├── alice.txt ├── list1.py ├── list2.py ├── mimic.py ├── small.txt ├── string1.py ├── string2.py ├── tttt.ipynb └── wordcount.py /alice.txt: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | Alice's Adventures in Wonderland 2 | 3 | ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 4 | 5 | Lewis Carroll 6 | 7 | THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 3.0 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | CHAPTER I 13 | 14 | Down the Rabbit-Hole 15 | 16 | 17 | Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister 18 | on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had 19 | peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no 20 | pictures or conversations in it, `and what is the use of a book,' 21 | thought Alice `without pictures or conversation?' 22 | 23 | So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, 24 | for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether 25 | the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble 26 | of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White 27 | Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her. 28 | 29 | There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice 30 | think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to 31 | itself, `Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought 32 | it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have 33 | wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); 34 | but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT- 35 | POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to 36 | her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never 37 | before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to 38 | take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the 39 | field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop 40 | down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge. 41 | 42 | In another moment down went Alice after it, never once 43 | considering how in the world she was to get out again. 44 | 45 | The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, 46 | and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a 47 | moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself 48 | falling down a very deep well. 49 | 50 | Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she 51 | had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to 52 | wonder what was going to happen next. First, she tried to look 53 | down and make out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to 54 | see anything; then she looked at the sides of the well, and 55 | noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; 56 | here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. She 57 | took down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it was 58 | labelled `ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great disappointment it 59 | was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing 60 | somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she 61 | fell past it. 62 | 63 | `Well!' thought Alice to herself, `after such a fall as this, I 64 | shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll 65 | all think me at home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, 66 | even if I fell off the top of the house!' (Which was very likely 67 | true.) 68 | 69 | Down, down, down. Would the fall NEVER come to an end! `I 70 | wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. 71 | `I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let 72 | me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think--' (for, 73 | you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in her 74 | lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a VERY good 75 | opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no one to 76 | listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) `--yes, 77 | that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude 78 | or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, 79 | or Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to 80 | say.) 81 | 82 | Presently she began again. `I wonder if I shall fall right 83 | THROUGH the earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the 84 | people that walk with their heads downward! The Antipathies, I 85 | think--' (she was rather glad there WAS no one listening, this 86 | time, as it didn't sound at all the right word) `--but I shall 87 | have to ask them what the name of the country is, you know. 88 | Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and she tried 89 | to curtsey as she spoke--fancy CURTSEYING as you're falling 90 | through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) `And what 91 | an ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll 92 | never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.' 93 | 94 | Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon 95 | began talking again. `Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I 96 | should think!' (Dinah was the cat.) `I hope they'll remember 97 | her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were 98 | down here with me! There are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but 99 | you might catch a bat, and that's very like a mouse, you know. 100 | But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice began to get 101 | rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of 102 | way, `Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, `Do 103 | bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either 104 | question, it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt 105 | that she was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she 106 | was walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very 107 | earnestly, `Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a 108 | bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of 109 | sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over. 110 | 111 | Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a 112 | moment: she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her 113 | was another long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in 114 | sight, hurrying down it. There was not a moment to be lost: 115 | away went Alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear it 116 | say, as it turned a corner, `Oh my ears and whiskers, how late 117 | it's getting!' She was close behind it when she turned the 118 | corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found 119 | herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps 120 | hanging from the roof. 121 | 122 | There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; 123 | and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the 124 | other, trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle, 125 | wondering how she was ever to get out again. 126 | 127 | Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of 128 | solid glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, 129 | and Alice's first thought was that it might belong to one of the 130 | doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks were too large, or 131 | the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of 132 | them. However, on the second time round, she came upon a low 133 | curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little 134 | door about fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key 135 | in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted! 136 | 137 | Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small 138 | passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and 139 | looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. 140 | How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about 141 | among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but 142 | she could not even get her head through the doorway; `and even if 143 | my head would go through,' thought poor Alice, `it would be of 144 | very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish 145 | I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only 146 | know how to begin.' For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things 147 | had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few 148 | things indeed were really impossible. 149 | 150 | There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she 151 | went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on 152 | it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like 153 | telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, (`which 154 | certainly was not here before,' said Alice,) and round the neck 155 | of the bottle was a paper label, with the words `DRINK ME' 156 | beautifully printed on it in large letters. 157 | 158 | It was all very well to say `Drink me,' but the wise little 159 | Alice was not going to do THAT in a hurry. `No, I'll look 160 | first,' she said, `and see whether it's marked "poison" or not'; 161 | for she had read several nice little histories about children who 162 | had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant 163 | things, all because they WOULD not remember the simple rules 164 | their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot poker 165 | will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your 166 | finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had 167 | never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked 168 | `poison,' it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or 169 | later. 170 | 171 | However, this bottle was NOT marked `poison,' so Alice ventured 172 | to taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort 173 | of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast 174 | turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast,) she very soon finished 175 | it off. 176 | 177 | * * * * * * * 178 | 179 | * * * * * * 180 | 181 | * * * * * * * 182 | 183 | `What a curious feeling!' said Alice; `I must be shutting up 184 | like a telescope.' 185 | 186 | And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and 187 | her face brightened up at the thought that she was now the right 188 | size for going through the little door into that lovely garden. 189 | First, however, she waited for a few minutes to see if she was 190 | going to shrink any further: she felt a little nervous about 191 | this; `for it might end, you know,' said Alice to herself, `in my 192 | going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder what I should be 193 | like then?' And she tried to fancy what the flame of a candle is 194 | like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember 195 | ever having seen such a thing. 196 | 197 | After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided 198 | on going into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! 199 | when she got to the door, she found she had forgotten the 200 | little golden key, and when she went back to the table for it, 201 | she found she could not possibly reach it: she could see it 202 | quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her best to climb 203 | up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery; 204 | and when she had tired herself out with trying, 205 | the poor little thing sat down and cried. 206 | 207 | `Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to 208 | herself, rather sharply; `I advise you to leave off this minute!' 209 | She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very 210 | seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself so 211 | severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered 212 | trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game 213 | of croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious 214 | child was very fond of pretending to be two people. `But it's no 215 | use now,' thought poor Alice, `to pretend to be two people! Why, 216 | there's hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable 217 | person!' 218 | 219 | Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under 220 | the table: she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on 221 | which the words `EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants. 222 | `Well, I'll eat it,' said Alice, `and if it makes me grow larger, 223 | I can reach the key; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep 224 | under the door; so either way I'll get into the garden, and I 225 | don't care which happens!' 226 | 227 | She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, `Which 228 | way? Which way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to 229 | feel which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised to 230 | find that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally 231 | happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the 232 | way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, 233 | that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the 234 | common way. 235 | 236 | So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake. 237 | 238 | * * * * * * * 239 | 240 | * * * * * * 241 | 242 | * * * * * * * 243 | 244 | 245 | 246 | 247 | CHAPTER II 248 | 249 | The Pool of Tears 250 | 251 | 252 | `Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much 253 | surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good 254 | English); `now I'm opening out like the largest telescope that 255 | ever was! Good-bye, feet!' (for when she looked down at her 256 | feet, they seemed to be almost out of sight, they were getting so 257 | far off). `Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder who will put on 258 | your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure _I_ shan't 259 | be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself 260 | about you: you must manage the best way you can; --but I must be 261 | kind to them,' thought Alice, `or perhaps they won't walk the 262 | way I want to go! Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of 263 | boots every Christmas.' 264 | 265 | And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. 266 | `They must go by the carrier,' she thought; `and how funny it'll 267 | seem, sending presents to one's own feet! And how odd the 268 | directions will look! 269 | 270 | ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ. 271 | HEARTHRUG, 272 | NEAR THE FENDER, 273 | (WITH ALICE'S LOVE). 274 | 275 | Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!' 276 | 277 | Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in 278 | fact she was now more than nine feet high, and she at once took 279 | up the little golden key and hurried off to the garden door. 280 | 281 | Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one 282 | side, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get 283 | through was more hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to 284 | cry again. 285 | 286 | `You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, `a great 287 | girl like you,' (she might well say this), `to go on crying in 288 | this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!' But she went on all 289 | the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large pool 290 | all round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down the 291 | hall. 292 | 293 | After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the 294 | distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. 295 | It was the White Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a 296 | pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the 297 | other: he came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to 298 | himself as he came, `Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! won't she 299 | be savage if I've kept her waiting!' Alice felt so desperate 300 | that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit 301 | came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, `If you please, 302 | sir--' The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid 303 | gloves and the fan, and skurried away into the darkness as hard 304 | as he could go. 305 | 306 | Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very 307 | hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: 308 | `Dear, dear! How queer everything is to-day! And yesterday 309 | things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in 310 | the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this 311 | morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little 312 | different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in 313 | the world am I? Ah, THAT'S the great puzzle!' And she began 314 | thinking over all the children she knew that were of the same age 315 | as herself, to see if she could have been changed for any of 316 | them. 317 | 318 | `I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, `for her hair goes in such 319 | long ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm 320 | sure I can't be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, 321 | oh! she knows such a very little! Besides, SHE'S she, and I'm I, 322 | and--oh dear, how puzzling it all is! I'll try if I know all the 323 | things I used to know. Let me see: four times five is twelve, 324 | and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is--oh dear! 325 | I shall never get to twenty at that rate! However, the 326 | Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography. 327 | London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, 328 | and Rome--no, THAT'S all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been 329 | changed for Mabel! I'll try and say "How doth the little--"' 330 | and she crossed her hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, 331 | and began to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and 332 | strange, and the words did not come the same as they used to do:-- 333 | 334 | `How doth the little crocodile 335 | Improve his shining tail, 336 | And pour the waters of the Nile 337 | On every golden scale! 338 | 339 | `How cheerfully he seems to grin, 340 | How neatly spread his claws, 341 | And welcome little fishes in 342 | With gently smiling jaws!' 343 | 344 | `I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and 345 | her eyes filled with tears again as she went on, `I must be Mabel 346 | after all, and I shall have to go and live in that poky little 347 | house, and have next to no toys to play with, and oh! ever so 348 | many lessons to learn! No, I've made up my mind about it; if I'm 349 | Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no use their putting their 350 | heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I shall only look 351 | up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I 352 | like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down 353 | here till I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a 354 | sudden burst of tears, `I do wish they WOULD put their heads 355 | down! I am so VERY tired of being all alone here!' 356 | 357 | As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was 358 | surprised to see that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little 359 | white kid gloves while she was talking. `How CAN I have done 360 | that?' she thought. `I must be growing small again.' She got up 361 | and went to the table to measure herself by it, and found that, 362 | as nearly as she could guess, she was now about two feet high, 363 | and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found out that the 364 | cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped it 365 | hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether. 366 | 367 | `That WAS a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at 368 | the sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in 369 | existence; `and now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed 370 | back to the little door: but, alas! the little door was shut 371 | again, and the little golden key was lying on the glass table as 372 | before, `and things are worse than ever,' thought the poor child, 373 | `for I never was so small as this before, never! And I declare 374 | it's too bad, that it is!' 375 | 376 | As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another 377 | moment, splash! she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first 378 | idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, `and in that 379 | case I can go back by railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had 380 | been to the seaside once in her life, and had come to the general 381 | conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English coast you find 382 | a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children digging in 383 | the sand with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, and 384 | behind them a railway station.) However, she soon made out that 385 | she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine 386 | feet high. 387 | 388 | `I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about, 389 | trying to find her way out. `I shall be punished for it now, I 390 | suppose, by being drowned in my own tears! That WILL be a queer 391 | thing, to be sure! However, everything is queer to-day.' 392 | 393 | Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a 394 | little way off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at 395 | first she thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then 396 | she remembered how small she was now, and she soon made out that 397 | it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself. 398 | 399 | `Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, `to speak to this 400 | mouse? Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should 401 | think very likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in 402 | trying.' So she began: `O Mouse, do you know the way out of 403 | this pool? I am very tired of swimming about here, O Mouse!' 404 | (Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking to a mouse: 405 | she had never done such a thing before, but she remembered having 406 | seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, `A mouse--of a mouse--to a 407 | mouse--a mouse--O mouse!') The Mouse looked at her rather 408 | inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little 409 | eyes, but it said nothing. 410 | 411 | `Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; `I 412 | daresay it's a French mouse, come over with William the 413 | Conqueror.' (For, with all her knowledge of history, Alice had 414 | no very clear notion how long ago anything had happened.) So she 415 | began again: `Ou est ma chatte?' which was the first sentence in 416 | her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the 417 | water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright. `Oh, I beg 418 | your pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the 419 | poor animal's feelings. `I quite forgot you didn't like cats.' 420 | 421 | `Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate 422 | voice. `Would YOU like cats if you were me?' 423 | 424 | `Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone: `don't be 425 | angry about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: 426 | I think you'd take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. 427 | She is such a dear quiet thing,' Alice went on, half to herself, 428 | as she swam lazily about in the pool, `and she sits purring so 429 | nicely by the fire, licking her paws and washing her face--and 430 | she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's such a capital 431 | one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice again, 432 | for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she felt 433 | certain it must be really offended. `We won't talk about her any 434 | more if you'd rather not.' 435 | 436 | `We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end 437 | of his tail. `As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family 438 | always HATED cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't let me hear 439 | the name again!' 