12 | ```
13 |
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/blog/posts/dexter/i-am-the-doctor.md:
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1 | ---
2 | title: Did I mention we have comfy chairs?
3 | image: https://picsum.photos/1920/1080/?random&date=2018-10-09
4 | publish: 2018-10-09
5 | type: post
6 | tags:
7 | - father christmas
8 | - simple
9 | categories:
10 | - dexter
11 | readingTime: 9 Minutes
12 | ---
13 |
14 | Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. It's art! A statement on modern society, 'Oh Ain't Modern Society Awful?'! You've swallowed a planet! I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish.
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 | They're not aliens, they're Earth…liens! It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. __Call me the Rotmeister.__ *No, I'm the Doctor.* Don't call me the Rotmeister.
19 |
20 | ## I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don't know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don't know why.
21 |
22 | I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?
23 |
24 | 1. Aw, you're all Mr. Grumpy Face today.
25 | 2. I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don't lie to me!
26 | 3. All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?
27 |
28 | ### Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I've always known him: Jeff.
29 |
30 | I'm nobody's taxi service; I'm not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don't know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don't know why.
31 |
32 | * Did I mention we have comfy chairs?
33 | * No… It's a thing; it's like a plan, but with more greatness.
34 | * I'm the Doctor, I'm worse than everyone's aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I'm introducing myself.
35 |
36 | Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! They're not aliens, they're Earth…liens! The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
37 |
38 | You know when grown-ups tell you 'everything's going to be fine' and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better? All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?
39 |
40 | I'm nobody's taxi service; I'm not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. No… It's a thing; it's like a plan, but with more greatness. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time!
41 |
42 | All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? Did I mention we have comfy chairs? I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don't lie to me!
43 |
44 | Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! You hit me with a cricket bat. You hit me with a cricket bat. You've swallowed a planet!
45 |
46 | It's art! A statement on modern society, 'Oh Ain't Modern Society Awful?'! No… It's a thing; it's like a plan, but with more greatness. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish.
47 |
48 | All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? I'm the Doctor, I'm worse than everyone's aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I'm introducing myself.
49 |
50 | I hate yogurt. It's just stuff with bits in. You know when grown-ups tell you 'everything's going to be fine' and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better? Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish.
51 |
52 | No… It's a thing; it's like a plan, but with more greatness. Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. You've swallowed a planet! You hit me with a cricket bat. Did I mention we have comfy chairs?
53 |
54 | Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I've always known him: Jeff. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I'm a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do!
55 |
56 | The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
57 |
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/blog/posts/dexter/nobodys-taxi-service.md:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 | ---
2 | title: I'm nobody's taxi service
3 | image: https://picsum.photos/1920/1080/?random&date=2018-11-15
4 | publish: 2018-11-15
5 | type: post
6 | tags:
7 | - escaped fish
8 | - earthliens
9 | categories:
10 | - dexter
11 | readingTime: 9 Minutes
12 | author:
13 | link: /category/dexter
14 | name: Dexter
15 | gravatar: 205e460b479e2e5b48aec07710c08d50
16 | ---
17 |
18 | The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish.
19 |
20 |
21 |
22 | You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! I hate yogurt. __It's just stuff with bits in.__ *You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?* Saving the world with meals on wheels.
23 |
24 | ## They're not aliens, they're Earth…liens!
25 |
26 | Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish. All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.
27 |
28 | 1. It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.
29 | 2. You know when grown-ups tell you 'everything's going to be fine' and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better?
30 | 3. No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor. Don't call me the Rotmeister.
31 |
32 | ### *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I'm a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do!
33 |
34 | Saving the world with meals on wheels. You've swallowed a planet! Aw, you're all Mr. Grumpy Face today. I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! Did I mention we have comfy chairs?
35 |
36 | * Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush.
37 | * I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks!
38 | * You know when grown-ups tell you 'everything's going to be fine' and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better?
39 |
40 | You've swallowed a planet! You know when grown-ups tell you 'everything's going to be fine' and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better? I'm the Doctor, I'm worse than everyone's aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I'm introducing myself.
41 |
42 | I hate yogurt. It's just stuff with bits in. Saving the world with meals on wheels. They're not aliens, they're Earth…liens! I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks!
43 |
44 | You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? I'm the Doctor, I'm worse than everyone's aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I'm introducing myself. No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor. Don't call me the Rotmeister.
