├── .gitignore ├── .travis.yml ├── script ├── test └── bootstrap ├── index.coffee ├── test └── hello-world_test.coffee ├── README.md ├── package.json ├── LICENSE └── src └── insulter.coffee /.gitignore: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | node_modules 2 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /.travis.yml: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | language: node_js 2 | node_js: 3 | - "0.11" 4 | - "0.10" 5 | notifications: 6 | email: false 7 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /script/test: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | #!/bin/bash 2 | 3 | # bootstrap environment 4 | source script/bootstrap 5 | 6 | mocha --compilers coffee:coffee-script 7 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /script/bootstrap: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | #!/bin/bash 2 | 3 | # Make sure everything is development forever 4 | export NODE_ENV=development 5 | 6 | # Load environment specific environment variables 7 | if [ -f .env ]; then 8 | source .env 9 | fi 10 | 11 | if [ -f .env.${NODE_ENV} ]; then 12 | source .env.${NODE_ENV} 13 | fi 14 | 15 | npm install 16 | 17 | # Make sure coffee and mocha are on the path 18 | export PATH="node_modules/.bin:$PATH" 19 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /index.coffee: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | fs = require 'fs' 2 | path = require 'path' 3 | 4 | module.exports = (robot, scripts) -> 5 | scriptsPath = path.resolve(__dirname, 'src') 6 | fs.exists scriptsPath, (exists) -> 7 | if exists 8 | for script in fs.readdirSync(scriptsPath) 9 | if scripts? and '*' not in scripts 10 | robot.loadFile(scriptsPath, script) if script in scripts 11 | else 12 | robot.loadFile(scriptsPath, script) 13 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /test/hello-world_test.coffee: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | chai = require 'chai' 2 | sinon = require 'sinon' 3 | chai.use require 'sinon-chai' 4 | 5 | expect = chai.expect 6 | 7 | describe 'hello-world', -> 8 | beforeEach -> 9 | @robot = 10 | respond: sinon.spy() 11 | hear: sinon.spy() 12 | 13 | require('../src/hello-world')(@robot) 14 | 15 | it 'registers a respond listener', -> 16 | expect(@robot.respond).to.have.been.calledWith(/hello/) 17 | 18 | it 'registers a hear listener', -> 19 | expect(@robot.hear).to.have.been.calledWith(/orly/) 20 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /README.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | ### hubot-insulter 2 | 3 | #### Description 4 | A great way to first insult someone on your team and then compliment them. 5 | 6 | Works with @mentions, and with everything else really. E.G 7 | hubot insult people who shot at wallmart 8 | 9 | #### Installation 10 | `npm install --save hubot-insulter` 11 | 12 | add `["hubot-insulter"]` to your `external-scripts.json`. 13 | 14 | #### Examples 15 | `hubot insult @user` -> `hey @user, you suck! (or any of the 100 random insults)` 16 | 17 | `hubot compliment @user` -> `hey @user, you rock! (or any of the 100 random compliments)` -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /package.json: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | { 2 | "name": "hubot-insulter", 3 | "description": "A hubot script to insult or compliment someone for you", 4 | "version": "1.0.2", 5 | "author": "Alex Wolkov ", 6 | "license": "MIT", 7 | 8 | "keywords": [ 9 | "hubot", 10 | "hubot-scripts" 11 | ], 12 | 13 | "repository": { 14 | "type": "git", 15 | "url": "git://github.com/altryne/hubot-insulter.git" 16 | }, 17 | 18 | "bugs": { 19 | "url": "https://github.com/altryne/hubot-insulter/issues" 20 | }, 21 | 22 | "dependencies": { 23 | 24 | }, 25 | 26 | "devDependencies": { 27 | "coffee-script": "~1.6", 28 | "mocha": "*", 29 | "chai": "*", 30 | "sinon-chai": "*", 31 | "sinon": "*" 32 | }, 33 | 34 | "main": "index.coffee", 35 | 36 | "scripts": { 37 | "test": "script/test" 38 | } 39 | } 40 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /LICENSE: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | The MIT License (MIT) 2 | 3 | Copyright (c) 2013 hubot-scripts 4 | 5 | Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a copy of 6 | this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), to deal in 7 | the Software without restriction, including without limitation the rights to 8 | use, copy, modify, merge, publish, distribute, sublicense, and/or sell copies of 9 | the Software, and to permit persons to whom the Software is furnished to do so, 10 | subject to the following conditions: 11 | 12 | The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in all 13 | copies or substantial portions of the Software. 