440 | 441 | `I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the 442 | subject of conversation. `Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?' 443 | The Mouse did not answer, so Alice went on eagerly: `There is 444 | such a nice little dog near our house I should like to show you! 445 | A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly 446 | brown hair! And it'll fetch things when you throw them, and 447 | it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of things--I 448 | can't remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer, you 449 | know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds! 450 | He says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a 451 | sorrowful tone, `I'm afraid I've offended it again!' For the 452 | Mouse was swimming away from her as hard as it could go, and 453 | making quite a commotion in the pool as it went. 454 | 455 | So she called softly after it, `Mouse dear! Do come back 456 | again, and we won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't 457 | like them!' When the Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam 458 | slowly back to her: its face was quite pale (with passion, Alice 459 | thought), and it said in a low trembling voice, `Let us get to 460 | the shore, and then I'll tell you my history, and you'll 461 | understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.' 462 | 463 | It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded 464 | with the birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a 465 | Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious 466 | creatures. Alice led the way, and the whole party swam to the 467 | shore. 468 | 469 | 470 | 471 | CHAPTER III 472 | 473 | A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale 474 | 475 | 476 | They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the 477 | bank--the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their 478 | fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and 479 | uncomfortable. 480 | 481 | The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they 482 | had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed 483 | quite natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with 484 | them, as if she had known them all her life. Indeed, she had 485 | quite a long argument with the Lory, who at last turned sulky, 486 | and would only say, `I am older than you, and must know better'; 487 | and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was, 488 | and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no 489 | more to be said. 490 | 491 | At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among 492 | them, called out, `Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL 493 | soon make you dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large 494 | ring, with the Mouse in the middle. Alice kept her eyes 495 | anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad 496 | cold if she did not get dry very soon. 497 | 498 | `Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, `are you all ready? 499 | This is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! 500 | "William the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was 501 | soon submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been 502 | of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and 503 | Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria--"' 504 | 505 | `Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver. 506 | 507 | `I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very 508 | politely: `Did you speak?' 509 | 510 | `Not I!' said the Lory hastily. 511 | 512 | `I thought you did,' said the Mouse. `--I proceed. "Edwin and 513 | Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: 514 | and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found 515 | it advisable--"' 516 | 517 | `Found WHAT?' said the Duck. 518 | 519 | `Found IT,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: `of course you 520 | know what "it" means.' 521 | 522 | `I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said 523 | the Duck: `it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, 524 | what did the archbishop find?' 525 | 526 | The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, 527 | `"--found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William 528 | and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was 529 | moderate. But the insolence of his Normans--" How are you 530 | getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning to Alice as it 531 | spoke. 532 | 533 | `As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: `it doesn't 534 | seem to dry me at all.' 535 | 536 | `In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, `I 537 | move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more 538 | energetic remedies--' 539 | 540 | `Speak English!' said the Eaglet. `I don't know the meaning of 541 | half those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do 542 | either!' And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: 543 | some of the other birds tittered audibly. 544 | 545 | `What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone, 546 | `was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.' 547 | 548 | `What IS a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much 549 | to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY 550 | ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything. 551 | 552 | `Why,' said the Dodo, `the best way to explain it is to do it.' 553 | (And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter 554 | day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.) 555 | 556 | First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, (`the 557 | exact shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party 558 | were placed along the course, here and there. There was no `One, 559 | two, three, and away,' but they began running when they liked, 560 | and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know 561 | when the race was over. However, when they had been running half 562 | an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called 563 | out `The race is over!' and they all crowded round it, panting, 564 | and asking, `But who has won?' 565 | 566 | This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of 567 | thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon 568 | its forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, 569 | in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence. At 570 | last the Dodo said, `EVERYBODY has won, and all must have 571 | prizes.' 572 | 573 | `But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices 574 | asked. 575 | 576 | `Why, SHE, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with 577 | one finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her, 578 | calling out in a confused way, `Prizes! Prizes!' 579 | 580 | Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand 581 | in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt 582 | water had not got into it), and handed them round as prizes. 583 | There was exactly one a-piece all round. 584 | 585 | `But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse. 586 | 587 | `Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. `What else have 588 | you got in your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice. 589 | 590 | `Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly. 591 | 592 | `Hand it over here,' said the Dodo. 593 | 594 | Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo 595 | solemnly presented the thimble, saying `We beg your acceptance of 596 | this elegant thimble'; and, when it had finished this short 597 | speech, they all cheered. 598 | 599 | Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked 600 | so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not 601 | think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, 602 | looking as solemn as she could. 603 | 604 | The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise 605 | and confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not 606 | taste theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on 607 | the back. However, it was over at last, and they sat down again 608 | in a ring, and begged the Mouse to tell them something more. 609 | 610 | `You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice, 611 | `and why it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half 612 | afraid that it would be offended again. 613 | 614 | `Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to 615 | Alice, and sighing. 616 | 617 | `It IS a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with 618 | wonder at the Mouse's tail; `but why do you call it sad?' And 619 | she kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking, so 620 | that her idea of the tale was something like this:-- 621 | 622 | `Fury said to a 623 | mouse, That he 624 | met in the 625 | house, 626 | "Let us 627 | both go to 628 | law: I will 629 | prosecute 630 | YOU. --Come, 631 | I'll take no 632 | denial; We 633 | must have a 634 | trial: For 635 | really this 636 | morning I've 637 | nothing 638 | to do." 639 | Said the 640 | mouse to the 641 | cur, "Such 642 | a trial, 643 | dear Sir, 644 | With 645 | no jury 646 | or judge, 647 | would be 648 | wasting 649 | our 650 | breath." 651 | "I'll be 652 | judge, I'll 653 | be jury," 654 | Said 655 | cunning 656 | old Fury: 657 | "I'll 658 | try the 659 | whole 660 | cause, 661 | and 662 | condemn 663 | you 664 | to 665 | death."' 666 | 667 | 668 | `You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely. 669 | `What are you thinking of?' 670 | 671 | `I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: `you had got to 672 | the fifth bend, I think?' 673 | 674 | `I had NOT!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily. 675 | 676 | `A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and 677 | looking anxiously about her. `Oh, do let me help to undo it!' 678 | 679 | `I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up 680 | and walking away. `You insult me by talking such nonsense!' 681 | 682 | `I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. `But you're so easily 683 | offended, you know!' 684 | 685 | The Mouse only growled in reply. 686 | 687 | `Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after 688 | it; and the others all joined in chorus, `Yes, please do!' but 689 | the Mouse only shook its head impatiently, and walked a little 690 | quicker. 691 | 692 | `What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it 693 | was quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of 694 | saying to her daughter `Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you 695 | never to lose YOUR temper!' `Hold your tongue, Ma!' said the 696 | young Crab, a little snappishly. `You're enough to try the 697 | patience of an oyster!' 698 | 699 | `I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud, 700 | addressing nobody in particular. `She'd soon fetch it back!' 701 | 702 | `And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?' 703 | said the Lory. 704 | 705 | Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about 706 | her pet: `Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for 707 | catching mice you can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her 708 | after the birds! Why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look 709 | at it!' 710 | 711 | This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. 712 | Some of the birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began 713 | wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, `I really must be 714 | getting home; the night-air doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary 715 | called out in a trembling voice to its children, `Come away, my 716 | dears! It's high time you were all in bed!' On various pretexts 717 | they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone. 718 | 719 | `I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a 720 | melancholy tone. `Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm 721 | sure she's the best cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I 722 | wonder if I shall ever see you any more!' And here poor Alice 723 | began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited. 724 | In a little while, however, she again heard a little pattering of 725 | footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping 726 | that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to 727 | finish his story. 728 | 729 | 730 | 731 | CHAPTER IV 732 | 733 | The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill 734 | 735 | 736 | It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and 737 | looking anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something; 738 | and she heard it muttering to itself `The Duchess! The Duchess! 739 | Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and whiskers! She'll get me 740 | executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where CAN I have 741 | dropped them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a moment that it was 742 | looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and she 743 | very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were 744 | nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her 745 | swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and 746 | the little door, had vanished completely. 747 | 748 | Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, 749 | and called out to her in an angry tone, `Why, Mary Ann, what ARE 750 | you doing out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of 751 | gloves and a fan! Quick, now!' And Alice was so much frightened 752 | that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed to, without 753 | trying to explain the mistake it had made. 754 | 755 | `He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran. 756 | `How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd 757 | better take him his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.' 758 | As she said this, she came upon a neat little house, on the door 759 | of which was a bright brass plate with the name `W. RABBIT' 760 | engraved upon it. She went in without knocking, and hurried 761 | upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann, 762 | and be turned out of the house before she had found the fan and 763 | gloves. 764 | 765 | `How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, `to be going 766 | messages for a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on 767 | messages next!' And she began fancying the sort of thing that 768 | would happen: `"Miss Alice! Come here directly, and get ready 769 | for your walk!" "Coming in a minute, nurse! But I've got to see 770 | that the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't think,' Alice went 771 | on, `that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it began ordering 772 | people about like that!' 773 | 774 | By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with 775 | a table in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two 776 | or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and 777 | a pair of the gloves, and was just going to leave the room, when 778 | her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the looking- 779 | glass. There was no label this time with the words `DRINK ME,' 780 | but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips. `I know 781 | SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen,' she said to herself, 782 | `whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what this 783 | bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for 784 | really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!' 785 | 786 | It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: 787 | before she had drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing 788 | against the ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from being 789 | broken. She hastily put down the bottle, saying to herself 790 | `That's quite enough--I hope I shan't grow any more--As it is, I 791 | can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so 792 | much!' 793 | 794 | Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and 795 | growing, and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in 796 | another minute there was not even room for this, and she tried 797 | the effect of lying down with one elbow against the door, and the 798 | other arm curled round her head. Still she went on growing, and, 799 | as a last resource, she put one arm out of the window, and one 800 | foot up the chimney, and said to herself `Now I can do no more, 801 | whatever happens. What WILL become of me?' 802 | 803 | Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full 804 | effect, and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, 805 | and, as there seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting 806 | out of the room again, no wonder she felt unhappy. 807 | 808 | `It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, `when one 809 | wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about 810 | by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that 811 | rabbit-hole--and yet--and yet--it's rather curious, you know, 812 | this sort of life! I do wonder what CAN have happened to me! 813 | When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing 814 | never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one! There 815 | ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when 816 | I grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a 817 | sorrowful tone; `at least there's no room to grow up any more 818 | HERE.' 819 | 820 | `But then,' thought Alice, `shall I NEVER get any older than I 821 | am now? That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman-- 822 | but then--always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like THAT!' 823 | 824 | `Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. `How can you 825 | learn lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for YOU, and no 826 | room at all for any lesson-books!' 827 | 828 | And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, 829 | and making quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few 830 | minutes she heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen. 831 | 832 | `Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. `Fetch me my gloves 833 | this moment!' Then came a little pattering of feet on the 834 | stairs. Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look for her, and 835 | she trembled till she shook the house, quite forgetting that she 836 | was now about a thousand times as large as the Rabbit, and had no 837 | reason to be afraid of it. 838 | 839 | Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it; 840 | but, as the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed 841 | hard against it, that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it 842 | say to itself `Then I'll go round and get in at the window.' 843 | 844 | `THAT you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till she 845 | fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly 846 | spread out her hand, and made a snatch in the air. She did not 847 | get hold of anything, but she heard a little shriek and a fall, 848 | and a crash of broken glass, from which she concluded that it was 849 | just possible it had fallen into a cucumber-frame, or something 850 | of the sort. 851 | 852 | Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--`Pat! Pat! Where are 853 | you?' And then a voice she had never heard before, `Sure then 854 | I'm here! Digging for apples, yer honour!' 855 | 856 | `Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. `Here! 857 | Come and help me out of THIS!' (Sounds of more broken glass.) 858 | 859 | `Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?' 860 | 861 | `Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it `arrum.') 862 | 863 | `An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it 864 | fills the whole window!' 865 | 866 | `Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.' 867 | 868 | `Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it 869 | away!' 870 | 871 | There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear 872 | whispers now and then; such as, `Sure, I don't like it, yer 873 | honour, at all, at all!' `Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at 874 | last she spread out her hand again, and made another snatch in 875 | the air. This time there were TWO little shrieks, and more 876 | sounds of broken glass. `What a number of cucumber-frames there 877 | must be!' thought Alice. `I wonder what they'll do next! As for 878 | pulling me out of the window, I only wish they COULD! I'm sure I 879 | don't want to stay in here any longer!' 880 | 881 | She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at 882 | last came a rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a 883 | good many voices all talking together: she made out the words: 884 | `Where's the other ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one; 885 | Bill's got the other--Bill! fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up 886 | at this corner--No, tie 'em together first--they don't reach half 887 | high enough yet--Oh! they'll do well enough; don't be particular-- 888 | Here, Bill! catch hold of this rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind 889 | that loose slate--Oh, it's coming down! Heads below!' (a loud 890 | crash)--`Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I fancy--Who's to go 891 | down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! YOU do it!--That I won't, 892 | then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says you're to 893 | go down the chimney!' 894 | 895 | `Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said 896 | Alice to herself. `Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! 897 | I wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is 898 | narrow, to be sure; but I THINK I can kick a little!' 899 | 900 | She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and 901 | waited till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what 902 | sort it was) scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close 903 | above her: then, saying to herself `This is Bill,' she gave one 904 | sharp kick, and waited to see what would happen next. 905 | 906 | The first thing she heard was a general chorus of `There goes 907 | Bill!' then the Rabbit's voice along--`Catch him, you by the 908 | hedge!' then silence, and then another confusion of voices--`Hold 909 | up his head--Brandy now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow? 910 | What happened to you? Tell us all about it!' 911 | 912 | Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, (`That's Bill,' 913 | thought Alice,) `Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm 914 | better now--but I'm a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know 915 | is, something comes at me like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes 916 | like a sky-rocket!' 917 | 918 | `So you did, old fellow!' said the others. 