├── src ├── content │ ├── .obsidian │ │ ├── app.json │ │ ├── appearance.json │ │ ├── templates.json │ │ ├── core-plugins.json │ │ └── workspace.json │ ├── templates │ │ └── experiment-starter.md │ ├── config.ts │ └── experiments │ │ └── felt-sense │ │ ├── entry-point-9.md │ │ ├── entry-point-10.md │ │ ├── entry-point-5.md │ │ ├── entry-point-6.md │ │ ├── entry-point-7.md │ │ ├── entry-point-3.md │ │ ├── entry-point-2.md │ │ ├── entry-point-4.md │ │ ├── entry-point-1.md │ │ ├── entry-point-8.md │ │ ├── index.md │ │ └── _felt-sense-map-v2.md ├── assets │ ├── images │ │ ├── bees.png │ │ ├── bell.png │ │ ├── flower.png │ │ ├── ladder.png │ │ ├── match.png │ │ ├── ohhand.png │ │ ├── snail.png │ │ ├── star.png │ │ ├── whip.png │ │ ├── birdsign.png │ │ ├── icehand.png │ │ ├── raccoon.png │ │ ├── background.png │ │ ├── beebranch.png │ │ ├── birdarrow.png │ │ ├── balloonheart.png │ │ └── thefeltsense.png │ ├── background.svg │ └── astro.svg ├── layouts │ └── Layout.astro ├── pages │ ├── index.astro │ ├── _index.astro │ ├── experiments │ │ └── [...slug].astro │ ├── experiments.astro │ └── the-first-nine │ │ └── index.astro └── components │ └── Welcome.astro ├── .vscode ├── extensions.json └── launch.json ├── tsconfig.json ├── astro.config.mjs ├── package.json ├── .gitignore ├── public ├── favicon.svg └── nine-entries.html └── README.md /src/content/.obsidian/app.json: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | {} -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/.obsidian/appearance.json: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | {} -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/.obsidian/templates.json: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | { 2 | "folder": "templates" 3 | } -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/bees.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/bees.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/bell.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/bell.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/flower.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/flower.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/ladder.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/ladder.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/match.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/match.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/ohhand.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/ohhand.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/snail.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/snail.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/star.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/star.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/whip.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/whip.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /.vscode/extensions.json: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | { 2 | "recommendations": ["astro-build.astro-vscode"], 3 | "unwantedRecommendations": [] 4 | } 5 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/birdsign.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/birdsign.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/icehand.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/icehand.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/raccoon.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/raccoon.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/background.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/background.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/beebranch.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/beebranch.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/birdarrow.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/birdarrow.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/balloonheart.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/balloonheart.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/images/thefeltsense.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/calculator/studio-summer-2025/master/src/assets/images/thefeltsense.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /tsconfig.json: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | { 2 | "extends": "astro/tsconfigs/strict", 3 | "include": [".astro/types.d.ts", "**/*"], 4 | "exclude": ["dist"] 5 | } 6 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /astro.config.mjs: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | // @ts-check 2 | import { defineConfig } from 'astro/config'; 3 | 4 | // https://astro.build/config 5 | export default defineConfig({}); 6 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /.vscode/launch.json: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | { 2 | "version": "0.2.0", 3 | "configurations": [ 4 | { 5 | "command": "./node_modules/.bin/astro dev", 6 | "name": "Development server", 7 | "request": "launch", 8 | "type": "node-terminal" 9 | } 10 | ] 11 | } 12 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /package.json: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | { 2 | "name": "studio-summer-2025", 3 | "type": "module", 4 | "version": "0.0.1", 5 | "scripts": { 6 | "dev": "astro dev", 7 | "build": "astro build", 8 | "preview": "astro preview", 9 | "astro": "astro" 10 | }, 11 | "dependencies": { 12 | "astro": "^5.9.3" 13 | } 14 | } -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /.gitignore: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | # build output 2 | dist/ 3 | 4 | # generated types 5 | .astro/ 6 | 7 | # dependencies 8 | node_modules/ 9 | 10 | # logs 11 | npm-debug.log* 12 | yarn-debug.log* 13 | yarn-error.log* 14 | pnpm-debug.log* 15 | 16 | # environment variables 17 | .env 18 | .env.production 19 | 20 | # macOS-specific files 21 | .DS_Store 22 | 23 | # jetbrains setting folder 24 | .idea/ 25 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/templates/experiment-starter.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | title: "{{title}}" 3 | status: "seedling" 4 | startDate: {{date:YYYY-MM-DD}} 5 | tags: [] 6 | description: "" 7 | communicationMedium: "" 8 | --- 9 | 10 | # {{title}} 11 | 12 | ## Hypothesis 13 | What am I testing? What do I hope to learn? 14 | 15 | ## Approach 16 | How will I explore this? 17 | 18 | ## Current Status 19 | What's happening now? 20 | 21 | ## Learnings 22 | What am I discovering? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/layouts/Layout.astro: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Astro Basics 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 23 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/config.ts: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | import { defineCollection, z } from 'astro:content'; 2 | 3 | const experimentsCollection = defineCollection({ 4 | type: 'content', 5 | schema: z.object({ 6 | title: z.string(), 7 | status: z.string().optional(), 8 | startDate: z.date().optional(), 9 | tags: z.array(z.string()).optional(), 10 | description: z.string().optional(), 11 | communicationMedium: z.string().optional(), 12 | slug: z.string().optional(), 13 | }), 14 | }); 15 | 16 | export const collections = { 17 | experiments: experimentsCollection, 18 | }; 19 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/pages/index.astro: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | import Layout from '../layouts/Layout.astro'; 3 | 4 | --- 5 | 6 | 7 |

