice's
 110 | first thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall;
 111 | but, alas! either the locks were too large, or the key was too small,
 112 | but at any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second
 113 | time round, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and
 114 | behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high: she tried the
 115 | little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!
 116 | 
 117 | Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not
 118 | much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the passage
 119 | into the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of
 120 | that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and
 121 | those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head through the
 122 | doorway; 'and even if my head would go through,' thought poor Alice, 'it
 123 | would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could
 124 | shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only knew how to begin.'
 125 | For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately,
 126 | that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really
 127 | impossible.
 128 | 
 129 | There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went
 130 | back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at
 131 | any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this
 132 | time she found a little bottle on it, ('which certainly was not here
 133 | before,' said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper
 134 | label, with the words 'DRINK ME' beautifully printed on it in large
 135 | letters.
 136 | 
 137 | It was all very well to say 'Drink me,' but the wise little Alice was
 138 | not going to do THAT in a hurry. 'No, I'll look first,' she said, 'and
 139 | see whether it's marked "poison" or not'; for she had read several nice
 140 | little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild
 141 | beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they WOULD not remember
 142 | the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot
 143 | poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your
 144 | finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never
 145 | forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison,' it is
 146 | almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.
 147 | 
 148 | However, this bottle was NOT marked 'poison,' so Alice ventured to taste
 149 | it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour
 150 | of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot
 151 | buttered toast,) she very soon finished it off.
 152 | 
 153 |   *    *    *    *    *    *    *
 154 | 
 155 |     *    *    *    *    *    *
 156 | 
 157 |   *    *    *    *    *    *    *
 158 | 
 159 | 'What a curious feeling!' said Alice; 'I must be shutting up like a
 160 | telescope.'
 161 | 
 162 | And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and her face
 163 | brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going
 164 | through the little door into that lovely garden. First, however, she
 165 | waited for a few minutes to see if she was going to shrink any further:
 166 | she felt a little nervous about this; 'for it might end, you know,' said
 167 | Alice to herself, 'in my going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder
 168 | what I should be like then?' And she tried to fancy what the flame of a
 169 | candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember
 170 | ever having seen such a thing.
 171 | 
 172 | After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided on going
 173 | into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when she got to the
 174 | door, she found she had forgotten the little golden key, and when she
 175 | went back to the table for it, she found she could not possibly reach
 176 | it: she could see it quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her
 177 | best to climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery;
 178 | and when she had tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing
 179 | sat down and cried.
 180 | 
 181 | 'Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to herself,
 182 | rather sharply; 'I advise you to leave off this minute!' She generally
 183 | gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it),
 184 | and sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into
 185 | her eyes; and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having
 186 | cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself,
 187 | for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people.
 188 | 'But it's no use now,' thought poor Alice, 'to pretend to be two people!
 189 | Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable person!'
 190 | 
 191 | Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table:
 192 | she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words
 193 | 'EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants. 'Well, I'll eat it,' said
 194 | Alice, 'and if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it
 195 | makes me grow smaller, I can creep under the door; so either way I'll
 196 | get into the garden, and I don't care which happens!'
 197 | 
 198 | She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, 'Which way? Which
 199 | way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was
 200 | growing, and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same
 201 | size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice
 202 | had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way
 203 | things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on
 204 | in the common way.
 205 | 
 206 | So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.
 207 | 
 208 |   *    *    *    *    *    *    *
 209 | 
 210 |     *    *    *    *    *    *
 211 | 
 212 |   *    *    *    *    *    *    *
 213 | 
 214 | 
 215 | 
 216 | 
 217 | CHAPTER II. The Pool of Tears
 218 | 
 219 | 'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that
 220 | for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English); 'now I'm
 221 | opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet!'
 222 | (for when she looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of
 223 | sight, they were getting so far off). 'Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder
 224 | who will put on your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure
 225 | _I_ shan't be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble
 226 | myself about you: you must manage the best way you can;--but I must be
 227 | kind to them,' thought Alice, 'or perhaps they won't walk the way I want
 228 | to go! Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of boots every Christmas.'
 229 | 
 230 | And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. 'They must
 231 | go by the carrier,' she thought; 'and how funny it'll seem, sending
 232 | presents to one's own feet! And how odd the directions will look!
 233 | 
 234 |      ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ.
 235 |        HEARTHRUG,
 236 |          NEAR THE FENDER,
 237 |            (WITH ALICE'S LOVE).
 238 | 
 239 | Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!'
 240 | 
 241 | Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in fact she was
 242 | now more than nine feet high, and she at once took up the little golden
 243 | key and hurried off to the garden door.
 244 | 
 245 | Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one side, to
 246 | look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more
 247 | hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to cry again.
 248 | 
 249 | 'You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, 'a great girl like
 250 | you,' (she might well say this), 'to go on crying in this way! Stop this
 251 | moment, I tell you!' But she went on all the same, shedding gallons of
 252 | tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about four inches
 253 | deep and reaching half down the hall.
 254 | 
 255 | After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and
 256 | she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. It was the White
 257 | Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in
 258 | one hand and a large fan in the other: he came trotting along in a great
 259 | hurry, muttering to himself as he came, 'Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess!
 260 | Oh! won't she be savage if I've kept her waiting!' Alice felt so
 261 | desperate that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit
 262 | came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, 'If you please, sir--'
 263 | The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid gloves and the fan,
 264 | and skurried away into the darkness as hard as he could go.
 265 | 
 266 | Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very hot, she
 267 | kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: 'Dear, dear! How
 268 | queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual.
 269 | I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the
 270 | same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a
 271 | little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who
 272 | in the world am I? Ah, THAT'S the great puzzle!' And she began thinking
 273 | over all the children she knew that were of the same age as herself, to
 274 | see if she could have been changed for any of them.
 275 | 
 276 | 'I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, 'for her hair goes in such long
 277 | ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm sure I can't
 278 | be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows such a
 279 | very little! Besides, SHE'S she, and I'm I, and--oh dear, how puzzling
 280 | it all is! I'll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me
 281 | see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and
 282 | four times seven is--oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate!
 283 | However, the Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography.
 284 | London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and
 285 | Rome--no, THAT'S all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been changed for
 286 | Mabel! I'll try and say "How doth the little--"' and she crossed her
 287 | hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, and began to repeat it,
 288 | but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the words did not come the
 289 | same as they used to do:--
 290 | 
 291 |      'How doth the little crocodile
 292 |       Improve his shining tail,
 293 |      And pour the waters of the Nile
 294 |       On every golden scale!
 295 | 
 296 |      'How cheerfully he seems to grin,
 297 |       How neatly spread his claws,
 298 |      And welcome little fishes in
 299 |       With gently smiling jaws!'
 300 | 
 301 | 'I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and her eyes
 302 | filled with tears again as she went on, 'I must be Mabel after all, and
 303 | I shall have to go and live in that poky little house, and have next to
 304 | no toys to play with, and oh! ever so many lessons to learn! No, I've
 305 | made up my mind about it; if I'm Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no
 306 | use their putting their heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I
 307 | shall only look up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then,
 308 | if I like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down here
 309 | till I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a sudden burst
 310 | of tears, 'I do wish they WOULD put their heads down! I am so VERY tired
 311 | of being all alone here!'
 312 | 
 313 | As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was surprised to see
 314 | that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little white kid gloves while
 315 | she was talking. 'How CAN I have done that?' she thought. 'I must
 316 | be growing small again.' She got up and went to the table to measure
 317 | herself by it, and found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was now
 318 | about two feet high, and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found
 319 | out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped
 320 | it hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.
 321 | 
 322 | 'That WAS a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at the
 323 | sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in existence; 'and
 324 | now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed back to the little door:
 325 | but, alas! the little door was shut again, and the little golden key was
 326 | lying on the glass table as before, 'and things are worse than ever,'
 327 | thought the poor child, 'for I never was so small as this before, never!
 328 | And I declare it's too bad, that it is!'
 329 | 
 330 | As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another moment, splash!
 331 | she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that she
 332 | had somehow fallen into the sea, 'and in that case I can go back by
 333 | railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once in
 334 | her life, and had come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go
 335 | to on the English coast you find a number of bathing machines in the
 336 | sea, some children digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row
 337 | of lodging houses, and behind them a railway station.) However, she soon
 338 | made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she
 339 | was nine feet high.
 340 | 
 341 | 'I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about, trying
 342 | to find her way out. 'I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by
 343 | being drowned in my own tears! That WILL be a queer thing, to be sure!
 344 | However, everything is queer to-day.'
 345 | 
 346 | Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way
 347 | off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at first she thought
 348 | it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then she remembered how small
 349 | she was now, and she soon made out that it was only a mouse that had
 350 | slipped in like herself.
 351 | 
 352 | 'Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, 'to speak to this mouse?
 353 | Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should think very
 354 | likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in trying.' So she
 355 | began: 'O Mouse, do you know the way out of this pool? I am very tired
 356 | of swimming about here, O Mouse!' (Alice thought this must be the right
 357 | way of speaking to a mouse: she had never done such a thing before, but
 358 | she remembered having seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, 'A mouse--of
 359 | a mouse--to a mouse--a mouse--O mouse!') The Mouse looked at her rather
 360 | inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little eyes,
 361 | but it said nothing.
 362 | 
 363 | 'Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; 'I daresay it's
 364 | a French mouse, come over with William the Conqueror.' (For, with all
 365 | her knowledge of history, Alice had no very clear notion how long ago
 366 | anything had happened.) So she began again: 'Ou est ma chatte?' which
 367 | was the first sentence in her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a
 368 | sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright.
 369 | 'Oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt
 370 | the poor animal's feelings. 'I quite forgot you didn't like cats.'
 371 | 
 372 | 'Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice. 'Would
 373 | YOU like cats if you were me?'
 374 | 
 375 | 'Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone: 'don't be angry
 376 | about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you'd
 377 | take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. She is such a dear quiet
 378 | thing,' Alice went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily about in the
 379 | pool, 'and she sits purring so nicely by the fire, licking her paws and
 380 | washing her face--and she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's
 381 | such a capital one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried
 382 | Alice again, for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she
 383 | felt certain it must be really offended. 'We won't talk about her any
 384 | more if you'd rather not.'
 385 | 
 386 | 'We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end of his
 387 | tail. 'As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family always HATED
 388 | cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't let me hear the name again!'
 389 | 
 390 | 'I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of
 391 | conversation. 'Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?' The Mouse did not
 392 | answer, so Alice went on eagerly: 'There is such a nice little dog near
 393 | our house I should like to show you! A little bright-eyed terrier, you
 394 | know, with oh, such long curly brown hair! And it'll fetch things when
 395 | you throw them, and it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts
 396 | of things--I can't remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer,
 397 | you know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds! He
 398 | says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a sorrowful
 399 | tone, 'I'm afraid I've offended it again!' For the Mouse was swimming
 400 | away from her as hard as it could go, and making quite a commotion in
 401 | the pool as it went.
 402 | 
 403 | So she called softly after it, 'Mouse dear! Do come back again, and we
 404 | won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't like them!' When the
 405 | Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam slowly back to her: its
 406 | face was quite pale (with passion, Alice thought), and it said in a low
 407 | trembling voice, 'Let us get to the shore, and then I'll tell you my
 408 | history, and you'll understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.'
 409 | 
 410 | It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded with the
 411 | birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a Duck and a Dodo,
 412 | a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious creatures. Alice led the
 413 | way, and the whole party swam to the shore.
 414 | 
 415 | 
 416 | 
 417 | 
 418 | CHAPTER III. A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale
 419 | 
 420 | They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank--the
 421 | birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close
 422 | to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.
 423 | 
 424 | The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they had a
 425 | consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural
 426 | to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them, as if she had
 427 | known them all her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the
 428 | Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would only say, 'I am older than
 429 | you, and must know better'; and this Alice would not allow without
 430 | knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its
 431 | age, there was no more to be said.
 432 | 
 433 | At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them,
 434 | called out, 'Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL soon make you
 435 | dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse
 436 | in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt
 437 | sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
 438 | 
 439 | 'Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, 'are you all ready? This
 440 | is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! "William
 441 | the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted
 442 | to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much
 443 | accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of
 444 | Mercia and Northumbria--"'
 445 | 
 446 | 'Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver.
 447 | 
 448 | 'I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely: 'Did
 449 | you speak?'
 450 | 
 451 | 'Not I!' said the Lory hastily.
 452 | 
 453 | 'I thought you did,' said the Mouse. '--I proceed. "Edwin and Morcar,
 454 | the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand,
 455 | the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable--"'
 456 | 
 457 | 'Found WHAT?' said the Duck.
 458 | 
 459 | 'Found IT,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: 'of course you know what
 460 | "it" means.'
 461 | 
 462 | 'I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said the
 463 | Duck: 'it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the
 464 | archbishop find?'
 465 | 
 466 | The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, '"--found
 467 | it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the
 468 | crown. William's conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his
 469 | Normans--" How are you getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning
 470 | to Alice as it spoke.