919 | 920 | `We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and 921 | Alice called out as loud as she could, `If you do. I'll set 922 | Dinah at you!' 923 | 924 | There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to 925 | herself, `I wonder what they WILL do next! If they had any 926 | sense, they'd take the roof off.' After a minute or two, they 927 | began moving about again, and Alice heard the Rabbit say, `A 928 | barrowful will do, to begin with.' 929 | 930 | `A barrowful of WHAT?' thought Alice; but she had not long to 931 | doubt, for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came 932 | rattling in at the window, and some of them hit her in the face. 933 | `I'll put a stop to this,' she said to herself, and shouted out, 934 | `You'd better not do that again!' which produced another dead 935 | silence. 936 | 937 | Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all 938 | turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright 939 | idea came into her head. `If I eat one of these cakes,' she 940 | thought, `it's sure to make SOME change in my size; and as it 941 | can't possibly make me larger, it must make me smaller, I 942 | suppose.' 943 | 944 | So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find 945 | that she began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small 946 | enough to get through the door, she ran out of the house, and 947 | found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside. 948 | The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, being held up by 949 | two guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out of a bottle. 950 | They all made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared; but she 951 | ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself safe in a 952 | thick wood. 953 | 954 | `The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as she 955 | wandered about in the wood, `is to grow to my right size again; 956 | and the second thing is to find my way into that lovely garden. 957 | I think that will be the best plan.' 958 | 959 | It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and 960 | simply arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the 961 | smallest idea how to set about it; and while she was peering 962 | about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp bark just over 963 | her head made her look up in a great hurry. 964 | 965 | An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round 966 | eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her. 967 | `Poor little thing!' said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried 968 | hard to whistle to it; but she was terribly frightened all the 969 | time at the thought that it might be hungry, in which case it 970 | would be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her coaxing. 971 | 972 | Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of 973 | stick, and held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped 974 | into the air off all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, 975 | and rushed at the stick, and made believe to worry it; then Alice 976 | dodged behind a great thistle, to keep herself from being run 977 | over; and the moment she appeared on the other side, the puppy 978 | made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in 979 | its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was very 980 | like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every 981 | moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle 982 | again; then the puppy began a series of short charges at the 983 | stick, running a very little way forwards each time and a long 984 | way back, and barking hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat 985 | down a good way off, panting, with its tongue hanging out of its 986 | mouth, and its great eyes half shut. 987 | 988 | This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; 989 | so she set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out 990 | of breath, and till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the 991 | distance. 992 | 993 | `And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she 994 | leant against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself 995 | with one of the leaves: `I should have liked teaching it tricks 996 | very much, if--if I'd only been the right size to do it! Oh 997 | dear! I'd nearly forgotten that I've got to grow up again! Let 998 | me see--how IS it to be managed? I suppose I ought to eat or 999 | drink something or other; but the great question is, what?' 1000 | 1001 | The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round 1002 | her at the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see 1003 | anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink under 1004 | the circumstances. There was a large mushroom growing near her, 1005 | about the same height as herself; and when she had looked under 1006 | it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it occurred to her 1007 | that she might as well look and see what was on the top of it. 1008 | 1009 | She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of 1010 | the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large 1011 | caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, 1012 | quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice 1013 | of her or of anything else. 1014 | 1015 | 1016 | 1017 | CHAPTER V 1018 | 1019 | Advice from a Caterpillar 1020 | 1021 | 1022 | The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in 1023 | silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its 1024 | mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice. 1025 | 1026 | `Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar. 1027 | 1028 | This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice 1029 | replied, rather shyly, `I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- 1030 | at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think 1031 | I must have been changed several times since then.' 1032 | 1033 | `What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. 1034 | `Explain yourself!' 1035 | 1036 | `I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, `because 1037 | I'm not myself, you see.' 1038 | 1039 | `I don't see,' said the Caterpillar. 1040 | 1041 | `I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very 1042 | politely, `for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and 1043 | being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.' 1044 | 1045 | `It isn't,' said the Caterpillar. 1046 | 1047 | `Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; `but 1048 | when you have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you 1049 | know--and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll 1050 | feel it a little queer, won't you?' 1051 | 1052 | `Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar. 1053 | 1054 | `Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice; 1055 | `all I know is, it would feel very queer to ME.' 1056 | 1057 | `You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. `Who are YOU?' 1058 | 1059 | Which brought them back again to the beginning of the 1060 | conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's 1061 | making such VERY short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, 1062 | very gravely, `I think, you ought to tell me who YOU are, first.' 1063 | 1064 | `Why?' said the Caterpillar. 1065 | 1066 | Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not 1067 | think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in 1068 | a VERY unpleasant state of mind, she turned away. 1069 | 1070 | `Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her. `I've something 1071 | important to say!' 1072 | 1073 | This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back 1074 | again. 1075 | 1076 | `Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar. 1077 | 1078 | `Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as 1079 | she could. 1080 | 1081 | `No,' said the Caterpillar. 1082 | 1083 | Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else 1084 | to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth 1085 | hearing. For some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but 1086 | at last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth 1087 | again, and said, `So you think you're changed, do you?' 1088 | 1089 | `I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice; `I can't remember things as 1090 | I used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!' 1091 | 1092 | `Can't remember WHAT things?' said the Caterpillar. 1093 | 1094 | `Well, I've tried to say "HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE," but it 1095 | all came different!' Alice replied in a very melancholy voice. 1096 | 1097 | `Repeat, "YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,"' said the Caterpillar. 1098 | 1099 | Alice folded her hands, and began:-- 1100 | 1101 | `You are old, Father William,' the young man said, 1102 | `And your hair has become very white; 1103 | And yet you incessantly stand on your head-- 1104 | Do you think, at your age, it is right?' 1105 | 1106 | `In my youth,' Father William replied to his son, 1107 | `I feared it might injure the brain; 1108 | But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, 1109 | Why, I do it again and again.' 1110 | 1111 | `You are old,' said the youth, `as I mentioned before, 1112 | And have grown most uncommonly fat; 1113 | Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door-- 1114 | Pray, what is the reason of that?' 1115 | 1116 | `In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, 1117 | `I kept all my limbs very supple 1118 | By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box-- 1119 | Allow me to sell you a couple?' 1120 | 1121 | `You are old,' said the youth, `and your jaws are too weak 1122 | For anything tougher than suet; 1123 | Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak-- 1124 | Pray how did you manage to do it?' 1125 | 1126 | `In my youth,' said his father, `I took to the law, 1127 | And argued each case with my wife; 1128 | And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw, 1129 | Has lasted the rest of my life.' 1130 | 1131 | `You are old,' said the youth, `one would hardly suppose 1132 | That your eye was as steady as ever; 1133 | Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose-- 1134 | What made you so awfully clever?' 1135 | 1136 | `I have answered three questions, and that is enough,' 1137 | Said his father; `don't give yourself airs! 1138 | Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? 1139 | Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!' 1140 | 1141 | 1142 | `That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar. 1143 | 1144 | `Not QUITE right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; `some of the 1145 | words have got altered.' 1146 | 1147 | `It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar 1148 | decidedly, and there was silence for some minutes. 1149 | 1150 | The Caterpillar was the first to speak. 1151 | 1152 | `What size do you want to be?' it asked. 1153 | 1154 | `Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied; 1155 | `only one doesn't like changing so often, you know.' 1156 | 1157 | `I DON'T know,' said the Caterpillar. 1158 | 1159 | Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in 1160 | her life before, and she felt that she was losing her temper. 1161 | 1162 | `Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar. 1163 | 1164 | `Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you 1165 | wouldn't mind,' said Alice: `three inches is such a wretched 1166 | height to be.' 1167 | 1168 | `It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar 1169 | angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three 1170 | inches high). 1171 | 1172 | `But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. 1173 | And she thought of herself, `I wish the creatures wouldn't be so 1174 | easily offended!' 1175 | 1176 | `You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it 1177 | put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again. 1178 | 1179 | This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. 1180 | In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its 1181 | mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got 1182 | down off the mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely 1183 | remarking as it went, `One side will make you grow taller, and 1184 | the other side will make you grow shorter.' 1185 | 1186 | `One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?' thought Alice to 1187 | herself. 1188 | 1189 | `Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had 1190 | asked it aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight. 1191 | 1192 | Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a 1193 | minute, trying to make out which were the two sides of it; and as 1194 | it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult question. 1195 | However, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they 1196 | would go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand. 1197 | 1198 | `And now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a 1199 | little of the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment 1200 | she felt a violent blow underneath her chin: it had struck her 1201 | foot! 1202 | 1203 | She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but 1204 | she felt that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking 1205 | rapidly; so she set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. 1206 | Her chin was pressed so closely against her foot, that there was 1207 | hardly room to open her mouth; but she did it at last, and 1208 | managed to swallow a morsel of the lefthand bit. 1209 | 1210 | 1211 | * * * * * * * 1212 | 1213 | * * * * * * 1214 | 1215 | * * * * * * * 1216 | 1217 | `Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of 1218 | delight, which changed into alarm in another moment, when she 1219 | found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found: all she could 1220 | see, when she looked down, was an immense length of neck, which 1221 | seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay 1222 | far below her. 1223 | 1224 | `What CAN all that green stuff be?' said Alice. `And where 1225 | HAVE my shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I 1226 | can't see you?' She was moving them about as she spoke, but no 1227 | result seemed to follow, except a little shaking among the 1228 | distant green leaves. 1229 | 1230 | As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her 1231 | head, she tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted 1232 | to find that her neck would bend about easily in any direction, 1233 | like a serpent. She had just succeeded in curving it down into a 1234 | graceful zigzag, and was going to dive in among the leaves, which 1235 | she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she 1236 | had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a 1237 | hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was beating 1238 | her violently with its wings. 1239 | 1240 | `Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon. 1241 | 1242 | `I'm NOT a serpent!' said Alice indignantly. `Let me alone!' 1243 | 1244 | `Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more 1245 | subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob, `I've tried every 1246 | way, and nothing seems to suit them!' 1247 | 1248 | `I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said 1249 | Alice. 1250 | 1251 | `I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've 1252 | tried hedges,' the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; `but 1253 | those serpents! There's no pleasing them!' 1254 | 1255 | Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no 1256 | use in saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished. 1257 | 1258 | `As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the 1259 | Pigeon; `but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and 1260 | day! Why, I haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!' 1261 | 1262 | `I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was 1263 | beginning to see its meaning. 1264 | 1265 | `And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' continued 1266 | the Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, `and just as I was 1267 | thinking I should be free of them at last, they must needs come 1268 | wriggling down from the sky! Ugh, Serpent!' 1269 | 1270 | `But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice. `I'm a--I'm 1271 | a--' 1272 | 1273 | `Well! WHAT are you?' said the Pigeon. `I can see you're 1274 | trying to invent something!' 1275 | 1276 | `I--I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she 1277 | remembered the number of changes she had gone through that day. 1278 | 1279 | `A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the 1280 | deepest contempt. `I've seen a good many little girls in my 1281 | time, but never ONE with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a 1282 | serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be 1283 | telling me next that you never tasted an egg!' 1284 | 1285 | `I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a very 1286 | truthful child; `but little girls eat eggs quite as much as 1287 | serpents do, you know.' 1288 | 1289 | `I don't believe it,' said the Pigeon; `but if they do, why 1290 | then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.' 1291 | 1292 | This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent 1293 | for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of 1294 | adding, `You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and 1295 | what does it matter to me whether you're a little girl or a 1296 | serpent?' 1297 | 1298 | `It matters a good deal to ME,' said Alice hastily; `but I'm 1299 | not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't 1300 | want YOURS: I don't like them raw.' 1301 | 1302 | `Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it 1303 | settled down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the 1304 | trees as well as she could, for her neck kept getting entangled 1305 | among the branches, and every now and then she had to stop and 1306 | untwist it. After a while she remembered that she still held the 1307 | pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set to work very 1308 | carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and 1309 | growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had 1310 | succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height. 1311 | 1312 | It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, 1313 | that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a 1314 | few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual. `Come, 1315 | there's half my plan done now! How puzzling all these changes 1316 | are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to 1317 | another! However, I've got back to my right size: the next 1318 | thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that to be 1319 | done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an 1320 | open place, with a little house in it about four feet high. 1321 | `Whoever lives there,' thought Alice, `it'll never do to come 1322 | upon them THIS size: why, I should frighten them out of their 1323 | wits!' So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did 1324 | not venture to go near the house till she had brought herself 1325 | down to nine inches high. 1326 | 1327 | 1328 | 1329 | CHAPTER VI 1330 | 1331 | Pig and Pepper 1332 | 1333 | 1334 | For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and 1335 | wondering what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came 1336 | running out of the wood--(she considered him to be a footman 1337 | because he was in livery: otherwise, judging by his face only, 1338 | she would have called him a fish)--and rapped loudly at the door 1339 | with his knuckles. It was opened by another footman in livery, 1340 | with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both footmen, 1341 | Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all over their 1342 | heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about, and 1343 | crept a little way out of the wood to listen. 1344 | 1345 | The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great 1346 | letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to 1347 | the other, saying, in a solemn tone, `For the Duchess. An 1348 | invitation from the Queen to play croquet.' The Frog-Footman 1349 | repeated, in the same solemn tone, only changing the order of the 1350 | words a little, `From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess 1351 | to play croquet.' 1352 | 1353 | Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled 1354 | together. 1355 | 1356 | Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into 1357 | the wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped 1358 | out the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the 1359 | ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky. 1360 | 1361 | Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked. 1362 | 1363 | `There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, `and 1364 | that for two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the 1365 | door as you are; secondly, because they're making such a noise 1366 | inside, no one could possibly hear you.' And certainly there was 1367 | a most extraordinary noise going on within--a constant howling 1368 | and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish 1369 | or kettle had been broken to pieces. 1370 | 1371 | `Please, then,' said Alice, `how am I to get in?' 1372 | 1373 | `There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went 1374 | on without attending to her, `if we had the door between us. For 1375 | instance, if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let 1376 | you out, you know.' He was looking up into the sky all the time 1377 | he was speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. `But 1378 | perhaps he can't help it,' she said to herself; `his eyes are so 1379 | VERY nearly at the top of his head. But at any rate he might 1380 | answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she repeated, aloud. 1381 | 1382 | `I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, `till tomorrow--' 1383 | 1384 | At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate 1385 | came skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just 1386 | grazed his nose, and broke to pieces against one of the trees 1387 | behind him. 1388 | 1389 | `--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same tone, 1390 | exactly as if nothing had happened. 1391 | 1392 | `How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone. 1393 | 1394 | `ARE you to get in at all?' said the Footman. `That's the 1395 | first question, you know.' 1396 | 1397 | It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. 1398 | `It's really dreadful,' she muttered to herself, `the way all the 1399 | creatures argue. It's enough to drive one crazy!' 1400 | 1401 | The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for 1402 | repeating his remark, with variations. `I shall sit here,' he 1403 | said, `on and off, for days and days.' 1404 | 1405 | `But what am I to do?' said Alice. 1406 | 1407 | `Anything you like,' said the Footman, and began whistling. 