14 | 15 | THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR 16 | IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS 17 | FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NONINFRINGEMENT. IN NO EVENT SHALL THE AUTHORS OR 18 | COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, DAMAGES OR OTHER LIABILITY, WHETHER 19 | IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT OR OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM, OUT OF OR IN 20 | CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN THE SOFTWARE. 21 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/insulter.coffee: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | # Description 2 | # Randomly Insults or compliments someone for you 3 | # 4 | # Commands: 5 | # hubot insult <@user | Internet Explorer | Justin Bieber> - hey @user, 6 | # hubot compliment <@user | Boss | Your wife> - hey Wife, 7 | # 8 | # Notes: 9 | # This can be harmful in an office, if your random insult hit somebody hard, be sure to @hubot compliment them 10 | # 11 | # Author: 12 | # altryne 13 | 14 | insults = ["Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory." 15 | , "Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?" 16 | , "You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen." 17 | , "Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering." 18 | , "I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it." 19 | , "I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass." 20 | , "If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ." 21 | , "Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick." 22 | , "I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than that." 23 | , "Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?" 24 | , "It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it." 25 | , "If you are going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty." 26 | , "The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait." 27 | , "Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is." 28 | , "If you're gonna be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you're just an ass." 29 | , "Well I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong." 30 | , "Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology." 31 | , "You're not funny, but your life, now that's a joke." 32 | , "Hey, you have somthing on your chin... no, the 3rd one down" 33 | , "You are proof that God has a sense of humor." 34 | , "It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer." 35 | , "Why don't you slip into something more comfortable -- like a coma." 36 | , "You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC." 37 | , "If I were to slap you, it would be considered animal abuse!" 38 | , "Your face makes onions cry." 39 | , "Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!" 40 | , "Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you could be pretty on the inside." 41 | , "If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless." 42 | , "At least when I do a handstand my stomach doesn't hit me in the face." 43 | , "You're so fat you need cheat codes to play Wii Fit" 44 | , "Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident?" 45 | , "Don't feel sad, don't feel blue, Frankenstein was ugly too." 46 | , "You didn't fall out of the stupid tree. You were dragged through dumbass forest." 47 | , "Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?" 48 | , "You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse." 49 | , "Why don't you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale." 50 | , "It's kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence." 51 | , "You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity?" 52 | , "I'll never forget the first time we met, although I'll keep trying." 53 | , "You're so ugly, when you got robbed, the robbers made you wear their masks." 54 | , "Shock me, say something intelligent." 55 | , "What are you doing here? Did someone leave your cage open?" 56 | , "Looks like you traded in your neck for an extra chin!" 57 | , "You shouldn't play hide and seek, no one would look for you." 58 | , "You are so stupid, you'd trip over a cordless phone." 59 | , "If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents." 60 | , "Why dont you shut up and give that hole in your face a chance to heal." 61 | , "If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart." 62 | , "Looks like you fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." 63 | , "I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?" 