 471 | 
 472 | 'As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: 'it doesn't seem to
 473 | dry me at all.'
 474 | 
 475 | 'In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, 'I move
 476 | that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic
 477 | remedies--'
 478 | 
 479 | 'Speak English!' said the Eaglet. 'I don't know the meaning of half
 480 | those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do either!' And
 481 | the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds
 482 | tittered audibly.
 483 | 
 484 | 'What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone, 'was, that
 485 | the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.'
 486 | 
 487 | 'What IS a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much to know,
 488 | but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY ought to speak,
 489 | and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.
 490 | 
 491 | 'Why,' said the Dodo, 'the best way to explain it is to do it.' (And, as
 492 | you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell
 493 | you how the Dodo managed it.)
 494 | 
 495 | First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, ('the exact
 496 | shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party were placed
 497 | along the course, here and there. There was no 'One, two, three, and
 498 | away,' but they began running when they liked, and left off when they
 499 | liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However,
 500 | when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again,
 501 | the Dodo suddenly called out 'The race is over!' and they all crowded
 502 | round it, panting, and asking, 'But who has won?'
 503 | 
 504 | This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought,
 505 | and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead
 506 | (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures
 507 | of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said,
 508 | 'EVERYBODY has won, and all must have prizes.'
 509 | 
 510 | 'But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices asked.
 511 | 
 512 | 'Why, SHE, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger;
 513 | and the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a confused
 514 | way, 'Prizes! Prizes!'
 515 | 
 516 | Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her
 517 | pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had
 518 | not got into it), and handed them round as prizes. There was exactly one
 519 | a-piece all round.
 520 | 
 521 | 'But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse.
 522 | 
 523 | 'Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. 'What else have you got in
 524 | your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice.
 525 | 
 526 | 'Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly.
 527 | 
 528 | 'Hand it over here,' said the Dodo.
 529 | 
 530 | Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo solemnly
 531 | presented the thimble, saying 'We beg your acceptance of this elegant
 532 | thimble'; and, when it had finished this short speech, they all cheered.
 533 | 
 534 | Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave
 535 | that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything
 536 | to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she
 537 | could.
 538 | 
 539 | The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise and
 540 | confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not taste
 541 | theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back.
 542 | However, it was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and
 543 | begged the Mouse to tell them something more.
 544 | 
 545 | 'You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice, 'and why
 546 | it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half afraid that it
 547 | would be offended again.
 548 | 
 549 | 'Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and
 550 | sighing.
 551 | 
 552 | 'It IS a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with wonder at
 553 | the Mouse's tail; 'but why do you call it sad?' And she kept on puzzling
 554 | about it while the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was
 555 | something like this:--
 556 | 
 557 |          'Fury said to a
 558 |          mouse, That he
 559 |         met in the
 560 |        house,
 561 |      "Let us
 562 |       both go to
 563 |        law: I will
 564 |         prosecute
 565 |          YOU.--Come,
 566 |            I'll take no
 567 |            denial; We
 568 |           must have a
 569 |         trial: For
 570 |       really this
 571 |      morning I've
 572 |     nothing
 573 |     to do."
 574 |      Said the
 575 |       mouse to the
 576 |        cur, "Such
 577 |         a trial,
 578 |          dear Sir,
 579 |             With
 580 |           no jury
 581 |         or judge,
 582 |        would be
 583 |       wasting
 584 |       our
 585 |       breath."
 586 |        "I'll be
 587 |         judge, I'll
 588 |          be jury,"
 589 |             Said
 590 |          cunning
 591 |           old Fury:
 592 |           "I'll
 593 |           try the
 594 |             whole
 595 |             cause,
 596 |               and
 597 |            condemn
 598 |            you
 599 |           to
 600 |            death."'
 601 | 
 602 | 
 603 | 'You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely. 'What are you
 604 | thinking of?'
 605 | 
 606 | 'I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: 'you had got to the fifth
 607 | bend, I think?'
 608 | 
 609 | 'I had NOT!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
 610 | 
 611 | 'A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking
 612 | anxiously about her. 'Oh, do let me help to undo it!'
 613 | 
 614 | 'I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up and walking
 615 | away. 'You insult me by talking such nonsense!'
 616 | 
 617 | 'I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. 'But you're so easily offended,
 618 | you know!'
 619 | 
 620 | The Mouse only growled in reply.
 621 | 
 622 | 'Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after it; and the
 623 | others all joined in chorus, 'Yes, please do!' but the Mouse only shook
 624 | its head impatiently, and walked a little quicker.
 625 | 
 626 | 'What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it was quite
 627 | out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to her
 628 | daughter 'Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose
 629 | YOUR temper!' 'Hold your tongue, Ma!' said the young Crab, a little
 630 | snappishly. 'You're enough to try the patience of an oyster!'
 631 | 
 632 | 'I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud, addressing
 633 | nobody in particular. 'She'd soon fetch it back!'
 634 | 
 635 | 'And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?' said the
 636 | Lory.
 637 | 
 638 | Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet:
 639 | 'Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for catching mice you
 640 | can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her after the birds! Why,
 641 | she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!'
 642 | 
 643 | This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. Some of the
 644 | birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very
 645 | carefully, remarking, 'I really must be getting home; the night-air
 646 | doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary called out in a trembling voice to
 647 | its children, 'Come away, my dears! It's high time you were all in bed!'
 648 | On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.
 649 | 
 650 | 'I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a melancholy
 651 | tone. 'Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm sure she's the best
 652 | cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you
 653 | any more!' And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very
 654 | lonely and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she again heard
 655 | a little pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up
 656 | eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming
 657 | back to finish his story.
 658 | 
 659 | 
 660 | 
 661 | 
 662 | CHAPTER IV. The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
 663 | 
 664 | It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking
 665 | anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something; and she heard
 666 | it muttering to itself 'The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh
 667 | my fur and whiskers! She'll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are
 668 | ferrets! Where CAN I have dropped them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a
 669 | moment that it was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves,
 670 | and she very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were
 671 | nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her swim in
 672 | the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and the little door,
 673 | had vanished completely.
 674 | 
 675 | Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, and
 676 | called out to her in an angry tone, 'Why, Mary Ann, what ARE you doing
 677 | out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan!
 678 | Quick, now!' And Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once
 679 | in the direction it pointed to, without trying to explain the mistake it
 680 | had made.
 681 | 
 682 | 'He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran. 'How
 683 | surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd better take him
 684 | his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.' As she said this, she
 685 | came upon a neat little house, on the door of which was a bright brass
 686 | plate with the name 'W. RABBIT' engraved upon it. She went in without
 687 | knocking, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the
 688 | real Mary Ann, and be turned out of the house before she had found the
 689 | fan and gloves.
 690 | 
 691 | 'How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, 'to be going messages for
 692 | a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on messages next!' And she
 693 | began fancying the sort of thing that would happen: '"Miss Alice! Come
 694 | here directly, and get ready for your walk!" "Coming in a minute,
 695 | nurse! But I've got to see that the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't
 696 | think,' Alice went on, 'that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it
 697 | began ordering people about like that!'
 698 | 
 699 | By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table
 700 | in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or three pairs
 701 | of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves,
 702 | and was just going to leave the room, when her eye fell upon a little
 703 | bottle that stood near the looking-glass. There was no label this time
 704 | with the words 'DRINK ME,' but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it
 705 | to her lips. 'I know SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen,' she said
 706 | to herself, 'whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what
 707 | this bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for really
 708 | I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!'
 709 | 
 710 | It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: before she had
 711 | drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing against the ceiling,
 712 | and had to stoop to save her neck from being broken. She hastily put
 713 | down the bottle, saying to herself 'That's quite enough--I hope I shan't
 714 | grow any more--As it is, I can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't
 715 | drunk quite so much!'
 716 | 
 717 | Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and growing,
 718 | and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another minute there
 719 | was not even room for this, and she tried the effect of lying down with
 720 | one elbow against the door, and the other arm curled round her head.
 721 | Still she went on growing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm out
 722 | of the window, and one foot up the chimney, and said to herself 'Now I
 723 | can do no more, whatever happens. What WILL become of me?'
 724 | 
 725 | Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full effect,
 726 | and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there
 727 | seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room
 728 | again, no wonder she felt unhappy.
 729 | 
 730 | 'It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, 'when one wasn't
 731 | always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and
 732 | rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole--and yet--and
 733 | yet--it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what
 734 | CAN have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that
 735 | kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one!
 736 | There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I
 737 | grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a sorrowful
 738 | tone; 'at least there's no room to grow up any more HERE.'
 739 | 
 740 | 'But then,' thought Alice, 'shall I NEVER get any older than I am
 741 | now? That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman--but
 742 | then--always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like THAT!'
 743 | 
 744 | 'Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. 'How can you learn
 745 | lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for YOU, and no room at all
 746 | for any lesson-books!'
 747 | 
 748 | And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, and making
 749 | quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few minutes she heard
 750 | a voice outside, and stopped to listen.
 751 | 
 752 | 'Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. 'Fetch me my gloves this moment!'
 753 | Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice knew it was
 754 | the Rabbit coming to look for her, and she trembled till she shook the
 755 | house, quite forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as large
 756 | as the Rabbit, and had no reason to be afraid of it.
 757 | 
 758 | Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it; but, as
 759 | the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed hard against it,
 760 | that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it say to itself 'Then I'll
 761 | go round and get in at the window.'
 762 | 
 763 | 'THAT you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till she fancied
 764 | she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly spread out her
 765 | hand, and made a snatch in the air. She did not get hold of anything,
 766 | but she heard a little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass,
 767 | from which she concluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a
 768 | cucumber-frame, or something of the sort.
 769 | 
 770 | Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--'Pat! Pat! Where are you?' And
 771 | then a voice she had never heard before, 'Sure then I'm here! Digging
 772 | for apples, yer honour!'
 773 | 
 774 | 'Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. 'Here! Come and
 775 | help me out of THIS!' (Sounds of more broken glass.)
 776 | 
 777 | 'Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?'
 778 | 
 779 | 'Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it 'arrum.')
 780 | 
 781 | 'An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills the whole
 782 | window!'
 783 | 
 784 | 'Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.'
 785 | 
 786 | 'Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it away!'
 787 | 
 788 | There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear whispers
 789 | now and then; such as, 'Sure, I don't like it, yer honour, at all, at
 790 | all!' 'Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at last she spread out her
 791 | hand again, and made another snatch in the air. This time there were
 792 | TWO little shrieks, and more sounds of broken glass. 'What a number of
 793 | cucumber-frames there must be!' thought Alice. 'I wonder what they'll do
 794 | next! As for pulling me out of the window, I only wish they COULD! I'm
 795 | sure I don't want to stay in here any longer!'
 796 | 
 797 | She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at last came a
 798 | rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a good many voices
 799 | all talking together: she made out the words: 'Where's the other
 800 | ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one; Bill's got the other--Bill!
 801 | fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up at this corner--No, tie 'em
 802 | together first--they don't reach half high enough yet--Oh! they'll
 803 | do well enough; don't be particular--Here, Bill! catch hold of this
 804 | rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind that loose slate--Oh, it's coming
 805 | down! Heads below!' (a loud crash)--'Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I
 806 | fancy--Who's to go down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! YOU do it!--That I
 807 | won't, then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says you're to
 808 | go down the chimney!'
 809 | 
 810 | 'Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said Alice to
 811 | herself. 'Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! I wouldn't be in
 812 | Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but
 813 | I THINK I can kick a little!'
 814 | 
 815 | She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and waited
 816 | till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what sort it was)
 817 | scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close above her: then,
 818 | saying to herself 'This is Bill,' she gave one sharp kick, and waited to
 819 | see what would happen next.
 820 | 
 821 | The first thing she heard was a general chorus of 'There goes Bill!'
 822 | then the Rabbit's voice along--'Catch him, you by the hedge!' then
 823 | silence, and then another confusion of voices--'Hold up his head--Brandy
 824 | now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow? What happened to you? Tell
 825 | us all about it!'
 826 | 
 827 | Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, ('That's Bill,' thought
 828 | Alice,) 'Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm better now--but I'm
 829 | a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know is, something comes at me
 830 | like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!'
 831 | 
 832 | 'So you did, old fellow!' said the others.
 833 | 
 834 | 'We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and Alice called
 835 | out as loud as she could, 'If you do. I'll set Dinah at you!'
 836 | 
 837 | There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to herself, 'I
 838 | wonder what they WILL do next! If they had any sense, they'd take the
 839 | roof off.' After a minute or two, they began moving about again, and
 840 | Alice heard the Rabbit say, 'A barrowful will do, to begin with.'
 841 | 
 842 | 'A barrowful of WHAT?' thought Alice; but she had not long to doubt,
 843 | for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the
 844 | window, and some of them hit her in the face. 'I'll put a stop to this,'
 845 | she said to herself, and shouted out, 'You'd better not do that again!'
 846 | which produced another dead silence.