1408 | 1409 | `Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice desperately: 1410 | `he's perfectly idiotic!' And she opened the door and went in. 1411 | 1412 | The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of 1413 | smoke from one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a 1414 | three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was 1415 | leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to 1416 | be full of soup. 1417 | 1418 | `There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to 1419 | herself, as well as she could for sneezing. 1420 | 1421 | There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the 1422 | Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was 1423 | sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause. The 1424 | only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook, 1425 | and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from 1426 | ear to ear. 1427 | 1428 | `Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for 1429 | she was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to 1430 | speak first, `why your cat grins like that?' 1431 | 1432 | `It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, `and that's why. Pig!' 1433 | 1434 | She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice 1435 | quite jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed 1436 | to the baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and went on 1437 | again:-- 1438 | 1439 | `I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I 1440 | didn't know that cats COULD grin.' 1441 | 1442 | `They all can,' said the Duchess; `and most of 'em do.' 1443 | 1444 | `I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely, 1445 | feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation. 1446 | 1447 | `You don't know much,' said the Duchess; `and that's a fact.' 1448 | 1449 | Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought 1450 | it would be as well to introduce some other subject of 1451 | conversation. While she was trying to fix on one, the cook took 1452 | the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work 1453 | throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby 1454 | --the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans, 1455 | plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them even when 1456 | they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it 1457 | was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not. 1458 | 1459 | `Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, jumping up 1460 | and down in an agony of terror. `Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS 1461 | nose'; as an unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very 1462 | nearly carried it off. 1463 | 1464 | `If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a 1465 | hoarse growl, `the world would go round a deal faster than it 1466 | does.' 1467 | 1468 | `Which would NOT be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt very 1469 | glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her 1470 | knowledge. `Just think of what work it would make with the day 1471 | and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn 1472 | round on its axis--' 1473 | 1474 | `Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, `chop off her head!' 1475 | 1476 | Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant 1477 | to take the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and 1478 | seemed not to be listening, so she went on again: `Twenty-four 1479 | hours, I THINK; or is it twelve? I--' 1480 | 1481 | `Oh, don't bother ME,' said the Duchess; `I never could abide 1482 | figures!' And with that she began nursing her child again, 1483 | singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a 1484 | violent shake at the end of every line: 1485 | 1486 | `Speak roughly to your little boy, 1487 | And beat him when he sneezes: 1488 | He only does it to annoy, 1489 | Because he knows it teases.' 1490 | 1491 | CHORUS. 1492 | 1493 | (In which the cook and the baby joined):-- 1494 | 1495 | `Wow! wow! wow!' 1496 | 1497 | While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept 1498 | tossing the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing 1499 | howled so, that Alice could hardly hear the words:-- 1500 | 1501 | `I speak severely to my boy, 1502 | I beat him when he sneezes; 1503 | For he can thoroughly enjoy 1504 | The pepper when he pleases!' 1505 | 1506 | CHORUS. 1507 | 1508 | `Wow! wow! wow!' 1509 | 1510 | `Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said 1511 | to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. `I must go and 1512 | get ready to play croquet with the Queen,' and she hurried out of 1513 | the room. The cook threw a frying-pan after her as she went out, 1514 | but it just missed her. 1515 | 1516 | Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer- 1517 | shaped little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all 1518 | directions, `just like a star-fish,' thought Alice. The poor 1519 | little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when she caught it, 1520 | and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again, 1521 | so that altogether, for the first minute or two, it was as much 1522 | as she could do to hold it. 1523 | 1524 | As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, 1525 | (which was to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep 1526 | tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its 1527 | undoing itself,) she carried it out into the open air. `IF I 1528 | don't take this child away with me,' thought Alice, `they're sure 1529 | to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be murder to leave it 1530 | behind?' She said the last words out loud, and the little thing 1531 | grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). `Don't 1532 | grunt,' said Alice; `that's not at all a proper way of expressing 1533 | yourself.' 1534 | 1535 | The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into 1536 | its face to see what was the matter with it. There could be no 1537 | doubt that it had a VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout 1538 | than a real nose; also its eyes were getting extremely small for 1539 | a baby: altogether Alice did not like the look of the thing at 1540 | all. `But perhaps it was only sobbing,' she thought, and looked 1541 | into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears. 1542 | 1543 | No, there were no tears. `If you're going to turn into a pig, 1544 | my dear,' said Alice, seriously, `I'll have nothing more to do 1545 | with you. Mind now!' The poor little thing sobbed again (or 1546 | grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they went on for 1547 | some while in silence. 1548 | 1549 | Alice was just beginning to think to herself, `Now, what am I 1550 | to do with this creature when I get it home?' when it grunted 1551 | again, so violently, that she looked down into its face in some 1552 | alarm. This time there could be NO mistake about it: it was 1553 | neither more nor less than a pig, and she felt that it would be 1554 | quite absurd for her to carry it further. 1555 | 1556 | So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to 1557 | see it trot away quietly into the wood. `If it had grown up,' 1558 | she said to herself, `it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: 1559 | but it makes rather a handsome pig, I think.' And she began 1560 | thinking over other children she knew, who might do very well as 1561 | pigs, and was just saying to herself, `if one only knew the right 1562 | way to change them--' when she was a little startled by seeing 1563 | the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off. 1564 | 1565 | The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good- 1566 | natured, she thought: still it had VERY long claws and a great 1567 | many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect. 1568 | 1569 | `Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at 1570 | all know whether it would like the name: however, it only 1571 | grinned a little wider. `Come, it's pleased so far,' thought 1572 | Alice, and she went on. `Would you tell me, please, which way I 1573 | ought to go from here?' 1574 | 1575 | `That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said 1576 | the Cat. 1577 | 1578 | `I don't much care where--' said Alice. 1579 | 1580 | `Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat. 1581 | 1582 | `--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation. 1583 | 1584 | `Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk 1585 | long enough.' 1586 | 1587 | Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another 1588 | question. `What sort of people live about here?' 1589 | 1590 | `In THAT direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round, 1591 | `lives a Hatter: and in THAT direction,' waving the other paw, 1592 | `lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.' 1593 | 1594 | `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked. 1595 | 1596 | `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. 1597 | I'm mad. You're mad.' 1598 | 1599 | `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice. 1600 | 1601 | `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.' 1602 | 1603 | Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on 1604 | `And how do you know that you're mad?' 1605 | 1606 | `To begin with,' said the Cat, `a dog's not mad. You grant 1607 | that?' 1608 | 1609 | `I suppose so,' said Alice. 1610 | 1611 | `Well, then,' the Cat went on, `you see, a dog growls when it's 1612 | angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm 1613 | pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.' 1614 | 1615 | `I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice. 1616 | 1617 | `Call it what you like,' said the Cat. `Do you play croquet 1618 | with the Queen to-day?' 1619 | 1620 | `I should like it very much,' said Alice, `but I haven't been 1621 | invited yet.' 1622 | 1623 | `You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished. 1624 | 1625 | Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used 1626 | to queer things happening. While she was looking at the place 1627 | where it had been, it suddenly appeared again. 1628 | 1629 | `By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat. `I'd 1630 | nearly forgotten to ask.' 1631 | 1632 | `It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had 1633 | come back in a natural way. 1634 | 1635 | `I thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again. 1636 | 1637 | Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it 1638 | did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the 1639 | direction in which the March Hare was said to live. `I've seen 1640 | hatters before,' she said to herself; `the March Hare will be 1641 | much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won't be 1642 | raving mad--at least not so mad as it was in March.' As she said 1643 | this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again, sitting on a 1644 | branch of a tree. 1645 | 1646 | `Did you say pig, or fig?' said the Cat. 1647 | 1648 | `I said pig,' replied Alice; `and I wish you wouldn't keep 1649 | appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.' 1650 | 1651 | `All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, 1652 | beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, 1653 | which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. 1654 | 1655 | `Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice; 1656 | `but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever 1657 | saw in my life!' 1658 | 1659 | She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the 1660 | house of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, 1661 | because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was 1662 | thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that she did not 1663 | like to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand 1664 | bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high: even 1665 | then she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself 1666 | `Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd 1667 | gone to see the Hatter instead!' 1668 | 1669 | 1670 | 1671 | CHAPTER VII 1672 | 1673 | A Mad Tea-Party 1674 | 1675 | 1676 | There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, 1677 | and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a 1678 | Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two 1679 | were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking 1680 | over its head. `Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,' thought Alice; 1681 | `only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.' 1682 | 1683 | The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded 1684 | together at one corner of it: `No room! No room!' they cried 1685 | out when they saw Alice coming. `There's PLENTY of room!' said 1686 | Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one 1687 | end of the table. 1688 | 1689 | `Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone. 1690 | 1691 | Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it 1692 | but tea. `I don't see any wine,' she remarked. 1693 | 1694 | `There isn't any,' said the March Hare. 1695 | 1696 | `Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice 1697 | angrily. 1698 | 1699 | `It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being 1700 | invited,' said the March Hare. 1701 | 1702 | `I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Alice; `it's laid for a 1703 | great many more than three.' 1704 | 1705 | `Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been 1706 | looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was 1707 | his first speech. 1708 | 1709 | `You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said 1710 | with some severity; `it's very rude.' 1711 | 1712 | The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all 1713 | he SAID was, `Why is a raven like a writing-desk?' 1714 | 1715 | `Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. `I'm glad 1716 | they've begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she 1717 | added aloud. 1718 | 1719 | `Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' 1720 | said the March Hare. 1721 | 1722 | `Exactly so,' said Alice. 1723 | 1724 | `Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on. 1725 | 1726 | `I do,' Alice hastily replied; `at least--at least I mean what 1727 | I say--that's the same thing, you know.' 1728 | 1729 | `Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. `You might just 1730 | as well say that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat 1731 | what I see"!' 1732 | 1733 | `You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, `that "I 1734 | like what I get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!' 1735 | 1736 | `You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to 1737 | be talking in his sleep, `that "I breathe when I sleep" is the 1738 | same thing as "I sleep when I breathe"!' 1739 | 1740 | `It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the 1741 | conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, 1742 | while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and 1743 | writing-desks, which wasn't much. 1744 | 1745 | The Hatter was the first to break the silence. `What day of 1746 | the month is it?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his 1747 | watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking 1748 | it every now and then, and holding it to his ear. 1749 | 1750 | Alice considered a little, and then said `The fourth.' 1751 | 1752 | `Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter. `I told you butter 1753 | wouldn't suit the works!' he added looking angrily at the March 1754 | Hare. 1755 | 1756 | `It was the BEST butter,' the March Hare meekly replied. 1757 | 1758 | `Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter 1759 | grumbled: `you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.' 1760 | 1761 | The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then 1762 | he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he 1763 | could think of nothing better to say than his first remark, `It 1764 | was the BEST butter, you know.' 1765 | 1766 | Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. 1767 | `What a funny watch!' she remarked. `It tells the day of the 1768 | month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!' 1769 | 1770 | `Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. `Does YOUR watch tell 1771 | you what year it is?' 1772 | 1773 | `Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: `but that's 1774 | because it stays the same year for such a long time together.' 1775 | 1776 | `Which is just the case with MINE,' said the Hatter. 1777 | 1778 | Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to 1779 | have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. 1780 | `I don't quite understand you,' she said, as politely as she 1781 | could. 1782 | 1783 | `The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured 1784 | a little hot tea upon its nose. 1785 | 1786 | The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without 1787 | opening its eyes, `Of course, of course; just what I was going to 1788 | remark myself.' 1789 | 1790 | `Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to 1791 | Alice again. 1792 | 1793 | `No, I give it up,' Alice replied: `what's the answer?' 1794 | 1795 | `I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter. 1796 | 1797 | `Nor I,' said the March Hare. 1798 | 1799 | Alice sighed wearily. `I think you might do something better 1800 | with the time,' she said, `than waste it in asking riddles that 1801 | have no answers.' 1802 | 1803 | `If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, `you 1804 | wouldn't talk about wasting IT. It's HIM.' 1805 | 1806 | `I don't know what you mean,' said Alice. 1807 | 1808 | `Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head 1809 | contemptuously. `I dare say you never even spoke to Time!' 1810 | 1811 | `Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: `but I know I have to 1812 | beat time when I learn music.' 1813 | 1814 | `Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. `He won't stand 1815 | beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do 1816 | almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose 1817 | it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: 1818 | you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the 1819 | clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!' 1820 | 1821 | (`I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a 1822 | whisper.) 1823 | 1824 | `That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully: 1825 | `but then--I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.' 1826 | 1827 | `Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: `but you could keep 1828 | it to half-past one as long as you liked.' 1829 | 1830 | `Is that the way YOU manage?' Alice asked. 1831 | 1832 | The Hatter shook his head mournfully. `Not I!' he replied. 1833 | `We quarrelled last March--just before HE went mad, you know--' 1834 | (pointing with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) `--it was at the 1835 | great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing 1836 | 1837 | "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! 1838 | How I wonder what you're at!" 1839 | 1840 | You know the song, perhaps?' 1841 | 1842 | `I've heard something like it,' said Alice. 1843 | 1844 | `It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, `in this way:-- 1845 | 1846 | "Up above the world you fly, 1847 | Like a tea-tray in the sky. 1848 | Twinkle, twinkle--"' 1849 | 1850 | Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep 1851 | `Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that 1852 | they had to pinch it to make it stop. 1853 | 1854 | `Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter, 1855 | `when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the 1856 | time! Off with his head!"' 1857 | 1858 | `How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice. 1859 | 1860 | `And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, 1861 | `he won't do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.' 1862 | 1863 | A bright idea came into Alice's head. `Is that the reason so 1864 | many tea-things are put out here?' she asked. 1865 | 1866 | `Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: `it's always 1867 | tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.' 1868 | 1869 | `Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice. 1870 | 1871 | `Exactly so,' said the Hatter: `as the things get used up.' 1872 | 1873 | `But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice 1874 | ventured to ask. 1875 | 1876 | `Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted, 1877 | yawning. `I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady 1878 | tells us a story.' 1879 | 1880 | `I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at 1881 | the proposal. 1882 | 1883 | `Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried. `Wake up, 1884 | Dormouse!' And they pinched it on both sides at once. 1885 | 1886 | The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. `I wasn't asleep,' he 1887 | said in a hoarse, feeble voice: `I heard every word you fellows 1888 | were saying.' 1889 | 1890 | `Tell us a story!' said the March Hare. 1891 | 1892 | `Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice. 1893 | 1894 | `And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, `or you'll be asleep 1895 | again before it's done.' 1896 | 1897 | `Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the 1898 | Dormouse began in a great hurry; `and their names were Elsie, 1899 | Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a well--' 1900 | 1901 | `What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great 1902 | interest in questions of eating and drinking. 1903 | 1904 | `They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a 1905 | minute or two. 1906 | 1907 | `They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently 1908 | remarked; `they'd have been ill.' 1909 | 1910 | `So they were,' said the Dormouse; `VERY ill.' 1911 | 1912 | Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways 1913 | of living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went 1914 | on: `But why did they live at the bottom of a well?' 1915 | 1916 | `Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very 1917 | earnestly. 1918 | 1919 | `I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, `so 1920 | I can't take more.' 1921 | 1922 | `You mean you can't take LESS,' said the Hatter: `it's very 1923 | easy to take MORE than nothing.' 1924 | 1925 | `Nobody asked YOUR opinion,' said Alice. 1926 | 1927 | `Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked 1928 | triumphantly. 1929 | 1930 | Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped 1931 | herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the 1932 | Dormouse, and repeated her question. `Why did they live at the 1933 | bottom of a well?' 1934 | 1935 | The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and 1936 | then said, `It was a treacle-well.' 1937 | 1938 | `There's no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but 1939 | the Hatter and the March Hare went `Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse 1940 | sulkily remarked, `If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the 1941 | story for yourself.' 1942 | 1943 | `No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly; `I won't interrupt 1944 | again. I dare say there may be ONE.' 1945 | 1946 | `One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he 1947 | consented to go on. `And so these three little sisters--they 1948 | were learning to draw, you know--' 1949 | 1950 | `What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her promise. 