45 |
46 | You hit me with a cricket bat. You hit me with a cricket bat. You've swallowed a planet! Saving the world with meals on wheels. Saving the world with meals on wheels.
47 |
48 | Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish. It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I've always known him: Jeff. It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.
49 |
50 | Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won't stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I'm the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm - and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn't you?
51 |
52 | Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I've always known him: Jeff. You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? You've swallowed a planet! Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time!
53 |
54 | I'm nobody's taxi service; I'm not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I've always known him: Jeff. It's art! A statement on modern society, 'Oh Ain't Modern Society Awful?'!
55 |
56 | All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. You know when grown-ups tell you 'everything's going to be fine' and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better?
57 |
58 | I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! You know when grown-ups tell you 'everything's going to be fine' and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better? I'm nobody's taxi service; I'm not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship.
59 |
60 | You hit me with a cricket bat. You hit me with a cricket bat. It's art! A statement on modern society, 'Oh Ain't Modern Society Awful?'! They're not aliens, they're Earth…liens! Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish.
61 |
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/blog/posts/dexter/really-brilliant-ideas.md:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 | ---
2 | title: I hate yogurt. It's just stuff with bits in.
3 | image: https://picsum.photos/1920/1080/?random&date=2018-06-06
4 | publish: 2018-06-06
5 | type: post
6 | tags:
7 | - kill me
8 | - no violence
9 | categories:
10 | - dexter
11 | readingTime: 12 Minutes
12 | ---
13 |
14 | No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor. Don't call me the Rotmeister. I'm nobody's taxi service;I'm not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship.
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 | They're not aliens, they're Earth…liens! you! No… It's a thing; it's like a plan, but with more greatness. I hate yogurt. It's just stuff with bits in. __It's a fez.__ *I wear a fez now.* Fezes are cool.
19 |
20 | ## You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME!
21 |
22 | Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I've always known him: Jeff. Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! No… It's a thing; it's like a plan, but with more greatness.
23 |
24 | 1. I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don't lie to me!
25 | 2. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won't stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I'm the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm - and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn't you?
26 | 3. Aw, you're all Mr. Grumpy Face today.
27 |
28 | ### You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?
29 |
30 | You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? Aw, you're all Mr. Grumpy Face today. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor. Don't call me the Rotmeister.
31 |
32 | * It's art! A statement on modern society, 'Oh Ain't Modern Society Awful?'!
33 | * It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.
34 | * I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks!
35 |
36 | I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
37 |
38 | No… It's a thing; it's like a plan, but with more greatness. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! It's art! A statement on modern society, 'Oh Ain't Modern Society Awful?'!
39 |
40 | Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish. I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don't lie to me! Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish.
41 |
42 | You know when grown-ups tell you 'everything's going to be fine' and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better? I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don't know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don't know why.
43 |
44 | Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. No… It's a thing; it's like a plan, but with more greatness. You've swallowed a planet! Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish.
45 |
46 | Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don't know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don't know why. Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I've always known him: Jeff.
47 |
48 | You hit me with a cricket bat. It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor. Don't call me the Rotmeister. I'm the Doctor, I'm worse than everyone's aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I'm introducing myself.
49 |
50 | It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I'm a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.
51 |
52 | Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! Saving the world with meals on wheels. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish.
53 |
54 | Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I've always known him: Jeff. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! They're not aliens, they're Earth…liens! You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush.
55 |
56 | Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I've always known him: Jeff. Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I've always known him: Jeff. Aw, you're all Mr. Grumpy Face today. The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
57 |
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/blog/posts/futurama/and-then-we-woke-up.md:
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1 | ---
2 | title: And when we woke up, we had these bodies.
3 | image: https://picsum.photos/1920/1080/?random&date=2018-04-15
4 | publish: 2018-04-15
5 | type: post
6 | tags:
7 | - toe-tappingly tragic
8 | - thanks to the Internet
9 | categories:
10 | - futurama
11 | readingTime: 10 Minutes
12 | ---
13 |
14 | Does anybody else feel jealous and aroused and worried? Oh dear! She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot! Well, that's love for you. Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates… PUNY HUMAN NUMBER ONE, PUNY HUMAN NUMBER TWO, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 | Goodbye, cruel world. __Goodbye, cruel lamp.__ *Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords.* Cruel though they may be… Now what?
19 |
20 | ## Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.