64 | , "You fear success, but really have nothing to worry about." 65 | , "I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!" 66 | , "Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live." 67 | , "You only annoy me when you're breathing." 68 | , "Your parents hated you so much your bath toys were an iron and a toaster" 69 | , "You get as much action as a nine button on a microwave." 70 | , "Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example." 71 | , "You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back!" 72 | , "We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough." 73 | , "I heard you went to a haunted house and they offered you a job." 74 | , "Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat?\nCut off your head" 75 | , "You stare at frozen juice cans because they say, \"concentrate\"." 76 | ,"You're so ugly, when you popped out the doctor said \"Aww what a treasure\" and your mom said \"Yeah, lets bury it.\"" 77 | , "You're so ugly, the only dates you get are on a calendar." 78 | , "When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?" 79 | , "You look like a before picture." 80 | , "Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?" 81 | , "You're so dumb, your dog teaches you tricks." 82 | , "Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand." 83 | , "I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can lose weight." 84 | , "You're as useless as a screen door on a submarine." 85 | , "You're so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet." 86 | , "Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside." 87 | , "I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!" 88 | , "Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing." 89 | , "I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo." 90 | , "I was pro life before I met you." 91 | , "You're so fat, your double chin has a double chin." 92 | , "You must be on the seafood diet. When you see food, you eat it!" 93 | , "Did your parents keep the placenta and throw away the baby?" 94 | , "You must have a very low opinion of people if you think they are your equals." 95 | , "If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport!" 96 | , "100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?" 97 | , "You're so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall!" 98 | , "You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you." 99 | , "Just wait till you can't fit your hand in the Pringles tubes, then where will you get your daily nutrition from?" 100 | , "I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative." 101 | , "You must be the arithmetic man; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance." 102 | , "If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose." 103 | , "Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?" 104 | , "So you've changed your mind, does this one work any better?" 105 | , "You're a person of rare intelligence. It's rare when you show any." 106 | , "So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey." 107 | , "It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the 'impression' that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt." 108 | , "If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable." 109 | , "I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but that would be an improvement!" 110 | , "Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!" 111 | , "Don't you need a license to be that ugly?" 112 | , "I fart to make you smell better." 113 | , "You act like your arrogance is a virtue." 114 | , "Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down." 115 | , "You're so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice." 116 | , "Are your parents siblings?" 117 | , "You're not exactly bad looking. There's just one little problem between your ears - your face!" 118 | , "With a face like yours, I'd wish I was blind." 119 | , "You couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel." 120 | , "You're so fat, when you wear a yellow rain coat people scream ''taxi''." 121 | , "Everyone who ever loved you was wrong." 122 | , "I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?" 123 | , "If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth." 124 | , "Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?" 125 | , "You're so fat, you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad." 126 | , "I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won." 127 | , "You have the perfect face for radio." 128 | , "Your head is so big you have to step into your shirts." 