Grotto

8 | 9 |
10 | 11 | the first nine 12 | 13 | 14 |
15 | 25 | 26 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /public/favicon.svg: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | 2 | 3 | 9 | 10 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/.obsidian/core-plugins.json: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | { 2 | "file-explorer": true, 3 | "global-search": true, 4 | "switcher": true, 5 | "graph": true, 6 | "backlink": true, 7 | "canvas": true, 8 | "outgoing-link": true, 9 | "tag-pane": true, 10 | "properties": false, 11 | "page-preview": true, 12 | "daily-notes": true, 13 | "templates": true, 14 | "note-composer": true, 15 | "command-palette": true, 16 | "slash-command": false, 17 | "editor-status": true, 18 | "bookmarks": true, 19 | "markdown-importer": false, 20 | "zk-prefixer": false, 21 | "random-note": false, 22 | "outline": true, 23 | "word-count": true, 24 | "slides": false, 25 | "audio-recorder": false, 26 | "workspaces": false, 27 | "file-recovery": true, 28 | "publish": false, 29 | "sync": true, 30 | "webviewer": false 31 | } -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/background.svg: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | 2 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-9.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | title: 'Anger feels like drowning' 3 | startDate: 2024-12-01 4 | status: 'active' 5 | --- 6 | 7 | # Anger feels like drowning 8 | 9 | _The dam and the flow_ 10 | 11 | [← Back to Felt-Sense Overview](/experiments/felt-sense) 12 | 13 | ## The Dam 14 | 15 | "The shame around anger is a dam holding back the movement toward moving emotion this way." (Week 8) 16 | 17 | "I am fucking pissed about the abuse when I was younger. What I did to myself, what was done to me. I needed loving attention and I got shame and grief and scolding." (Week 4) 18 | 19 | ## When It Moves 20 | 21 | "When Kristen offered 'I see your anger and don't judge you,' something fundamental shifted." (Week 8) 22 | 23 | "Moving emotion through my body - ranting, shaking, yelling into pillows - creates immediate clarity." (Week 8) 24 | 25 | ## The Ocean Teaching 26 | 27 | ``` 28 | The ocean as loving awareness. 29 | Everything made of the same stuff. 30 | Infinite abundance. 31 | Don't need to hold onto any particular aspect of any of it, 32 | there's so much. 33 | ``` 34 | 35 | ## Revelation 36 | 37 | "Emotions seem to be the core of the work." (Week 4) 38 | 39 | "Stop treating emotions like binding contracts. They're weather systems moving through, neither permanent nor personal." (Week 7) 40 | 41 | "If you're scared of feeling an emotion you're already in it." (Week 6) 42 | 43 | --- 44 | 45 | ## Related Entry Points 46 | 47 | - [My body rebels when I ignore myself](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-5) - Moving emotion through the body 48 | - [I can't stop lashing myself forward](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-3) - The shame patterns that dam emotion 49 | - [There's a sharp pain when I think about sharing](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-1) - Being seen without judgment 50 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/pages/_index.astro: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | import Layout from '../layouts/Layout.astro'; 3 | 4 | // src/pages/experiments.astro 5 | import { getCollection } from 'astro:content'; 6 | 7 | // Get all experiments 8 | const experiments = await getCollection('experiments'); 9 | 10 | // Sort by start date (newest first) 11 | const sortedExperiments = experiments.sort((a, b) => 12 | new Date(b.data.startDate).getTime() - new Date(a.data.startDate).getTime() 13 | ); 14 | --- 15 | 16 | 17 |

Experiments

18 | 19 | {sortedExperiments.length === 0 ? ( 20 |

No experiments yet.