1951 | 1952 | `Treacle,' said the Dormouse, without considering at all this 1953 | time. 1954 | 1955 | `I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: `let's all move 1956 | one place on.' 1957 | 1958 | He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the 1959 | March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather 1960 | unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the 1961 | only one who got any advantage from the change: and Alice was a 1962 | good deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset 1963 | the milk-jug into his plate. 1964 | 1965 | Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began 1966 | very cautiously: `But I don't understand. Where did they draw 1967 | the treacle from?' 1968 | 1969 | `You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; `so 1970 | I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh, 1971 | stupid?' 1972 | 1973 | `But they were IN the well,' Alice said to the Dormouse, not 1974 | choosing to notice this last remark. 1975 | 1976 | `Of course they were', said the Dormouse; `--well in.' 1977 | 1978 | This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse 1979 | go on for some time without interrupting it. 1980 | 1981 | `They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and 1982 | rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; `and they drew 1983 | all manner of things--everything that begins with an M--' 1984 | 1985 | `Why with an M?' said Alice. 1986 | 1987 | `Why not?' said the March Hare. 1988 | 1989 | Alice was silent. 1990 | 1991 | The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going 1992 | off into a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up 1993 | again with a little shriek, and went on: `--that begins with an 1994 | M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness-- 1995 | you know you say things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever 1996 | see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?' 1997 | 1998 | `Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, `I 1999 | don't think--' 2000 | 2001 | `Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter. 2002 | 2003 | This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got 2004 | up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep 2005 | instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her 2006 | going, though she looked back once or twice, half hoping that 2007 | they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were 2008 | trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot. 2009 | 2010 | `At any rate I'll never go THERE again!' said Alice as she 2011 | picked her way through the wood. `It's the stupidest tea-party I 2012 | ever was at in all my life!' 2013 | 2014 | Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a 2015 | door leading right into it. `That's very curious!' she thought. 2016 | `But everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at once.' 2017 | And in she went. 2018 | 2019 | Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the 2020 | little glass table. `Now, I'll manage better this time,' 2021 | she said to herself, and began by taking the little golden key, 2022 | and unlocking the door that led into the garden. Then she went 2023 | to work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it 2024 | in her pocket) till she was about a foot high: then she walked down 2025 | the little passage: and THEN--she found herself at last in the 2026 | beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains. 2027 | 2028 | 2029 | 2030 | CHAPTER VIII 2031 | 2032 | The Queen's Croquet-Ground 2033 | 2034 | 2035 | A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the 2036 | roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at 2037 | it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious 2038 | thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up 2039 | to them she heard one of them say, `Look out now, Five! Don't go 2040 | splashing paint over me like that!' 2041 | 2042 | `I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; `Seven jogged 2043 | my elbow.' 2044 | 2045 | On which Seven looked up and said, `That's right, Five! Always 2046 | lay the blame on others!' 2047 | 2048 | `YOU'D better not talk!' said Five. `I heard the Queen say only 2049 | yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!' 2050 | 2051 | `What for?' said the one who had spoken first. 2052 | 2053 | `That's none of YOUR business, Two!' said Seven. 2054 | 2055 | `Yes, it IS his business!' said Five, `and I'll tell him--it 2056 | was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.' 2057 | 2058 | Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun `Well, of all 2059 | the unjust things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as 2060 | she stood watching them, and he checked himself suddenly: the 2061 | others looked round also, and all of them bowed low. 2062 | 2063 | `Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, `why you are 2064 | painting those roses?' 2065 | 2066 | Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a 2067 | low voice, `Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to 2068 | have been a RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; 2069 | and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads 2070 | cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore 2071 | she comes, to--' At this moment Five, who had been anxiously 2072 | looking across the garden, called out `The Queen! The Queen!' 2073 | and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon 2074 | their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice 2075 | looked round, eager to see the Queen. 2076 | 2077 | First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped 2078 | like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and 2079 | feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these were 2080 | ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the 2081 | soldiers did. After these came the royal children; there were 2082 | ten of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand 2083 | in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented with hearts. Next 2084 | came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice 2085 | recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous 2086 | manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without 2087 | noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the 2088 | King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this 2089 | grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS. 2090 | 2091 | Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on 2092 | her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember 2093 | ever having heard of such a rule at processions; `and besides, 2094 | what would be the use of a procession,' thought she, `if people 2095 | had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see it?' 2096 | So she stood still where she was, and waited. 2097 | 2098 | When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped 2099 | and looked at her, and the Queen said severely `Who is this?' 2100 | She said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply. 2101 | 2102 | `Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, 2103 | turning to Alice, she went on, `What's your name, child?' 2104 | 2105 | `My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very 2106 | politely; but she added, to herself, `Why, they're only a pack of 2107 | cards, after all. I needn't be afraid of them!' 2108 | 2109 | `And who are THESE?' said the Queen, pointing to the three 2110 | gardeners who were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as 2111 | they were lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs 2112 | was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether 2113 | they were gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her 2114 | own children. 2115 | 2116 | `How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage. 2117 | `It's no business of MINE.' 2118 | 2119 | The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her 2120 | for a moment like a wild beast, screamed `Off with her head! 2121 | Off--' 2122 | 2123 | `Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the 2124 | Queen was silent. 2125 | 2126 | The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said 2127 | `Consider, my dear: she is only a child!' 2128 | 2129 | The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave 2130 | `Turn them over!' 2131 | 2132 | The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot. 2133 | 2134 | `Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the 2135 | three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the 2136 | King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody else. 2137 | 2138 | `Leave off that!' screamed the Queen. `You make me giddy.' 2139 | And then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, `What HAVE you 2140 | been doing here?' 2141 | 2142 | `May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone, 2143 | going down on one knee as he spoke, `we were trying--' 2144 | 2145 | `I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the 2146 | roses. `Off with their heads!' and the procession moved on, 2147 | three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate 2148 | gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection. 2149 | 2150 | `You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a 2151 | large flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered 2152 | about for a minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly 2153 | marched off after the others. 2154 | 2155 | `Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen. 2156 | 2157 | `Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers 2158 | shouted in reply. 2159 | 2160 | `That's right!' shouted the Queen. `Can you play croquet?' 2161 | 2162 | The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question 2163 | was evidently meant for her. 2164 | 2165 | `Yes!' shouted Alice. 2166 | 2167 | `Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the 2168 | procession, wondering very much what would happen next. 2169 | 2170 | `It's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side. 2171 | She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously 2172 | into her face. 2173 | 2174 | `Very,' said Alice: `--where's the Duchess?' 2175 | 2176 | `Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He 2177 | looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised 2178 | himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and 2179 | whispered `She's under sentence of execution.' 2180 | 2181 | `What for?' said Alice. 2182 | 2183 | `Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked. 2184 | 2185 | `No, I didn't,' said Alice: `I don't think it's at all a pity. 2186 | I said "What for?"' 2187 | 2188 | `She boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a 2189 | little scream of laughter. `Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a 2190 | frightened tone. `The Queen will hear you! You see, she came 2191 | rather late, and the Queen said--' 2192 | 2193 | `Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, 2194 | and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up 2195 | against each other; however, they got settled down in a minute or 2196 | two, and the game began. Alice thought she had never seen such a 2197 | curious croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges and 2198 | furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live 2199 | flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to 2200 | stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches. 2201 | 2202 | The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her 2203 | flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, 2204 | comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down, 2205 | but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened 2206 | out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it 2207 | WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face, with such a 2208 | puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing: 2209 | and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin again, 2210 | it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled 2211 | itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, 2212 | there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she 2213 | wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers 2214 | were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the 2215 | ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very 2216 | difficult game indeed. 2217 | 2218 | The players all played at once without waiting for turns, 2219 | quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in 2220 | a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went 2221 | stamping about, and shouting `Off with his head!' or `Off with 2222 | her head!' about once in a minute. 2223 | 2224 | Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as 2225 | yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might 2226 | happen any minute, `and then,' thought she, `what would become of 2227 | me? They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great 2228 | wonder is, that there's any one left alive!' 2229 | 2230 | She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering 2231 | whether she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a 2232 | curious appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at 2233 | first, but, after watching it a minute or two, she made it out to 2234 | be a grin, and she said to herself `It's the Cheshire Cat: now I 2235 | shall have somebody to talk to.' 2236 | 2237 | `How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was 2238 | mouth enough for it to speak with. 2239 | 2240 | Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. `It's no 2241 | use speaking to it,' she thought, `till its ears have come, or at 2242 | least one of them.' In another minute the whole head appeared, 2243 | and then Alice put down her flamingo, and began an account of the 2244 | game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her. The 2245 | Cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and 2246 | no more of it appeared. 2247 | 2248 | `I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather 2249 | a complaining tone, `and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't 2250 | hear oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any rules in 2251 | particular; at least, if there are, nobody attends to them--and 2252 | you've no idea how confusing it is all the things being alive; 2253 | for instance, there's the arch I've got to go through next 2254 | walking about at the other end of the ground--and I should have 2255 | croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it 2256 | saw mine coming!' 2257 | 2258 | `How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice. 2259 | 2260 | `Not at all,' said Alice: `she's so extremely--' Just then 2261 | she noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so 2262 | she went on, `--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while 2263 | finishing the game.' 2264 | 2265 | The Queen smiled and passed on. 2266 | 2267 | `Who ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice, and 2268 | looking at the Cat's head with great curiosity. 2269 | 2270 | `It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: `allow me 2271 | to introduce it.' 2272 | 2273 | `I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: 2274 | `however, it may kiss my hand if it likes.' 2275 | 2276 | `I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked. 2277 | 2278 | `Don't be impertinent,' said the King, `and don't look at me 2279 | like that!' He got behind Alice as he spoke. 2280 | 2281 | `A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. `I've read that in 2282 | some book, but I don't remember where.' 2283 | 2284 | `Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and 2285 | he called the Queen, who was passing at the moment, `My dear! I 2286 | wish you would have this cat removed!' 2287 | 2288 | The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great 2289 | or small. `Off with his head!' she said, without even looking 2290 | round. 2291 | 2292 | `I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and 2293 | he hurried off. 2294 | 2295 | Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game 2296 | was going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, 2297 | screaming with passion. She had already heard her sentence three 2298 | of the players to be executed for having missed their turns, and 2299 | she did not like the look of things at all, as the game was in 2300 | such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or 2301 | not. So she went in search of her hedgehog. 2302 | 2303 | The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, 2304 | which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one 2305 | of them with the other: the only difficulty was, that her 2306 | flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden, where 2307 | Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up 2308 | into a tree. 2309 | 2310 | By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, 2311 | the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: 2312 | `but it doesn't matter much,' thought Alice, `as all the arches 2313 | are gone from this side of the ground.' So she tucked it away 2314 | under her arm, that it might not escape again, and went back for 2315 | a little more conversation with her friend. 2316 | 2317 | When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to 2318 | find quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute 2319 | going on between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who 2320 | were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent, 2321 | and looked very uncomfortable. 2322 | 2323 | The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to 2324 | settle the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, 2325 | though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed 2326 | to make out exactly what they said. 2327 | 2328 | The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a 2329 | head unless there was a body to cut it off from: that he had 2330 | never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin 2331 | at HIS time of life. 2332 | 2333 | The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be 2334 | beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense. 2335 | 2336 | The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about 2337 | it in less than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. 2338 | (It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so 2339 | grave and anxious.) 2340 | 2341 | Alice could think of nothing else to say but `It belongs to the 2342 | Duchess: you'd better ask HER about it.' 2343 | 2344 | `She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: `fetch 2345 | her here.' And the executioner went off like an arrow. 2346 | 2347 | The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, 2348 | by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely 2349 | disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down 2350 | looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game. 2351 | 2352 | 2353 | 2354 | CHAPTER IX 2355 | 2356 | The Mock Turtle's Story 2357 | 2358 | 2359 | `You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old 2360 | thing!' said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately 2361 | into Alice's, and they walked off together. 2362 | 2363 | Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and 2364 | thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had 2365 | made her so savage when they met in the kitchen. 2366 | 2367 | `When I'M a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very 2368 | hopeful tone though), `I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT 2369 | ALL. Soup does very well without--Maybe it's always pepper that 2370 | makes people hot-tempered,' she went on, very much pleased at 2371 | having found out a new kind of rule, `and vinegar that makes them 2372 | sour--and camomile that makes them bitter--and--and barley-sugar 2373 | and such things that make children sweet-tempered. I only wish 2374 | people knew that: then they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you 2375 | know--' 2376 | 2377 | She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a 2378 | little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. 2379 | `You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you 2380 | forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of that 2381 | is, but I shall remember it in a bit.' 2382 | 2383 | `Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark. 2384 | 2385 | `Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. `Everything's got a 2386 | moral, if only you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up 2387 | closer to Alice's side as she spoke. 2388 | 2389 | Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, 2390 | because the Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was 2391 | exactly the right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, 2392 | and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not 2393 | like to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could. 2394 | 2395 | `The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of 2396 | keeping up the conversation a little. 2397 | 2398 | `'Tis so,' said the Duchess: `and the moral of that is--"Oh, 2399 | 'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!"' 2400 | 2401 | `Somebody said,' Alice whispered, `that it's done by everybody 2402 | minding their own business!' 2403 | 2404 | `Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, 2405 | digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, 2406 | `and the moral of THAT is--"Take care of the sense, and the 2407 | sounds will take care of themselves."' 2408 | 2409 | `How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to 2410 | herself. 2411 | 2412 | `I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your 2413 | waist,' the Duchess said after a pause: `the reason is, that I'm 2414 | doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the 2415 | experiment?' 2416 | 2417 | `HE might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all 2418 | anxious to have the experiment tried. 2419 | 2420 | `Very true,' said the Duchess: `flamingoes and mustard both 2421 | bite. And the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock 2422 | together."' 2423 | 2424 | `Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked. 2425 | 2426 | `Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: `what a clear way you 2427 | have of putting things!' 2428 | 2429 | `It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice. 2430 | 2431 | `Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree 2432 | to everything that Alice said; `there's a large mustard-mine near 2433 | here. And the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the 2434 | less there is of yours."' 2435 | 2436 | `Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this 2437 | last remark, `it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it 2438 | is.' 2439 | 2440 | `I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; `and the moral of 2441 | that is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put 2442 | more simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than 2443 | what it might appear to others that what you were or might have 2444 | been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared 2445 | to them to be otherwise."' 