 847 | 
 848 | Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into
 849 | little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into her
 850 | head. 'If I eat one of these cakes,' she thought, 'it's sure to make
 851 | SOME change in my size; and as it can't possibly make me larger, it must
 852 | make me smaller, I suppose.'
 853 | 
 854 | So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find that she
 855 | began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small enough to get through
 856 | the door, she ran out of the house, and found quite a crowd of little
 857 | animals and birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, Bill, was
 858 | in the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were giving it
 859 | something out of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice the moment she
 860 | appeared; but she ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself
 861 | safe in a thick wood.
 862 | 
 863 | 'The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as she wandered
 864 | about in the wood, 'is to grow to my right size again; and the second
 865 | thing is to find my way into that lovely garden. I think that will be
 866 | the best plan.'
 867 | 
 868 | It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply
 869 | arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea
 870 | how to set about it; and while she was peering about anxiously among
 871 | the trees, a little sharp bark just over her head made her look up in a
 872 | great hurry.
 873 | 
 874 | An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round eyes, and
 875 | feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her. 'Poor little thing!'
 876 | said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried hard to whistle to it; but
 877 | she was terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it might be
 878 | hungry, in which case it would be very likely to eat her up in spite of
 879 | all her coaxing.
 880 | 
 881 | Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of stick, and
 882 | held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off
 883 | all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, and rushed at the stick,
 884 | and made believe to worry it; then Alice dodged behind a great thistle,
 885 | to keep herself from being run over; and the moment she appeared on the
 886 | other side, the puppy made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head
 887 | over heels in its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was
 888 | very like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every
 889 | moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle again; then
 890 | the puppy began a series of short charges at the stick, running a very
 891 | little way forwards each time and a long way back, and barking hoarsely
 892 | all the while, till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with
 893 | its tongue hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes half shut.
 894 | 
 895 | This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; so she
 896 | set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath, and
 897 | till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the distance.
 898 | 
 899 | 'And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she leant
 900 | against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the
 901 | leaves: 'I should have liked teaching it tricks very much, if--if I'd
 902 | only been the right size to do it! Oh dear! I'd nearly forgotten that
 903 | I've got to grow up again! Let me see--how IS it to be managed? I
 904 | suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but the great
 905 | question is, what?'
 906 | 
 907 | The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round her at
 908 | the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see anything that
 909 | looked like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances.
 910 | There was a large mushroom growing near her, about the same height as
 911 | herself; and when she had looked under it, and on both sides of it, and
 912 | behind it, it occurred to her that she might as well look and see what
 913 | was on the top of it.
 914 | 
 915 | She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of the
 916 | mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large caterpillar,
 917 | that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long
 918 | hookah, and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything else.
 919 | 
 920 | 
 921 | 
 922 | 
 923 | CHAPTER V. Advice from a Caterpillar
 924 | 
 925 | The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence:
 926 | at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed
 927 | her in a languid, sleepy voice.
 928 | 
 929 | 'Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.
 930 | 
 931 | This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied,
 932 | rather shyly, 'I--I hardly know, sir, just at present--at least I know
 933 | who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been
 934 | changed several times since then.'
 935 | 
 936 | 'What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. 'Explain
 937 | yourself!'
 938 | 
 939 | 'I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, 'because I'm not
 940 | myself, you see.'
 941 | 
 942 | 'I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.
 943 | 
 944 | 'I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very politely,
 945 | 'for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many
 946 | different sizes in a day is very confusing.'
 947 | 
 948 | 'It isn't,' said the Caterpillar.
 949 | 
 950 | 'Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; 'but when you
 951 | have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you know--and then
 952 | after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little
 953 | queer, won't you?'
 954 | 
 955 | 'Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar.
 956 | 
 957 | 'Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice; 'all I know
 958 | is, it would feel very queer to ME.'
 959 | 
 960 | 'You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. 'Who are YOU?'
 961 | 
 962 | Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation.
 963 | Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's making such VERY
 964 | short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, very gravely, 'I think,
 965 | you ought to tell me who YOU are, first.'
 966 | 
 967 | 'Why?' said the Caterpillar.
 968 | 
 969 | Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not think of any
 970 | good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a VERY unpleasant
 971 | state of mind, she turned away.
 972 | 
 973 | 'Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her. 'I've something important
 974 | to say!'
 975 | 
 976 | This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back again.
 977 | 
 978 | 'Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar.
 979 | 
 980 | 'Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she
 981 | could.
 982 | 
 983 | 'No,' said the Caterpillar.
 984 | 
 985 | Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do, and
 986 | perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing. For some
 987 | minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at last it unfolded its
 988 | arms, took the hookah out of its mouth again, and said, 'So you think
 989 | you're changed, do you?'
 990 | 
 991 | 'I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice; 'I can't remember things as I
 992 | used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!'
 993 | 
 994 | 'Can't remember WHAT things?' said the Caterpillar.
 995 | 
 996 | 'Well, I've tried to say "HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE," but it all came
 997 | different!' Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.
 998 | 
 999 | 'Repeat, "YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,"' said the Caterpillar.
1000 | 
1001 | Alice folded her hands, and began:--
1002 | 
1003 |    'You are old, Father William,' the young man said,
1004 |     'And your hair has become very white;
1005 |    And yet you incessantly stand on your head--
1006 |     Do you think, at your age, it is right?'
1007 | 
1008 |    'In my youth,' Father William replied to his son,
1009 |     'I feared it might injure the brain;
1010 |    But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
1011 |     Why, I do it again and again.'
1012 | 
1013 |    'You are old,' said the youth, 'as I mentioned before,
1014 |     And have grown most uncommonly fat;
1015 |    Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door--
1016 |     Pray, what is the reason of that?'
1017 | 
1018 |    'In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
1019 |     'I kept all my limbs very supple
1020 |    By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box--
1021 |     Allow me to sell you a couple?'
1022 | 
1023 |    'You are old,' said the youth, 'and your jaws are too weak
1024 |     For anything tougher than suet;
1025 |    Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak--
1026 |     Pray how did you manage to do it?'
1027 | 
1028 |    'In my youth,' said his father, 'I took to the law,
1029 |     And argued each case with my wife;
1030 |    And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
1031 |     Has lasted the rest of my life.'
1032 | 
1033 |    'You are old,' said the youth, 'one would hardly suppose
1034 |     That your eye was as steady as ever;
1035 |    Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--
1036 |     What made you so awfully clever?'
1037 | 
1038 |    'I have answered three questions, and that is enough,'
1039 |     Said his father; 'don't give yourself airs!
1040 |    Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
1041 |     Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!'
1042 | 
1043 | 
1044 | 'That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar.
1045 | 
1046 | 'Not QUITE right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; 'some of the words
1047 | have got altered.'
1048 | 
1049 | 'It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar decidedly, and
1050 | there was silence for some minutes.
1051 | 
1052 | The Caterpillar was the first to speak.
1053 | 
1054 | 'What size do you want to be?' it asked.
1055 | 
1056 | 'Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied; 'only one
1057 | doesn't like changing so often, you know.'
1058 | 
1059 | 'I DON'T know,' said the Caterpillar.
1060 | 
1061 | Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in her life
1062 | before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.
1063 | 
1064 | 'Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar.
1065 | 
1066 | 'Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind,'
1067 | said Alice: 'three inches is such a wretched height to be.'
1068 | 
1069 | 'It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar angrily, rearing
1070 | itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three inches high).
1071 | 
1072 | 'But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. And
1073 | she thought of herself, 'I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily
1074 | offended!'
1075 | 
1076 | 'You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it put the
1077 | hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.
1078 | 
1079 | This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. In
1080 | a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth
1081 | and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got down off the
1082 | mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it went,
1083 | 'One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you
1084 | grow shorter.'
1085 | 
1086 | 'One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?' thought Alice to herself.
1087 | 
1088 | 'Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked it
1089 | aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.
1090 | 
1091 | Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute, trying
1092 | to make out which were the two sides of it; and as it was perfectly
1093 | round, she found this a very difficult question. However, at last she
1094 | stretched her arms round it as far as they would go, and broke off a bit
1095 | of the edge with each hand.
1096 | 
1097 | 'And now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a little of
1098 | the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment she felt a violent
1099 | blow underneath her chin: it had struck her foot!
1100 | 
1101 | She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but she felt
1102 | that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly; so she
1103 | set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. Her chin was pressed
1104 | so closely against her foot, that there was hardly room to open her
1105 | mouth; but she did it at last, and managed to swallow a morsel of the
1106 | lefthand bit.
1107 | 
1108 | 
1109 |   *    *    *    *    *    *    *
1110 | 
1111 |     *    *    *    *    *    *
1112 | 
1113 |   *    *    *    *    *    *    *
1114 | 
1115 | 'Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of delight, which
1116 | changed into alarm in another moment, when she found that her shoulders
1117 | were nowhere to be found: all she could see, when she looked down, was
1118 | an immense length of neck, which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a
1119 | sea of green leaves that lay far below her.
1120 | 
1121 | 'What CAN all that green stuff be?' said Alice. 'And where HAVE my
1122 | shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can't see you?'
1123 | She was moving them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow,
1124 | except a little shaking among the distant green leaves.
1125 | 
1126 | As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head, she
1127 | tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted to find that her
1128 | neck would bend about easily in any direction, like a serpent. She had
1129 | just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and was going
1130 | to dive in among the leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops
1131 | of the trees under which she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made
1132 | her draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and
1133 | was beating her violently with its wings.
1134 | 
1135 | 'Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon.
1136 | 
1137 | 'I'm NOT a serpent!' said Alice indignantly. 'Let me alone!'
1138 | 
1139 | 'Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more subdued tone,
1140 | and added with a kind of sob, 'I've tried every way, and nothing seems
1141 | to suit them!'
1142 | 
1143 | 'I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said Alice.
1144 | 
1145 | 'I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've tried
1146 | hedges,' the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; 'but those
1147 | serpents! There's no pleasing them!'
1148 | 
1149 | Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in
1150 | saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.
1151 | 
1152 | 'As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the Pigeon;
1153 | 'but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and day! Why, I
1154 | haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!'
1155 | 
1156 | 'I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was beginning to
1157 | see its meaning.
1158 | 
1159 | 'And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' continued the
1160 | Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, 'and just as I was thinking I
1161 | should be free of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down from
1162 | the sky! Ugh, Serpent!'
1163 | 
1164 | 'But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice. 'I'm a--I'm a--'
1165 | 
1166 | 'Well! WHAT are you?' said the Pigeon. 'I can see you're trying to
1167 | invent something!'
1168 | 
1169 | 'I--I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she remembered
1170 | the number of changes she had gone through that day.
1171 | 
1172 | 'A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest
1173 | contempt. 'I've seen a good many little girls in my time, but never ONE
1174 | with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use
1175 | denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an
1176 | egg!'
1177 | 
1178 | 'I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a very truthful
1179 | child; 'but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you
1180 | know.'
1181 | 
1182 | 'I don't believe it,' said the Pigeon; 'but if they do, why then they're
1183 | a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.'
1184 | 
1185 | This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent for a
1186 | minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, 'You're
1187 | looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it matter to me
1188 | whether you're a little girl or a serpent?'
1189 | 
1190 | 'It matters a good deal to ME,' said Alice hastily; 'but I'm not looking
1191 | for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I don't
1192 | like them raw.'
1193 | 
1194 | 'Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled
1195 | down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as well as
1196 | she could, for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and
1197 | every now and then she had to stop and untwist it. After a while she
1198 | remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, and
1199 | she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the
1200 | other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had
1201 | succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
1202 | 
1203 | It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that it
1204 | felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes,
1205 | and began talking to herself, as usual. 'Come, there's half my plan done
1206 | now! How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going
1207 | to be, from one minute to another! However, I've got back to my right
1208 | size: the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that
1209 | to be done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open
1210 | place, with a little house in it about four feet high. 'Whoever lives
1211 | there,' thought Alice, 'it'll never do to come upon them THIS size: why,
1212 | I should frighten them out of their wits!' So she began nibbling at the
1213 | righthand bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she
1214 | had brought herself down to nine inches high.
1215 | 
1216 | 
1217 | 
1218 | 
1219 | CHAPTER VI. Pig and Pepper
1220 | 
1221 | For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and wondering what
1222 | to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the
1223 | wood--(she considered him to be a footman because he was in livery:
1224 | otherwise, judging by his face only, she would have called him a
1225 | fish)--and rapped loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was opened
1226 | by another footman in livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a
1227 | frog; and both footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all
1228 | over their heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about,
1229 | and crept a little way out of the wood to listen.
1230 | 
1231 | The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great letter,
1232 | nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to the other,
1233 | saying, in a solemn tone, 'For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen
1234 | to play croquet.' The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone,
1235 | only changing the order of the words a little, 'From the Queen. An
1236 | invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.'
1237 | 
1238 | Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together.
