├── README.md ├── jokes.txt └── main.py /README.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | # jokes-api 2 | 3 | * This api returns a random jokes each time you call it 4 | 5 | * link to the [jokes-api](https://jokes-api.gamhcrew.repl.co) 6 | 7 | * getting the response of the api in shell : 8 | ```shell 9 | curl https://jokes-api.gamhcrew.repl.co 10 | ``` 11 | 12 | ## using the api in python 13 | * install requests library in python using the command below 14 | ```shell 15 | pip install requests 16 | ``` 17 | * python code : 18 | ```py 19 | import requests 20 | api = 'https://jokes-api.gamhcrew.repl.co' 21 | joke = requests.get(api).text 22 | print(joke) 23 | ``` 24 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /jokes.txt: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam. 2 | How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie on it. 3 | What's Forrest Gump's password? 1Forrest1 4 | What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time. 5 | Why can't bicycles stand on their own? They are two tired 6 | How does a train eat? It goes chew, chew 7 | What do you call a singing Laptop? A Dell 8 | How many lips does a flower have? Tulips 9 | How do you organize an outer space party? You planet 10 | What kind of shoes does a thief wear? Sneakers 11 | What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty. 12 | Knock knock. Who's there? A broken pencil. A broken pencil who? Never mind. It's pointless. 13 | Knock knock. Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, cows go moo. 14 | Knock knock. Who's there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? I didn't know you could yodel! 15 | What's the best thing about a Boolean? Even if you're wrong, you're only off by a bit. 16 | What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy? Inheritance 17 | Where do programmers like to hangout? The Foo Bar. 18 | Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays. 19 | Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie. 20 | What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahahaha. 21 | A termite walks into a bar and says... 'Where is the bar tended?' 22 | What does C.S. Lewis keep at the back of his wardrobe? Narnia business! 23 | Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 == Dec 25 24 | A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks... 'Can I join you?' 25 | How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None that's a hardware problem 26 | If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program the rest of them will write Perl 27 | ['hip', 'hip'] (hip hip array) 28 | To understand what recursion is... You must first understand what recursion is 29 | There are 10 types of people in this world... Those who understand binary and those who don't 30 | What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? Put it on my bill 31 | What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away 32 | did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France? they were cooked in Greece 33 | Which song would an exception sing? Can't catch me - Avicii 34 | Knock knock. Who's there? Opportunity. That is impossible. Opportunity doesnt come knocking twice! 35 | Why do Java programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#. 36 | Why did the mushroom get invited to the party? Because he was a fungi. 37 | Do you know what the word 'was' was initially? Before was was was was was is. 38 | I'm reading a book about anti-gravity... It's impossible to put down 39 | If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're in there? European 40 | Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind...it's tearable 41 | I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw 42 | If you see a robbery at an Apple Store... Does that make you an iWitness? 43 | A ham sandwhich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says... I'm sorry, we don't serve food here 44 | Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse 45 | If you boil a clown... Do you get a laughing stock? 46 | Finally realized why my plant sits around doing nothing all day... He loves his pot. 47 | Don't look at the eclipse through a colander. You'll strain your eyes. 48 | I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day! 49 | Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans 50 | What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory 51 | When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there 52 | Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it 53 | How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it 54 | I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted! 55 | Why is peter pan always flying? Because he neverlands 56 | How do you check if a webpage is HTML5? Try it out on Internet Explorer 57 | What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! 58 | I dropped a pear in my car this morning. You should drop another one, then you would have a pair. 59 | Lady: How do I spread love in this cruel world? Random Dude: [...] 60 | A user interface is like a joke. If you have to explain it then it is not that good. 61 | Knock knock. Who's there? Hatch. Hatch who? Bless you! 62 | What do you call sad coffee? Despresso. 63 | Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop? To make ends meat. 64 | Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds. 65 | Well... Thats a deep subject. 66 | Did you hear the story about the cheese that saved the world? It was legend dairy. 67 | Did you watch the new comic book movie? It was very graphic! 68 | I started a new business making yachts in my attic this year... The sails are going through the roof. 69 | I got hit in the head by a soda can, but it didn't hurt that much... It was a soft drink. 70 | I can't tell if i like this blender... It keeps giving me mixed results. 71 | I couldn't get a reservation at the library... They were fully booked. 72 | I was gonna tell you a joke about UDP... ...but you might not get it. 73 | The punchline often arrives before the set-up. Do you know the problem with UDP jokes? 74 | Why do C# and Java developers keep breaking their keyboards? Because they use a strongly typed language. 75 | What do you give to a lemon in need? Lemonaid. 