21 | ) : ( 22 |
23 | {sortedExperiments.map((experiment) => ( 24 |
25 |

26 | 27 | {experiment.data.title} 28 | 29 |

30 |
31 | {experiment.data.status} • {experiment.data.startDate.toLocaleDateString()} 32 |
33 |
34 | ))} 35 |
36 | )} 37 | 63 | 64 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-10.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | title: 'Words feel closed, not open' 3 | startDate: 2024-12-01 4 | status: 'active' 5 | --- 6 | 7 | # Words feel closed, not open 8 | 9 | _When language becomes a cage_ 10 | 11 | [← Back to Felt-Sense Overview](/experiments/felt-sense) 12 | 13 | ## The Constriction 14 | 15 | "When the words are open rather than closed, love flows through them more readily. The language of the world becomes connective." (Week 8) 16 | 17 | "When released from the belief that I have an obligation to be understood there is a lot more spaciousness." (Week 2) 18 | 19 | ## The Writer's Pain 20 | 21 | "The sharp pain of loving the writing. I have missed the dance of words. I miss connecting through. I fear the sharp pain of my critical voices." (Week 4) 22 | 23 | "On the notion of plagiary, I got it in my head from school that if I weren't entirely original that I was stealing or wrong This is an impossible mind and is a type of torture." (Week 7) 24 | 25 | ## Technical Overflow 26 | 27 | "Your 'technical overflow' isn't about ideas—it's connection seeking. Try 'i'm feeling scattered and want you to see me' instead." (Week 2) 28 | 29 | ## The Garden Teaching 30 | 31 | ``` 32 | The garden a living shrine 33 | in devotional friendship with the Ally 34 | who is a teacher 35 | ``` 36 | 37 | ## Revelation 38 | 39 | "In the space healing affords, new definitions of words arise." (Week 8) 40 | 41 | "True expression requires neither total exposure nor complete protection, but rather a rhythmic pulse between intimacy and boundary." (Week 1) 42 | 43 | "Originality was never the point. The lineage of ideas flows through me, not from me." (Week 7) 44 | 45 | --- 46 | 47 | ## Related Entry Points 48 | 49 | - [There's a sharp pain when I think about sharing](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-1) - The fear of being seen through words 50 | - [I can't stop lashing myself forward](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-3) - The critical voices that constrain expression 51 | - [I build elaborate systems to avoid simple feelings](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-2) - When words become containers for avoidance 52 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/pages/experiments/[...slug].astro: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | // src/pages/experiments/[...slug].astro 3 | import { getCollection, type CollectionEntry } from 'astro:content'; 4 | import type { GetStaticPaths } from 'astro'; 5 | 6 | export const getStaticPaths: GetStaticPaths = async () => { 7 | const experiments = await getCollection('experiments'); 8 | return experiments.map((experiment) => ({ 9 | params: { slug: experiment.slug }, 10 | props: { experiment }, 11 | })); 12 | }; 13 | 14 | interface Props { 15 | experiment: CollectionEntry<'experiments'>; 16 | } 17 | 18 | const { experiment } = Astro.props as Props; 19 | const { Content } = await experiment.render(); 20 | 21 | // Format the date nicely 22 | const formatDate = (date: Date) => { 23 | return date.toLocaleDateString('en-US', { 24 | year: 'numeric', 25 | month: 'long', 26 | day: 'numeric' 27 | }); 28 | }; 29 | --- 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | {experiment.data.title} - Experiment 38 | 59 | 60 | 61 | ← Home 62 | 63 | {experiment.data.status && experiment.data.startDate && ( 64 |
65 | {experiment.data.status} • {formatDate(experiment.data.startDate)} 66 |
67 | )} 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-5.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | title: 'My body rebels when I ignore myself' 3 | startDate: 2024-12-01 4 | status: 'active' 5 | --- 6 | 7 | # My body rebels when I ignore myself 8 | 9 | _GERD, raccoons, and midnight messages_ 10 | 11 | [← Back to Felt-Sense Overview](/experiments/felt-sense) 12 | 13 | ## The Body's Protests 14 | 15 | "I eat too much when disconnected. My body uses GERD as a messenger when my mind won't listen. The raccoon at night is watching me ignore myself." (Week 7) 16 | 17 | "Woke with a smattering of somatic discomfort. Feeling ill. Spent time surfing the emotions. A lot of constriction." (Week 4) 18 | 19 | ## The Body Groans 20 | 21 | ``` 22 | The body groans. 23 | Relax relax relax. 24 | What if it were easy, 25 | what if the abundance of love and connection 26 | was just how it is? 27 | What if you didn't have to work to earn it? 28 | What if you got to be a part of a team? 29 | ``` 30 | 31 | ## Disconnection Patterns 32 | 33 | "Disconnection to self feels like isolating. hanging out with the phone. trying to make projects to be seen." (Week 4) 34 | 35 | "Connection to self feels like saying yes to relationship. spending time together." (Week 4) 36 | 37 | ## Movement as Medicine 38 | 39 | "The body is opened up again after exercise. Had been bottled up. If I do a ride like that 3x a week this energy will have a chance to move and it will level out." (Week 4) 40 | 41 | "When I laid on the earth instead of pushing through frustration, young parts found the space they needed." (Week 8) 42 | 43 | ## Revelation 44 | 45 | "My body knows before my mind does." (Week 7) 46 | 47 | "Feeling the intensity of these feelings, not rushing them off or pushing through them. Meeting them with curiosity. They appear to relax and energy begins to flow again." (Week 4) 48 | 49 | --- 50 | 51 | ## Related Entry Points 52 | 53 | - [There's a sharp pain when I think about sharing](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-1) - The body as messenger of truth 54 | - [Joy feels like a heart attack](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-4) - The body's confusion with expansion 55 | - [Anger feels like drowning](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-9) - Moving emotion through the body 56 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /README.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | # Experiment Garden 2 | 3 | A digital garden for running communication experiments from my studio. Each experiment gets its own sandbox to grow from seedling to harvest. 4 | 5 | ## Philosophy 6 | 7 | **Experiments based.** Experiments give permission to play, fail, and learn. 8 | 9 | **Process in public.** Show the work, not just the results. Document what doesn't work as much as what does. 10 | 11 | **Bounded exploration.** Max 4 active experiments. Clear containers for messy creative work. 12 | 13 | ## Structure 14 | 15 | ``` 16 | src/content/experiments/ 17 | musings/ 18 | index.md # Main experiment 19 | logs/ # Weekly reflections 20 | artifacts/ # Discoveries, sketches 21 | resources/ # Research, inspiration 22 | ``` 23 | 24 | Each experiment is a self-contained sandbox. Everything related lives together. 25 | 26 | ## Workflow 27 | 28 | **Saturday mornings:** Cafe sessions for tending experiments 29 | 30 | 1. Review week's scattered notes from other apps 31 | 2. Sort insights by experiment 32 | 3. Write markdown files in Obsidian 33 | 4. Update experiment status as needed 34 | 35 | **Content flows:** Notes app → LLM sessions → Obsidian → Astro site 36 | 37 | **Experiment lifecycle:** seedling → growing → mature → harvested → dormant 38 | 39 | ## Setup 40 | 41 | 1. **Clone and install:** 42 | 43 | ```bash 44 | npm install 45 | ``` 46 | 47 | 2. **Point Obsidian to content:** 48 | 49 | - Open Obsidian 50 | - "Open folder as vault" 51 | - Select `src/content/` 52 | 53 | 3. **Create experiment templates in Obsidian:** 54 | 55 | ```markdown 56 | --- 57 | title: '{{title}}' 58 | status: 'seedling' 59 | startDate: { { date:YYYY-MM-DD } } 60 | description: '' 61 | --- 62 | 63 | # {{title}} 64 | 65 | ## Hypothesis 66 | 67 | ## Approach 68 | 69 | ## Learnings 70 | ``` 71 | 72 | ## Run 73 | 74 | ```bash 75 | npm run dev # Development 76 | npm run build # Production build 77 | ``` 78 | 79 | Visit `/experiments` to see all experiments. Each gets its own page. 80 | 81 | ## Tech 82 | 83 | - **Astro** - Static site generation 84 | - **Content Collections** - Type-safe content management 85 | - **Obsidian** - WYSIWYG editing and organization 86 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-6.