1239 | 
1240 | Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into the
1241 | wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped out the
1242 | Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground near the
1243 | door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
1244 | 
1245 | Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.
1246 | 
1247 | 'There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, 'and that for
1248 | two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the door as you
1249 | are; secondly, because they're making such a noise inside, no one could
1250 | possibly hear you.' And certainly there was a most extraordinary noise
1251 | going on within--a constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then
1252 | a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces.
1253 | 
1254 | 'Please, then,' said Alice, 'how am I to get in?'
1255 | 
1256 | 'There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went on
1257 | without attending to her, 'if we had the door between us. For instance,
1258 | if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know.'
1259 | He was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and this
1260 | Alice thought decidedly uncivil. 'But perhaps he can't help it,' she
1261 | said to herself; 'his eyes are so VERY nearly at the top of his head.
1262 | But at any rate he might answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she
1263 | repeated, aloud.
1264 | 
1265 | 'I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, 'till tomorrow--'
1266 | 
1267 | At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate came
1268 | skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just grazed his nose,
1269 | and broke to pieces against one of the trees behind him.
1270 | 
1271 | '--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same tone, exactly
1272 | as if nothing had happened.
1273 | 
1274 | 'How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone.
1275 | 
1276 | 'ARE you to get in at all?' said the Footman. 'That's the first
1277 | question, you know.'
1278 | 
1279 | It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. 'It's really
1280 | dreadful,' she muttered to herself, 'the way all the creatures argue.
1281 | It's enough to drive one crazy!'
1282 | 
1283 | The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his
1284 | remark, with variations. 'I shall sit here,' he said, 'on and off, for
1285 | days and days.'
1286 | 
1287 | 'But what am I to do?' said Alice.
1288 | 
1289 | 'Anything you like,' said the Footman, and began whistling.
1290 | 
1291 | 'Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice desperately: 'he's
1292 | perfectly idiotic!' And she opened the door and went in.
1293 | 
1294 | The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from
1295 | one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in
1296 | the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring
1297 | a large cauldron which seemed to be full of soup.
1298 | 
1299 | 'There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to herself,
1300 | as well as she could for sneezing.
1301 | 
1302 | There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess
1303 | sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling
1304 | alternately without a moment's pause. The only things in the kitchen
1305 | that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting on
1306 | the hearth and grinning from ear to ear.
1307 | 
1308 | 'Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for she was
1309 | not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, 'why
1310 | your cat grins like that?'
1311 | 
1312 | 'It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, 'and that's why. Pig!'
1313 | 
1314 | She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite
1315 | jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby,
1316 | and not to her, so she took courage, and went on again:--
1317 | 
1318 | 'I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't know
1319 | that cats COULD grin.'
1320 | 
1321 | 'They all can,' said the Duchess; 'and most of 'em do.'
1322 | 
1323 | 'I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely, feeling quite
1324 | pleased to have got into a conversation.
1325 | 
1326 | 'You don't know much,' said the Duchess; 'and that's a fact.'
1327 | 
1328 | Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would
1329 | be as well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While she
1330 | was trying to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the
1331 | fire, and at once set to work throwing everything within her reach at
1332 | the Duchess and the baby--the fire-irons came first; then followed a
1333 | shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of
1334 | them even when they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already,
1335 | that it was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
1336 | 
1337 | 'Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, jumping up and down in
1338 | an agony of terror. 'Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS nose'; as an unusually
1339 | large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off.
1340 | 
1341 | 'If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a hoarse
1342 | growl, 'the world would go round a deal faster than it does.'
1343 | 
1344 | 'Which would NOT be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt very glad to get
1345 | an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. 'Just think of
1346 | what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes
1347 | twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis--'
1348 | 
1349 | 'Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, 'chop off her head!'
1350 | 
1351 | Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take
1352 | the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to
1353 | be listening, so she went on again: 'Twenty-four hours, I THINK; or is
1354 | it twelve? I--'
1355 | 
1356 | 'Oh, don't bother ME,' said the Duchess; 'I never could abide figures!'
1357 | And with that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort of
1358 | lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end of
1359 | every line:
1360 | 
1361 |    'Speak roughly to your little boy,
1362 |     And beat him when he sneezes:
1363 |    He only does it to annoy,
1364 |     Because he knows it teases.'
1365 | 
1366 |          CHORUS.
1367 | 
1368 |  (In which the cook and the baby joined):--
1369 | 
1370 |        'Wow! wow! wow!'
1371 | 
1372 | While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept tossing
1373 | the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing howled so,
1374 | that Alice could hardly hear the words:--
1375 | 
1376 |    'I speak severely to my boy,
1377 |     I beat him when he sneezes;
1378 |    For he can thoroughly enjoy
1379 |     The pepper when he pleases!'
1380 | 
1381 |          CHORUS.
1382 | 
1383 |        'Wow! wow! wow!'
1384 | 
1385 | 'Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said to Alice,
1386 | flinging the baby at her as she spoke. 'I must go and get ready to play
1387 | croquet with the Queen,' and she hurried out of the room. The cook threw
1388 | a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her.
1389 | 
1390 | Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer-shaped
1391 | little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions, 'just
1392 | like a star-fish,' thought Alice. The poor little thing was snorting
1393 | like a steam-engine when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and
1394 | straightening itself out again, so that altogether, for the first minute
1395 | or two, it was as much as she could do to hold it.
1396 | 
1397 | As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, (which was to
1398 | twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its right
1399 | ear and left foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carried
1400 | it out into the open air. 'IF I don't take this child away with me,'
1401 | thought Alice, 'they're sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be
1402 | murder to leave it behind?' She said the last words out loud, and the
1403 | little thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time).
1404 | 'Don't grunt,' said Alice; 'that's not at all a proper way of expressing
1405 | yourself.'
1406 | 
1407 | The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face to
1408 | see what was the matter with it. There could be no doubt that it had
1409 | a VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its
1410 | eyes were getting extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did not
1411 | like the look of the thing at all. 'But perhaps it was only sobbing,'
1412 | she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any
1413 | tears.
1414 | 
1415 | No, there were no tears. 'If you're going to turn into a pig, my dear,'
1416 | said Alice, seriously, 'I'll have nothing more to do with you. Mind
1417 | now!' The poor little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was impossible
1418 | to say which), and they went on for some while in silence.
1419 | 
1420 | Alice was just beginning to think to herself, 'Now, what am I to do with
1421 | this creature when I get it home?' when it grunted again, so violently,
1422 | that she looked down into its face in some alarm. This time there could
1423 | be NO mistake about it: it was neither more nor less than a pig, and she
1424 | felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it further.
1425 | 
1426 | So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see
1427 | it trot away quietly into the wood. 'If it had grown up,' she said
1428 | to herself, 'it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes
1429 | rather a handsome pig, I think.' And she began thinking over other
1430 | children she knew, who might do very well as pigs, and was just saying
1431 | to herself, 'if one only knew the right way to change them--' when she
1432 | was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a
1433 | tree a few yards off.
1434 | 
1435 | The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-natured, she
1436 | thought: still it had VERY long claws and a great many teeth, so she
1437 | felt that it ought to be treated with respect.
1438 | 
1439 | 'Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know
1440 | whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider.
1441 | 'Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went on. 'Would you
1442 | tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
1443 | 
1444 | 'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
1445 | 
1446 | 'I don't much care where--' said Alice.
1447 | 
1448 | 'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
1449 | 
1450 | '--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.
1451 | 
1452 | 'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long
1453 | enough.'
1454 | 
1455 | Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question.
1456 | 'What sort of people live about here?'
1457 | 
1458 | 'In THAT direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round, 'lives
1459 | a Hatter: and in THAT direction,' waving the other paw, 'lives a March
1460 | Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.'
1461 | 
1462 | 'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
1463 | 
1464 | 'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'we're all mad here. I'm mad.
1465 | You're mad.'
1466 | 
1467 | 'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
1468 | 
1469 | 'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.'
1470 | 
1471 | Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on 'And how
1472 | do you know that you're mad?'
1473 | 
1474 | 'To begin with,' said the Cat, 'a dog's not mad. You grant that?'
1475 | 
1476 | 'I suppose so,' said Alice.
1477 | 
1478 | 'Well, then,' the Cat went on, 'you see, a dog growls when it's angry,
1479 | and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and
1480 | wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.'
1481 | 
1482 | 'I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice.
1483 | 
1484 | 'Call it what you like,' said the Cat. 'Do you play croquet with the
1485 | Queen to-day?'
1486 | 
1487 | 'I should like it very much,' said Alice, 'but I haven't been invited
1488 | yet.'
1489 | 
1490 | 'You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished.
1491 | 
1492 | Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer
1493 | things happening. While she was looking at the place where it had been,
1494 | it suddenly appeared again.
1495 | 
1496 | 'By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat. 'I'd nearly
1497 | forgotten to ask.'
1498 | 
1499 | 'It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had come back
1500 | in a natural way.
1501 | 
1502 | 'I thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again.
1503 | 
1504 | Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not
1505 | appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in
1506 | which the March Hare was said to live. 'I've seen hatters before,' she
1507 | said to herself; 'the March Hare will be much the most interesting, and
1508 | perhaps as this is May it won't be raving mad--at least not so mad as
1509 | it was in March.' As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat
1510 | again, sitting on a branch of a tree.
1511 | 
1512 | 'Did you say pig, or fig?' said the Cat.
1513 | 
1514 | 'I said pig,' replied Alice; 'and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and
1515 | vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.'
1516 | 
1517 | 'All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly,
1518 | beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which
1519 | remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
1520 | 
1521 | 'Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice; 'but a grin
1522 | without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!'
1523 | 
1524 | She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house
1525 | of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, because the
1526 | chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It
1527 | was so large a house, that she did not like to go nearer till she had
1528 | nibbled some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised herself to
1529 | about two feet high: even then she walked up towards it rather timidly,
1530 | saying to herself 'Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost
1531 | wish I'd gone to see the Hatter instead!'
1532 | 
1533 | 
1534 | 
1535 | 
1536 | CHAPTER VII. A Mad Tea-Party
1537 | 
1538 | There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the
1539 | March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting
1540 | between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a
1541 | cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head. 'Very
1542 | uncomfortable for the Dormouse,' thought Alice; 'only, as it's asleep, I
1543 | suppose it doesn't mind.'
1544 | 
1545 | The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at
1546 | one corner of it: 'No room! No room!' they cried out when they saw Alice
1547 | coming. 'There's PLENTY of room!' said Alice indignantly, and she sat
1548 | down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
1549 | 
1550 | 'Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.
1551 | 
1552 | Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea.
1553 | 'I don't see any wine,' she remarked.
1554 | 
1555 | 'There isn't any,' said the March Hare.
1556 | 
1557 | 'Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice angrily.
1558 | 
1559 | 'It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited,' said
1560 | the March Hare.
1561 | 
1562 | 'I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Alice; 'it's laid for a great
1563 | many more than three.'
1564 | 
1565 | 'Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice
1566 | for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.
1567 | 
1568 | 'You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said with some
1569 | severity; 'it's very rude.'
1570 | 
1571 | The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he SAID
1572 | was, 'Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'
1573 | 
1574 | 'Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they've
1575 | begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she added aloud.
1576 | 
1577 | 'Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' said the
1578 | March Hare.
1579 | 
1580 | 'Exactly so,' said Alice.
1581 | 
1582 | 'Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.
1583 | 
1584 | 'I do,' Alice hastily replied; 'at least--at least I mean what I
1585 | say--that's the same thing, you know.'
1586 | 
1587 | 'Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. 'You might just as well say
1588 | that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see"!'
1589 | 
1590 | 'You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, 'that "I like what I
1591 | get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!'
1592 | 
1593 | 'You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to be
1594 | talking in his sleep, 'that "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing
1595 | as "I sleep when I breathe"!'
1596 | 
1597 | 'It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the
1598 | conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice
1599 | thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks,
1600 | which wasn't much.
1601 | 
1602 | The Hatter was the first to break the silence. 'What day of the month
1603 | is it?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his
1604 | pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then,
1605 | and holding it to his ear.
1606 | 
1607 | Alice considered a little, and then said 'The fourth.'
1608 | 
1609 | 'Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter. 'I told you butter wouldn't suit
1610 | the works!' he added looking angrily at the March Hare.
1611 | 
1612 | 'It was the BEST butter,' the March Hare meekly replied.
1613 | 
1614 | 'Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter grumbled:
1615 | 'you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.'
1616 | 
1617 | The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he dipped
1618 | it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could think of
1619 | nothing better to say than his first remark, 'It was the BEST butter,
1620 | you know.'
1621 | 
1622 | Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. 'What a
1623 | funny watch!' she remarked. 'It tells the day of the month, and doesn't
1624 | tell what o'clock it is!'
1625 | 
1626 | 'Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. 'Does YOUR watch tell you what
1627 | year it is?'
1628 | 
1629 | 'Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: 'but that's because it
1630 | stays the same year for such a long time together.'
1631 | 
1632 | 'Which is just the case with MINE,' said the Hatter.