76 | Never take advice from electrons. They are always negative. 77 | Hey, dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut. 78 | What time is it? I don't know... it keeps changing. 79 | A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?" Pop,goes the weasel. 80 | Bad at golf? Join the club. 81 | Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump. 82 | Can February march? No, but April may. 83 | Can I watch the TV? Yes, but dont turn it on. 84 | Dad, can you put my shoes on? I don't think they'll fit me. 85 | Did you hear about the bread factory burning down? They say the business is toast. 86 | Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color? They had a reptile dysfunction. 87 | Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie. 88 | Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction. 89 | Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint. 90 | Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. 91 | Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's ok, he woke up. 92 | Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had loco motives 93 | Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but theres just no atmosphere. 94 | Did you hear about the runner who was criticized? He just took it in stride 95 | Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water? He had a very esteemed colleague. 96 | Did you hear about the submarine industry? It really took a dive... 97 | Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague? Now we just have to call him Dav. 98 | Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off? It reads "Small medium at large." 99 | Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun? She was a roman catholic. 100 | Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. Theyre going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on. 101 | Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid? Neither did he. 102 | Did you know crocodiles could grow up to 15 feet? But most just have 4. 103 | What do ghosts call their true love? Their ghoul-friend 104 | Did you know that protons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic. 105 | Did you know you should always take an extra pair of pants golfing? Just in case you get a hole in one. 106 | Do I enjoy making courthouse puns? Guilty 107 | Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market. 108 | Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is? In a nutshell, it's an oak tree. 109 | Ever wondered why bees hum? It's because they don't know the words. 110 | Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap. 111 | Have you heard of the band 1023MB? They haven't got a gig yet. 112 | Have you heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it. 113 | How are false teeth like stars? They come out at night! 114 | How can you tell a vampire has a cold? They start coffin. 115 | How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning? He was a good conductor. 116 | How come the stadium got hot after the game? Because all of the fans left. 117 | How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents. 118 | How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool. 119 | How do hens stay fit? They always egg-cercise! 120 | How do locomotives know where they're going? Lots of training 121 | How do the trees get on the internet? They log on. 122 | How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for fresh prints. 123 | How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste. 124 | How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern? You use a pumpkin patch. 125 | How do you get a baby alien to sleep? You rocket. 126 | How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive West. 127 | How do you know if theres an elephant under your bed? Your head hits the ceiling! 128 | How do you make a hankie dance? Put a little boogie in it. 129 | How good are you at Power Point? I Excel at it. 130 | How do you organize a space party? You planet. 131 | How do you steal a coat? You jacket. 132 | How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? You will see one later and one in a while. 133 | How does a dyslexic poet write? Inverse. 134 | How does a French skeleton say hello? Bone-jour. 135 | How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together. 136 | How does a scientist freshen their breath? With experi-mints! 137 | How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it. 138 | How many apples grow on a tree? All of them! 139 | How many bones are in the human hand? A handful of them. 140 | How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it. 141 | How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? Let's go ride bikes! 142 | How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? 1 or 2? 1... or 2? 143 | How many seconds are in a year? 12. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd.... etc 144 | How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? A Brazilian 145 | How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten-tickles! 146 | How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram. 147 | How was the snow globe feeling after the storm? A little shaken. 148 | Is the pool safe for diving? It deep ends. 149 | Is there a hole in your shoe? No Then howd you get your foot in it? 150 | What did the spaghetti say to the other spaghetti? Pasta la vista, baby! 151 | Whats 50 Cents name in Zimbabwe? 200 Dollars. 152 | Want to hear a chimney joke? Got stacks of em! First one's on the house 153 | Want to hear a joke about construction? Nah, I'm still working on it. 154 | Want to hear my pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy. 155 | What animal is always at a game of cricket? A bat. 156 | What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday...the rest are weekdays. 157 | What biscuit does a short person like? Shortbread. 158 | What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese. 159 | What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee. 160 | What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend? She wasn't right for me, so I really don't carrot all. 161 | What did Michael Jackson name his denim store? Billy Jeans! 162 | What did one nut say as he chased another nut? I'm a cashew! 