129 | , "You're so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you!" 130 | , "You must think you're strong, but you only smell strong." 131 | , "Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental." 132 | , "Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?" 133 | , "Looks aren't everything; in your case, they aren't anything" 134 | , "For those who never forget a face, you are an exception." 135 | , "You are so old, your birth-certificate expired." 136 | , "I've come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are." 137 | , "You are so old, even your memory is in black and white." 138 | , "What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants his butt back?" 139 | , "You're so ugly you make blind kids cry." 140 | , "You're so ugly, you had tinted windows on your incubator." 141 | , "If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you." 142 | , "Come again when you can't stay quite so long." 143 | , "Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?" 144 | , "If a crackhead saw you, he'd think he needs to go on a diet." 145 | , "Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone." 146 | , "You're so stupid you tried to wake a sleeping bag." 147 | , "Your dad's condom is a bigger than your personality." 148 | , "It's too bad stupidity isn't painful." 149 | , "You're so ugly, when you threw a boomerang it didn't come back." 150 | , "If your brain was made of chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M." 151 | , "You're so ugly you have to trick or treat over the phone." 152 | , "Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!" 153 | , "Your house is so nasty, I tripped over a rat, and a cockroach stole my wallet." 154 | , "You better hope you marry rich." 155 | , "If my dog had your face, I would shave his butt and make him walk backwards." 156 | , "You're a light eater alright. As soon as it gets light, you starts eating." 157 | , "If you had another brain, it would be lonely." 158 | , "You must have a Teflon brain, because nothing sticks." 159 | , "Nice tan, orange is my favorite color." 160 | , "You conserve toilet paper by using both sides." 161 | , "A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind." 162 | , "You are so old, you fart dust." 163 | , "You have a very sympathetic face. It has everyone's sympathy." 164 | , "You have enough fat to make another human." 165 | , "You're so ugly words can't explain it. So I'll just go throw up." 166 | , "I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside." 167 | , "Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're an asshole!" 168 | , "You occasionally stumble over the truth, but you quickly pick yourself up and carry on as if nothing happened." 169 | , "Don't get insulted, but is your life devoted to spreading ignorance?" 170 | , "You're the reason they invented double doors!" 171 | , "You are depriving some poor village of its idiot." 172 | , "Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness." 173 | , "You may not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away!" 174 | , "You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white." 175 | , "I'm blonde, what's your excuse?" 176 | , "The clothes you wear are so ugly even a scarecrow wouldn't wear them." 177 | , "You'll make a great first wife some day." 178 | , "There are more calories in your stomach than in the local supermarket!" 179 | , "You're so fat, if you got your shoes shined, you'd have to take their word for it!" 180 | , "You're so ugly, they call you the exterminator, because you kill bugs on sight." 181 | , "There's only one problem with your face, I can see it." 182 | , "If your brain exploded, it wouldn't even mess up your hair." 183 | , "People like you are the reason I work out." 184 | , "If I had a dollar for every brain you didn't have, I'd have one dollar." 185 | , "Your hockey team made you goalie so you'd have to wear a mask." 186 | , "You're so fat, when you jump in the air, you get stuck!" 187 | , "If you were any dumber I would have to water you twice a week." 188 | , "I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving." 189 | , "You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat." 190 | , "Your ambition outweighs your relevant skills." 191 | , "You're as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle." 192 | , "Your ears are so big when you stand on a mountain they look like trophy handles." 193 | , "Your breath is so stinky, we look forward to your farts." 194 | , "Being around you is like having a cancer of the soul." 195 | , "You're so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad." 196 | , "One more wrinkle and you'd pass for a prune." 