21 |
22 | Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. OK, this has gotta stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can. You mean while I'm sleeping in it? Ok, we'll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we'll go ride the bumper cars.
23 |
24 | 1. Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn't I break his legs?
25 | 2. I'll get my kit!
26 | 3. Fry, we have a crate to deliver.
27 |
28 | ### Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye, cruel lamp. Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords. Cruel though they may be…
29 |
30 | There's no part of that sentence I didn't like! When the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love! You'll have all the Slurm you can drink when you're partying with Slurms McKenzie!
31 |
32 | * There's one way and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent. Dissect its brain!
33 | * I love you, buddy!
34 | * Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?
35 |
36 | Do a flip! But I've never been to the moon! There's no part of that sentence I didn't like! And until then, I can never die?
37 |
38 | Are you crazy? I can't swallow that. I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy! Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry's worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them.
39 |
40 | I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy! Ugh, it's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Oh, all right, I am. But if anything happens to me, tell them I died robbing some old man.
41 |
42 | I'm a thing. Hey, what kinda party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker. Oh Leela! You're the only person I could turn to; you're the only person who ever loved me. Bender?! You stole the atom.
43 |
44 | No! The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires! Oh, you're a dollar naughtier than most. This is the worst part. The calm before the battle. You'll have all the Slurm you can drink when you're partying with Slurms McKenzie!
45 |
46 | Now Fry, it's been a few years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species: fatal or non-fatal? Good news, everyone! There's a report on TV with some very bad news! OK, this has gotta stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can.
47 |
48 | OK, this has gotta stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can. Ok, we'll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we'll go ride the bumper cars. When the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults.
49 |
50 | Oh Leela! You're the only person I could turn to; you're the only person who ever loved me. I love this planet! I've got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. That's not soon enough!
51 |
52 | Who are you, my warranty?! Ummm…to eBay? OK, this has gotta stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can. We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
53 |
54 | Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn't you just get me the death penalty? Also Zoidberg. Bender, this is Fry's decision… and he made it wrong. So it's time for us to interfere in his life. Who are those horrible orange men?
55 |
56 | I'll get my kit! Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer. Can I use the gun? You'll have all the Slurm you can drink when you're partying with Slurms McKenzie!
57 |
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/blog/posts/futurama/bender-cooking.md:
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1 | ---
2 | title: Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute.
3 | image: https://picsum.photos/1920/1080/?random&date=2018-06-01
4 | publish: 2018-06-01
5 | type: post
6 | tags:
7 | - Shut up and take my money
8 | - Bender
9 | categories:
10 | - futurama
11 | readingTime: 4 Minutes
12 | ---
13 |
14 | I daresay that Fry has discovered the smelliest object in the known universe! In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells.
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 | You'll have all the Slurm you can drink when you're partying with Slurms McKenzie! __You are the last hope of the universe.__ *I feel like I was mauled by Jesus.* Whoa a real live robot; or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?
19 |
20 | ## Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?
21 |
22 | It's a T. It goes "tuh". The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Say what? You can crush me but you can't crush my spirit!
23 |
24 | 1. I'm just glad my fat, ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.
25 | 2. Oh yeah, good luck with that.
26 | 3. Leela's gonna kill me.
27 |
28 | ### It's toe-tappingly tragic!
29 |
30 | Oh yeah, good luck with that. You're going to do his laundry? You wouldn't. Ask anyway! Can I use the gun? And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet.
31 |
32 | * Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died.
33 | * Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.
34 | * Oh, all right, I am. But if anything happens to me, tell them I died robbing some old man.
35 |
36 | Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn't you just get me the death penalty? You wouldn't. Ask anyway! Is that a cooking show? Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love! So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct?
37 |
38 | Ah, the 'Breakfast Club' soundtrack! I can't wait til I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff! Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! We don't have a brig. I never loved you. Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient?
39 |
40 | We don't have a brig. And I'd do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it. What are their names? But I know you in the future. I cleaned your poop. Bender, we're trying our best. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense. But, okay!
41 |
42 | Why did you bring us here? I just told you! You've killed me! Ask her how her day was. It's toe-tappingly tragic!
43 |
44 | How much did you make me? No! The cat shelter's on to me. Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn't I break his legs? Fetal stemcells, aren't those controversial?
45 |
46 | You know, I was God once. Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock. Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. I was all of history's great robot actors - Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny!
47 |
48 | Fetal stemcells, aren't those controversial? And from now on you're all named Bender Jr. Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?