163 | What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me! 164 | What did one snowman say to the other snow man? Do you smell carrot? 165 | What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner! 166 | What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented? Lil Caesars 167 | What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt. 168 | What did the beaver say to the tree? It's been nice gnawing you. 169 | What did the big flower say to the littler flower? Hi, bud! 170 | What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison. 171 | What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? Look, no hands! 172 | What did the dog say to the two trees? Bark bark. 173 | What did the Dorito farmer say to the other Dorito farmer? Cool Ranch! 174 | What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Damn! 175 | What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine. 176 | What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth? 177 | What did the late tomato say to the early tomato? Ill ketch up 178 | What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells! 179 | What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff. 180 | What did the ocean say to the beach? Thanks for all the sediment. 181 | What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved. 182 | Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees? They're really good at it. 183 | What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey! 184 | What did the Red light say to the Green light? Don't look at me I'm changing! 185 | What did the scarf say to the hat? You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer. 186 | What did the shy pebble wish for? That she was a little boulder. 187 | What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed? Don't look I'm changing! 188 | What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything. 189 | What do birds give out on Halloween? Tweets. 190 | What do I look like? A JOKE MACHINE!? 191 | What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones. 192 | What do vegetarian zombies eat? Grrrrrainnnnnssss. 193 | What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! 194 | What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB. 195 | What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick. 196 | What do you call a careful wolf? Aware wolf. 197 | What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milk shake! 198 | What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. 199 | What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. 200 | What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice? A Popsicle. 201 | What do you call a dictionary on drugs? High definition. 202 | what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks? a labracadabrador 203 | What do you call a droid that takes the long way around? R2 detour. 204 | What do you call a duck that gets all A's? A wise quacker. 205 | What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. 206 | What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythmn? A metro-gnome 207 | What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller. 208 | What do you call a fly without wings? A walk. 209 | What do you call a girl between two posts? Annette. 210 | What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A cat-tastrophe. 211 | What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An Orca-stra. 212 | What do you call a monkey in a mine field? A babooooom! 213 | What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare. 214 | What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop! 215 | What do you call a pig with three eyes? Piiig 216 | What do you call a pile of cats? A Meowtain. 217 | What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud. 218 | What do you call a troublesome Canadian high schooler? A poutine. 219 | What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator! 220 | What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe? Roberto 221 | What do you call an eagle who can play the piano? Talonted! 222 | What do you call an elephant that doesnt matter? An irrelephant. 223 | What do you call an old snowman? Water. 224 | What do you call cheese by itself? Provolone. 225 | What do you call corn that joins the army? Kernel. 226 | What do you call someone with no nose? Nobody knows. 227 | What do you call two barracuda fish? A Pairacuda! 228 | What do you do on a remote island? Try and find the TV island it belongs to. 229 | What do you do when you see a space man? Park your car, man. 230 | What do you get hanging from Apple trees? Sore arms. 231 | What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep? A bah-humbug. 232 | What do you get when you cross a chicken with a skunk? A fowl smell! 233 | What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose? Hare spray. 234 | What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. 235 | What do you give a sick lemon? Lemonaid. 236 | What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds! 237 | What does a female snake use for support? A co-Bra! 238 | What does a pirate pay for his corn? A buccaneer! 239 | What does an angry pepper do? It gets jalapeo face. 240 | What happens when you anger a brain surgeon? They will give you a piece of your mind. 241 | What has ears but cannot hear? A field of corn. 242 | What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song? I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand... 243 | What is a tornado's favorite game to play? Twister! 244 | What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A blood orange. 245 | What is a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling! 246 | What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint! 247 | What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care. 248 | What is the hardest part about sky diving? The ground. 249 | What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels 250 | What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign Language 251 | What is the tallest building in the world? The library, its got the most stories! 252 | What is this movie about? It is about 2 hours long. 253 | What kind of award did the dentist receive? A little plaque. 