1633 | 
1634 | Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have no
1635 | sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. 'I don't quite
1636 | understand you,' she said, as politely as she could.
1637 | 
1638 | 'The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured a little
1639 | hot tea upon its nose.
1640 | 
1641 | The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its
1642 | eyes, 'Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself.'
1643 | 
1644 | 'Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to Alice
1645 | again.
1646 | 
1647 | 'No, I give it up,' Alice replied: 'what's the answer?'
1648 | 
1649 | 'I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.
1650 | 
1651 | 'Nor I,' said the March Hare.
1652 | 
1653 | Alice sighed wearily. 'I think you might do something better with the
1654 | time,' she said, 'than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.'
1655 | 
1656 | 'If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, 'you wouldn't talk
1657 | about wasting IT. It's HIM.'
1658 | 
1659 | 'I don't know what you mean,' said Alice.
1660 | 
1661 | 'Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously.
1662 | 'I dare say you never even spoke to Time!'
1663 | 
1664 | 'Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: 'but I know I have to beat time
1665 | when I learn music.'
1666 | 
1667 | 'Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. 'He won't stand beating.
1668 | Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything
1669 | you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in
1670 | the morning, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a
1671 | hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one,
1672 | time for dinner!'
1673 | 
1674 | ('I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.)
1675 | 
1676 | 'That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully: 'but then--I
1677 | shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.'
1678 | 
1679 | 'Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: 'but you could keep it to
1680 | half-past one as long as you liked.'
1681 | 
1682 | 'Is that the way YOU manage?' Alice asked.
1683 | 
1684 | The Hatter shook his head mournfully. 'Not I!' he replied. 'We
1685 | quarrelled last March--just before HE went mad, you know--' (pointing
1686 | with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) '--it was at the great concert
1687 | given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing
1688 | 
1689 |      "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
1690 |      How I wonder what you're at!"
1691 | 
1692 | You know the song, perhaps?'
1693 | 
1694 | 'I've heard something like it,' said Alice.
1695 | 
1696 | 'It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, 'in this way:--
1697 | 
1698 |      "Up above the world you fly,
1699 |      Like a tea-tray in the sky.
1700 |          Twinkle, twinkle--"'
1701 | 
1702 | Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep 'Twinkle,
1703 | twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that they had to pinch
1704 | it to make it stop.
1705 | 
1706 | 'Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter, 'when the
1707 | Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the time! Off with his
1708 | head!"'
1709 | 
1710 | 'How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice.
1711 | 
1712 | 'And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, 'he won't
1713 | do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.'
1714 | 
1715 | A bright idea came into Alice's head. 'Is that the reason so many
1716 | tea-things are put out here?' she asked.
1717 | 
1718 | 'Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: 'it's always tea-time,
1719 | and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.'
1720 | 
1721 | 'Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice.
1722 | 
1723 | 'Exactly so,' said the Hatter: 'as the things get used up.'
1724 | 
1725 | 'But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice ventured
1726 | to ask.
1727 | 
1728 | 'Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted, yawning.
1729 | 'I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.'
1730 | 
1731 | 'I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at the
1732 | proposal.
1733 | 
1734 | 'Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried. 'Wake up, Dormouse!' And
1735 | they pinched it on both sides at once.
1736 | 
1737 | The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. 'I wasn't asleep,' he said in a
1738 | hoarse, feeble voice: 'I heard every word you fellows were saying.'
1739 | 
1740 | 'Tell us a story!' said the March Hare.
1741 | 
1742 | 'Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice.
1743 | 
1744 | 'And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, 'or you'll be asleep again
1745 | before it's done.'
1746 | 
1747 | 'Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the Dormouse began
1748 | in a great hurry; 'and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and
1749 | they lived at the bottom of a well--'
1750 | 
1751 | 'What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great interest in
1752 | questions of eating and drinking.
1753 | 
1754 | 'They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or
1755 | two.
1756 | 
1757 | 'They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently remarked; 'they'd
1758 | have been ill.'
1759 | 
1760 | 'So they were,' said the Dormouse; 'VERY ill.'
1761 | 
1762 | Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways of
1763 | living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on: 'But
1764 | why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
1765 | 
1766 | 'Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
1767 | 
1768 | 'I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, 'so I can't
1769 | take more.'
1770 | 
1771 | 'You mean you can't take LESS,' said the Hatter: 'it's very easy to take
1772 | MORE than nothing.'
1773 | 
1774 | 'Nobody asked YOUR opinion,' said Alice.
1775 | 
1776 | 'Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked triumphantly.
1777 | 
1778 | Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped herself
1779 | to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the Dormouse, and
1780 | repeated her question. 'Why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
1781 | 
1782 | The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and then
1783 | said, 'It was a treacle-well.'
1784 | 
1785 | 'There's no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but the
1786 | Hatter and the March Hare went 'Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse sulkily
1787 | remarked, 'If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the story for
1788 | yourself.'
1789 | 
1790 | 'No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly; 'I won't interrupt again. I
1791 | dare say there may be ONE.'
1792 | 
1793 | 'One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he consented to
1794 | go on. 'And so these three little sisters--they were learning to draw,
1795 | you know--'
1796 | 
1797 | 'What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her promise.
1798 | 
1799 | 'Treacle,' said the Dormouse, without considering at all this time.
1800 | 
1801 | 'I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: 'let's all move one place
1802 | on.'
1803 | 
1804 | He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the March Hare
1805 | moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly took
1806 | the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any
1807 | advantage from the change: and Alice was a good deal worse off than
1808 | before, as the March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate.
1809 | 
1810 | Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began very
1811 | cautiously: 'But I don't understand. Where did they draw the treacle
1812 | from?'
1813 | 
1814 | 'You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; 'so I should
1815 | think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh, stupid?'
1816 | 
1817 | 'But they were IN the well,' Alice said to the Dormouse, not choosing to
1818 | notice this last remark.
1819 | 
1820 | 'Of course they were', said the Dormouse; '--well in.'
1821 | 
1822 | This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse go on for
1823 | some time without interrupting it.
1824 | 
1825 | 'They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing
1826 | its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; 'and they drew all manner of
1827 | things--everything that begins with an M--'
1828 | 
1829 | 'Why with an M?' said Alice.
1830 | 
1831 | 'Why not?' said the March Hare.
1832 | 
1833 | Alice was silent.
1834 | 
1835 | The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going off into
1836 | a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with
1837 | a little shriek, and went on: '--that begins with an M, such as
1838 | mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness--you know you say
1839 | things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever see such a thing as a
1840 | drawing of a muchness?'
1841 | 
1842 | 'Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, 'I don't
1843 | think--'
1844 | 
1845 | 'Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter.
1846 | 
1847 | This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in
1848 | great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and
1849 | neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she
1850 | looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her:
1851 | the last time she saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse into
1852 | the teapot.
1853 | 
1854 | 'At any rate I'll never go THERE again!' said Alice as she picked her
1855 | way through the wood. 'It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all
1856 | my life!'
1857 | 
1858 | Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door
1859 | leading right into it. 'That's very curious!' she thought. 'But
1860 | everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at once.' And in
1861 | she went.
1862 | 
1863 | Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little
1864 | glass table. 'Now, I'll manage better this time,' she said to herself,
1865 | and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that
1866 | led into the garden. Then she went to work nibbling at the mushroom (she
1867 | had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till she was about a foot high:
1868 | then she walked down the little passage: and THEN--she found herself at
1869 | last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool
1870 | fountains.
1871 | 
1872 | 
1873 | 
1874 | 
1875 | CHAPTER VIII. The Queen's Croquet-Ground
1876 | 
1877 | A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses
1878 | growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily
1879 | painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went
1880 | nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to them she heard one of
1881 | them say, 'Look out now, Five! Don't go splashing paint over me like
1882 | that!'
1883 | 
1884 | 'I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; 'Seven jogged my
1885 | elbow.'
1886 | 
1887 | On which Seven looked up and said, 'That's right, Five! Always lay the
1888 | blame on others!'
1889 | 
1890 | 'YOU'D better not talk!' said Five. 'I heard the Queen say only
1891 | yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!'
1892 | 
1893 | 'What for?' said the one who had spoken first.
1894 | 
1895 | 'That's none of YOUR business, Two!' said Seven.
1896 | 
1897 | 'Yes, it IS his business!' said Five, 'and I'll tell him--it was for
1898 | bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.'
1899 | 
1900 | Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun 'Well, of all the unjust
1901 | things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching
1902 | them, and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round also, and
1903 | all of them bowed low.
1904 | 
1905 | 'Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, 'why you are painting
1906 | those roses?'
1907 | 
1908 | Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low
1909 | voice, 'Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a
1910 | RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen
1911 | was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know.
1912 | So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore she comes, to--' At this
1913 | moment Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called
1914 | out 'The Queen! The Queen!' and the three gardeners instantly threw
1915 | themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps,
1916 | and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.
1917 | 
1918 | First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like
1919 | the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the
1920 | corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with
1921 | diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came
1922 | the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came
1923 | jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented
1924 | with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among
1925 | them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried
1926 | nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without
1927 | noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King's
1928 | crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand
1929 | procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
1930 | 
1931 | Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face
1932 | like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard
1933 | of such a rule at processions; 'and besides, what would be the use of
1934 | a procession,' thought she, 'if people had all to lie down upon their
1935 | faces, so that they couldn't see it?' So she stood still where she was,
1936 | and waited.
1937 | 
1938 | When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked
1939 | at her, and the Queen said severely 'Who is this?' She said it to the
1940 | Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply.
1941 | 
1942 | 'Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning to
1943 | Alice, she went on, 'What's your name, child?'
1944 | 
1945 | 'My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very politely;
1946 | but she added, to herself, 'Why, they're only a pack of cards, after
1947 | all. I needn't be afraid of them!'
1948 | 
1949 | 'And who are THESE?' said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners who
1950 | were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as they were lying on their
1951 | faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the
1952 | pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or
1953 | courtiers, or three of her own children.
1954 | 
1955 | 'How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage. 'It's no
1956 | business of MINE.'
1957 | 
1958 | The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a
1959 | moment like a wild beast, screamed 'Off with her head! Off--'
1960 | 
1961 | 'Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was
1962 | silent.
1963 | 
1964 | The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said 'Consider, my
1965 | dear: she is only a child!'
1966 | 
1967 | The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave 'Turn them
1968 | over!'
1969 | 
1970 | The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.
1971 | 
1972 | 'Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three
1973 | gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen,
1974 | the royal children, and everybody else.
1975 | 
1976 | 'Leave off that!' screamed the Queen. 'You make me giddy.' And then,
1977 | turning to the rose-tree, she went on, 'What HAVE you been doing here?'
1978 | 
1979 | 'May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone, going
1980 | down on one knee as he spoke, 'we were trying--'
1981 | 
1982 | 'I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses.
1983 | 'Off with their heads!' and the procession moved on, three of the
1984 | soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran
1985 | to Alice for protection.
1986 | 
1987 | 'You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a large
1988 | flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a
1989 | minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the
1990 | others.
1991 | 
1992 | 'Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen.
1993 | 
1994 | 'Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers shouted
1995 | in reply.
1996 | 
1997 | 'That's right!' shouted the Queen. 'Can you play croquet?'
1998 | 
1999 | The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was
2000 | evidently meant for her.
2001 | 
2002 | 'Yes!' shouted Alice.
2003 | 
2004 | 'Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession,
2005 | wondering very much what would happen next.
2006 | 
2007 | 'It's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side. She was
2008 | walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.
2009 | 
2010 | 'Very,' said Alice: '--where's the Duchess?'
2011 | 
2012 | 'Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked
2013 | anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon
2014 | tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered 'She's under
2015 | sentence of execution.'
2016 | 
2017 | 'What for?' said Alice.
2018 | 
2019 | 'Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked.
2020 | 
2021 | 'No, I didn't,' said Alice: 'I don't think it's at all a pity. I said
2022 | "What for?"'
2023 | 
2024 | 'She boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little
2025 | scream of laughter. 'Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a frightened
2026 | tone. 'The Queen will hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the
2027 | Queen said--'
2028 | 
2029 | 'Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and
2030 | people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each
2031 | other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game
2032 | began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in
2033 | her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs,
2034 | the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves
2035 | up and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.
2036 | 
2037 | The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo:
2038 | she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under
2039 | her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had got
2040 | its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a
2041 | blow with its head, it WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face,
2042 | with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out
2043 | laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin
2044 | again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled
2045 | itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there was
2046 | generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the
2047 | hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up
2048 | and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the
2049 | conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
2050 | 
2051 | The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling
2052 | all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short
2053 | time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and
2054 | shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her head!' about once in a
2055 | minute.
2056 | 
2057 | Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any
2058 | dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute,
2059 | 'and then,' thought she, 'what would become of me? They're dreadfully
2060 | fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one
2061 | left alive!'
2062 | 
2063 | She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she
2064 | could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance
2065 | in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after watching it
2066 | a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to herself
2067 | 'It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to.'