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | title: "I've been frozen in self-reliance" 3 | startDate: 2024-12-01 4 | status: 'active' 5 | --- 6 | 7 | # I've been frozen in self-reliance 8 | 9 | _The glacier and the thaw_ 10 | 11 | [← Back to Felt-Sense Overview](/experiments/felt-sense) 12 | 13 | ## The Frozen State 14 | 15 | "The glacier of self-reliance is thawing, but old patterns keep trying to freeze it back up." (Week 8) 16 | 17 | "I don't trust anyone. I'll figure it out myself." (Week 2) 18 | 19 | ## Ancestral Ice 20 | 21 | "The shame around asking for help is ancestral—mom frazzled, dad absent." (Week 8) 22 | 23 | "Not knowing is shameful... Having the answer makes you good. Not having the answer makes you bad." (Week 2) 24 | 25 | ## The Breakdown that Breaks Through 26 | 27 | "I decided to drive the Lexus (despite subconscious misgivings) and the alternator seems to have gone out. This is drumming up all sorts of emotions. A strong reliance trigger is at the root of it." (Week 8) 28 | 29 | "There's a part of me that loves the problem, gets excited by the anguish of all this, that feels alive in the excitement of the possibility of breaking down somewhere." (Week 8) 30 | 31 | ## Simple Wisdom from the Tow Truck 32 | 33 | "'People helping people' is nothing to the tow truck driver. His natural interdependence highlights my cultivated isolation." (Week 8) 34 | 35 | "The collaborative world isn't actually expanding - my willingness to perceive and engage with it is." (Week 8) 36 | 37 | ## Revelation - The Paradox 38 | 39 | "My pattern is to over design without inviting people in. To avoid reliance. Reliance is freedom." (Multiple weeks) 40 | 41 | "Leaning into helplessness is one of the most potent change agents for self-reliance." (Week 5) 42 | 43 | "We're healed in relationship. To be loved for the thing we're ashamed of." (Week 1 & 8) 44 | 45 | --- 46 | 47 | ## Related Entry Points 48 | 49 | - [I build elaborate systems to avoid simple feelings](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-2) - Over-designing to avoid reliance 50 | - [I feel like I don't belong anywhere](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-7) - The isolation of self-reliance 51 | - [There's a sharp pain when I think about sharing](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-1) - Healing happens in relationship 52 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-7.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | title: "I feel like I don't belong anywhere" 3 | startDate: 2024-12-01 4 | status: 'active' 5 | --- 6 | 7 | # I feel like I don't belong anywhere 8 | 9 | _The nomad's longing_ 10 | 11 | [← Back to Felt-Sense Overview](/experiments/felt-sense) 12 | 13 | ## Between Worlds 14 | 15 | "A part that feels out of context. Between many contexts. The value of aesthetics in one camp, the value of emotional fitness in another, the technical acumen of a third. Many languages, nomadic. The longing for belonging." (Week 3) 16 | 17 | "I have been digitally culturally spiritually homeless. This is my home." (Week 1) 18 | 19 | ## The Special Separation 20 | 21 | "This is my loneliness. No one else has a loneliness this special." (Week 4) 22 | 23 | "The distance from a tangible local need. Silence and solitude foreground the feeling. An ache near my heart which tells me I don't have a place." (Week 3) 24 | 25 | ## The Bottom 26 | 27 | "I have touched such horrendous loneliness and still I'm here. There is a joy stirring." (Week 3) 28 | 29 | "The belief that I am a mistake, that there's no place for me plays itself across reality because I must have it so." (Week 3) 30 | 31 | ## Patience 32 | 33 | ``` 34 | Patience is the slow unraveling 35 | of an urgent tangle, 36 | careful hands 37 | enjoying knots 38 | unrushed. 39 | Invited to speak 40 | the natural pace 41 | of our voice, 42 | nowhere else to be 43 | in the living room 44 | of Soul. 45 | ``` 46 | 47 | ## Revelation 48 | 49 | "You already belong. The belief that you're a mistake plays itself across reality because you insist on it." (Week 3) 50 | 51 | "The special loneliness I've protected isn't special at all. It's the common human experience I've been using to keep myself separate." (Week 5) 52 | 53 | "The threshold of belonging offers an opportunity to become intimate with the intensities of love." (Week 3) 54 | 55 | --- 56 | 57 | ## Related Entry Points 58 | 59 | - [I've been frozen in self-reliance](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-6) - The isolation of self-reliance 60 | - [Joy feels like a heart attack](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-4) - When belonging threatens identity 61 | - [I abandon things right before they bloom](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-8) - The threshold of belonging 62 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-3.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | title: "I can't stop lashing myself forward" 3 | startDate: 2024-12-01 4 | status: 'active' 5 | --- 6 | 7 | # I can't stop lashing myself forward 8 | 9 | _Little whips and familiar poisons_ 10 | 11 | [← Back to Felt-Sense Overview](/experiments/felt-sense) 12 | 13 | ## Little Lashes 14 | 15 | ``` 16 | little lashes 17 | are motivating myself by not liking myself 18 | little lashes across the back 19 | keep going 20 | get up 21 | find a reason 22 | 23 | they hurt 24 | and i resent them 25 | and i love their pain 26 | because it 27 | takes me 28 | where i think i want to go 29 | 30 | the young woman 31 | in the cafe 32 | slams shut her laptop 33 | through a desperate smiling frustration 34 | looks to her friend says, 35 | "why don't i let myself stop working?!" 36 | 37 | the friend, framed in blonde waves 38 | and giving a field of 39 | Tell me, my love 40 | responds, 41 | "you love its purpose." 42 | ``` 43 | 44 | ## The Critical Voice Pattern 45 | 46 | "There's nothing the critical voice in the says to you that's true. Until you see that fact, you're fucked." (Week 7) 47 | 48 | "The critic acts as incompetent protector - quite sweet in intention but utterly destructive in method." (Week 7) 49 | 50 | ## When Tools Become Weapons 51 | 52 | "The tools work until I use them to improve myself. As soon as you do them to get better they will have no effect." (Week 6) 53 | 54 | "If you're running experiments to manage yourself, they stop working." (Week 2) 55 | 56 | "Get the should out of the experiment." (Week 2) 57 | 58 | ## The Shame Cycle 59 | 60 | "Shame yourself for drinking, best way to keep drinking. Shame a kid for being naughty is the best way to make sure they're naughty in the future." (Week 5) 61 | 62 | ## Revelation - A Different Fuel 63 | 64 | "Release myself from 'little lashes' of self-criticism. Motivation through self-dislike is a familiar poison I'm learning to transform into a virtue through acceptance." (Week 4) 65 | 66 | "Enjoyment in the doing is efficient. It leaves you with more energy than you went in with." (Week 4 & 7) 67 | 68 | "I am openhearted, I am in love with all of me. You are welcome, you are loved, just as you are." (Week 2) 69 | 70 | --- 71 | 72 | ## Related Entry Points 73 | 74 | - [There's a sharp pain when I think about sharing](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-1) - The critical voice and shame patterns 75 | - [I build elaborate systems to avoid simple feelings](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-2) - When tools become control mechanisms 76 | - [Joy feels like a heart attack](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-4) - Why expansion feels threatening 77 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-2.