254 | What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel. 255 | What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep? A stega-snore-us. 256 | What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator? A Fermilabrador Retriever. 257 | What kind of magic do cows believe in? MOODOO. 258 | What kind of music do planets listen to? Nep-tunes. 259 | What kind of pants do ghosts wear? Boo jeans. 260 | What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree! 261 | What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck. 262 | What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste. 263 | What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y. 264 | What type of music do balloons hate? Pop music! 265 | What was a more important invention than the first telephone? The second one. 266 | What was the pumpkins favorite sport? Squash. 267 | What's black and white and read all over? The newspaper. 268 | What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue. 269 | What's brown and sticky? A stick. 270 | What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A Carrot. 271 | What's red and bad for your teeth? A Brick. 272 | What's the best thing about elevator jokes? They work on so many levels. 273 | What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna"fish! 274 | What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter. 275 | What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion? An ion! 276 | What's the worst part about being a cross-eyed teacher? They can't control their pupils. 277 | What's the worst thing about ancient history class? The teachers tend to Babylon. 278 | Whats brown and sounds like a bell? Dung! 279 | Whats E.T. short for? Hes only got little legs. 280 | Whats Forest Gumps Facebook password? 1forest1 281 | Whats the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus. 282 | Whats the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 5000 miles. 283 | When do doctors get angry? When they run out of patients. 284 | When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. 285 | When is a door not a door? When it's ajar. 286 | Where did you learn to make ice cream? Sunday school. 287 | Where do bees go to the bathroom? The BP station. 288 | Where do hamburgers go to dance? The meat-ball. 289 | Where do rabbits go after they get married? On a bunny-moon. 290 | Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop. 291 | Where do you learn to make banana splits? At sundae school. 292 | Where do young cows eat lunch? In the calf-ateria. 293 | Where does batman go to the bathroom? The batroom. 294 | Where does Fonzie like to go for lunch? Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyy. 295 | Where does Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies. 296 | Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom! 297 | Wheres the bin? I havent been anywhere! 298 | Which side of the chicken has more feathers? The outside. 299 | Who did the wizard marry? His ghoul-friend 300 | Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital? The hip Doctor! 301 | Why are fish easy to weigh? Because they have their own scales. 302 | Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools! 303 | Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them! 304 | Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin. 305 | Why are mummys scared of vacation? They're afraid to unwind. 306 | Why are oranges the smartest fruit? Because they are made to concentrate. 307 | Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrr! 308 | Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin. 309 | Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? It's two-tired. 310 | Why can't you use "Beef stew"as a password? Because it's not stroganoff. 311 | Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot! 312 | Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent. 313 | Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie? Because it was rated arrr! 314 | Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out, man. 315 | Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake. 316 | Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships? So they could Scandinavian. 317 | Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E? Because he had a vowel movement. 318 | Why did the barber win the race? He took a short cut. 319 | Why did the belt go to prison? He held up a pair of pants! 320 | Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall? To prove that he was framed! 321 | Why did the chicken get a penalty? For fowl play. 322 | Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged. 323 | Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long 324 | Why did the cookie cry? It was feeling crumby. 325 | Why did the cowboy have a weiner dog? Somebody told him to get a long little doggy. 326 | Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders? To hold his pants up. 327 | Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam. 328 | Why did the half blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well! 329 | Why did the house go to the doctor? It was having window panes. 330 | Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide. 331 | Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash! 332 | Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep! 333 | Why did the melons plan a big wedding? Because they cantaloupe! 334 | Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed. 335 | Why did the opera singer go sailing? They wanted to hit the high Cs. 336 | Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. 337 | Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing. 338 | Why did the tree go to the dentist? It needed a root canal. 339 | Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration. 340 | Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub? Because he is 2 square. 341 | Why didnt the orange win the race? It ran out of juice. 342 | Why didnt the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no guts. 343 | Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? Because they might peel! 344 | Why do bears have hairy coats? Fur protection. 345 | Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs! 346 | Why do bees hum? Because they don't know the words. 