49 |
50 | I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth. Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now 'I'' have to pay ''them'! That's right, baby. I ain't your loverboy Flexo, the guy you love so much. You even love anyone pretending to be him!
51 |
52 | And from now on you're all named Bender Jr. No! The cat shelter's on to me. The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.
53 |
54 | Oh yeah, good luck with that. No! Don't jump! And why did 'I' have to take a cab? Bender, we're trying our best. Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.
55 |
56 | You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Hello Morbo, how's the family? I'm sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you. Just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony?
57 |
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/blog/posts/futurama/good-news-everybody.md:
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1 | ---
2 | title: Good news, everyone! There's a report on TV with some very bad news!
3 | image: https://picsum.photos/1920/1080/?random&date=2018-07-19
4 | publish: 2018-07-19
5 | type: post
6 | tags:
7 | - Shut up and take my money
8 | - Nixon
9 | categories:
10 | - futurama
11 | readingTime: 5 Minutes
12 | ---
13 |
14 | In our darkest hour, we can stand erect, with proud upthrust bosoms. And until then, I can never die? Ok, we'll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we'll go ride the bumper cars. It must be wonderful.
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 | No, she'll probably make me do it. Bender, we're trying our best. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. __What am I, the pope?__ *Robot 1-X, save my friends!* And Zoidberg!
19 |
20 | ## Bender, quit destroying the universe!
21 |
22 | Of all the friends I've had… you're the first. This is the worst kind of discrimination: the kind against me! Leela's gonna kill me. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages!
23 |
24 | 1. I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy!
25 | 2. You, minion. Lift my arm. AFTER HIM!
26 | 3. What are you hacking off? Is it my torso?! 'It is!' My precious torso!
27 |
28 | ### Shut up and take my money!
29 |
30 | But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. There's no part of that sentence I didn't like! No! The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires! There, now he's trapped in a book I wrote: a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors!
31 |
32 | * Our love isn't any different from yours, except it's hotter, because I'm involved.
33 | * Who am I making this out to?
34 | * Good man. Nixon's pro-war and pro-family.
35 |
36 | We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral! I'm sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you. Just to destroy everything you ever believed in. I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth. Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now 'I'' have to pay ''them'!
37 |
38 | So, how 'bout them Knicks? Daylight and everything. Pansy. And when we woke up, we had these bodies. Do a flip!
39 |
40 | We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. And when we woke up, we had these bodies. Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I'm going to come back there and change your opinions manually! No. We're on the top.
41 |
42 | This is the worst kind of discrimination: the kind against me! Ah, the 'Breakfast Club' soundtrack! I can't wait til I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical fire. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
43 |
44 | What kind of a father would I be if I said no? Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. And then the battle's not so bad? I guess because my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though!
45 |
46 | I decline the title of Iron Cook and accept the lesser title of Zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Uhh… also, comes with double prize money. Fatal. And from now on you're all named Bender Jr. Eeeee! Now say "nuclear wessels"!
47 |
48 | Oh dear! She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot! Well, that's love for you. Bender, quit destroying the universe! Actually, that's still true. They're like sex, except I'm having them! It's okay, Bender. I like cooking too.
49 |
50 | But I know you in the future. I cleaned your poop. Okay, I like a challenge. Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful!
51 |
52 | Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. Oh, you're a dollar naughtier than most. Check it out, y'all. Everyone who was invited is here. Tell her she looks thin. Bite my shiny metal ass.
53 |
54 | Of all the friends I've had… you're the first. Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as "the brig". I just told you! You've killed me! You, a bobsleder!? That I'd like to see!
55 |
56 | Hi, I'm a naughty nurse, and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Morbo can't understand his teleprompter because he forgot how you say that letter that's shaped like a man wearing a hat. Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?
57 |
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/blog/posts/futurama/leela-is-gonna-kill-me.md:
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1 | ---
2 | title: Leela's gonna kill me.
3 | image: https://picsum.photos/1920/1080/?random&date=2018-05-13
4 | publish: 2018-05-13
5 | type: post
6 | tags:
7 | - Leela
8 | - Breakfast Club
9 | categories:
10 | - futurama
11 | readingTime: 4 Minutes
12 | ---
13 |
14 | When will that be? Kif might! Whoa a real live robot; or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Okay, I like a challenge. I was having the most wonderful dream. Except you were there, and you were there, and you were there!