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | title: 'I build elaborate systems to avoid simple feelings' 3 | startDate: 2024-12-01 4 | status: 'active' 5 | --- 6 | 7 | # I build elaborate systems to avoid simple feelings 8 | 9 | _The architecture of avoidance_ 10 | 11 | [← Back to Felt-Sense Overview](/experiments/felt-sense) 12 | 13 | ## The Pattern Recognition 14 | 15 | "My mechanized constraints have stood in for the tender touch of organic love. They've offered a type of hug—a pressure that feels safe but carries a coldness." (Week 1) 16 | 17 | "Another framework, another elaborate architecture to keep the mess at bay. I see now how I've been building display cases for butterflies that need to fly." (Week 1) 18 | 19 | ## Symbols and Seeking 20 | 21 | ``` 22 | Symbols latch my eye 23 | with hyper color hooks. 24 | Brands sing siren songs 25 | of promised meaning. 26 | 27 | I'm pushing myself again 28 | to rest the restless beam 29 | of my attention 30 | on the unique desire of my Soul. 31 | 32 | Believing the I who is pushing 33 | can fulfill this desire 34 | without first having listened. 35 | ``` 36 | 37 | ## The Decorator's Wisdom 38 | 39 | "The decorator is a part who likes to beautify. Inviting him in too early is a cause of frustration." (Week 2) 40 | 41 | "My pattern is to over design without inviting people in. To avoid reliance. Reliance is freedom." (Week 6, 7, 8) 42 | 43 | ## What Lives Beneath 44 | 45 | "Your obsession with containers keeps you from experiencing what they're meant to contain. The map isn't the territory, and your organizational systems aren't the creative life they're meant to serve." (Week 1 Clearing) 46 | 47 | ### The Numbing 48 | 49 | ``` 50 | I'm numbing again. 51 | 52 | Could it be that I crave 53 | the very things 54 | that keep me small? 55 | 56 | It's so nice to be held back 57 | from the electric possibility 58 | of becoming all of me. 59 | ``` 60 | 61 | ## Revelation - The Dance 62 | 63 | "Structure and emergence must dance together." (Week 8) 64 | 65 | "The garden isn't just metaphor; it's methodology. When you feel stuck, return to tending rather than producing." (Week 8) 66 | 67 | "This garden isn't primarily about producing artifacts but about cultivating an ecosystem where inner dialogue becomes transformative." (Week 1) 68 | 69 | --- 70 | 71 | ## Related Entry Points 72 | 73 | - [I've been frozen in self-reliance](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-6) - Avoiding reliance through over-design 74 | - [I abandon things right before they bloom](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-8) - The threshold dance with systems 75 | - [I can't stop lashing myself forward](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-3) - When tools become weapons 76 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-4.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | title: 'Joy feels like a heart attack' 3 | startDate: 2024-12-01 4 | status: 'active' 5 | --- 6 | 7 | # Joy feels like a heart attack 8 | 9 | _When expansion threatens identity_ 10 | 11 | [← Back to Felt-Sense Overview](/experiments/felt-sense) 12 | 13 | ## The Terror of Good Feelings 14 | 15 | "Big heartfelt open joy is harder to feel. It feels less safe. 'Oh my god this can be taken away from me'. 'Oh my god what's happening, who am I in this?'" (Week 7) 16 | 17 | "When I'm excited about something, I experience anxiety because joy can feel 'unmooring' - it dissolves the contrasts by which I know myself." (Week 7) 18 | 19 | ## Two Possums (Joy Breaking Through) 20 | 21 | ``` 22 | Two possums 23 | havin' a disagreement 24 | under the deck. 25 | 26 | Sounded like they were 27 | in the living room with me. 28 | I opened the front door 29 | and banged my knee on the doorframe 30 | involuntary jump. 31 | 32 | Shouted across the house 33 | to my wife, "Possum battle!" 34 | She said, "I can't come see, 35 | I'm bottomless!" 36 | 37 | The night is warm and windy, 38 | joy spills over the cup of my heart. 39 | ``` 40 | 41 | ## The Body's Confusion 42 | 43 | "Fear of excitement means I'm already excited. Heart attack anxiety means my heart is already breaking open." (Week 7) 44 | 45 | "The feelings are so big, so expansive, the idea of self can't compete." (Week 7) 46 | 47 | ## Why Would It Be 48 | 49 | ``` 50 | Why would it be 51 | that your Soul's desire 52 | is a righteous good? 53 | 54 | Has anything 55 | you've ever loved 56 | been so simply beige? 57 | 58 | The other side 59 | shines with the joy 60 | of misery welcomed 61 | earnestly home. 62 | 63 | So, kiss the brow 64 | of your small one, 65 | loving their dark creativity. 66 | 67 | Your Soul invites friendship 68 | with even that part of you. 69 | ``` 70 | 71 | ## When Joy Arrives 72 | 73 | "I felt the try-hard relax and a colorful joy appeared. A sense of unabashed pleasure." (Week 6) 74 | 75 | "Without the fear: there's enough. It shows up when I open to connection. It floods in when I'm vulnerable with my excitement." (Week 6) 76 | 77 | ## Revelation 78 | 79 | "It's so nice to be held back from the electric possibility of becoming all of me." (Week 1) 80 | 81 | "Beginning to feel the joy of not needing to be liked. Small glimmers." (Week 7) 82 | 83 | --- 84 | 85 | ## Related Entry Points 86 | 87 | - [I can't stop lashing myself forward](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-3) - Why joy threatens the critical voice 88 | - [I feel like I don't belong anywhere](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-7) - Joy dissolving the contrasts of identity 89 | - [My body rebels when I ignore myself](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-5) - The body's wisdom about expansion 90 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/astro.svg: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | 2 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-1.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | title: "There's a sharp pain when I think about sharing" 3 | startDate: 2024-12-01 4 | status: 'active' 5 | --- 6 | 7 | # There's a sharp pain when I think about sharing 8 | 9 | _The body knows what the mind denies_ 10 | 11 | [← Back to Felt-Sense Overview](/experiments/felt-sense) 12 | 13 | ## Opening - The Physical Reality 14 | 15 | "The disconnect I feel when considering sharing stories with the internet is a sharp and whipping pain. A puckering aversion." (Week 6) 16 | 17 | "Hot metal slashes across my stomach. Proximity to a friend lying to themselves." (Week 1 Poem) 18 | 19 | ## The Cut 20 | 21 | ``` 22 | Hot metal slashes 23 | across my stomach. 24 | Proximity to a friend 25 | lying to themselves. 26 | 27 | Cut 28 | 29 | I want it to be 30 | any other way. 31 | 32 | Cut 33 | 34 | Invited to hard conversation. 35 | To feel the disappointment. 36 | To feel the small one abandoned. 37 | To realize I asked for this. 38 | 39 | Then 40 | 41 | A welcome. 42 | Join me in the garden, 43 | let's feel this together. 44 | It's a delight to embrace you. 45 | 46 | — 47 | There is a charge 48 | ``` 49 | 50 | ## The Body's Memory 51 | 52 | "Keep feeling the shame and resistance to publishing. There is a deep bind related to being seen. Needing loving witness, fearing being judged." (Week 5 & 6) 53 | 54 | "Trust the mess. Your fear of being judged for messiness is just the echo of that church basement where questions meant rejection." (Week 8) 55 | 56 | ### Church Bells 57 | 58 | ``` 59 | My head is filled with church bells 60 | Signaling a joyous day. 61 | The ringing sings out across 62 | My inner landscape 63 | And reverberates in pockets of my remembering flesh. 64 | I do and have done such disservice. 65 | I am a walking vibration of abuses. 