347 | Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it's too far to walk. 348 | Why do choirs keep buckets handy? So they can carry their tune 349 | Why do crabs never give to charity? Because theyre shellfish. 350 | Why do ducks make great detectives? They always quack the case. 351 | Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.? Because it's indivisible. 352 | Why do pirates not know the alphabet? They always get stuck at "C". 353 | Why do pumpkins sit on peoples porches? They have no hands to knock on the door. 354 | Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forwards theyd still be in the boat. 355 | Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? Dunno, they're just a bit shady. 356 | Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups? Because they can't even. 357 | Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day? To prevent bat breath! 358 | Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it. 359 | Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan. 360 | Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock? Because it's a little meteor. 361 | Why does it take longer to get from 1st to 2nd base, than it does to get from 2nd to 3rd base? Because theres a Shortstop in between! 362 | Why does Norway have barcodes on their battleships? So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian. 363 | Why does Superman get invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero. 364 | Why does Waldo only wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted. 365 | Knock-knock. A race condition. Who is there? 366 | What's the best part about TCP jokes? I get to keep telling them until you get them. 367 | A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesnt. 368 | There are 10 kinds of people in this world. Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who weren't expecting a base 3 joke. 369 | Two guys walk into a bar . . . The first guy says "Ouch!" and the second says "Yeah, I didn't see it either." 370 | What did the router say to the doctor? It hurts when IP. 371 | An IPv6 packet is walking out of the house. He goes nowhere. 372 | A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says, "here, but Ill need that back in an hour!" 373 | 3 SQL statements walk into a NoSQL bar. Soon, they walk out They couldn't find a table. 374 | I saw a nice stereo on Craigslist for $1. Seller says the volume is stuck on high I couldnt turn it down. 375 | Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy? Inheritance. 376 | What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A maybe. 377 | Why was Cinderalla thrown out of the football team? Because she ran away from the ball. 378 | What kind of music do welders like? Heavy metal. 379 | Why are Dad Jokes so good? Because the punchline is apparent. 380 | Why dot net developers don't wear glasses? Because they see sharp. 381 | Why is seven bigger than nine? Because seven ate nine. 382 | Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one! 383 | What do you call a suspicious looking laptop? Asus 384 | What did the Java code say to the C code? You've got no class. 385 | What is the most used language in programming? Profanity. 386 | Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31 387 | What goes after USA? USB. 388 | Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they would crack each other up. 389 | How do you make the number one disappear? Add the letter G and its gone! 390 | My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why. I had to draw my own conclusions. 391 | The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning. Thank you very much, sir. 392 | Why does Waldo only wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted. 393 | A male developer often gets called as a Dev, then what would you call a female developer? Devi. 394 | Why did the kid throw the watch out the window? So time would fly. 395 | Where did the API go to eat? To the RESTaurant. 396 | Why did the rooster cross the road? He heard that the chickens at KFC were pretty hot. 397 | Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated? He was Bjorn again 398 | What does the mermaid wear to math class? Algae-bra. 399 | Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels. 400 | Hey, wanna hear a joke? Parsing HTML with regex. 401 | Why didn't the skeleton go for prom? Because it had nobody. 402 | A grocery store cashier asked if I would like my milk in a bag. I told her 'No, thanks. The carton works fine.' 403 | 99.9% of the people are dumb! Fortunately I belong to the remaining 1% 404 | I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts. 405 | You see, mountains aren't just funny. They are hill areas. 406 | What do elves post on Social Media? Elf-ies. 407 | What did one pirate say to the other when he beat him at chess?...Checkmatey. 408 | I burned 2000 calories today...I left my food in the oven for too long. 409 | I startled my next-door neighbor with my new electric power tool. ...I had to calm him down by saying Dont worry, this is just a drill! 410 | I broke my arm in two places. ...My doctor told me to stop going to those places. 411 | I quit my job at the coffee shop the other day. ...It was just the same old grind over and over. 412 | I never buy anything that has Velcro with it......its a total rip-off. 413 | I used to work at a soft drink can crushing company......it was soda pressing. 414 | I wondered why the frisbee kept on getting bigger. ...Then it hit me. 415 | I was going to tell you a fighting joke......but I forgot the punch line. 416 | What is the most groundbreaking invention of all time? ...The shovel. 417 | Im starting my new job at a restaurant next week. ...I cant wait. 418 | I visited a weight loss website......they told me I have to have cookies disabled. 419 | Did you hear about the famous Italian chef that recently died? ...He pasta way. 420 | Broken guitar for sale...no strings attached. 421 | I could never be a plumber...its too hard watching your lifes work go down the drain. 422 | I cut my finger slicing cheese the other day......but I think I may have grater problems than that. 423 | What time did you go to the dentist yesterday?...Tooth-hurty. 424 | What kind of music do astronauts listen to?...Neptunes. 