197 | , "Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has anulled the anthropoid ape species diversity." 198 | , "You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it!" 199 | , "The sound of your urine hitting the urinal sounds feminine." 200 | , "Two legged stool sample." 201 | , "Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap." 202 | , "Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!" 203 | , "You know you're fat when no one has mentioned you're also ginger." 204 | , "Yeah you're pretty, pretty stupid" 205 | , "You're so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, they'd arrest you for mooning!" 206 | , "You're so old, you walked into an antique shop and they put you on display." 207 | , "You're the reason why women earn 75 cents to the dollar." 208 | , "You're so fat your shadow casts a shadow." 209 | , "I'd say that you're funny but looks aren't everything." 210 | , "Nice shirt, what brand is it? Clearance?" 211 | , "You're so fat, when you take a shower your feet don't get wet!" 212 | , "You're so fat, you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up." 213 | , "When it comes to IQ, you lose some every time you use the bathroom." 214 | , "The best part of you is still running down your old mans leg." 215 | , "You prefer three left turns to one right turn." 216 | , "It's hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen." 217 | , "Hold on, I'll go find you a tampon." 218 | , "Your mom must have a really loud bark!" 219 | , "I wish you no harm, but it would have been much better if you had never lived." 220 | , "Your face is so ugly, when you cry the tears run UP your face." 221 | , "Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair." 222 | , "You grow on people, like a wart!" 223 | , "Please tell me you don't home-school your kids." 224 | , "You're so fat your belly button has an echo echo echo..." 225 | , "Your brain must be made out of rocking horse shit." 226 | , "When anorexics see you, they think they need to go on a diet." 227 | , "Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?" 228 | , "You're stupid because you're blonde." 229 | ]; 230 | 231 | compliments = ["You have very smooth hair." 232 | , "You deserve a promotion." 233 | , "Good effort!" 234 | , "What a fine sweater!" 235 | , "I appreciate all of your opinions." 236 | , "I like your style." 237 | , "Your T-shirt smells fresh." 238 | , "I love what you've done with the place." 239 | , "You are like a spring flower; beautiful and vivacious." 240 | , "I am utterly disarmed by your wit." 241 | , "I really enjoy the way you pronounce the word 'ruby'." 242 | , "You complete me." 243 | , "Well done!" 244 | , "I like your Facebook status." 245 | , "That looks nice on you." 246 | , "I like those shoes more than mine." 247 | , "Nice motor control!" 248 | , "You have a good taste in websites." 249 | , "Your mouse told me that you have very soft hands." 250 | , "You are full of youth." 251 | , "I like your jacket." 252 | , "I like the way you move." 253 | , "You have a good web-surfing stance." 254 | , "You should be a poster child for poster children." 255 | , "Nice manners!" 256 | , "I appreciate you more than Santa appreciates chimney grease." 257 | , "I wish I was your mirror." 258 | , "I find you to be a fountain of inspiration." 259 | , "You have perfect bone structure." 260 | , "I disagree with anyone who disagrees with you." 261 | , "Way to go!" 262 | , "Have you been working out?" 263 | , "With your creative wit, I'm sure you could come up with better compliments than me." 264 | , "I like your socks." 265 | , "You are so charming." 266 | , "Your cooking reminds me of my mother's." 267 | , "You're tremendous!" 268 | , "You deserve a compliment!" 269 | , "Hello, good looking." 270 | , "Your smile is breath taking." 271 | , "How do you get your hair to look that great?" 272 | , "You are quite strapping." 273 | , "I am grateful to be blessed by your presence." 274 | , "Say, aren't you that famous model from TV?" 275 | , "Take a break; you've earned it." 276 | , "Your life is so interesting!" 277 | , "The sound of your voice sends tingles of joy down my back." 278 | , "I enjoy spending time with you." 279 | , "I would share my dessert with you." 280 | , "You can have the last bite." 281 | , "May I have this dance?" 282 | , "I would love to visit you, but I live on the Internet." 283 | , "I love the way you click." 284 | , "You're invited to my birthday party." 285 | , "All of your ideas are brilliant!" 286 | , "If I freeze, it's not a computer virus. I was just stunned by your beauty." 287 | , "You're spontaneous, and I love it!" 288 | , "You should try out for everything." 