66 | They line up at my door seeking their due, 67 | Saying, Joy sent me here. 68 | ``` 69 | 70 | ## Somatic Release 71 | 72 | "Muscles groaning with released emotion. A shame unfeelable finally felt. Levied tensions find their untangled rest." (Week 4 Poem) 73 | 74 | "ACT OUT YOUR CRITICAL VOICES TO FIND THEIR SOMATIC PATTERN." (Week 5) 75 | 76 | ## Revelation - The Medicine in the Wound 77 | 78 | "Shame is the outline of my identity. What I'm most reluctant to share is proportional to its healing potential." (Week 8) 79 | 80 | "Your body knows before your mind does. This physical aversion to being seen isn't intellectual - it's ancient wisdom that can be met with curiosity rather than force." (Week 7) 81 | 82 | --- 83 | 84 | ## Related Entry Points 85 | 86 | - [My body rebels when I ignore myself](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-5) - The body as messenger 87 | - [I can't stop lashing myself forward](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-3) - The critical voice patterns 88 | - [Words feel closed, not open](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-10) - The pain of expression 89 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-8.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | title: 'I abandon things right before they bloom' 3 | startDate: 2024-12-01 4 | status: 'active' 5 | --- 6 | 7 | # I abandon things right before they bloom 8 | 9 | _The threshold dance_ 10 | 11 | [← Back to Felt-Sense Overview](/experiments/felt-sense) 12 | 13 | ## The Pattern 14 | 15 | "The threshold dance - retreating just before breakthrough - keeps me safe but stuck. I abandon what I most desire at the moment of its arrival." (Week 7) 16 | 17 | "I'm recognizing a pattern where I wait until things are extremely painful until I clarify and move toward what I want." (Week 4) 18 | 19 | ## Something is Shifting 20 | 21 | ``` 22 | Something is shifting 23 | The gates are moving 24 | The keepers are rejiggering their positions 25 | 26 | I am afraid of combining project based learning, the garden, and the portfolio 27 | 28 | The patterns of play are open source 29 | Who has the sense of what's coming? 30 | How can I not know? 31 | How can I be in the service of the sense? 32 | This creates a wiggle within. A turning of my stomach 33 | A part of me wishes to hands-on create 34 | To discover new pattern 35 | To be the name on the building 36 | Another deeper sense wishes to serve 37 | An emerging energy 38 | A communal possibility 39 | A relational, collaborative way of supporting through the projects which define us 40 | Open up 41 | Speak to those who hear the call 42 | It's here, waiting to meet you 43 | It lives in relationship 44 | 45 | A vision of reaching out 46 | A vision of interviewing 47 | A vision of being a man in conversation 48 | Using the garden to report on what I'm finding 49 | To aide in the communication of essay 50 | 51 | A part of me wishes to throw out this notion 52 | This friction. This sense of a right way to do it 53 | This idea of what an essay is 54 | Of how communication should work 55 | Of what is trying to be accomplished 56 | The fear of setting out with a goal 57 | Of not living up 58 | ``` 59 | 60 | ## The Fear of Arrival 61 | 62 | "The thing that we're avoiding is usually the most direct path to our freedom." (Week 6) 63 | 64 | "The tendency to jump ahead into a should vision... this a pleasurable way to not do the small work close to hand." (Week 3) 65 | 66 | ## Revelation 67 | 68 | "Projects are an iterative container for evolution. Not for the purpose of being done." (Week 6) 69 | 70 | "Have a light hand with your experiments. Risk their loss. What's important will make it through to harvest." (Week 2) 71 | 72 | "It takes as long as it takes." (Week 6) 73 | 74 | --- 75 | 76 | ## Related Entry Points 77 | 78 | - [I feel like I don't belong anywhere](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-7) - The threshold of belonging 79 | - [I build elaborate systems to avoid simple feelings](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-2) - Avoiding the simple work close to hand 80 | - [Joy feels like a heart attack](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-4) - Why arrival feels threatening 81 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/experiments/felt-sense/index.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | title: 'The Thawing - Felt-Sense Entry Points & Material' 3 | startDate: 2024-12-01 4 | status: 'active' 5 | --- 6 | 7 | # The Thawing - Felt-Sense Entry Points & Material 8 | 9 | A living exploration of the body's wisdom and the patterns that keep us small. Each entry point is a doorway into different aspects of the same healing journey. 10 | 11 | ## Entry Points 12 | 13 | 1. **[There's a sharp pain when I think about sharing](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-1)** 14 | _The body knows what the mind denies_ 15 | 16 | 2. **[I build elaborate systems to avoid simple feelings](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-2)** 17 | _The architecture of avoidance_ 18 | 19 | 3. **[I can't stop lashing myself forward](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-3)** 20 | _Little whips and familiar poisons_ 21 | 22 | 4. **[Joy feels like a heart attack](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-4)** 23 | _When expansion threatens identity_ 24 | 25 | 5. **[My body rebels when I ignore myself](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-5)** 26 | _GERD, raccoons, and midnight messages_ 27 | 28 | 6. **[I've been frozen in self-reliance](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-6)** 29 | _The glacier and the thaw_ 30 | 31 | 7. **[I feel like I don't belong anywhere](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-7)** 32 | _The nomad's longing_ 33 | 34 | 8. **[I abandon things right before they bloom](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-8)** 35 | _The threshold dance_ 36 | 37 | 9. **[Anger feels like drowning](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-9)** 38 | _The dam and the flow_ 39 | 40 | 10. **[Words feel closed, not open](/experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-10)** 41 | _When language becomes a cage_ 42 | 43 | ## Universal Fragments 44 | 45 | **The Garden** 46 | 47 | - "As within, so without." 48 | - "My garden is a practice of loving myself." 49 | - "The garden grows whether you're watching or not." 50 | 51 | **Fear as Gateway** 52 | 53 | - "Feel the fear and the rest happens." 54 | - "Finding the fears in your life is like finding the doorways to get out of the stuck patterns you're in." 55 | - "The sense of self dies in the undefended process." 56 | 57 | **The Truth About Parts** 58 | 59 | - "I love creatives. The messy, the emotional, the brilliant, the ordinary, the gifted, the weird, the driven, the sad and mopey, the can't get started and can't get out of bed, the too much and need to be seen." 60 | - "How you meet them is how you meet yourself." 61 | 62 | **Spring Update** 63 | 64 | ``` 65 | Spring update 66 | The bees were in the purple trees in the front yard last week. 67 | Pollinating away. 68 | This week The bees seem to have moved on and the trees are exploding with green. 69 | ``` 70 | 71 | **Final Wisdom** 72 | 73 | - "Your most profound strength is the ability to feel discomfort all the way through." 74 | - "When I honor what I truly care about—even when it feels small or insignificant—I discover a path to both freedom and form." 75 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/pages/experiments.astro: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | // src/pages/experiments.astro 3 | import { getCollection } from 'astro:content'; 4 | 5 | // Get all experiments 6 | const experiments = await getCollection('experiments'); 7 | 8 | // Sort by start date (newest first) 9 | const sortedExperiments = experiments.sort((a, b) => 10 | new Date(b.data.startDate).getTime() - new Date(a.data.startDate).getTime() 11 | ); 12 | --- 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | Experiments Dashboard 21 | 67 | 68 | 69 |