425 | Rest in peace, boiled water. ...You will be mist. 426 | What is the only concert in the world that costs 45 cents? ...50 Cent, featuring Nickelback. 427 | Its not a dad bod... its a father figure. 428 | My wife recently went on a tropical food diet and now our house is full of this stuff. ...Its enough to make a mango crazy. 429 | What do you call Santas little helpers? ...Subordinate clauses. 430 | Want to hear a construction joke? ...Sorry, Im still working on it. 431 | Whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo? ...One is extremely big and heavy, and the other is a little lighter. 432 | I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today in the oven, ...I should have cooked it on aloha temperature. 433 | Anyone can be buried when they die...but if you want to be cremated then you have to urn it. 434 | Where did Captain Hook get his hook? ...From the second-hand store. 435 | I am such a good singer that people always ask me to sing solo...solo that they cant hear me. 436 | I am such a good singer that people ask me to sing tenor...tenor twelve miles away. 437 | Occasionally to relax I just like to tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.... Thats just how I roll. 438 | What did the glass of wine say to the glass of beer? Nothing. ...They barley knew each other. 439 | Ive never trusted stairs. ...They are always up to something. 440 | Why did Shakespeares wife leave him? ...She got sick of all the drama. 441 | I just bought a dictionary but all of the pages are blank. ...I have no words to describe how mad I am. 442 | If you want to get a job at the moisturizer factory... ...youre going to have to apply daily. 443 | I dont know whats going to happen next year. ...Its probably because I dont have 2020 vision. 444 | Want to hear a joke about going to the bathroom? ...Urine for a treat. 445 | I couldnt figure out how to use the seat belt. ...Then it just clicked. 446 | I got an email the other day teaching me how to read maps backwards...turns out it was just spam. 447 | I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.... It's impossible to put down! 448 | You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there?... European. 449 | Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France?... They were cooked in Greece. 450 | Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind... ...it's tearable. 451 | I just watched a documentary about beavers. ...It was the best dam show I ever saw! 452 | If you see a robbery at an Apple Store what re you?... An iWitness? 453 | Spring is here! ...I got so excited I wet my plants! 454 | Whats Forrest Gumps password?... 1forrest1 455 | Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? ...Because he was a little horse! 456 | CASHIER: "Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?" ...DAD: "No, just leave it in the carton! 457 | Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? ...They say he made a mint. 458 | I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.... I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day! 459 | Why do chicken coops only have two doors?... Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans! 460 | How do you make a Kleenex dance? ...Put a little boogie in it! 461 | A termite walks into a bar and asks..."Is the bar tender here?" 462 | Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?... He couldn't see himself doing it. 463 | I used to have a job at a calendar factory ...but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off. 464 | A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?" ...She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender! 465 | How do you make holy water?... You boil the hell out of it. 466 | I had a dream that I was a muffler last night.... I woke up exhausted! 467 | Did you hear about the circus fire?... It was in tents! 468 | Don't trust atoms.... They make up everything! 469 | How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? ...Ten-tickles. 470 | Im only familiar with 25 letters in the English language.... I dont know why. 471 | Why did the cow in the pasture get promoted at work?... Because he is OUT-STANDING in his field! 472 | What do prisoners use to call each other?... Cell phones. 473 | Why couldn't the bike standup by itself? ...It was two tired. 474 | Who was the fattest knight at King Arthurs round table?... Sir Cumference. 475 | Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? ...Its because the cows werent getting a square meal. 476 | You know what the loudest pet you can get is?... A trumpet. 477 | What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?... Frostbite. 478 | What do you call a deer with no eyes?... No idea! 479 | Can February March? ...No, but April May! 480 | What do you call a lonely cheese? ...Provolone. 481 | Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?... Because the pee is silent. 482 | What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?... Bison. 483 | What do you call someone with no body and no nose? ...Nobody knows. 484 | You heard of that new band 1023MB? ...They're good but they haven't got a gig yet. 485 | Why did the crab never share?... Because he's shellfish. 486 | How do you get a squirrel to like you? ...Act like a nut. 487 | Why don't eggs tell jokes? ...They'd crack each other up. 488 | Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? ...Because then it would be a foot. 489 | Did you hear the rumor about butter? ...Well, I'm not going to spread it! 490 | I made a pencil with two erasers. ...It was pointless. 491 | I used to hate facial hair......but then it grew on me. 492 | I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...it was just gathering dust! 493 | I had a neck brace fitted years ago... and I've never looked back since. 494 | You know, people say they pick their nose,... but I feel like I was just born with mine. 495 | What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?... An irrelephant. 496 | What do you get from a pampered cow? ...Spoiled milk. 497 | It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad.... It's a faux pa. 498 | How do lawyers say goodbye? ...Sue ya later! 499 | Wanna hear a joke about paper? ...Never mindit's tearable. 