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 | That's right, baby. I ain't your loverboy Flexo, the guy you love so much. __You even love anyone pretending to be him!__ *Ah, the 'Breakfast Club' soundtrack!* I can't wait til I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff!
19 |
20 | ## Actually, that's still true.
21 |
22 | Ok, we'll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we'll go ride the bumper cars. Can I use the gun? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "Straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."
23 |
24 | 1. I don't want to be rescued.
25 | 2. A true inspiration for the children.
26 | 3. Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as "the brig".
27 |
28 | ### You're going back for the Countess, aren't you?
29 |
30 | Why would I want to know that? Oh no! The professor will hit me! But if Zoidberg 'fixes' it… then perhaps gifts! Calculon is gonna kill us and it's all everybody else's fault! Oh no! The professor will hit me! But if Zoidberg 'fixes' it… then perhaps gifts!
31 |
32 | * That's right, baby. I ain't your loverboy Flexo, the guy you love so much. You even love anyone pretending to be him!
33 | * My fellow Earthicans, as I have explained in my book 'Earth in the Balance'', and the much more popular ''Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth', we need to defend our planet against pollution. Also dark wizards.
34 | * Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo!
35 |
36 | You, a bobsleder!? That I'd like to see! I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Why would a robot need to drink? With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun!
37 |
38 | Hello Morbo, how's the family? Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I'm going to come back there and change your opinions manually! Noooooo! You won't have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing.
39 |
40 | Of all the friends I've had… you're the first. Would you censor the Venus de Venus just because you can see her spewers? When will that be? But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.
41 |
42 | Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates… PUNY HUMAN NUMBER ONE, PUNY HUMAN NUMBER TWO, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. I suppose I could part with 'one' and still be feared…
43 |
44 | Who are you, my warranty?! Does anybody else feel jealous and aroused and worried? They're like sex, except I'm having them! I'll get my kit! For example, if you killed your grandfather, you'd cease to exist!
45 |
46 | Take me to your leader! Ven ve voke up, ve had zese wodies. No! I want to live! There are still too many things I don't own! Of all the friends I've had… you're the first. Why did you bring us here?
47 |
48 | Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. Then we'll go with that data file! You lived before you met me?! We're rescuing ya.
49 |
50 | Yes, if you make it look like an electrical fire. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all. My fellow Earthicans, as I have explained in my book 'Earth in the Balance'', and the much more popular ''Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth', we need to defend our planet against pollution. Also dark wizards.
51 |
52 | No argument here. Yeah, lots of people did. Shinier than yours, meatbag. Shut up and take my money! Hey, whatcha watching?
53 |
54 | You're going back for the Countess, aren't you? So, how 'bout them Knicks? Oh, but you can. But you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by "devil", I mean Robot Devil. And by "metaphorically", I mean get your coat.
55 |
56 | You wouldn't. Ask anyway! And I'd do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it. That could be 'my' beautiful soul sitting naked on a couch. If I could just learn to play this stupid thing.
57 |
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/blog/posts/futurama/when-will-that-be.md:
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1 | ---
2 | title: When will that be?
3 | image: https://picsum.photos/1920/1080/?random&date=2018-08-20
4 | publish: 2018-08-20
5 | type: post
6 | tags:
7 | - Metal Ass
8 | - Bender
9 | categories:
10 | - futurama
11 | readingTime: 3 Minutes
12 | ---
13 |
14 | This is the worst kind of discrimination: the kind against me! A sexy mistake. Look, last night was a mistake. And when we woke up, we had these bodies. No, I'm Santa Claus! Anyone who laughs is a communist!
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 | We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. __Also Zoidberg.__ *Is that a cooking show?* Fry, you can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.
19 |
20 | ## Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute.
21 |
22 | Alright, let's mafia things up a bit. Joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Oh, but you can. But you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by "devil", I mean Robot Devil. And by "metaphorically", I mean get your coat.
23 |
24 | 1. What kind of a father would I be if I said no?
25 | 2. Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.
26 | 3. Well, then good news! It's a suppository.
27 |
28 | ### Bite my shiny metal ass.
29 |
30 | I can explain. It's very valuable. OK, if everyone's finished being stupid. Fetal stemcells, aren't those controversial? That could be 'my' beautiful soul sitting naked on a couch. If I could just learn to play this stupid thing.
31 |
32 | * Shut up and get to the point!
33 | * You, a bobsleder!? That I'd like to see!