2068 | 
2069 | 'How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth
2070 | enough for it to speak with.
2071 | 
2072 | Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. 'It's no use
2073 | speaking to it,' she thought, 'till its ears have come, or at least one
2074 | of them.' In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put
2075 | down her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad
2076 | she had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was
2077 | enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.
2078 | 
2079 | 'I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather a
2080 | complaining tone, 'and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear
2081 | oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any rules in particular;
2082 | at least, if there are, nobody attends to them--and you've no idea how
2083 | confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there's the
2084 | arch I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the
2085 | ground--and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only
2086 | it ran away when it saw mine coming!'
2087 | 
2088 | 'How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice.
2089 | 
2090 | 'Not at all,' said Alice: 'she's so extremely--' Just then she noticed
2091 | that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on,
2092 | '--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing the game.'
2093 | 
2094 | The Queen smiled and passed on.
2095 | 
2096 | 'Who ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice, and looking
2097 | at the Cat's head with great curiosity.
2098 | 
2099 | 'It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: 'allow me to
2100 | introduce it.'
2101 | 
2102 | 'I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: 'however, it may
2103 | kiss my hand if it likes.'
2104 | 
2105 | 'I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked.
2106 | 
2107 | 'Don't be impertinent,' said the King, 'and don't look at me like that!'
2108 | He got behind Alice as he spoke.
2109 | 
2110 | 'A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. 'I've read that in some book,
2111 | but I don't remember where.'
2112 | 
2113 | 'Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and he called
2114 | the Queen, who was passing at the moment, 'My dear! I wish you would
2115 | have this cat removed!'
2116 | 
2117 | The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small.
2118 | 'Off with his head!' she said, without even looking round.
2119 | 
2120 | 'I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and he
2121 | hurried off.
2122 | 
2123 | Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was going
2124 | on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming with
2125 | passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be
2126 | executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look
2127 | of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew
2128 | whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
2129 | 
2130 | The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed
2131 | to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the
2132 | other: the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to the
2133 | other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a helpless
2134 | sort of way to fly up into a tree.
2135 | 
2136 | By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight
2137 | was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: 'but it doesn't
2138 | matter much,' thought Alice, 'as all the arches are gone from this side
2139 | of the ground.' So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not
2140 | escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her
2141 | friend.
2142 | 
2143 | When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a
2144 | large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on between
2145 | the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once,
2146 | while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
2147 | 
2148 | The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle
2149 | the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they
2150 | all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly
2151 | what they said.
2152 | 
2153 | The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head unless
2154 | there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a
2155 | thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at HIS time of life.
2156 | 
2157 | The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be
2158 | beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
2159 | 
2160 | The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in less
2161 | than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this last
2162 | remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)
2163 | 
2164 | Alice could think of nothing else to say but 'It belongs to the Duchess:
2165 | you'd better ask HER about it.'
2166 | 
2167 | 'She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: 'fetch her here.'
2168 | And the executioner went off like an arrow.
2169 | 
2170 |  The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and,
2171 | by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely
2172 | disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down
2173 | looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.
2174 | 
2175 | 
2176 | 
2177 | 
2178 | CHAPTER IX. The Mock Turtle's Story
2179 | 
2180 | 'You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!'
2181 | said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and
2182 | they walked off together.
2183 | 
2184 | Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought
2185 | to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so
2186 | savage when they met in the kitchen.
2187 | 
2188 | 'When I'M a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone
2189 | though), 'I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup does very
2190 | well without--Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot-tempered,'
2191 | she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new kind of
2192 | rule, 'and vinegar that makes them sour--and camomile that makes
2193 | them bitter--and--and barley-sugar and such things that make children
2194 | sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so
2195 | stingy about it, you know--'
2196 | 
2197 | She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little
2198 | startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. 'You're thinking
2199 | about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't
2200 | tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in
2201 | a bit.'
2202 | 
2203 | 'Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark.
2204 | 
2205 | 'Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. 'Everything's got a moral, if only
2206 | you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side as
2207 | she spoke.
2208 | 
2209 | Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the
2210 | Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the
2211 | right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an
2212 | uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she
2213 | bore it as well as she could.
2214 | 
2215 | 'The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of keeping up
2216 | the conversation a little.
2217 | 
2218 | ''Tis so,' said the Duchess: 'and the moral of that is--"Oh, 'tis love,
2219 | 'tis love, that makes the world go round!"'
2220 | 
2221 | 'Somebody said,' Alice whispered, 'that it's done by everybody minding
2222 | their own business!'
2223 | 
2224 | 'Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, digging her
2225 | sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, 'and the moral
2226 | of THAT is--"Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of
2227 | themselves."'
2228 | 
2229 | 'How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to herself.
2230 | 
2231 | 'I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist,'
2232 | the Duchess said after a pause: 'the reason is, that I'm doubtful about
2233 | the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?'
2234 | 
2235 | 'HE might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to
2236 | have the experiment tried.
2237 | 
2238 | 'Very true,' said the Duchess: 'flamingoes and mustard both bite. And
2239 | the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock together."'
2240 | 
2241 | 'Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.
2242 | 
2243 | 'Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: 'what a clear way you have of
2244 | putting things!'
2245 | 
2246 | 'It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice.
2247 | 
2248 | 'Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to
2249 | everything that Alice said; 'there's a large mustard-mine near here. And
2250 | the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the less there is of
2251 | yours."'
2252 | 
2253 | 'Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark,
2254 | 'it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.'
2255 | 
2256 | 'I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; 'and the moral of that
2257 | is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put more
2258 | simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might
2259 | appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise
2260 | than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."'
2261 | 
2262 | 'I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very politely, 'if
2263 | I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it.'
2264 | 
2265 | 'That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess replied, in
2266 | a pleased tone.
2267 | 
2268 | 'Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' said
2269 | Alice.
2270 | 
2271 | 'Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. 'I make you a present
2272 | of everything I've said as yet.'
2273 | 
2274 | 'A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they don't give
2275 | birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to say it out
2276 | loud.
2277 | 
2278 | 'Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp
2279 | little chin.
2280 | 
2281 | 'I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to
2282 | feel a little worried.
2283 | 
2284 | 'Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, 'as pigs have to fly; and
2285 | the m--'
2286 | 
2287 | But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away, even
2288 | in the middle of her favourite word 'moral,' and the arm that was linked
2289 | into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen
2290 | in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.
2291 | 
2292 | 'A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.
2293 | 
2294 | 'Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on the
2295 | ground as she spoke; 'either you or your head must be off, and that in
2296 | about half no time! Take your choice!'
2297 | 
2298 | The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.
2299 | 
2300 | 'Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was
2301 | too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the
2302 | croquet-ground.
2303 | 
2304 | The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, and were
2305 | resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried
2306 | back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would
2307 | cost them their lives.
2308 | 
2309 | All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling with
2310 | the other players, and shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her
2311 | head!' Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers,
2312 | who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that by
2313 | the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the
2314 | players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and
2315 | under sentence of execution.
2316 | 
2317 | Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, 'Have
2318 | you seen the Mock Turtle yet?'
2319 | 
2320 | 'No,' said Alice. 'I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.'
2321 | 
2322 | 'It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen.
2323 | 
2324 | 'I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice.
2325 | 
2326 | 'Come on, then,' said the Queen, 'and he shall tell you his history,'
2327 | 
2328 | As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice,
2329 | to the company generally, 'You are all pardoned.' 'Come, THAT'S a good
2330 | thing!' she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the
2331 | number of executions the Queen had ordered.
2332 | 
2333 | They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun.
2334 | (IF you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) 'Up, lazy
2335 | thing!' said the Queen, 'and take this young lady to see the Mock
2336 | Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and see after some
2337 | executions I have ordered'; and she walked off, leaving Alice alone with
2338 | the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like the look of the creature, but on
2339 | the whole she thought it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to go
2340 | after that savage Queen: so she waited.
2341 | 
2342 | The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen till
2343 | she was out of sight: then it chuckled. 'What fun!' said the Gryphon,
2344 | half to itself, half to Alice.
2345 | 
2346 | 'What IS the fun?' said Alice.
2347 | 
2348 | 'Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon. 'It's all her fancy, that: they never
2349 | executes nobody, you know. Come on!'
2350 | 
2351 | 'Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went slowly
2352 | after it: 'I never was so ordered about in all my life, never!'
2353 | 
2354 | They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance,
2355 | sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came
2356 | nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She
2357 | pitied him deeply. 'What is his sorrow?' she asked the Gryphon, and the
2358 | Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, 'It's all his
2359 | fancy, that: he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on!'
2360 | 
2361 | So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes
2362 | full of tears, but said nothing.
2363 | 
2364 | 'This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, 'she wants for to know your
2365 | history, she do.'
2366 | 
2367 | 'I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: 'sit
2368 | down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished.'
2369 | 
2370 | So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to
2371 | herself, 'I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he doesn't begin.' But
2372 | she waited patiently.
2373 | 
2374 | 'Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, 'I was a real
2375 | Turtle.'
2376 | 
2377 | These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an
2378 | occasional exclamation of 'Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and the constant
2379 | heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and
2380 | saying, 'Thank you, sir, for your interesting story,' but she could
2381 | not help thinking there MUST be more to come, so she sat still and said
2382 | nothing.
2383 | 
2384 | 'When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly,
2385 | though still sobbing a little now and then, 'we went to school in the
2386 | sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call him Tortoise--'
2387 | 
2388 | 'Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.
2389 | 
2390 | 'We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock Turtle
2391 | angrily: 'really you are very dull!'
2392 | 
2393 | 'You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,'
2394 | added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor
2395 | Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said
2396 | to the Mock Turtle, 'Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!'
2397 | and he went on in these words:
2398 | 
2399 | 'Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe it--'
2400 | 
2401 | 'I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice.
2402 | 
2403 | 'You did,' said the Mock Turtle.
2404 | 
2405 | 'Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again.
2406 | The Mock Turtle went on.
2407 | 
2408 | 'We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school every day--'
2409 | 
2410 | 'I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; 'you needn't be so proud
2411 | as all that.'
2412 | 
2413 | 'With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
2414 | 
2415 | 'Yes,' said Alice, 'we learned French and music.'
2416 | 
2417 | 'And washing?' said the Mock Turtle.
2418 | 
2419 | 'Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly.
2420 | 
2421 | 'Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock Turtle in
2422 | a tone of great relief. 'Now at OURS they had at the end of the bill,
2423 | "French, music, AND WASHING--extra."'
2424 | 
2425 | 'You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; 'living at the bottom of
2426 | the sea.'
2427 | 
2428 | 'I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. 'I
2429 | only took the regular course.'
2430 | 
2431 | 'What was that?' inquired Alice.
2432 | 
2433 | 'Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle
2434 | replied; 'and then the different branches of Arithmetic--Ambition,
2435 | Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.'
2436 | 
2437 | 'I never heard of "Uglification,"' Alice ventured to say. 'What is it?'
2438 | 
2439 | The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. 'What! Never heard of
2440 | uglifying!' it exclaimed. 'You know what to beautify is, I suppose?'
2441 | 
2442 | 'Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: 'it means--to--make--anything--prettier.'
2443 | 
2444 | 'Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, 'if you don't know what to uglify is,
2445 | you ARE a simpleton.'
2446 | 
2447 | Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so she
2448 | turned to the Mock Turtle, and said 'What else had you to learn?'
2449 | 
2450 | 'Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting off
2451 | the subjects on his flappers, '--Mystery, ancient and modern, with
2452 | Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel,
2453 | that used to come once a week: HE taught us Drawling, Stretching, and
2454 | Fainting in Coils.'
2455 | 
2456 | 'What was THAT like?' said Alice.
2457 | 
2458 | 'Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: 'I'm too
2459 | stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.'
2460 | 
2461 | 'Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon: 'I went to the Classics master, though.
2462 | He was an old crab, HE was.'
2463 | 
2464 | 'I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: 'he taught
2465 | Laughing and Grief, they used to say.'
2466 | 
2467 | 'So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both
2468 | creatures hid their faces in their paws.
2469 | 
2470 | 'And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in a hurry to
2471 | change the subject.
2472 | 
2473 | 'Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: 'nine the next, and so
2474 | on.'
2475 | 
2476 | 'What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice.
2477 | 
2478 | 'That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon remarked:
2479 | 'because they lessen from day to day.'
2480 | 
2481 | This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a little
2482 | before she made her next remark. 'Then the eleventh day must have been a
2483 | holiday?'
2484 | 
2485 | 'Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle.
2486 | 
2487 | 'And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly.
2488 | 
2489 | 'That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided
2490 | tone: 'tell her something about the games now.'
2491 | 
2492 | 
2493 | 
2494 | 
2495 | CHAPTER X. The Lobster Quadrille
2496 | 
2497 | The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across
2498 | his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute or
2499 | two sobs choked his voice. 'Same as if he had a bone in his throat,'
2500 | said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him and punching him in
2501 | the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears
2502 | running down his cheeks, he went on again:--
2503 | 
2504 | 'You may not have lived much under the sea--' ('I haven't,' said
2505 | Alice)--'and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster--'
2506 | (Alice began to say 'I once tasted--' but checked herself hastily, and
2507 | said 'No, never') '--so you can have no idea what a delightful thing a
2508 | Lobster Quadrille is!'