289 | , "You make my data circuits skip a beat." 290 | , "You are the gravy to my mashed potatoes." 291 | , "You get an A+!" 292 | , "I'm jealous of the other websites you visit, because I enjoy seeing you so much!" 293 | , "I would enjoy a roadtrip with you." 294 | , "If I had to choose between you or Mr. Rogers, it would be you." 295 | , "I like you more than the smell of Grandma's home-made apple pies." 296 | , "You would look good in glasses OR contacts." 297 | , "Let's do this again sometime." 298 | , "You could go longer without a shower than most people." 299 | , "I feel the need to impress you." 300 | , "I would trust you to pick out a pet fish for me." 301 | , "I'm glad we met." 302 | , "Do that again!" 303 | , "Will you sign my yearbook?" 304 | , "You're so smart!" 305 | , "We should start a band." 306 | , "You're cooler than ice-skating Fonzi." 307 | , "I made this website for you." 308 | , "I heard you make really good French Toast." 309 | , "You're cooler than Pirates and Ninjas combined." 310 | , "Oh, I can keep going." 311 | , "I like your pants." 312 | , "You're pretty groovy, dude." 313 | , "When I grow up, I want to be just like you." 314 | , "I told all my friends about how cool you are." 315 | , "You can play any prank, and get away with it." 316 | , "You have ten of the best fingers I have ever seen!" 317 | , "I can tell that we are gonna be friends." 318 | , "I just want to gobble you up!" 319 | , "You're sweeter than than a bucket of bon-bons!" 320 | , "Treat yourself to another compliment!" 321 | , "You're pretty high on my list of people with whom I would want to be stranded on an island." 322 | , "You're #1 in my book!" 323 | , "Well played." 324 | , "You are well groomed." 325 | , "You could probably lead a rebellion." 326 | , "Is it hot in here or is it just you?" 327 | , "<3" 328 | , "You are more fun than a Japanese steakhouse." 329 | , "Your voice is more soothing than Morgan Freeman's." 330 | , "I like your sleeves. They're real big." 331 | , "You could be drinking whole milk if you wanted to." 332 | , "You're so beautiful, you make me walk into things when I look at you." 333 | , "I support all of your decisions." 334 | , "You are as fun as a hot tub full of chocolate pudding." 335 | , "I usually don't say this on a first date, but will you marry me?" 336 | , "I don't speak much English, but with you all I really need to say is beautiful." 337 | , "Being awesome is hard, but you'll manage." 338 | , "Your skin is radiant." 339 | , "You will still be beautiful when you get older." 340 | , "You could survive a zombie apocalypse." 341 | , "You make me :)" 342 | , "I wish I could move your furniture." 343 | , "I think about you while I'm on the toilet." 344 | , "You're so rad." 345 | , "You're more fun than a barrel of monkeys." 346 | , "You're nicer than a day on the beach." 347 | , "Your glass is the fullest." 348 | , "I find you very relevant." 349 | , "You look so perfect." 350 | , "The only difference between exceptional and amazing is you." 351 | , "Last night I had the hiccups, and the only thing that comforted me to sleep was repeating your name over and over." 352 | , "I like your pearly whites!" 353 | , "Your eyebrows really make your pretty eyes stand out." 354 | , "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate." 355 | , "I love you more than bacon!" 356 | , "You intrigue me." 357 | , "You make me think of beautiful things, like strawberries." 358 | , "I would share my fruit Gushers with you." 359 | , "You're more aesthetically pleasant to look at than that one green color on this website." 360 | , "Even though this goes against everything I know, I think I'm in love with you." 361 | , "You're more fun than bubble wrap." 362 | , "Your smile could illuminate the depths of the ocean." 363 | , "You make babies smile." 364 | , "You make the gloomy days a little less gloomy." 365 | , "You are warmer than a Snuggie." 366 | , "You make me feel like I am on top of the world." 367 | , "Playing video games with you would be fun." 368 | , "Let's never stop hanging out." 369 | , "You're more cuddly than the Downy Bear." 370 | , "I would do your taxes any day." 371 | , "You are a bucket of awesome." 372 | , "You are the star of my daydreams." 373 | , "If you really wanted to, you could probably get a bird to land on your shoulder and hang out with you." 374 | , "My mom always asks me why I can't be more like you." 375 | , "You look great in this or any other light." 376 | , "You listen to the coolest music." 377 | , "You and Chuck Norris are on equal levels." 