34 | * What are their names?
35 |
36 | You are the last hope of the universe. Who's brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere? In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells.
37 |
38 | Now Fry, it's been a few years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species: fatal or non-fatal? Look, last night was a mistake. Bender, this is Fry's decision… and he made it wrong. So it's time for us to interfere in his life.
39 |
40 | Fetal stemcells, aren't those controversial? It doesn't look so shiny to me. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Good news, everyone! There's a report on TV with some very bad news! Pansy.
41 |
42 | No! Don't jump! So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct? No, of course not. It was… uh… porno. Yeah, that's it. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money!
43 |
44 | You'll have all the Slurm you can drink when you're partying with Slurms McKenzie! Anyone who laughs is a communist! Why yes! Thanks for noticing. Ugh, it's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it?
45 |
46 | I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. With gusto. Soothe us with sweet lies. Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying!
47 |
48 | Then we'll go with that data file! We'll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we'll go home. Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. When I was first asked to make a film about my nephew, Hubert Farnsworth, I thought "Why should I?" Then later, Leela made the film. But if I did make it, you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles. Roll film!
49 |
50 | Ven ve voke up, ve had zese wodies. Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. I saw you with those two "ladies of the evening" at Elzars. Explain that. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket o' trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin' up that ol' mess you caused.
51 |
52 | And yet you haven't said what I told you to say! How can any of us trust you? Dear God, they'll be killed on our doorstep! And there's no trash pickup until January 3rd. Is that a cooking show? Yes! In your face, Gandhi!
53 |
54 | Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk! Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Also Zoidberg. Large bet on myself in round one. Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying!
55 |
56 | They're like sex, except I'm having them! You are the last hope of the universe. This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel. That makes me feel angry!
57 |
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/package.json:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 | {
2 | "name": "vuepress-theme-casper",
3 | "version": "3.0.1",
4 | "description": "Ghosts Casper Theme for VuePress",
5 | "main": "blog/.vuepress/theme/index.js",
6 | "repository": "git@github.com:alexander-heimbuch/vuepress-theme-casper.git",
7 | "author": "Alexander Heimbuch ",
8 | "license": "MIT",
9 | "scripts": {
10 | "copy:casper:styles": "rm -rf blog/.vuepress/theme/styles && mkdir -p blog/.vuepress/theme/styles && cp node_modules/casper/assets/built/*.css blog/.vuepress/theme/styles/",
11 | "copy:casper": "npm run copy:casper:styles",
12 | "dev": "vuepress dev blog",
13 | "build": "npm run copy:casper && rm -rf dist/ && vuepress build blog --dest dist/",
14 | "bundle:clean": "rm -rf publish && mkdir -p publish",
15 | "bundle:copy": "cp -R blog/.vuepress/theme/* publish/ && cp package.json publish/",
16 | "bundle": "npm run build && npm run bundle:clean && npm run bundle:copy",
17 | "deploy:gh-pages": "env BASE='/vuepress-theme-casper/' npm run build && GH_EMAIL=github@heimbu.ch GH_NAME='Alexander Heimbuch' ./scripts/gh-pages.sh dist"
18 | },
19 | "dependencies": {
20 | "lodash": "^4.17.15",
21 | "striptags": "^3.1.1",
22 | "vuex": "^3.0.1",
23 | "vuex-router-sync": "^5.0.0"
24 | },
25 | "devDependencies": {
26 | "casper": "git@github.com:TryGhost/Casper.git",
27 | "vue": "2.6.11",
28 | "vuepress": "1.4.0"
29 | },
30 | "peerDependencies": {
31 | "vue": "2.6.x",
32 | "vuepress": "1.4.0"
33 | }
34 | }
35 |
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
/scripts/gh-pages.sh:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 | #!/bin/sh
2 | # ideas used from https://gist.github.com/motemen/8595451
3 |
4 | # abort the script if there is a non-zero error
5 | set -e
6 |
7 | # show where we are on the machine
8 | pwd
9 |
10 | remote=$(git config remote.origin.url)
11 |
12 | siteSource="$1"
13 |
14 | if [ ! -d "$siteSource" ]
15 | then
16 | echo "Usage: $0 "
17 | exit 1
18 | fi
19 |
20 | # make a directory to put the gp-pages branch
21 | mkdir gh-pages-branch
22 | cd gh-pages-branch
23 | # now lets setup a new repo so we can update the gh-pages branch
24 | git config --global user.email "$GH_EMAIL" > /dev/null 2>&1
25 | git config --global user.name "$GH_NAME" > /dev/null 2>&1
26 | git init
27 | git remote add --fetch origin "$remote"
28 |
29 | # switch into the the gh-pages branch
30 | if git rev-parse --verify origin/gh-pages > /dev/null 2>&1
31 | then
32 | git checkout gh-pages
33 | # delete any old site as we are going to replace it
34 | # Note: this explodes if there aren't any, so moving it here for now
35 | git rm -rf .