2509 | 
2510 | 'No, indeed,' said Alice. 'What sort of a dance is it?'
2511 | 
2512 | 'Why,' said the Gryphon, 'you first form into a line along the
2513 | sea-shore--'
2514 | 
2515 | 'Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. 'Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on;
2516 | then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way--'
2517 | 
2518 | 'THAT generally takes some time,' interrupted the Gryphon.
2519 | 
2520 | '--you advance twice--'
2521 | 
2522 | 'Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon.
2523 | 
2524 | 'Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: 'advance twice, set to partners--'
2525 | 
2526 | '--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the Gryphon.
2527 | 
2528 | 'Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, 'you throw the--'
2529 | 
2530 | 'The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air.
2531 | 
2532 | '--as far out to sea as you can--'
2533 | 
2534 | 'Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon.
2535 | 
2536 | 'Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle, capering wildly
2537 | about.
2538 | 
2539 | 'Change lobsters again!' yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice.
2540 | 
2541 | 'Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said the Mock
2542 | Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, who had been
2543 | jumping about like mad things all this time, sat down again very sadly
2544 | and quietly, and looked at Alice.
2545 | 
2546 | 'It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly.
2547 | 
2548 | 'Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock Turtle.
2549 | 
2550 | 'Very much indeed,' said Alice.
2551 | 
2552 | 'Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon.
2553 | 'We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing?'
2554 | 
2555 | 'Oh, YOU sing,' said the Gryphon. 'I've forgotten the words.'
2556 | 
2557 | So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and
2558 | then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and waving their
2559 | forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly
2560 | and sadly:--
2561 | 
2562 |  '"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail.
2563 |  "There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail.
2564 | 
2565 |  See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
2566 |  They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the dance?
2567 | 
2568 |  Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
2569 |  Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?
2570 | 
2571 |  "You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
2572 |  When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!"
2573 |  But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look askance--
2574 |  Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.
2575 | 
2576 |  Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance.
2577 |  Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance.
2578 | 
2579 |  '"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.
2580 |  "There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
2581 |  The further off from England the nearer is to France--
2582 |  Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
2583 | 
2584 |  Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
2585 |  Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?"'
2586 | 
2587 | 'Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said Alice, feeling
2588 | very glad that it was over at last: 'and I do so like that curious song
2589 | about the whiting!'
2590 | 
2591 | 'Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, 'they--you've seen them,
2592 | of course?'
2593 | 
2594 | 'Yes,' said Alice, 'I've often seen them at dinn--' she checked herself
2595 | hastily.
2596 | 
2597 | 'I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, 'but if you've
2598 | seen them so often, of course you know what they're like.'
2599 | 
2600 | 'I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully. 'They have their tails in
2601 | their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.'
2602 | 
2603 | 'You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle: 'crumbs would all
2604 | wash off in the sea. But they HAVE their tails in their mouths; and the
2605 | reason is--' here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes.--'Tell her
2606 | about the reason and all that,' he said to the Gryphon.
2607 | 
2608 | 'The reason is,' said the Gryphon, 'that they WOULD go with the lobsters
2609 | to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long
2610 | way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn't get
2611 | them out again. That's all.'
2612 | 
2613 | 'Thank you,' said Alice, 'it's very interesting. I never knew so much
2614 | about a whiting before.'
2615 | 
2616 | 'I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the Gryphon. 'Do you
2617 | know why it's called a whiting?'
2618 | 
2619 | 'I never thought about it,' said Alice. 'Why?'
2620 | 
2621 | 'IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES.' the Gryphon replied very solemnly.
2622 | 
2623 | Alice was thoroughly puzzled. 'Does the boots and shoes!' she repeated
2624 | in a wondering tone.
2625 | 
2626 | 'Why, what are YOUR shoes done with?' said the Gryphon. 'I mean, what
2627 | makes them so shiny?'
2628 | 
2629 | Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave her
2630 | answer. 'They're done with blacking, I believe.'
2631 | 
2632 | 'Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep voice,
2633 | 'are done with a whiting. Now you know.'
2634 | 
2635 | 'And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.
2636 | 
2637 | 'Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather impatiently:
2638 | 'any shrimp could have told you that.'
2639 | 
2640 | 'If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were still running
2641 | on the song, 'I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep back, please: we
2642 | don't want YOU with us!"'
2643 | 
2644 | 'They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle said: 'no
2645 | wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.'
2646 | 
2647 | 'Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great surprise.
2648 | 
2649 | 'Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: 'why, if a fish came to ME, and
2650 | told me he was going a journey, I should say "With what porpoise?"'
2651 | 
2652 | 'Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice.
2653 | 
2654 | 'I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone. And
2655 | the Gryphon added 'Come, let's hear some of YOUR adventures.'
2656 | 
2657 | 'I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,' said
2658 | Alice a little timidly: 'but it's no use going back to yesterday,
2659 | because I was a different person then.'
2660 | 
2661 | 'Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle.
2662 | 
2663 | 'No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an impatient tone:
2664 | 'explanations take such a dreadful time.'
2665 | 
2666 | So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first
2667 | saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it just at first,
2668 | the two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened
2669 | their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she gained courage as she went
2670 | on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to the part about
2671 | her repeating 'YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,' to the Caterpillar, and the
2672 | words all coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath,
2673 | and said 'That's very curious.'
2674 | 
2675 | 'It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the Gryphon.
2676 | 
2677 | 'It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully. 'I
2678 | should like to hear her try and repeat something now. Tell her to
2679 | begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of
2680 | authority over Alice.
2681 | 
2682 | 'Stand up and repeat "'TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD,"' said the
2683 | Gryphon.
2684 | 
2685 | 'How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!'
2686 | thought Alice; 'I might as well be at school at once.' However, she
2687 | got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster
2688 | Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came
2689 | very queer indeed:--
2690 | 
2691 |   ''Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
2692 |   "You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."
2693 |   As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
2694 |   Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.'
2695 | 
2696 |        [later editions continued as follows
2697 |   When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
2698 |   And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,
2699 |   But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
2700 |   His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]
2701 | 
2702 | 'That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,' said the
2703 | Gryphon.
2704 | 
2705 | 'Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; 'but it sounds
2706 | uncommon nonsense.'
2707 | 
2708 | Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands,
2709 | wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way again.
2710 | 
2711 | 'I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock Turtle.
2712 | 
2713 | 'She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. 'Go on with the next
2714 | verse.'
2715 | 
2716 | 'But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. 'How COULD he turn them
2717 | out with his nose, you know?'
2718 | 
2719 | 'It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was dreadfully
2720 | puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the subject.
2721 | 
2722 | 'Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently: 'it
2723 | begins "I passed by his garden."'
2724 | 
2725 | Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would all come
2726 | wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:--
2727 | 
2728 |   'I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,
2729 |   How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--'
2730 | 
2731 |     [later editions continued as follows
2732 |   The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
2733 |   While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
2734 |   When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
2735 |   Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
2736 |   While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
2737 |   And concluded the banquet--]
2738 | 
2739 | 'What IS the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle
2740 | interrupted, 'if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far the most
2741 | confusing thing I ever heard!'
2742 | 
2743 | 'Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon: and Alice was
2744 | only too glad to do so.
2745 | 
2746 | 'Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the Gryphon went
2747 | on. 'Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?'
2748 | 
2749 | 'Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,' Alice
2750 | replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended tone,
2751 | 'Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her "Turtle Soup," will you, old
2752 | fellow?'
2753 | 
2754 | The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes choked
2755 | with sobs, to sing this:--
2756 | 
2757 |    'Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
2758 |    Waiting in a hot tureen!
2759 |    Who for such dainties would not stoop?
2760 |    Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
2761 |    Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
2762 |      Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
2763 |      Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
2764 |    Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
2765 |      Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
2766 | 
2767 |    'Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
2768 |    Game, or any other dish?
2769 |    Who would not give all else for two
2770 |    Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
2771 |    Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
2772 |      Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
2773 |      Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
2774 |    Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
2775 |      Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!'
2776 | 
2777 | 'Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just begun
2778 | to repeat it, when a cry of 'The trial's beginning!' was heard in the
2779 | distance.
2780 | 
2781 | 'Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it hurried
2782 | off, without waiting for the end of the song.
2783 | 
2784 | 'What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon only
2785 | answered 'Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more faintly
2786 | came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:--
2787 | 
2788 |    'Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
2789 |      Beautiful, beautiful Soup!'
2790 | 
2791 | 
2792 | 
2793 | 
2794 | CHAPTER XI. Who Stole the Tarts?
2795 | 
2796 | The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they
2797 | arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts of little
2798 | birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was
2799 | standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard
2800 | him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand,
2801 | and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court
2802 | was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good,
2803 | that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them--'I wish they'd get the
2804 | trial done,' she thought, 'and hand round the refreshments!' But there
2805 | seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about
2806 | her, to pass away the time.
2807 | 
2808 | Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read
2809 | about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew
2810 | the name of nearly everything there. 'That's the judge,' she said to
2811 | herself, 'because of his great wig.'
2812 | 
2813 | The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the
2814 | wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did
2815 | not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
2816 | 
2817 | 'And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, 'and those twelve creatures,'
2818 | (she was obliged to say 'creatures,' you see, because some of them were
2819 | animals, and some were birds,) 'I suppose they are the jurors.' She said
2820 | this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of
2821 | it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her
2822 | age knew the meaning of it at all. However, 'jury-men' would have done
2823 | just as well.
2824 | 
2825 | The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. 'What are they
2826 | doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. 'They can't have anything to put
2827 | down yet, before the trial's begun.'
2828 | 
2829 | 'They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in reply, 'for
2830 | fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.'
2831 | 
2832 | 'Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped
2833 | hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, 'Silence in the court!' and the
2834 | King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who
2835 | was talking.
2836 | 
2837 | Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders,
2838 | that all the jurors were writing down 'stupid things!' on their slates,
2839 | and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell
2840 | 'stupid,' and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. 'A nice
2841 | muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over!' thought Alice.
2842 | 
2843 | One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice
2844 | could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and
2845 | very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly
2846 | that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out
2847 | at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was
2848 | obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was
2849 | of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
2850 | 
2851 | 'Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.
2852 | 
2853 | On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then
2854 | unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--
2855 | 
2856 |    'The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
2857 |       All on a summer day:
2858 |     The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
2859 |       And took them quite away!'
2860 | 
2861 | 'Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.
2862 | 
2863 | 'Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. 'There's a great
2864 | deal to come before that!'
2865 | 
2866 | 'Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three
2867 | blasts on the trumpet, and called out, 'First witness!'
2868 | 
2869 | The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one
2870 | hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. 'I beg pardon, your
2871 | Majesty,' he began, 'for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished
2872 | my tea when I was sent for.'
2873 | 
2874 | 'You ought to have finished,' said the King. 'When did you begin?'
2875 | 
2876 | The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the
2877 | court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. 'Fourteenth of March, I think it
2878 | was,' he said.
2879 | 
2880 | 'Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.
2881 | 
2882 | 'Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.
2883 | 
2884 | 'Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly
2885 | wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and
2886 | reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
2887 | 
2888 | 'Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter.
2889 | 
2890 | 'It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.
2891 | 
2892 | 'Stolen!' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a
2893 | memorandum of the fact.
2894 | 
2895 | 'I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation; 'I've none of
2896 | my own. I'm a hatter.'
2897 | 
2898 | Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter,
2899 | who turned pale and fidgeted.
2900 | 
2901 | 'Give your evidence,' said the King; 'and don't be nervous, or I'll have
2902 | you executed on the spot.'
2903 | 
2904 | This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting
2905 | from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in
2906 | his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the
2907 | bread-and-butter.
2908 | 
2909 | Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled
2910 | her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to
2911 | grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave
2912 | the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as
2913 | long as there was room for her.
2914 | 
2915 | 'I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was sitting
2916 | next to her. 'I can hardly breathe.'
2917 | 
2918 | 'I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly: 'I'm growing.'
2919 | 
2920 | 'You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse.
2921 | 
2922 | 'Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: 'you know you're growing
2923 | too.'
2924 | 
2925 | 'Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said the Dormouse: 'not in that
2926 | ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the
2927 | other side of the court.
2928 | 
2929 | All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and,
2930 | just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers
2931 | of the court, 'Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!' on
2932 | which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.
2933 | 
2934 | 'Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, 'or I'll have you
2935 | executed, whether you're nervous or not.'
2936 | 
2937 | 'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a trembling voice,
2938 | '--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week or so--and what with the
2939 | bread-and-butter getting so thin--and the twinkling of the tea--'
2940 | 
2941 | 'The twinkling of the what?' said the King.
2942 | 
2943 | 'It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied.
2944 | 
2945 | 'Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the King sharply. 'Do you
2946 | take me for a dunce? Go on!'