2446 | 2447 | `I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very 2448 | politely, `if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it 2449 | as you say it.' 2450 | 2451 | `That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess 2452 | replied, in a pleased tone. 2453 | 2454 | `Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' 2455 | said Alice. 2456 | 2457 | `Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. `I make you 2458 | a present of everything I've said as yet.' 2459 | 2460 | `A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. `I'm glad they don't 2461 | give birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to 2462 | say it out loud. 2463 | 2464 | `Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her 2465 | sharp little chin. 2466 | 2467 | `I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was 2468 | beginning to feel a little worried. 2469 | 2470 | `Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, `as pigs have to fly; 2471 | and the m--' 2472 | 2473 | But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died 2474 | away, even in the middle of her favourite word `moral,' and the 2475 | arm that was linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, 2476 | and there stood the Queen in front of them, with her arms folded, 2477 | frowning like a thunderstorm. 2478 | 2479 | `A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak 2480 | voice. 2481 | 2482 | `Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on 2483 | the ground as she spoke; `either you or your head must be off, 2484 | and that in about half no time! Take your choice!' 2485 | 2486 | The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment. 2487 | 2488 | `Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice 2489 | was too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her 2490 | back to the croquet-ground. 2491 | 2492 | The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, 2493 | and were resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, 2494 | they hurried back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a 2495 | moment's delay would cost them their lives. 2496 | 2497 | All the time they were playing the Queen never left off 2498 | quarrelling with the other players, and shouting `Off with his 2499 | head!' or `Off with her head!' Those whom she sentenced were 2500 | taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to leave 2501 | off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour 2502 | or so there were no arches left, and all the players, except the 2503 | King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of 2504 | execution. 2505 | 2506 | Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to 2507 | Alice, `Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?' 2508 | 2509 | `No,' said Alice. `I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.' 2510 | 2511 | `It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen. 2512 | 2513 | `I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice. 2514 | 2515 | `Come on, then,' said the Queen, `and he shall tell you his 2516 | history,' 2517 | 2518 | As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low 2519 | voice, to the company generally, `You are all pardoned.' `Come, 2520 | THAT'S a good thing!' she said to herself, for she had felt quite 2521 | unhappy at the number of executions the Queen had ordered. 2522 | 2523 | They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the 2524 | sun. (IF you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) 2525 | `Up, lazy thing!' said the Queen, `and take this young lady to 2526 | see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and 2527 | see after some executions I have ordered'; and she walked off, 2528 | leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like 2529 | the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought it would 2530 | be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage 2531 | Queen: so she waited. 2532 | 2533 | The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the 2534 | Queen till she was out of sight: then it chuckled. `What fun!' 2535 | said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice. 2536 | 2537 | `What IS the fun?' said Alice. 2538 | 2539 | `Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon. `It's all her fancy, that: they 2540 | never executes nobody, you know. Come on!' 2541 | 2542 | `Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went 2543 | slowly after it: `I never was so ordered about in all my life, 2544 | never!' 2545 | 2546 | They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the 2547 | distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, 2548 | as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart 2549 | would break. She pitied him deeply. `What is his sorrow?' she 2550 | asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the 2551 | same words as before, `It's all his fancy, that: he hasn't got 2552 | no sorrow, you know. Come on!' 2553 | 2554 | So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with 2555 | large eyes full of tears, but said nothing. 2556 | 2557 | `This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, `she wants for to 2558 | know your history, she do.' 2559 | 2560 | `I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow 2561 | tone: `sit down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've 2562 | finished.' 2563 | 2564 | So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice 2565 | thought to herself, `I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he 2566 | doesn't begin.' But she waited patiently. 2567 | 2568 | `Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, `I was 2569 | a real Turtle.' 2570 | 2571 | These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only 2572 | by an occasional exclamation of `Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and 2573 | the constant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very 2574 | nearly getting up and saying, `Thank you, sir, for your 2575 | interesting story,' but she could not help thinking there MUST be 2576 | more to come, so she sat still and said nothing. 2577 | 2578 | `When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more 2579 | calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, `we went to 2580 | school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call 2581 | him Tortoise--' 2582 | 2583 | `Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked. 2584 | 2585 | `We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock 2586 | Turtle angrily: `really you are very dull!' 2587 | 2588 | `You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple 2589 | question,' added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and 2590 | looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At 2591 | last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, `Drive on, old fellow! 2592 | Don't be all day about it!' and he went on in these words: 2593 | 2594 | `Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe 2595 | it--' 2596 | 2597 | `I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice. 2598 | 2599 | `You did,' said the Mock Turtle. 2600 | 2601 | `Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak 2602 | again. The Mock Turtle went on. 2603 | 2604 | `We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school 2605 | every day--' 2606 | 2607 | `I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; `you needn't be 2608 | so proud as all that.' 2609 | 2610 | `With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously. 2611 | 2612 | `Yes,' said Alice, `we learned French and music.' 2613 | 2614 | `And washing?' said the Mock Turtle. 2615 | 2616 | `Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly. 2617 | 2618 | `Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock 2619 | Turtle in a tone of great relief. `Now at OURS they had at the 2620 | end of the bill, "French, music, AND WASHING--extra."' 2621 | 2622 | `You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; `living at the 2623 | bottom of the sea.' 2624 | 2625 | `I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a 2626 | sigh. `I only took the regular course.' 2627 | 2628 | `What was that?' inquired Alice. 2629 | 2630 | `Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock 2631 | Turtle replied; `and then the different branches of Arithmetic-- 2632 | Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.' 2633 | 2634 | `I never heard of "Uglification,"' Alice ventured to say. `What is it?' 2635 | 2636 | The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. `What! Never 2637 | heard of uglifying!' it exclaimed. `You know what to beautify is, 2638 | I suppose?' 2639 | 2640 | `Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: `it means--to--make--anything--prettier.' 2641 | 2642 | `Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, `if you don't know what to 2643 | uglify is, you ARE a simpleton.' 2644 | 2645 | Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about 2646 | it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said `What else had you 2647 | to learn?' 2648 | 2649 | `Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting 2650 | off the subjects on his flappers, `--Mystery, ancient and modern, 2651 | with Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old 2652 | conger-eel, that used to come once a week: HE taught us 2653 | Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.' 2654 | 2655 | `What was THAT like?' said Alice. 2656 | 2657 | `Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: `I'm 2658 | too stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.' 2659 | 2660 | `Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon: `I went to the Classics 2661 | master, though. He was an old crab, HE was.' 2662 | 2663 | `I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: `he 2664 | taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.' 2665 | 2666 | `So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; 2667 | and both creatures hid their faces in their paws. 2668 | 2669 | `And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in a 2670 | hurry to change the subject. 2671 | 2672 | `Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: `nine the 2673 | next, and so on.' 2674 | 2675 | `What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice. 2676 | 2677 | `That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon 2678 | remarked: `because they lessen from day to day.' 2679 | 2680 | This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a 2681 | little before she made her next remark. `Then the eleventh day 2682 | must have been a holiday?' 2683 | 2684 | `Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle. 2685 | 2686 | `And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly. 2687 | 2688 | `That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a 2689 | very decided tone: `tell her something about the games now.' 2690 | 2691 | 2692 | 2693 | CHAPTER X 2694 | 2695 | The Lobster Quadrille 2696 | 2697 | 2698 | The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper 2699 | across his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for 2700 | a minute or two sobs choked his voice. `Same as if he had a bone 2701 | in his throat,' said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him 2702 | and punching him in the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered 2703 | his voice, and, with tears running down his cheeks, he went on 2704 | again:-- 2705 | 2706 | `You may not have lived much under the sea--' (`I haven't,' said Alice)-- 2707 | `and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster--' 2708 | (Alice began to say `I once tasted--' but checked herself hastily, 2709 | and said `No, never') `--so you can have no idea what a delightful 2710 | thing a Lobster Quadrille is!' 2711 | 2712 | `No, indeed,' said Alice. `What sort of a dance is it?' 2713 | 2714 | `Why,' said the Gryphon, `you first form into a line along the sea-shore--' 2715 | 2716 | `Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. `Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on; 2717 | then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way--' 2718 | 2719 | `THAT generally takes some time,' interrupted the Gryphon. 2720 | 2721 | `--you advance twice--' 2722 | 2723 | `Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon. 2724 | 2725 | `Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: `advance twice, set to 2726 | partners--' 2727 | 2728 | `--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the 2729 | Gryphon. 2730 | 2731 | `Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, `you throw the--' 2732 | 2733 | `The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air. 2734 | 2735 | `--as far out to sea as you can--' 2736 | 2737 | `Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon. 2738 | 2739 | `Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle, 2740 | capering wildly about. 2741 | 2742 | `Change lobsters again!' yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice. 2743 | 2744 | `Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said the 2745 | Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, 2746 | who had been jumping about like mad things all this time, sat 2747 | down again very sadly and quietly, and looked at Alice. 2748 | 2749 | `It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly. 2750 | 2751 | `Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock Turtle. 2752 | 2753 | `Very much indeed,' said Alice. 2754 | 2755 | `Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to the 2756 | Gryphon. `We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall 2757 | sing?' 2758 | 2759 | `Oh, YOU sing,' said the Gryphon. `I've forgotten the words.' 2760 | 2761 | So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now 2762 | and then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and 2763 | waving their forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle 2764 | sang this, very slowly and sadly:-- 2765 | 2766 | 2767 | `"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail. 2768 | "There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my 2769 | tail. 2770 | See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance! 2771 | They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the 2772 | dance? 2773 | 2774 | Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the 2775 | dance? 2776 | Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the 2777 | dance? 2778 | 2779 | 2780 | "You can really have no notion how delightful it will be 2781 | When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to 2782 | sea!" 2783 | But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look 2784 | askance-- 2785 | Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the 2786 | dance. 2787 | Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join 2788 | the dance. 2789 | Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join 2790 | the dance. 2791 | 2792 | `"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied. 2793 | "There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. 2794 | The further off from England the nearer is to France-- 2795 | Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance. 2796 | 2797 | Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the 2798 | dance? 2799 | Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the 2800 | dance?"' 2801 | 2802 | 2803 | 2804 | `Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said 2805 | Alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last: `and I do so 2806 | like that curious song about the whiting!' 2807 | 2808 | `Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, `they--you've 2809 | seen them, of course?' 2810 | 2811 | `Yes,' said Alice, `I've often seen them at dinn--' she 2812 | checked herself hastily. 2813 | 2814 | `I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, `but 2815 | if you've seen them so often, of course you know what they're 2816 | like.' 2817 | 2818 | `I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully. `They have their 2819 | tails in their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.' 2820 | 2821 | `You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle: 2822 | `crumbs would all wash off in the sea. But they HAVE their tails 2823 | in their mouths; and the reason is--' here the Mock Turtle 2824 | yawned and shut his eyes.--`Tell her about the reason and all 2825 | that,' he said to the Gryphon. 2826 | 2827 | `The reason is,' said the Gryphon, `that they WOULD go with 2828 | the lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So 2829 | they had to fall a long way. So they got their tails fast in 2830 | their mouths. So they couldn't get them out again. That's all.' 2831 | 2832 | `Thank you,' said Alice, `it's very interesting. I never knew 2833 | so much about a whiting before.' 2834 | 2835 | `I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the 2836 | Gryphon. `Do you know why it's called a whiting?' 2837 | 2838 | `I never thought about it,' said Alice. `Why?' 2839 | 2840 | `IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES.' the Gryphon replied very 2841 | solemnly. 2842 | 2843 | Alice was thoroughly puzzled. `Does the boots and shoes!' she 2844 | repeated in a wondering tone. 2845 | 2846 | `Why, what are YOUR shoes done with?' said the Gryphon. `I 2847 | mean, what makes them so shiny?' 2848 | 2849 | Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she 2850 | gave her answer. `They're done with blacking, I believe.' 2851 | 2852 | `Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep 2853 | voice, `are done with a whiting. Now you know.' 2854 | 2855 | `And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great 2856 | curiosity. 2857 | 2858 | `Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather 2859 | impatiently: `any shrimp could have told you that.' 2860 | 2861 | `If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were 2862 | still running on the song, `I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep 2863 | back, please: we don't want YOU with us!"' 2864 | 2865 | `They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle 2866 | said: `no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.' 2867 | 2868 | `Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great surprise. 2869 | 2870 | `Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: `why, if a fish came 2871 | to ME, and told me he was going a journey, I should say "With 2872 | what porpoise?"' 2873 | 2874 | `Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice. 2875 | 2876 | `I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended 2877 | tone. And the Gryphon added `Come, let's hear some of YOUR 2878 | adventures.' 2879 | 2880 | `I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,' 2881 | said Alice a little timidly: `but it's no use going back to 2882 | yesterday, because I was a different person then.' 2883 | 2884 | `Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle. 2885 | 2886 | `No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an 2887 | impatient tone: `explanations take such a dreadful time.' 2888 | 2889 | So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when 2890 | she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about 2891 | it just at first, the two creatures got so close to her, one on 2892 | each side, and opened their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she 2893 | gained courage as she went on. Her listeners were perfectly 2894 | quiet till she got to the part about her repeating `YOU ARE OLD, 2895 | FATHER WILLIAM,' to the Caterpillar, and the words all coming 2896 | different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and said 2897 | `That's very curious.' 2898 | 2899 | `It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the Gryphon. 2900 | 2901 | `It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated 2902 | thoughtfully. `I should like to hear her try and repeat 2903 | something now. Tell her to begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as 2904 | if he thought it had some kind of authority over Alice. 2905 | 2906 | `Stand up and repeat "'TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD,"' said 2907 | the Gryphon. 2908 | 2909 | `How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat 2910 | lessons!' thought Alice; `I might as well be at school at once.' 2911 | However, she got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so 2912 | full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was 2913 | saying, and the words came very queer indeed:-- 2914 | 2915 | `'Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare, 2916 | "You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair." 2917 | As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose 2918 | Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.' 2919 | 2920 | [later editions continued as follows 2921 | When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark, 2922 | And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark, 2923 | But, when the tide rises and sharks are around, 2924 | His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.] 2925 | 2926 | `That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,' 2927 | said the Gryphon. 2928 | 2929 | `Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; `but it 2930 | sounds uncommon nonsense.' 2931 | 2932 | Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her 2933 | hands, wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way 2934 | again. 2935 | 2936 | `I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock Turtle. 2937 | 2938 | `She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. `Go on with 2939 | the next verse.' 2940 | 2941 | `But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. `How COULD 2942 | he turn them out with his nose, you know?' 2943 | 2944 | `It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was 2945 | dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the 2946 | subject. 2947 | 2948 | `Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently: 2949 | `it begins "I passed by his garden."' 2950 | 2951 | Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would 2952 | all come wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:-- 2953 | 2954 | `I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye, 2955 | How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--' 2956 | 2957 | [later editions continued as follows 2958 | The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat, 2959 | While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat. 2960 | When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon, 2961 | Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon: 2962 | While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl, 2963 | And concluded the banquet--] 2964 | 2965 | `What IS the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle 2966 | interrupted, `if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far 2967 | the most confusing thing I ever heard!' 2968 | 2969 | `Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon: and 2970 | Alice was only too glad to do so. 2971 | 2972 | `Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the 2973 | Gryphon went on. `Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you 2974 | a song?' 2975 | 2976 | `Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,' 2977 | Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather 2978 | offended tone, `Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her 2979 | "Turtle Soup," will you, old fellow?' 