500 | What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? ...Live stream. 501 | I could tell a joke about pizza,... but it's a little cheesy. 502 | When does a joke become a dad joke?... When it becomes apparent. 503 | Whats an astronauts favorite part of a computer? ...The space bar. 504 | What did the shy pebble wish for?...That she was a little boulder. 505 | I'm tired of following my dreams. ...I'm just going to ask them where they are going and meet up with them later. 506 | Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? ...He's all right now. 507 | Why didnt the skeleton cross the road? ...Because he had no guts. 508 | What did one nut say as he chased another nut? ... I'm a cashew! 509 | Chances are if you' ve seen one shopping center...... you've seen a mall. 510 | I knew I shouldn't steal a mixer from work......but it was a whisk I was willing to take. 511 | How come the stadium got hot after the game? ...Because all of the fans left. 512 | Why was it called the dark ages? ...Because of all the knights. 513 | Why did the tomato blush? ...Because it saw the salad dressing. 514 | Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun? ...She was a roman catholic. 515 | What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? ...A spelling bee. 516 | I'll tell you what often gets over looked...... garden fences. 517 | Why did the kid cross the playground? ...To get to the other slide. 518 | Why do birds fly south for the winter?... Because it's too far to walk. 519 | What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song? ... I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand... 520 | My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience. ...The second time let me down. 521 | To be Frank...... I'd have to change my name. 522 | Slept like a log last night ...woke up in the fireplace. 523 | Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock? ...Because it's a little meteor. 524 | How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?... A Brazilian 525 | I don't trust stairs.... They're always up to something. 526 | A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery.... He charged one and let the other one off. 527 | What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?...I don't know and I don't care. 528 | I went to a Foo Fighters Concert once... ...It was Everlong... 529 | Some people eat light bulbs. ...They say it's a nice light snack. 530 | What do you get hanging from Apple trees? ... Sore arms. 531 | Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back.... Luckily I was the one facing the TV. 532 | I got a reversible jacket for Christmas,... I can't wait to see how it turns out. 533 | What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented? ...Lil Caesars 534 | My pet mouse 'Elvis' died last night. ...He was caught in a trap.. 535 | Never take advice from electrons. ...They are always negative. 536 | Why are oranges the smartest fruit? ...Because they are made to concentrate. 537 | What did the beaver say to the tree? ...It's been nice gnawing you. 538 | How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?... You use a pumpkin patch. 539 | What did the late tomato say to the early tomato? ...Ill ketch up 540 | I have kleptomania......when it gets bad, I take something for it. 541 | I used to be addicted to soap...... but I'm clean now. 542 | When is a door not a door?... When it's ajar. 543 | I made a belt out of watches once...... It was a waist of time. 544 | This furniture store keeps emailing me,... all I wanted was one night stand! 545 | How do you find Will Smith in the snow?... Look for fresh prints. 546 | I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome.... It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it. 547 | Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? ...Dunno, they're just a bit shady. 548 | If at first you don't succeed... sky diving is not for you! 549 | What kind of music do mummy's like?...Rap 550 | A book just fell on my head. ...I only have my shelf to blame. 551 | What did the dog say to the two trees? ...Bark bark. 552 | If a child refuses to sleep during nap time...... are they guilty of resisting a rest? 553 | Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane?... They mostly wrap. 554 | What did the mountain climber name his son?...Cliff. 555 | Why should you never trust a pig with a secret?... Because it's bound to squeal. 556 | Why are mummys scared of vacation?... They're afraid to unwind. 557 | Whiteboards ...... are remarkable. 558 | What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?...A stega-snore-us. 559 | What kind of tree fits in your hand?... A palm tree! 560 | I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey... but I turned myself around. 561 | How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?... Ten-tickles! 562 | What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?... A tuba toothpaste. 563 | My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together... ...I totally nailed it! 564 | What was the pumpkins favorite sport?...Squash. 565 | What do you call corn that joins the army?... Kernel. 566 | I've been trying to come up with a dad joke about momentum ...but I just can't seem to get it going. 567 | Why don't sharks eat clowns? ... Because they taste funny. 568 | Just read a few facts about frogs.... They were ribbiting. 569 | Why didnt the melons get married?...Because they cantaloupe. 570 | Whats a computers favorite snack?...Microchips! 571 | Why was the robot so tired after his road trip?...He had a hard drive. 572 | Why did the computer have no money left?...Someone cleaned out its cache! 573 | I'm not anti-social. ...I'm just not user friendly. 574 | Why did the computer get cold?...Because it forgot to close windows. 575 | What is an astronaut's favorite key on a keyboard?...The space bar! 576 | What's the difference between a computer salesman and a used-car salesman?...The used-car salesman KNOWS when he's lying. 577 | If at first you don't succeed...... call it version 1.0 578 | Why did Microsoft PowerPoint cross the road?...To get to the other slide! 579 | What did the computer do at lunchtime?...Had a byte! 580 | Why did the computer keep sneezing?...It had a virus! 