2947 | 
2948 | 'I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, 'and most things twinkled after
2949 | that--only the March Hare said--'
2950 | 
2951 | 'I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
2952 | 
2953 | 'You did!' said the Hatter.
2954 | 
2955 | 'I deny it!' said the March Hare.
2956 | 
2957 | 'He denies it,' said the King: 'leave out that part.'
2958 | 
2959 | 'Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on, looking
2960 | anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied
2961 | nothing, being fast asleep.
2962 | 
2963 | 'After that,' continued the Hatter, 'I cut some more bread-and-butter--'
2964 | 
2965 | 'But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.
2966 | 
2967 | 'That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.
2968 | 
2969 | 'You MUST remember,' remarked the King, 'or I'll have you executed.'
2970 | 
2971 | The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went
2972 | down on one knee. 'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he began.
2973 | 
2974 | 'You're a very poor speaker,' said the King.
2975 | 
2976 | Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by
2977 | the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just
2978 | explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied
2979 | up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig,
2980 | head first, and then sat upon it.)
2981 | 
2982 | 'I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. 'I've so often read
2983 | in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some attempts
2984 | at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the
2985 | court," and I never understood what it meant till now.'
2986 | 
2987 | 'If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,' continued the
2988 | King.
2989 | 
2990 | 'I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: 'I'm on the floor, as it is.'
2991 | 
2992 | 'Then you may SIT down,' the King replied.
2993 | 
2994 | Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
2995 | 
2996 | 'Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice. 'Now we shall get
2997 | on better.'
2998 | 
2999 | 'I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the
3000 | Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
3001 | 
3002 | 'You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court,
3003 | without even waiting to put his shoes on.
3004 | 
3005 | '--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one of the
3006 | officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get
3007 | to the door.
3008 | 
3009 | 'Call the next witness!' said the King.
3010 | 
3011 | The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in
3012 | her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the
3013 | court, by the way the people near the door began sneezing all at once.
3014 | 
3015 | 'Give your evidence,' said the King.
3016 | 
3017 | 'Shan't,' said the cook.
3018 | 
3019 | The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice,
3020 | 'Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.'
3021 | 
3022 | 'Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy air, and,
3023 | after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were
3024 | nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, 'What are tarts made of?'
3025 | 
3026 | 'Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.
3027 | 
3028 | 'Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.
3029 | 
3030 | 'Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. 'Behead that Dormouse!
3031 | Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his
3032 | whiskers!'
3033 | 
3034 | For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse
3035 | turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had
3036 | disappeared.
3037 | 
3038 | 'Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief. 'Call the next
3039 | witness.' And he added in an undertone to the Queen, 'Really, my dear,
3040 | YOU must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead
3041 | ache!'
3042 | 
3043 | Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very
3044 | curious to see what the next witness would be like, '--for they haven't
3045 | got much evidence YET,' she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when
3046 | the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the
3047 | name 'Alice!'
3048 | 
3049 | 
3050 | 
3051 | 
3052 | CHAPTER XII. Alice's Evidence
3053 | 
3054 | 
3055 | 'Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment how
3056 | large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such
3057 | a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt,
3058 | upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there
3059 | they lay sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish
3060 | she had accidentally upset the week before.
3061 | 
3062 | 'Oh, I BEG your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay, and
3063 | began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident of
3064 | the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea
3065 | that they must be collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or
3066 | they would die.
3067 | 
3068 | 'The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave voice, 'until
3069 | all the jurymen are back in their proper places--ALL,' he repeated with
3070 | great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said do.
3071 | 
3072 | Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she had put
3073 | the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its
3074 | tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She soon got
3075 | it out again, and put it right; 'not that it signifies much,' she said
3076 | to herself; 'I should think it would be QUITE as much use in the trial
3077 | one way up as the other.'
3078 | 
3079 | As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being
3080 | upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to
3081 | them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the
3082 | accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do
3083 | anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the
3084 | court.
3085 | 
3086 | 'What do you know about this business?' the King said to Alice.
3087 | 
3088 | 'Nothing,' said Alice.
3089 | 
3090 | 'Nothing WHATEVER?' persisted the King.
3091 | 
3092 | 'Nothing whatever,' said Alice.
3093 | 
3094 | 'That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury. They were
3095 | just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White Rabbit
3096 | interrupted: 'UNimportant, your Majesty means, of course,' he said in a
3097 | very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke.
3098 | 
3099 | 'UNimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and went on
3100 | to himself in an undertone,
3101 | 
3102 | 'important--unimportant--unimportant--important--' as if he were trying
3103 | which word sounded best.
3104 | 
3105 | Some of the jury wrote it down 'important,' and some 'unimportant.'
3106 | Alice could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates;
3107 | 'but it doesn't matter a bit,' she thought to herself.
3108 | 
3109 | At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in
3110 | his note-book, cackled out 'Silence!' and read out from his book, 'Rule
3111 | Forty-two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE HIGH TO LEAVE THE COURT.'
3112 | 
3113 | Everybody looked at Alice.
3114 | 
3115 | 'I'M not a mile high,' said Alice.
3116 | 
3117 | 'You are,' said the King.
3118 | 
3119 | 'Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen.
3120 | 
3121 | 'Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice: 'besides, that's not a
3122 | regular rule: you invented it just now.'
3123 | 
3124 | 'It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King.
3125 | 
3126 | 'Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice.
3127 | 
3128 | The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. 'Consider your
3129 | verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling voice.
3130 | 
3131 | 'There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said the White
3132 | Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; 'this paper has just been picked
3133 | up.'
3134 | 
3135 | 'What's in it?' said the Queen.
3136 | 
3137 | 'I haven't opened it yet,' said the White Rabbit, 'but it seems to be a
3138 | letter, written by the prisoner to--to somebody.'
3139 | 
3140 | 'It must have been that,' said the King, 'unless it was written to
3141 | nobody, which isn't usual, you know.'
3142 | 
3143 | 'Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen.
3144 | 
3145 | 'It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit; 'in fact, there's
3146 | nothing written on the OUTSIDE.' He unfolded the paper as he spoke, and
3147 | added 'It isn't a letter, after all: it's a set of verses.'
3148 | 
3149 | 'Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of the jurymen.
3150 | 
3151 | 'No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, 'and that's the queerest thing
3152 | about it.' (The jury all looked puzzled.)
3153 | 
3154 | 'He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King. (The jury
3155 | all brightened up again.)
3156 | 
3157 | 'Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, 'I didn't write it, and they
3158 | can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.'
3159 | 
3160 | 'If you didn't sign it,' said the King, 'that only makes the matter
3161 | worse. You MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed your
3162 | name like an honest man.'
3163 | 
3164 | There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the first really
3165 | clever thing the King had said that day.
3166 | 
3167 | 'That PROVES his guilt,' said the Queen.
3168 | 
3169 | 'It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice. 'Why, you don't even know
3170 | what they're about!'
3171 | 
3172 | 'Read them,' said the King.
3173 | 
3174 | The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 'Where shall I begin, please
3175 | your Majesty?' he asked.
3176 | 
3177 | 'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you
3178 | come to the end: then stop.'
3179 | 
3180 | These were the verses the White Rabbit read:--
3181 | 
3182 |    'They told me you had been to her,
3183 |     And mentioned me to him:
3184 |    She gave me a good character,
3185 |     But said I could not swim.
3186 | 
3187 |    He sent them word I had not gone
3188 |     (We know it to be true):
3189 |    If she should push the matter on,
3190 |     What would become of you?
3191 | 
3192 |    I gave her one, they gave him two,
3193 |     You gave us three or more;
3194 |    They all returned from him to you,
3195 |     Though they were mine before.
3196 | 
3197 |    If I or she should chance to be
3198 |     Involved in this affair,
3199 |    He trusts to you to set them free,
3200 |     Exactly as we were.
3201 | 
3202 |    My notion was that you had been
3203 |     (Before she had this fit)
3204 |    An obstacle that came between
3205 |     Him, and ourselves, and it.
3206 | 
3207 |    Don't let him know she liked them best,
3208 |     For this must ever be
3209 |    A secret, kept from all the rest,
3210 |     Between yourself and me.'
3211 | 
3212 | 'That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,' said the
3213 | King, rubbing his hands; 'so now let the jury--'
3214 | 
3215 | 'If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice, (she had grown so large
3216 | in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting
3217 | him,) 'I'll give him sixpence. _I_ don't believe there's an atom of
3218 | meaning in it.'
3219 | 
3220 | The jury all wrote down on their slates, 'SHE doesn't believe there's an
3221 | atom of meaning in it,' but none of them attempted to explain the paper.
3222 | 
3223 | 'If there's no meaning in it,' said the King, 'that saves a world of
3224 | trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know,'
3225 | he went on, spreading out the verses on his knee, and looking at them
3226 | with one eye; 'I seem to see some meaning in them, after all. "--SAID
3227 | I COULD NOT SWIM--" you can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the
3228 | Knave.
3229 | 
3230 | The Knave shook his head sadly. 'Do I look like it?' he said. (Which he
3231 | certainly did NOT, being made entirely of cardboard.)
3232 | 
3233 | 'All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on muttering over
3234 | the verses to himself: '"WE KNOW IT TO BE TRUE--" that's the jury, of
3235 | course--"I GAVE HER ONE, THEY GAVE HIM TWO--" why, that must be what he
3236 | did with the tarts, you know--'
3237 | 
3238 | 'But, it goes on "THEY ALL RETURNED FROM HIM TO YOU,"' said Alice.
3239 | 
3240 | 'Why, there they are!' said the King triumphantly, pointing to the tarts
3241 | on the table. 'Nothing can be clearer than THAT. Then again--"BEFORE SHE
3242 | HAD THIS FIT--" you never had fits, my dear, I think?' he said to the
3243 | Queen.
3244 | 
3245 | 'Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the Lizard
3246 | as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing on his
3247 | slate with one finger, as he found it made no mark; but he now hastily
3248 | began again, using the ink, that was trickling down his face, as long as
3249 | it lasted.)
3250 | 
3251 | 'Then the words don't FIT you,' said the King, looking round the court
3252 | with a smile. There was a dead silence.
3253 | 
3254 | 'It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed,
3255 | 'Let the jury consider their verdict,' the King said, for about the
3256 | twentieth time that day.
3257 | 
3258 | 'No, no!' said the Queen. 'Sentence first--verdict afterwards.'
3259 | 
3260 | 'Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. 'The idea of having the
3261 | sentence first!'
3262 | 
3263 | 'Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple.
3264 | 
3265 | 'I won't!' said Alice.
3266 | 
3267 | 'Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody
3268 | moved.
3269 | 
3270 | 'Who cares for you?' said Alice, (she had grown to her full size by this
3271 | time.) 'You're nothing but a pack of cards!'
3272 | 
3273 | At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying down upon
3274 | her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half of anger, and
3275 | tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on the bank, with her
3276 | head in the lap of her sister, who was gently brushing away some dead
3277 | leaves that had fluttered down from the trees upon her face.
3278 | 
3279 | 'Wake up, Alice dear!' said her sister; 'Why, what a long sleep you've
3280 | had!'
3281 | 
3282 | 'Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice, and she told her
3283 | sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange Adventures
3284 | of hers that you have just been reading about; and when she had
3285 | finished, her sister kissed her, and said, 'It WAS a curious dream,
3286 | dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late.' So
3287 | Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well she might,
3288 | what a wonderful dream it had been.
3289 | 
3290 | But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her head on her
3291 | hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and all her
3292 | wonderful Adventures, till she too began dreaming after a fashion, and
3293 | this was her dream:--
3294 | 
3295 | First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the tiny
3296 | hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes were looking
3297 | up into hers--she could hear the very tones of her voice, and see that
3298 | queer little toss of her head to keep back the wandering hair that
3299 | WOULD always get into her eyes--and still as she listened, or seemed to
3300 | listen, the whole place around her became alive with the strange creatures
3301 | of her little sister's dream.
3302 | 
3303 | The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried by--the
3304 | frightened Mouse splashed his way through the neighbouring pool--she
3305 | could hear the rattle of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends
3306 | shared their never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen
3307 | ordering off her unfortunate guests to execution--once more the pig-baby
3308 | was sneezing on the Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes crashed
3309 | around it--once more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the
3310 | Lizard's slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs,
3311 | filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable Mock
3312 | Turtle.
3313 | 
3314 | So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in
3315 | Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and all
3316 | would change to dull reality--the grass would be only rustling in the
3317 | wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the reeds--the rattling
3318 | teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, and the Queen's shrill
3319 | cries to the voice of the shepherd boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the
3320 | shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer noises, would change (she
3321 | knew) to the confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the lowing
3322 | of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's
3323 | heavy sobs.
3324 | 
3325 | Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers
3326 | would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would
3327 | keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her
3328 | childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children, and
3329 | make THEIR eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even
3330 | with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with
3331 | all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys,
3332 | remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.
3333 | 
3334 |               THE END
3335 | 


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/books/LOTR.txt:
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