Experiments Dashboard

70 |

Active experiments: {sortedExperiments.filter(exp => exp.data.status !== 'dormant' && exp.data.status !== 'harvested').length}

71 | 72 | {sortedExperiments.length === 0 ? ( 73 |

No experiments yet. Create your first experiment in Obsidian!

74 | ) : ( 75 |
76 | {sortedExperiments.map((experiment) => ( 77 |
78 |

79 | 80 | {experiment.data.title} 81 | 82 |

83 | 84 |
85 | 86 | {experiment.data.status} 87 | 88 | • Started: {experiment.data.startDate.toLocaleDateString()} 89 | {experiment.data.communicationMedium && ( 90 | • Medium: {experiment.data.communicationMedium} 91 | )} 92 |
93 | 94 | {experiment.data.description && ( 95 |

{experiment.data.description}

96 | )} 97 | 98 | {experiment.data.tags && experiment.data.tags.length > 0 && ( 99 |
100 | {experiment.data.tags.map((tag) => ( 101 | {tag} 102 | ))} 103 |
104 | )} 105 |
106 | ))} 107 |
108 | )} 109 | 110 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/components/Welcome.astro: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | import astroLogo from '../assets/astro.svg'; 3 | import background from '../assets/background.svg'; 4 | --- 5 | 6 |
7 | 8 |
9 |
10 | Astro Homepage 13 |

14 | To get started, open the 
src/pages
 directory in your project. 15 |

16 | 27 |
28 |
29 | 30 | 31 | 36 |

What's New in Astro 5.0?