581 | What did one toilet say to the other?...You look a bit flushed. 582 | Why did the picture go to jail?...Because it was framed. 583 | What did one wall say to the other wall?...I'll meet you at the corner. 584 | What do you call a boy named Lee that no one talks to?...Lonely 585 | Why do bicycles fall over?...Because they are two-tired! 586 | Why was the broom late?...It over swept! 587 | What part of the car is the laziest?...The wheels, because they are always tired! 588 | What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?...Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV? 589 | What did one elevator say to the other elevator?...I think I'm coming down with something! 590 | Why was the belt arrested?...Because it held up some pants! 591 | What makes the calendar seem so popular?...Because it has a lot of dates! 592 | Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?He wanted to find Pluto! 593 | Why do you go to bed every night?...Because the bed won't come to you! 594 | What has four wheels and flies?...A garbage truck! 595 | Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?...He wanted to make a clean get away! 596 | Just watched a documentary about beavers....It was the best damn program Ive ever seen. 597 | Slept like a log last night...woke up in the fireplace. 598 | Why did the scarecrow win an award?...Because he was outstanding in his field. 599 | Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? ...Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan. 600 | Whats the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? ...About 5000 miles 601 | Why did the coffee file a police report? ...It got mugged. 602 | What did the grape do when he got stepped on? ...He let out a little wine. 603 | How many apples grow on a tree? ...All of them. 604 | What name do you give a person with a rubber toe? ...Roberto 605 | Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? ...Its fine, he woke up. 606 | Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? ...Because if they fell forwards theyd still be in the boat. 607 | How does a penguin build its house? ...Igloos it together. 608 | What do you call a man with a rubber toe?...Roberto 609 | Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?...Great food, no atmosphere. 610 | Why was the belt sent to jail?...For holding up a pair of pants! 611 | Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?...He had a very esteemed colleague. 612 | What happens when a frogs car dies?...He needs a jump. If that doesn't work he has to get it toad. 613 | What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle?...They rose. 614 | Why did the man fall down the well?...Because he couldnt see that well. 615 | My boss told me to have a good day.........so I went home. 616 | How can you tell its a dogwood tree?...By the bark. 617 | Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?...Its fine, he woke up. 618 | Why is Peter Pan always flying?...Because he Neverlands. 619 | Which state has the most streets?...Rhode Island. 620 | What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim?...Alphawetical. 621 | Why was the color green notoriously single?...It was always so jaded. 622 | Why did the coach go to the bank?...To get his quarterback. 623 | How do celebrities stay cool?...They have many fans. 624 | What's the most depressing day of the week?...sadder day. 625 | Dogs cant operate MRI machines...But catscan. 626 | I was going to tell a time-traveling joke...but you guys didnt like it. 627 | Stop looking for the perfect match...instead look for a lighter. 628 | I told my doctor I heard buzzing...but he said its just a bug going around. 629 | What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?...A lamborghini. 630 | What did the accountant say while auditing a document?...This is taxing. 631 | What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day?...It was loaf at first sight. 632 | Why do melons have weddings?...Because they cantaloupe. 633 | What did the drummer call his twin daughters?...Anna One, Anna Two! 634 | What do you call a toothless bear?... A gummy bear! 635 | Two goldfish are in a tank. ...One says to the other, Do you know how to drive this thing? 636 | Whats Forrest Gumps password?...1forrest1 637 | What is a child guilty of if they refuse to nap?... Resisting a rest. 638 | I know a lot of jokes about retired people...but none of them work. 639 | Why are spiders so smart?...They can find everything on the web. 640 | What has one head, one foot, and four legs?... A bed. 641 | What does a house wear?... Address. 642 | Whats red and smells like blue paint?...Red paint. 643 | My son asked me to put his shoes on... but I dont think theyll fit me. 644 | Ive been bored recently, so I decided to take up fencing.... The neighbors keep demanding that I put it back. 645 | What do you call an unpredictable camera?...A loose Canon. 646 | Which U.S. state is known for its especially small soft drinks?...Minnesota. 647 | What do sprinters eat before a race?... Nothingthey fast. 648 | Im so good at sleeping......I can do it with my eyes closed. 649 | People are usually shocked that I have a Police record....But I love their greatest hits! 650 | I told my girlfriend she drew on her eyebrows too high.... She seemed surprised. 651 | What do you call a fibbing cat?... A lion. 652 | Why shouldnt you write with a broken pencil?... Because its pointless. 653 | I like telling Dad jokes...sometimes he laughs. 654 | How do you weigh a millennial?... In Instagrams. 655 | The wedding was so beautiful...even the cake was in tiers. 656 | Whats the most patriotic sport?... Flag football. 657 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /main.py: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | from flask import Flask 2 | import random 3 | import requests 4 | 5 | app = Flask(__name__) 6 | 7 | response = requests.get("https://raw.githubusercontent.com/j4rvice/jokes-api/main/jokes.txt") 8 | all_jokes = [i for i in response.text.split('\n') if len(i) > 0] 9 | 10 | 11 | @app.route('/') 12 | def home(): 13 | return random.choice(all_jokes) 14 | 15 | app.run(host="0.0.0.0", port=80, debug=True) 16 | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------