2980 | 2981 | The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes 2982 | choked with sobs, to sing this:-- 2983 | 2984 | 2985 | `Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, 2986 | Waiting in a hot tureen! 2987 | Who for such dainties would not stoop? 2988 | Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! 2989 | Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! 2990 | Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! 2991 | Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! 2992 | Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, 2993 | Beautiful, beautiful Soup! 2994 | 2995 | `Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish, 2996 | Game, or any other dish? 2997 | Who would not give all else for two 2998 | Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? 2999 | Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? 3000 | Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! 3001 | Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! 3002 | Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, 3003 | Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!' 3004 | 3005 | `Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had 3006 | just begun to repeat it, when a cry of `The trial's beginning!' 3007 | was heard in the distance. 3008 | 3009 | `Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, 3010 | it hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song. 3011 | 3012 | `What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon 3013 | only answered `Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more 3014 | faintly came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the 3015 | melancholy words:-- 3016 | 3017 | `Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, 3018 | Beautiful, beautiful Soup!' 3019 | 3020 | 3021 | 3022 | CHAPTER XI 3023 | 3024 | Who Stole the Tarts? 3025 | 3026 | 3027 | The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when 3028 | they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts 3029 | of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: 3030 | the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on 3031 | each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, 3032 | with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the 3033 | other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large 3034 | dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made Alice 3035 | quite hungry to look at them--`I wish they'd get the trial done,' 3036 | she thought, `and hand round the refreshments!' But there seemed 3037 | to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about 3038 | her, to pass away the time. 3039 | 3040 | Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had 3041 | read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that 3042 | she knew the name of nearly everything there. `That's the 3043 | judge,' she said to herself, `because of his great wig.' 3044 | 3045 | The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown 3046 | over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he 3047 | did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly 3048 | not becoming. 3049 | 3050 | `And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, `and those twelve 3051 | creatures,' (she was obliged to say `creatures,' you see, because 3052 | some of them were animals, and some were birds,) `I suppose they 3053 | are the jurors.' She said this last word two or three times over 3054 | to herself, being rather proud of it: for she thought, and 3055 | rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the 3056 | meaning of it at all. However, `jury-men' would have done just 3057 | as well. 3058 | 3059 | The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. 3060 | `What are they doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. `They 3061 | can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun.' 3062 | 3063 | `They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in 3064 | reply, `for fear they should forget them before the end of the 3065 | trial.' 3066 | 3067 | `Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but 3068 | she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, `Silence in 3069 | the court!' and the King put on his spectacles and looked 3070 | anxiously round, to make out who was talking. 3071 | 3072 | Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their 3073 | shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down `stupid things!' 3074 | on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them 3075 | didn't know how to spell `stupid,' and that he had to ask his 3076 | neighbour to tell him. `A nice muddle their slates'll be in 3077 | before the trial's over!' thought Alice. 3078 | 3079 | One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, 3080 | Alice could not stand, and she went round the court and got 3081 | behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it 3082 | away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was 3083 | Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of 3084 | it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write 3085 | with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very 3086 | little use, as it left no mark on the slate. 3087 | 3088 | `Herald, read the accusation!' said the King. 3089 | 3090 | On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and 3091 | then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:-- 3092 | 3093 | `The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, 3094 | All on a summer day: 3095 | The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, 3096 | And took them quite away!' 3097 | 3098 | `Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury. 3099 | 3100 | `Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. `There's 3101 | a great deal to come before that!' 3102 | 3103 | `Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit 3104 | blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, `First 3105 | witness!' 3106 | 3107 | The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in 3108 | one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. `I beg 3109 | pardon, your Majesty,' he began, `for bringing these in: but I 3110 | hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.' 3111 | 3112 | `You ought to have finished,' said the King. `When did you 3113 | begin?' 3114 | 3115 | The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into 3116 | the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. `Fourteenth of March, I 3117 | think it was,' he said. 3118 | 3119 | `Fifteenth,' said the March Hare. 3120 | 3121 | `Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse. 3122 | 3123 | `Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury 3124 | eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then 3125 | added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence. 3126 | 3127 | `Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter. 3128 | 3129 | `It isn't mine,' said the Hatter. 3130 | 3131 | `Stolen!' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who 3132 | instantly made a memorandum of the fact. 3133 | 3134 | `I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation; 3135 | `I've none of my own. I'm a hatter.' 3136 | 3137 | Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the 3138 | Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted. 3139 | 3140 | `Give your evidence,' said the King; `and don't be nervous, or 3141 | I'll have you executed on the spot.' 3142 | 3143 | This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept 3144 | shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the 3145 | Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his 3146 | teacup instead of the bread-and-butter. 3147 | 3148 | Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which 3149 | puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was 3150 | beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she 3151 | would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she 3152 | decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for 3153 | her. 3154 | 3155 | `I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was 3156 | sitting next to her. `I can hardly breathe.' 3157 | 3158 | `I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly: `I'm growing.' 3159 | 3160 | `You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse. 3161 | 3162 | `Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: `you know 3163 | you're growing too.' 3164 | 3165 | `Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said the Dormouse: 3166 | `not in that ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very sulkily 3167 | and crossed over to the other side of the court. 3168 | 3169 | All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the 3170 | Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to 3171 | one of the officers of the court, `Bring me the list of the 3172 | singers in the last concert!' on which the wretched Hatter 3173 | trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off. 3174 | 3175 | `Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, `or I'll have 3176 | you executed, whether you're nervous or not.' 3177 | 3178 | `I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a 3179 | trembling voice, `--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week 3180 | or so--and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin--and 3181 | the twinkling of the tea--' 3182 | 3183 | `The twinkling of the what?' said the King. 3184 | 3185 | `It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied. 3186 | 3187 | `Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the King sharply. 3188 | `Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!' 3189 | 3190 | `I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, `and most things 3191 | twinkled after that--only the March Hare said--' 3192 | 3193 | `I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry. 3194 | 3195 | `You did!' said the Hatter. 3196 | 3197 | `I deny it!' said the March Hare. 3198 | 3199 | `He denies it,' said the King: `leave out that part.' 3200 | 3201 | `Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on, 3202 | looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the 3203 | Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep. 3204 | 3205 | `After that,' continued the Hatter, `I cut some more bread- 3206 | and-butter--' 3207 | 3208 | `But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked. 3209 | 3210 | `That I can't remember,' said the Hatter. 3211 | 3212 | `You MUST remember,' remarked the King, `or I'll have you 3213 | executed.' 3214 | 3215 | The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, 3216 | and went down on one knee. `I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he 3217 | began. 3218 | 3219 | `You're a very poor speaker,' said the King. 3220 | 3221 | Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately 3222 | suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a 3223 | hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had 3224 | a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: 3225 | into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat 3226 | upon it.) 3227 | 3228 | `I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. `I've so often 3229 | read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some 3230 | attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the 3231 | officers of the court," and I never understood what it meant 3232 | till now.' 3233 | 3234 | `If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,' 3235 | continued the King. 3236 | 3237 | `I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: `I'm on the floor, as 3238 | it is.' 3239 | 3240 | `Then you may SIT down,' the King replied. 3241 | 3242 | Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed. 3243 | 3244 | `Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice. `Now we 3245 | shall get on better.' 3246 | 3247 | `I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious 3248 | look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers. 3249 | 3250 | `You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the 3251 | court, without even waiting to put his shoes on. 3252 | 3253 | `--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one 3254 | of the officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the 3255 | officer could get to the door. 3256 | 3257 | `Call the next witness!' said the King. 3258 | 3259 | The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the 3260 | pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before 3261 | she got into the court, by the way the people near the door began 3262 | sneezing all at once. 3263 | 3264 | `Give your evidence,' said the King. 3265 | 3266 | `Shan't,' said the cook. 3267 | 3268 | The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a 3269 | low voice, `Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.' 3270 | 3271 | `Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy 3272 | air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till 3273 | his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, `What 3274 | are tarts made of?' 3275 | 3276 | `Pepper, mostly,' said the cook. 3277 | 3278 | `Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her. 3279 | 3280 | `Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. `Behead that 3281 | Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch 3282 | him! Off with his whiskers!' 3283 | 3284 | For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the 3285 | Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down 3286 | again, the cook had disappeared. 3287 | 3288 | `Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief. 3289 | `Call the next witness.' And he added in an undertone to the 3290 | Queen, `Really, my dear, YOU must cross-examine the next witness. 3291 | It quite makes my forehead ache!' 3292 | 3293 | Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, 3294 | feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like, 3295 | `--for they haven't got much evidence YET,' she said to herself. 3296 | Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top 3297 | of his shrill little voice, the name `Alice!' 3298 | 3299 | 3300 | 3301 | CHAPTER XII 3302 | 3303 | Alice's Evidence 3304 | 3305 | 3306 | `Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the 3307 | moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she 3308 | jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with 3309 | the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads 3310 | of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawling about, reminding 3311 | her very much of a globe of goldfish she had accidentally upset 3312 | the week before. 3313 | 3314 | `Oh, I BEG your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of great 3315 | dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly as she could, 3316 | for the accident of the goldfish kept running in her head, and 3317 | she had a vague sort of idea that they must be collected at once 3318 | and put back into the jury-box, or they would die. 3319 | 3320 | `The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave 3321 | voice, `until all the jurymen are back in their proper places-- 3322 | ALL,' he repeated with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as 3323 | he said do. 3324 | 3325 | Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she 3326 | had put the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing 3327 | was waving its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable 3328 | to move. She soon got it out again, and put it right; `not that 3329 | it signifies much,' she said to herself; `I should think it 3330 | would be QUITE as much use in the trial one way up as the other.' 3331 | 3332 | As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of 3333 | being upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and 3334 | handed back to them, they set to work very diligently to write 3335 | out a history of the accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed 3336 | too much overcome to do anything but sit with its mouth open, 3337 | gazing up into the roof of the court. 3338 | 3339 | `What do you know about this business?' the King said to 3340 | Alice. 3341 | 3342 | `Nothing,' said Alice. 3343 | 3344 | `Nothing WHATEVER?' persisted the King. 3345 | 3346 | `Nothing whatever,' said Alice. 3347 | 3348 | `That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury. 3349 | They were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when 3350 | the White Rabbit interrupted: `UNimportant, your Majesty means, 3351 | of course,' he said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and 3352 | making faces at him as he spoke. 3353 | 3354 | `UNimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and 3355 | went on to himself in an undertone, `important--unimportant-- 3356 | unimportant--important--' as if he were trying which word 3357 | sounded best. 3358 | 3359 | Some of the jury wrote it down `important,' and some 3360 | `unimportant.' Alice could see this, as she was near enough to 3361 | look over their slates; `but it doesn't matter a bit,' she 3362 | thought to herself. 3363 | 3364 | At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily 3365 | writing in his note-book, cackled out `Silence!' and read out 3366 | from his book, `Rule Forty-two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE 3367 | HIGH TO LEAVE THE COURT.' 3368 | 3369 | Everybody looked at Alice. 3370 | 3371 | `I'M not a mile high,' said Alice. 3372 | 3373 | `You are,' said the King. 3374 | 3375 | `Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen. 3376 | 3377 | `Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice: `besides, 3378 | that's not a regular rule: you invented it just now.' 3379 | 3380 | `It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King. 3381 | 3382 | `Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice. 3383 | 3384 | The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. 3385 | `Consider your verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling 3386 | voice. 3387 | 3388 | `There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said 3389 | the White Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; `this paper has 3390 | just been picked up.' 3391 | 3392 | `What's in it?' said the Queen. 3393 | 3394 | `I haven't opened it yet,' said the White Rabbit, `but it seems 3395 | to be a letter, written by the prisoner to--to somebody.' 3396 | 3397 | `It must have been that,' said the King, `unless it was 3398 | written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know.' 3399 | 3400 | `Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen. 3401 | 3402 | `It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit; `in fact, 3403 | there's nothing written on the OUTSIDE.' He unfolded the paper 3404 | as he spoke, and added `It isn't a letter, after all: it's a set 3405 | of verses.' 3406 | 3407 | `Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of 3408 | the jurymen. 3409 | 3410 | `No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, `and that's the 3411 | queerest thing about it.' (The jury all looked puzzled.) 3412 | 3413 | `He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King. 3414 | (The jury all brightened up again.) 3415 | 3416 | `Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, `I didn't write it, and 3417 | they can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.' 3418 | 3419 | `If you didn't sign it,' said the King, `that only makes the 3420 | matter worse. You MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd 3421 | have signed your name like an honest man.' 3422 | 3423 | There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the 3424 | first really clever thing the King had said that day. 3425 | 3426 | `That PROVES his guilt,' said the Queen. 3427 | 3428 | `It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice. `Why, you don't 3429 | even know what they're about!' 3430 | 3431 | `Read them,' said the King. 3432 | 3433 | The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. `Where shall I begin, 3434 | please your Majesty?' he asked. 3435 | 3436 | `Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, `and go on 3437 | till you come to the end: then stop.' 3438 | 3439 | These were the verses the White Rabbit read:-- 3440 | 3441 | `They told me you had been to her, 3442 | And mentioned me to him: 3443 | She gave me a good character, 3444 | But said I could not swim. 3445 | 3446 | He sent them word I had not gone 3447 | (We know it to be true): 3448 | If she should push the matter on, 3449 | What would become of you? 3450 | 3451 | I gave her one, they gave him two, 3452 | You gave us three or more; 3453 | They all returned from him to you, 3454 | Though they were mine before. 3455 | 3456 | If I or she should chance to be 3457 | Involved in this affair, 3458 | He trusts to you to set them free, 3459 | Exactly as we were. 3460 | 3461 | My notion was that you had been 3462 | (Before she had this fit) 3463 | An obstacle that came between 3464 | Him, and ourselves, and it. 3465 | 3466 | Don't let him know she liked them best, 3467 | For this must ever be 3468 | A secret, kept from all the rest, 3469 | Between yourself and me.' 3470 | 3471 | `That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,' 3472 | said the King, rubbing his hands; `so now let the jury--' 3473 | 3474 | `If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice, (she had 3475 | grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit 3476 | afraid of interrupting him,) `I'll give him sixpence. _I_ don't 3477 | believe there's an atom of meaning in it.' 3478 | 3479 | The jury all wrote down on their slates, `SHE doesn't believe 3480 | there's an atom of meaning in it,' but none of them attempted to 3481 | explain the paper. 3482 | 3483 | `If there's no meaning in it,' said the King, `that saves a 3484 | world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And 3485 | yet I don't know,' he went on, spreading out the verses on his 3486 | knee, and looking at them with one eye; `I seem to see some 3487 | meaning in them, after all. "--SAID I COULD NOT SWIM--" you 3488 | can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the Knave. 3489 | 3490 | The Knave shook his head sadly. `Do I look like it?' he said. 3491 | (Which he certainly did NOT, being made entirely of cardboard.) 3492 | 3493 | `All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on muttering 3494 | over the verses to himself: `"WE KNOW IT TO BE TRUE--" that's 3495 | the jury, of course-- "I GAVE HER ONE, THEY GAVE HIM TWO--" why, 3496 | that must be what he did with the tarts, you know--' 3497 | 3498 | `But, it goes on "THEY ALL RETURNED FROM HIM TO YOU,"' said 3499 | Alice. 3500 | 3501 | `Why, there they are!' said the King triumphantly, pointing to 3502 | the tarts on the table. `Nothing can be clearer than THAT. 3503 | Then again--"BEFORE SHE HAD THIS FIT--" you never had fits, my 3504 | dear, I think?' he said to the Queen. 3505 | 3506 | `Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the 3507 | Lizard as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off 3508 | writing on his slate with one finger, as he found it made no 3509 | mark; but he now hastily began again, using the ink, that was 3510 | trickling down his face, as long as it lasted.) 3511 | 3512 | `Then the words don't FIT you,' said the King, looking round 3513 | the court with a smile. There was a dead silence. 3514 | 3515 | `It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and 3516 | everybody laughed, `Let the jury consider their verdict,' the 3517 | King said, for about the twentieth time that day. 3518 | 3519 | `No, no!' said the Queen. `Sentence first--verdict afterwards.' 