378 | , "Your body fat percentage is perfectly suited for your height." 379 | , "I am having trouble coming up with a compliment worthy enough for you." 380 | , "If we were playing kickball, I'd pick you first." 381 | , "You're cooler than ice on the rocks." 382 | , "You're the bee's knees." 383 | , "I wish I could choose your handwriting as a font." 384 | , "You definitely know the difference between your and you're." 385 | , "You have good taste." 386 | , "I named all my appliances after you." 387 | , "Your mind is a maze of amazing!" 388 | , "Don't worry about procrastinating on your studies, I know you'll do great!" 389 | , "I like your style!" 390 | , "Hi, I'd like to know why you're so beautiful." 391 | , "If I could count the seconds I think about you, I will die in the process!" 392 | , "If you were in a chemistry class with me, it would be 10x less boring." 393 | , "If you broke your arm, I would carry your books for you." 394 | , "I love the way your eyes crinkle at the corners when you smile." 395 | , "You make me want to be the person I am capable of being." 396 | , "You're a skilled driver." 397 | , "You are the rare catalyst to my volatile compound." 398 | , "You're a tall glass of water!" 399 | , "I'd like to kiss you. Often." 400 | , "You are the wind beneath my wings." 401 | , "Looking at you makes my foot cramps go away instantaneously." 402 | , "I like your face." 403 | , "You are a champ!" 404 | , "You are infatuating." 405 | , "Even my cat likes you." 406 | , "There isn't a thing about you that I don't like." 407 | , "You're so cool, that on a scale of from 1-10, you're elevendyseven." 408 | , "OH, you OWN that ponytail." 409 | , "Your shoes are untied. But for you, it's cool." 410 | , "You have the best laugh ever." 411 | , "We would enjoy a cookout with you!" 412 | , "Your name is fun to say." 413 | , "I love you more than a drunk college student loves tacos." 414 | , "My camera isn't worthy to take your picture." 415 | , "You are the sugar on my rice krispies." 416 | , "Nice belt!" 417 | , "I could hang out with you for a solid year and never get tired of you." 418 | , "You're real happening in a far out way." 419 | , "I bet you could take a punch from Mike Tyson." 420 | , "Your feet are perfect size!" 421 | , "You have very nice teeth." 422 | , "Can you teach me how to be as awesome as you?" 423 | , "Our awkward silences aren't even awkward." 424 | , "Don't worry. You'll do great." 425 | , "I enjoy you more than a good sneeze. A GOOD one." 426 | , "You could invent words and people would use them." 427 | , "You have powerful sweaters." 428 | , "If you were around, I would enjoy doing my taxes." 429 | , "You look like you like to rock." 430 | , "You are better than unicorns and sparkles combined!" 431 | , "You are the watermelon in my fruit salad. Yum!" 432 | , "I dig you." 433 | , "You look better whether the lights are on or off." 434 | , "I am enchanted to meet you." 435 | , "I bet even your farts smell good." 436 | , "I would trust my children with you." 437 | , "You make me forget what I was going to..." 438 | , "Your smile makes me smile." 439 | , "I'd wake up for an 8 a.m. class just so I could sit next to you." 440 | , "You have the moves like Jagger." 441 | , "You're so hot that you denature my proteins." 442 | , "All I want for Christmas is you!" 443 | , "You are the world's greatest hugger." 444 | , "You have a perfectly symmetrical face." 445 | , "If you were in a movie you wouldn't get killed off." 446 | , "Your red ruby lips and wiggly hips make me do flips!" 447 | , "I definitely wouldn't kick you out of bed." 448 | , "They should name an ice cream flavor after you." 449 | , "You're the salsa to my tortilla chips. You spice up my life!" 450 | , "You smell nice." 451 | , "You don't need make-up, make-up needs you." 452 | , "Me without you is like a nerd without braces, a shoe with out laces, asentencewithoutspaces." 453 | , "Just knowing someone as cool as you will read this makes me smile." 454 | , "I would volunteer to take your place in the Hunger Games." 455 | , "If I had a nickel for everytime you did something stupid, I'd be broke!" 456 | , "I'd let you steal the white part of my Oreo." 457 | , "I'd trust you to perform open heart surgery on me... blindfolded!" 458 | 459 | ] 460 | 461 | module.exports = (robot) -> 462 | robot.respond /insult (.*)/i, (msg) -> 463 | insult = msg.random insults 464 | msg.send "hey #{msg.match[1]}, #{insult}" 465 | 466 | robot.respond /compliment (.*)/i, (msg) -> 467 | compliment = msg.random compliments 468 | msg.send "hey #{msg.match[1]}, #{compliment}" 469 | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------