36 | else
37 | git checkout --orphan gh-pages
38 | fi
39 |
40 | # copy over or recompile the new site
41 | cp -a "../${siteSource}/." .
42 |
43 | # stage any changes and new files
44 | git add -A
45 | # now commit, ignoring branch gh-pages doesn't seem to work, so trying skip
46 | git commit --allow-empty -m "Deploy to GitHub pages [ci skip]"
47 | # and push, but send any output to /dev/null to hide anything sensitive
48 | git push --force --quiet origin gh-pages > /dev/null 2>&1
49 |
50 | # go back to where we started and remove the gh-pages git repo we made and used
51 | # for deployment
52 | cd ..
53 | rm -rf gh-pages-branch
54 |
55 | echo "Finished Deployment!"
56 |
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
/stackbit.yaml:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 | stackbitVersion: ~0.2.0
2 | ssgName: custom
3 | buildCommand: "npm run build"
4 | pageLayoutKey: type
5 | publishDir: dist
6 | pagesDir: blog
7 | staticDir: blog/.vuepress/public
8 | uploadDir: images
9 | dataDir: blog/.vuepress/data
10 | models:
11 | config:
12 | type: data
13 | label: Config
14 | file: config.json
15 | fields:
16 | - name: title
17 | type: string
18 | label: Title
19 | required: true
20 | - name: description
21 | type: text
22 | label: Description
23 | description: Text shown under the main logo
24 | - name: base
25 | type: string
26 | label: Base
27 | description: Base path under which the site will be served
28 | default: "/vuepress-theme-casper/"
29 | - name: themeConfig
30 | type: object
31 | label: Theme Config
32 | fields:
33 | - name: cover
34 | type: image
35 | label: Cover
36 | description: Cover image shown on the home page
37 | - name: logo
38 | type: image
39 | label: Logo
40 | description: Logo image shown on the home page
41 | - name: nav
42 | type: list
43 | label: Top Navigation Menu
44 | items:
45 | type: nav_item
46 | - name: footer
47 | type: list
48 | label: Bottom Navigation Menu
49 | items:
50 | type: nav_item
51 | - name: social
52 | type: object
53 | label: Social
54 | fields:
55 | - name: github
56 | type: string
57 | label: Github Link
58 | - name: twitter
59 | type: string
60 | label: Twitter Link
61 | nav_item:
62 | type: object
63 | label: Navigation Item
64 | labelField: text
65 | fields:
66 | - name: text
67 | type: string
68 | label: Label
69 | required: true
70 | - name: link
71 | type: string
72 | label: Link
73 | required: true
74 | description: "Link of the navigation item, e.g.: /posts or https://facebook.com"
75 | home:
76 | type: page
77 | label: Home
78 | layout: home
79 | singleInstance: true
80 | hideContent: true
81 | file: index.md
82 | fields: []
83 | page:
84 | type: page
85 | label: Page
86 | layout: page
87 | match: "**/*.md"
88 | exclude: "{index.md,posts/**/*,.vuewpress/**/*}"
89 | fields:
90 | - name: title
91 | type: string
92 | label: Title
93 | required: true
94 | post:
95 | type: page
96 | label: Post
97 | folder: posts
98 | match: "**/*.md"
99 | layout: post
100 | fields:
101 | - name: title
102 | type: string
103 | label: Title
104 | required: true
105 | - name: image
106 | type: image
107 | label: Image
108 | - name: publish
109 | type: date
110 | label: Date
111 | required: true
112 | - name: tags
113 | type: list
114 | label: Tags
115 | items:
116 | type: string
117 | - name: categories
118 | type: list
119 | label: categories
120 | items:
121 | type: enum
122 | options:
123 | - dexter
124 | - futurama
125 | - name: readingTime
126 | type: string
127 | label: Reading Time
128 |
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------