3520 | 3521 | `Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. `The idea of having 3522 | the sentence first!' 3523 | 3524 | `Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple. 3525 | 3526 | `I won't!' said Alice. 3527 | 3528 | `Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. 3529 | Nobody moved. 3530 | 3531 | `Who cares for you?' said Alice, (she had grown to her full 3532 | size by this time.) `You're nothing but a pack of cards!' 3533 | 3534 | At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying 3535 | down upon her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half 3536 | of anger, and tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on 3537 | the bank, with her head in the lap of her sister, who was gently 3538 | brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down from the 3539 | trees upon her face. 3540 | 3541 | `Wake up, Alice dear!' said her sister; `Why, what a long 3542 | sleep you've had!' 3543 | 3544 | `Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice, and she told 3545 | her sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange 3546 | Adventures of hers that you have just been reading about; and 3547 | when she had finished, her sister kissed her, and said, `It WAS a 3548 | curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's 3549 | getting late.' So Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she 3550 | ran, as well she might, what a wonderful dream it had been. 3551 | 3552 | But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her 3553 | head on her hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of 3554 | little Alice and all her wonderful Adventures, till she too began 3555 | dreaming after a fashion, and this was her dream:-- 3556 | 3557 | First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the 3558 | tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes 3559 | were looking up into hers--she could hear the very tones of her 3560 | voice, and see that queer little toss of her head to keep back 3561 | the wandering hair that WOULD always get into her eyes--and 3562 | still as she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole place 3563 | around her became alive the strange creatures of her little 3564 | sister's dream. 3565 | 3566 | The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried 3567 | by--the frightened Mouse splashed his way through the 3568 | neighbouring pool--she could hear the rattle of the teacups as 3569 | the March Hare and his friends shared their never-ending meal, 3570 | and the shrill voice of the Queen ordering off her unfortunate 3571 | guests to execution--once more the pig-baby was sneezing on the 3572 | Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes crashed around it--once 3573 | more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard's 3574 | slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs, 3575 | filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable 3576 | Mock Turtle. 3577 | 3578 | So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in 3579 | Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and 3580 | all would change to dull reality--the grass would be only 3581 | rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the 3582 | reeds--the rattling teacups would change to tinkling sheep- 3583 | bells, and the Queen's shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd 3584 | boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the Gryphon, and 3585 | all the other queer noises, would change (she knew) to the 3586 | confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the lowing of the 3587 | cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's 3588 | heavy sobs. 3589 | 3590 | Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of 3591 | hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how 3592 | she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and 3593 | loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about 3594 | her other little children, and make THEIR eyes bright and eager 3595 | with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of 3596 | Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with all their 3597 | simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, 3598 | remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days. 3599 | 3600 | THE END 3601 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /list1.py: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | #!/usr/bin/python -tt 2 | # Copyright 2010 Google Inc. 3 | # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 4 | # http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 5 | 6 | # Google's Python Class 7 | # http://code.google.com/edu/languages/google-python-class/ 8 | 9 | # Basic list exercises 10 | # Fill in the code for the functions below. main() is already set up 11 | # to call the functions with a few different inputs, 12 | # printing 'OK' when each function is correct. 13 | # The starter code for each function includes a 'return' 14 | # which is just a placeholder for your code. 15 | # It's ok if you do not complete all the functions, and there 16 | # are some additional functions to try in list2.py. 17 | 18 | # A. match_ends 19 | # Given a list of strings, return the count of the number of 20 | # strings where the string length is 2 or more and the first 21 | # and last chars of the string are the same. 22 | # Note: python does not have a ++ operator, but += works. 23 | def match_ends(words): 24 | i=0 25 | for word in words: 26 | if len(word)>=2 and word[0]==word[-1]: 27 | i+=1 28 | 29 | # +++your code here+++ 30 | return i 31 | 32 | 33 | # B. front_x 34 | # Given a list of strings, return a list with the strings 35 | # in sorted order, except group all the strings that begin with 'x' first. 36 | # e.g. ['mix', 'xyz', 'apple', 'xanadu', 'aardvark'] yields 37 | # ['xanadu', 'xyz', 'aardvark', 'apple', 'mix'] 38 | # Hint: this can be done by making 2 lists and sorting each of them 39 | # before combining them. 40 | def front_x(words): 41 | first=[] 42 | second=[] 43 | # +++your code here+++ 44 | for word in words: 45 | if word[0]=='x': 46 | first.append(word) 47 | else: 48 | second.append(word) 49 | first.sort() 50 | second.sort() 51 | return first+second 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | # C. sort_last 56 | # Given a list of non-empty tuples, return a list sorted in increasing 57 | # order by the last element in each tuple. 58 | # e.g. [(1, 7), (1, 3), (3, 4, 5), (2, 2)] yields 59 | # [(2, 2), (1, 3), (3, 4, 5), (1, 7)] 60 | # Hint: use a custom key= function to extract the last element form each tuple. 61 | def sort_last(tuples): 62 | # +++your code here+++ 63 | last_value=[] 64 | sorted_result=[] 65 | for tupl in tuples: 66 | last_value.append(tupl[-1]) 67 | last_value.sort() 68 | for i in range(len(last_value)): 69 | for j in range(len(last_value)): 70 | if tuples[j][-1]==last_value[i]: 71 | sorted_result.append(tuples[j]) 72 | return sorted_result 73 | 74 | 75 | # Simple provided test() function used in main() to print 76 | # what each function returns vs. what it's supposed to return. 77 | def test(got, expected): 78 | if got == expected: 79 | prefix = ' OK ' 80 | else: 81 | prefix = ' X ' 82 | print (f"{prefix} , got:{got} , expected:{expected}") 83 | 84 | 85 | # Calls the above functions with interesting inputs. 86 | def main(): 87 | print ("match_ends") 88 | test(match_ends(['aba', 'xyz', 'aa', 'x', 'bbb']), 3) 89 | test(match_ends(['', 'x', 'xy', 'xyx', 'xx']), 2) 90 | test(match_ends(['aaa', 'be', 'abc', 'hello']), 1) 91 | 92 | print ("front_x") 93 | test(front_x(['bbb', 'ccc', 'axx', 'xzz', 'xaa']), 94 | ['xaa', 'xzz', 'axx', 'bbb', 'ccc']) 95 | test(front_x(['ccc', 'bbb', 'aaa', 'xcc', 'xaa']), 96 | ['xaa', 'xcc', 'aaa', 'bbb', 'ccc']) 97 | test(front_x(['mix', 'xyz', 'apple', 'xanadu', 'aardvark']), 98 | ['xanadu', 'xyz', 'aardvark', 'apple', 'mix']) 99 | 100 | print ("sort_last") 101 | test(sort_last([(1, 3), (3, 2), (2, 1)]), 102 | [(2, 1), (3, 2), (1, 3)]) 103 | test(sort_last([(2, 3), (1, 2), (3, 1)]), 104 | [(3, 1), (1, 2), (2, 3)]) 105 | test(sort_last([(1, 7), (1, 3), (3, 4, 5), (2, 2)]), 106 | [(2, 2), (1, 3), (3, 4, 5), (1, 7)]) 107 | 108 | 109 | if __name__ == '__main__': 110 | main() 111 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /list2.py: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | #!/usr/bin/python -tt 2 | # Copyright 2010 Google Inc. 3 | # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 4 | # http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 5 | 6 | # Google's Python Class 7 | # http://code.google.com/edu/languages/google-python-class/ 8 | 9 | # Additional basic list exercises 10 | 11 | # D. Given a list of numbers, return a list where 12 | # all adjacent == elements have been reduced to a single element, 13 | # so [1, 2, 2, 3] returns [1, 2, 3]. You may create a new list or 14 | # modify the passed in list. 15 | def remove_adjacent(nums): 16 | # +++your code here+++ 17 | arr=nums 18 | for i in range(len(arr)-1): 19 | if nums[i]==nums[i+1]: 20 | nums.remove(i) 21 | 22 | 23 | return nums 24 | 25 | 26 | # E. Given two lists sorted in increasing order, create and return a merged 27 | # list of all the elements in sorted order. You may modify the passed in lists. 28 | # Ideally, the solution should work in "linear" time, making a single 29 | # pass of both lists. 30 | def linear_merge(list1, list2): 31 | # +++your code here+++ 32 | list3=list1+list2 33 | return sorted(list3) 34 | 35 | # Note: the solution above is kind of cute, but unforunately list.pop(0) 36 | # is not constant time with the standard python list implementation, so 37 | # the above is not strictly linear time. 38 | # An alternate approach uses pop(-1) to remove the endmost elements 39 | # from each list, building a solution list which is backwards. 40 | # Then use reversed() to put the result back in the correct order. That 41 | # solution works in linear time, but is more ugly. 42 | 43 | 44 | # Simple provided test() function used in main() to print 45 | # what each function returns vs. what it's supposed to return. 46 | def test(got, expected): 47 | if got == expected: 48 | prefix = ' OK ' 49 | else: 50 | prefix = ' X ' 51 | print (f'{Prefix}, got:{got}, expected:{expected}') 52 | 53 | 54 | # Calls the above functions with interesting inputs. 55 | def main(): 56 | print ('remove_adjacent') 57 | test(remove_adjacent([1, 2, 2, 3]), [1, 2, 3]) 58 | test(remove_adjacent([2, 2, 3, 3, 3]), [2, 3]) 59 | test(remove_adjacent([]), []) 60 | 61 | print 62 | print ('linear_merge') 63 | test(linear_merge(['aa', 'xx', 'zz'], ['bb', 'cc']), 64 | ['aa', 'bb', 'cc', 'xx', 'zz']) 65 | test(linear_merge(['aa', 'xx'], ['bb', 'cc', 'zz']), 66 | ['aa', 'bb', 'cc', 'xx', 'zz']) 67 | test(linear_merge(['aa', 'aa'], ['aa', 'bb', 'bb']), 68 | ['aa', 'aa', 'aa', 'bb', 'bb']) 69 | 70 | 71 | if __name__ == '__main__': 72 | main() 73 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /mimic.py: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | #!/usr/bin/python -tt 2 | # Copyright 2010 Google Inc. 3 | # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 4 | # http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 5 | 6 | # Google's Python Class 7 | # http://code.google.com/edu/languages/google-python-class/ 8 | 9 | """Mimic pyquick exercise -- optional extra exercise. 10 | Google's Python Class 11 | 12 | Read in the file specified on the command line. 13 | Do a simple split() on whitespace to obtain all the words in the file. 14 | Rather than read the file line by line, it's easier to read 15 | it into one giant string and split it once. 16 | 17 | Build a "mimic" dict that maps each word that appears in the file 18 | to a list of all the words that immediately follow that word in the file. 19 | The list of words can be be in any order and should include 20 | duplicates. So for example the key "and" might have the list 21 | ["then", "best", "then", "after", ...] listing 22 | all the words which came after "and" in the text. 23 | We'll say that the empty string is what comes before 24 | the first word in the file. 25 | 26 | With the mimic dict, it's fairly easy to emit random 27 | text that mimics the original. Print a word, then look 28 | up what words might come next and pick one at random as 29 | the next work. 30 | Use the empty string as the first word to prime things. 31 | If we ever get stuck with a word that is not in the dict, 32 | go back to the empty string to keep things moving. 33 | 34 | Note: the standard python module 'random' includes a 35 | random.choice(list) method which picks a random element 36 | from a non-empty list. 37 | 38 | For fun, feed your program to itself as input. 39 | Could work on getting it to put in linebreaks around 70 40 | columns, so the output looks better. 41 | 42 | """ 43 | 44 | import random 45 | import sys 46 | 47 | 48 | def mimic_dict(filename): 49 | """Returns mimic dict mapping each word to list of words which follow it.""" 50 | # +++your code here+++ 51 | return 52 | 53 | 54 | def print_mimic(mimic_dict, word): 55 | """Given mimic dict and start word, prints 200 random words.""" 56 | # +++your code here+++ 57 | return 58 | 59 | 60 | # Provided main(), calls mimic_dict() and mimic() 61 | def main(): 62 | if len(sys.argv) != 2: 63 | print 'usage: ./mimic.py file-to-read' 64 | sys.exit(1) 65 | 66 | dict = mimic_dict(sys.argv[1]) 67 | print_mimic(dict, '') 68 | 69 | 70 | if __name__ == '__main__': 71 | main() 72 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /small.txt: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | We are not what we should be 2 | We are not what we need to be 3 | But at least we are not what we used to be 4 | -- Football Coach 5 | 6 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /string1.py: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | #!/usr/bin/python -tt 2 | # Copyright 2010 Google Inc. 3 | # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 4 | # http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 5 | 6 | # Google's Python Class 7 | # http://code.google.com/edu/languages/google-python-class/ 8 | 9 | # Basic string exercises 10 | # Fill in the code for the functions below. main() is already set up 11 | # to call the functions with a few different inputs, 12 | # printing 'OK' when each function is correct. 13 | # The starter code for each function includes a 'return' 14 | # which is just a placeholder for your code. 15 | # It's ok if you do not complete all the functions, and there 16 | # are some additional functions to try in string2.py. 17 | 18 | 19 | # A. donuts 20 | # Given an int count of a number of donuts, return a string 21 | # of the form 'Number of donuts: ', where is the number 22 | # passed in. However, if the count is 10 or more, then use the word 'many' 23 | # instead of the actual count. 24 | # So donuts(5) returns 'Number of donuts: 5' 25 | # and donuts(23) returns 'Number of donuts: many' 26 | def donuts(count): 27 | # +++your code here+++ 28 | return 29 | 30 | 31 | # B. both_ends 32 | # Given a string s, return a string made of the first 2 33 | # and the last 2 chars of the original string, 34 | # so 'spring' yields 'spng'. However, if the string length 35 | # is less than 2, return instead the empty string. 36 | def both_ends(s): 37 | # +++your code here+++ 38 | return 39 | 40 | 41 | # C. fix_start 42 | # Given a string s, return a string 43 | # where all occurences of its first char have 44 | # been changed to '*', except do not change 45 | # the first char itself. 46 | # e.g. 'babble' yields 'ba**le' 47 | # Assume that the string is length 1 or more. 48 | # Hint: s.replace(stra, strb) returns a version of string s 49 | # where all instances of stra have been replaced by strb. 50 | def fix_start(s): 51 | # +++your code here+++ 52 | return 53 | 54 | 55 | # D. MixUp 56 | # Given strings a and b, return a single string with a and b separated 57 | # by a space ' ', except swap the first 2 chars of each string. 58 | # e.g. 59 | # 'mix', pod' -> 'pox mid' 60 | # 'dog', 'dinner' -> 'dig donner' 61 | # Assume a and b are length 2 or more. 62 | def mix_up(a, b): 63 | # +++your code here+++ 64 | return 65 | 66 | 67 | # Provided simple test() function used in main() to print 68 | # what each function returns vs. what it's supposed to return. 69 | def test(got, expected): 70 | if got == expected: 71 | prefix = ' OK ' 72 | else: 73 | prefix = ' X ' 74 | print '%s got: %s expected: %s' % (prefix, repr(got), repr(expected)) 75 | 76 | 77 | # Provided main() calls the above functions with interesting inputs, 78 | # using test() to check if each result is correct or not. 79 | def main(): 80 | print 'donuts' 81 | # Each line calls donuts, compares its result to the expected for that call. 82 | test(donuts(4), 'Number of donuts: 4') 83 | test(donuts(9), 'Number of donuts: 9') 84 | test(donuts(10), 'Number of donuts: many') 85 | test(donuts(99), 'Number of donuts: many') 86 | 87 | print 88 | print 'both_ends' 89 | test(both_ends('spring'), 'spng') 90 | test(both_ends('Hello'), 'Helo') 91 | test(both_ends('a'), '') 92 | test(both_ends('xyz'), 'xyyz') 93 | 94 | 95 | print 96 | print 'fix_start' 97 | test(fix_start('babble'), 'ba**le') 98 | test(fix_start('aardvark'), 'a*rdv*rk') 99 | test(fix_start('google'), 'goo*le') 100 | test(fix_start('donut'), 'donut') 101 | 102 | print 103 | print 'mix_up' 104 | test(mix_up('mix', 'pod'), 'pox mid') 105 | test(mix_up('dog', 'dinner'), 'dig donner') 106 | test(mix_up('gnash', 'sport'), 'spash gnort') 107 | test(mix_up('pezzy', 'firm'), 'fizzy perm') 108 | 109 | 110 | # Standard boilerplate to call the main() function. 111 | if __name__ == '__main__': 112 | main() 113 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /string2.py: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | #!/usr/bin/python2.4 -tt 2 | # Copyright 2010 Google Inc. 3 | # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 4 | # http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 5 | 6 | # Google's Python Class 7 | # http://code.google.com/edu/languages/google-python-class/ 8 | 9 | # Additional basic string exercises 10 | 11 | # D. verbing 12 | # Given a string, if its length is at least 3, 13 | # add 'ing' to its end. 14 | # Unless it already ends in 'ing', in which case 15 | # add 'ly' instead. 16 | # If the string length is less than 3, leave it unchanged. 17 | # Return the resulting string. 18 | def verbing(s): 19 | # +++your code here+++ 20 | return 21 | 22 | 23 | # E. not_bad 24 | # Given a string, find the first appearance of the 25 | # substring 'not' and 'bad'. If the 'bad' follows 26 | # the 'not', replace the whole 'not'...'bad' substring 27 | # with 'good'. 28 | # Return the resulting string. 29 | # So 'This dinner is not that bad!' yields: 30 | # This dinner is good! 31 | def not_bad(s): 32 | # +++your code here+++ 33 | return 34 | 35 | 36 | # F. front_back 37 | # Consider dividing a string into two halves. 38 | # If the length is even, the front and back halves are the same length. 39 | # If the length is odd, we'll say that the extra char goes in the front half. 40 | # e.g. 'abcde', the front half is 'abc', the back half 'de'. 41 | # Given 2 strings, a and b, return a string of the form 42 | # a-front + b-front + a-back + b-back 43 | def front_back(a, b): 44 | # +++your code here+++ 45 | return 46 | 47 | 48 | # Simple provided test() function used in main() to print 49 | # what each function returns vs. what it's supposed to return. 50 | def test(got, expected): 51 | if got == expected: 52 | prefix = ' OK ' 53 | else: 54 | prefix = ' X ' 55 | print '%s got: %s expected: %s' % (prefix, repr(got), repr(expected)) 56 | 57 | 58 | # main() calls the above functions with interesting inputs, 59 | # using the above test() to check if the result is correct or not. 60 | def main(): 61 | print 'verbing' 62 | test(verbing('hail'), 'hailing') 63 | test(verbing('swiming'), 'swimingly') 64 | test(verbing('do'), 'do') 65 | 66 | print 67 | print 'not_bad' 68 | test(not_bad('This movie is not so bad'), 'This movie is good') 69 | test(not_bad('This dinner is not that bad!'), 'This dinner is good!') 70 | test(not_bad('This tea is not hot'), 'This tea is not hot') 71 | test(not_bad("It's bad yet not"), "It's bad yet not") 72 | 73 | print 74 | print 'front_back' 75 | test(front_back('abcd', 'xy'), 'abxcdy') 76 | test(front_back('abcde', 'xyz'), 'abcxydez') 77 | test(front_back('Kitten', 'Donut'), 'KitDontenut') 78 | 79 | if __name__ == '__main__': 80 | main() 81 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /tttt.ipynb: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | { 2 | "cells": [ 3 | { 4 | "cell_type": "code", 5 | "execution_count": null, 6 | "metadata": {}, 7 | "outputs": [], 8 | "source": [] 9 | } 10 | ], 11 | "metadata": { 12 | "kernelspec": { 13 | "display_name": "Python 3", 14 | "language": "python", 15 | "name": "python3" 16 | }, 17 | "language_info": { 18 | "codemirror_mode": { 19 | "name": "ipython", 20 | "version": 3 21 | }, 22 | "file_extension": ".py", 23 | "mimetype": "text/x-python", 24 | "name": "python", 25 | "nbconvert_exporter": "python", 26 | "pygments_lexer": "ipython3", 27 | "version": "3.11.4" 28 | }, 29 | "orig_nbformat": 4 30 | }, 31 | "nbformat": 4, 32 | "nbformat_minor": 2 33 | } 34 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /wordcount.py: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | #!/usr/bin/python -tt 2 | # Copyright 2010 Google Inc. 3 | # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 4 | # http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 5 | 6 | # Google's Python Class 7 | # http://code.google.com/edu/languages/google-python-class/ 8 | 9 | """Wordcount exercise 10 | Google's Python class 11 | 12 | The main() below is already defined and complete. It calls print_words() 13 | and print_top() functions which you write. 14 | 15 | 1. For the --count flag, implement a print_words(filename) function that counts 16 | how often each word appears in the text and prints: 17 | word1 count1 18 | word2 count2 19 | ... 20 | 21 | Print the above list in order sorted by word (python will sort punctuation to 22 | come before letters -- that's fine). Store all the words as lowercase, 23 | so 'The' and 'the' count as the same word. 24 | 25 | 2. For the --topcount flag, implement a print_top(filename) which is similar 26 | to print_words() but which prints just the top 20 most common words sorted 27 | so the most common word is first, then the next most common, and so on. 28 | 29 | Use str.split() (no arguments) to split on all whitespace. 30 | 31 | Workflow: don't build the whole program at once. Get it to an intermediate 32 | milestone and print your data structure and sys.exit(0). 33 | When that's working, try for the next milestone. 34 | 35 | Optional: define a helper function to avoid code duplication inside 36 | print_words() and print_top(). 37 | 38 | """ 39 | 40 | import sys 41 | 42 | # +++your code here+++ 43 | # Define print_words(filename) and print_top(filename) functions. 44 | # You could write a helper utility function that reads a file 45 | # and builds and returns a word/count dict for it. 46 | # Then print_words() and print_top() can just call the utility function. 47 | 48 | ### 49 | 50 | # This basic command line argument parsing code is provided and 51 | # calls the print_words() and print_top() functions which you must define. 52 | def main(): 53 | if len(sys.argv) != 3: 54 | print 'usage: ./wordcount.py {--count | --topcount} file' 55 | sys.exit(1) 56 | 57 | option = sys.argv[1] 58 | filename = sys.argv[2] 59 | if option == '--count': 60 | print_words(filename) 61 | elif option == '--topcount': 62 | print_top(filename) 63 | else: 64 | print 'unknown option: ' + option 65 | sys.exit(1) 66 | 67 | if __name__ == '__main__': 68 | main() 69 | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------