37 |

38 | From content layers to server islands, click to learn more about the new features and 39 | improvements in Astro 5.0 40 |

41 | 42 |
43 | 44 | 211 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/.obsidian/workspace.json: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | { 2 | "main": { 3 | "id": "593b7d3b80d1a05d", 4 | "type": "split", 5 | "children": [ 6 | { 7 | "id": "381eaeaf12e6ec44", 8 | "type": "tabs", 9 | "children": [ 10 | { 11 | "id": "3ba6f8ab41ba9997", 12 | "type": "leaf", 13 | "state": { 14 | "type": "markdown", 15 | "state": { 16 | "file": "experiments/test-project/index.md", 17 | "mode": "source", 18 | "source": false 19 | }, 20 | "icon": "lucide-file", 21 | "title": "index" 22 | } 23 | }, 24 | { 25 | "id": "e9f52cc38d9fea43", 26 | "type": "leaf", 27 | "state": { 28 | "type": "markdown", 29 | "state": { 30 | "file": "templates/experiment-starter.md", 31 | "mode": "source", 32 | "source": false 33 | }, 34 | "icon": "lucide-file", 35 | "title": "experiment-starter" 36 | } 37 | } 38 | ], 39 | "currentTab": 1 40 | } 41 | ], 42 | "direction": "vertical" 43 | }, 44 | "left": { 45 | "id": "4b7d8f3fd9700473", 46 | "type": "split", 47 | "children": [ 48 | { 49 | "id": "79fa8d5826c60fdc", 50 | "type": "tabs", 51 | "children": [ 52 | { 53 | "id": "ff9dc8647b21bdc3", 54 | "type": "leaf", 55 | "state": { 56 | "type": "file-explorer", 57 | "state": { 58 | "sortOrder": "alphabetical", 59 | "autoReveal": false 60 | }, 61 | "icon": "lucide-folder-closed", 62 | "title": "Files" 63 | } 64 | }, 65 | { 66 | "id": "7a5d05c3a8abadf0", 67 | "type": "leaf", 68 | "state": { 69 | "type": "search", 70 | "state": { 71 | "query": "", 72 | "matchingCase": false, 73 | "explainSearch": false, 74 | "collapseAll": false, 75 | "extraContext": false, 76 | "sortOrder": "alphabetical" 77 | }, 78 | "icon": "lucide-search", 79 | "title": "Search" 80 | } 81 | }, 82 | { 83 | "id": "75dee61afd25dd17", 84 | "type": "leaf", 85 | "state": { 86 | "type": "bookmarks", 87 | "state": {}, 88 | "icon": "lucide-bookmark", 89 | "title": "Bookmarks" 90 | } 91 | } 92 | ] 93 | } 94 | ], 95 | "direction": "horizontal", 96 | "width": 300 97 | }, 98 | "right": { 99 | "id": "8377f1f5b981f24c", 100 | "type": "split", 101 | "children": [ 102 | { 103 | "id": "c331aaa0844bcf8e", 104 | "type": "tabs", 105 | "children": [ 106 | { 107 | "id": "fbd7d27e86161bbc", 108 | "type": "leaf", 109 | "state": { 110 | "type": "backlink", 111 | "state": { 112 | "file": "experiments/spring-garden-2025/Untitled.md", 113 | "collapseAll": false, 114 | "extraContext": false, 115 | "sortOrder": "alphabetical", 116 | "showSearch": false, 117 | "searchQuery": "", 118 | "backlinkCollapsed": false, 119 | "unlinkedCollapsed": true 120 | }, 121 | "icon": "links-coming-in", 122 | "title": "Backlinks for Untitled" 123 | } 124 | }, 125 | { 126 | "id": "62da39812d702eb2", 127 | "type": "leaf", 128 | "state": { 129 | "type": "outgoing-link", 130 | "state": { 131 | "file": "experiments/spring-garden-2025/Untitled.md", 132 | "linksCollapsed": false, 133 | "unlinkedCollapsed": true 134 | }, 135 | "icon": "links-going-out", 136 | "title": "Outgoing links from Untitled" 137 | } 138 | }, 139 | { 140 | "id": "793dfd959c6b8533", 141 | "type": "leaf", 142 | "state": { 143 | "type": "tag", 144 | "state": { 145 | "sortOrder": "frequency", 146 | "useHierarchy": true, 147 | "showSearch": false, 148 | "searchQuery": "" 149 | }, 150 | "icon": "lucide-tags", 151 | "title": "Tags" 152 | } 153 | }, 154 | { 155 | "id": "cfdfbe566492875c", 156 | "type": "leaf", 157 | "state": { 158 | "type": "outline", 159 | "state": { 160 | "file": "experiments/spring-garden-2025/Untitled.md", 161 | "followCursor": false, 162 | "showSearch": false, 163 | "searchQuery": "" 164 | }, 165 | "icon": "lucide-list", 166 | "title": "Outline of Untitled" 167 | } 168 | } 169 | ] 170 | } 171 | ], 172 | "direction": "horizontal", 173 | "width": 300, 174 | "collapsed": true 175 | }, 176 | "left-ribbon": { 177 | "hiddenItems": { 178 | "switcher:Open quick switcher": false, 179 | "graph:Open graph view": false, 180 | "canvas:Create new canvas": false, 181 | "daily-notes:Open today's daily note": false, 182 | "templates:Insert template": false, 183 | "command-palette:Open command palette": false 184 | } 185 | }, 186 | "active": "e9f52cc38d9fea43", 187 | "lastOpenFiles": [ 188 | "the-first-nine/index.mdx", 189 | "the-first-nine/index.md", 190 | "the-first-nine/nine-entries.md", 191 | "the-first-nine/nine-entries.html", 192 | "the-first-nine", 193 | "nine-stories", 194 | "experiments/test-project/index.md", 195 | "experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-8.md", 196 | "experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-6.md", 197 | "experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-10.md", 198 | "experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-7.md", 199 | "experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-9.md", 200 | "experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-3.md", 201 | "experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-4.md", 202 | "experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-5.md", 203 | "experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-2.md", 204 | "experiments/felt-sense/entry-point-1.md", 205 | "experiments/felt-sense/index.md", 206 | "experiments/felt-sense-entry-point-10.md", 207 | "experiments/felt-sense-entry-point-9.md", 208 | "experiments/felt-sense-entry-point-8.md", 209 | "experiments/felt-sense-entry-point-7.md", 210 | "experiments/felt-sense-entry-point-6.md", 211 | "experiments/felt-sense-entry-point-5.md", 212 | "experiments/felt-sense-entry-point-4.md", 213 | "experiments/felt-sense-entry-point-3.md", 214 | "experiments/felt-sense-entry-point-2.md", 215 | "experiments/felt-sense-entry-point-1.md", 216 | "experiments/felt-sense-index.md", 217 | "experiments/felt-sense", 218 | "experiments/spring-garden-2025", 219 | "Untitled.canvas", 220 | "experiments/test-project" 221 | ] 222 | } -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/content/experiments/felt-sense/_felt-sense-map-v2.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | # The Thawing - Felt-Sense Entry Points & Material 2 | 3 | ## Entry Point 1: "There's a sharp pain when I think about sharing" 4 | *The body knows what the mind denies* 5 | 6 | ### Fragments: 7 | 8 | **Opening - The Physical Reality** 9 | - "The disconnect I feel when considering sharing stories with the internet is a sharp and whipping pain. A puckering aversion." (Week 6) 10 | - "Hot metal slashes across my stomach. Proximity to a friend lying to themselves." (Week 1 Poem) 11 | 12 | **Full Poem - The Cut** 13 | ``` 14 | Hot metal slashes 15 | across my stomach. 16 | Proximity to a friend 17 | lying to themselves. 18 | 19 | Cut 20 | 21 | I want it to be 22 | any other way. 23 | 24 | Cut 25 | 26 | Invited to hard conversation. 27 | To feel the disappointment. 28 | To feel the small one abandoned. 29 | To realize I asked for this. 30 | 31 | Then 32 | 33 | A welcome. 34 | Join me in the garden, 35 | let's feel this together. 36 | It's a delight to embrace you. 37 | 38 | — 39 | There is a charge 40 | ``` 41 | 42 | **The Body's Memory** 43 | - "Keep feeling the shame and resistance to publishing. There is a deep bind related to being seen. Needing loving witness, fearing being judged." (Week 5 & 6) 44 | - "Trust the mess. Your fear of being judged for messiness is just the echo of that church basement where questions meant rejection." (Week 8) 45 | 46 | **Full Poem - Church Bells** 47 | ``` 48 | My head is filled with church bells 49 | Signaling a joyous day. 50 | The ringing sings out across 51 | My inner landscape 52 | And reverberates in pockets of my remembering flesh. 53 | I do and have done such disservice. 54 | I am a walking vibration of abuses. 55 | They line up at my door seeking their due, 56 | Saying, Joy sent me here. 57 | ``` 58 | 59 | **Somatic Release** 60 | - "Muscles groaning with released emotion. A shame unfeelable finally felt. Levied tensions find their untangled rest." (Week 4 Poem) 61 | - "ACT OUT YOUR CRITICAL VOICES TO FIND THEIR SOMATIC PATTERN." (Week 5) 62 | 63 | **Revelation - The Medicine in the Wound** 64 | - "Shame is the outline of my identity. What I'm most reluctant to share is proportional to its healing potential." (Week 8) 65 | - "Your body knows before your mind does. This physical aversion to being seen isn't intellectual - it's ancient wisdom that can be met with curiosity rather than force." (Week 7) 66 | 67 | --- 68 | 69 | ## Entry Point 2: "I build elaborate systems to avoid simple feelings" 70 | *The architecture of avoidance* 71 | 72 | ### Fragments: 73 | 74 | **The Pattern Recognition** 75 | - "My mechanized constraints have stood in for the tender touch of organic love. They've offered a type of hug—a pressure that feels safe but carries a coldness." (Week 1) 76 | - "Another framework, another elaborate architecture to keep the mess at bay. I see now how I've been building display cases for butterflies that need to fly." (Week 1) 77 | 78 | **Full Poem - Symbols and Seeking** 79 | ``` 80 | Symbols latch my eye 81 | with hyper color hooks. 82 | Brands sing siren songs 83 | of promised meaning. 84 | 85 | I'm pushing myself again 86 | to rest the restless beam 87 | of my attention 88 | on the unique desire of my Soul. 89 | 90 | Believing the I who is pushing 91 | can fulfill this desire 92 | without first having listened. 93 | ``` 94 | 95 | **The Decorator's Wisdom** 96 | - "The decorator is a part who likes to beautify. Inviting him in too early is a cause of frustration." (Week 2) 97 | - "My pattern is to over design without inviting people in. To avoid reliance. Reliance is freedom." (Week 6, 7, 8) 98 | 99 | **What Lives Beneath** 100 | - "Your obsession with containers keeps you from experiencing what they're meant to contain. The map isn't the territory, and your organizational systems aren't the creative life they're meant to serve." (Week 1 Clearing) 101 | 102 | **Full Poem - The Numbing** 103 | ``` 104 | I'm numbing again. 105 | 106 | Could it be that I crave 107 | the very things 108 | that keep me small? 109 | 110 | It's so nice to be held back 111 | from the electric possibility 112 | of becoming all of me. 113 | ``` 114 | 115 | **Revelation - The Dance** 116 | - "Structure and emergence must dance together." (Week 8) 117 | - "The garden isn't just metaphor; it's methodology. When you feel stuck, return to tending rather than producing." (Week 8) 118 | - "This garden isn't primarily about producing artifacts but about cultivating an ecosystem where inner dialogue becomes transformative." (Week 1) 119 | 120 | --- 121 | 122 | ## Entry Point 3: "I can't stop lashing myself forward" 123 | *Little whips and familiar poisons* 124 | 125 | ### Fragments: 126 | 127 | **Full Poem - Little Lashes** 128 | ``` 129 | little lashes 130 | are motivating myself by not liking myself 131 | little lashes across the back 132 | keep going 133 | get up 134 | find a reason 135 | 136 | they hurt 137 | and i resent them 138 | and i love their pain 139 | because it 140 | takes me 141 | where i think i want to go 142 | 143 | the young woman 144 | in the cafe 145 | slams shut her laptop 146 | through a desperate smiling frustration 147 | looks to her friend says, 148 | "why don't i let myself stop working?!" 149 | 150 | the friend, framed in blonde waves 151 | and giving a field of 152 | Tell me, my love 153 | responds, 154 | "you love its purpose." 155 | ``` 156 | 157 | **The Critical Voice Pattern** 158 | - "There's nothing the critical voice in the says to you that's true. Until you see that fact, you're fucked." (Week 7) 159 | - "The critic acts as incompetent protector - quite sweet in intention but utterly destructive in method." (Week 7) 160 | 161 | **When Tools Become Weapons** 162 | - "The tools work until I use them to improve myself. As soon as you do them to get better they will have no effect." (Week 6) 163 | - "If you're running experiments to manage yourself, they stop working." (Week 2) 164 | - "Get the should out of the experiment." (Week 2) 165 | 166 | **The Shame Cycle** 167 | - "Shame yourself for drinking, best way to keep drinking. Shame a kid for being naughty is the best way to make sure they're naughty in the future." (Week 5) 168 | 169 | **Revelation - A Different Fuel** 170 | - "Release myself from 'little lashes' of self-criticism. Motivation through self-dislike is a familiar poison I'm learning to transform into a virtue through acceptance." (Week 4) 171 | - "Enjoyment in the doing is efficient. It leaves you with more energy than you went in with." (Week 4 & 7) 172 | - "I am openhearted, I am in love with all of me. You are welcome, you are loved, just as you are." (Week 2) 173 | 174 | --- 175 | 176 | ## Entry Point 4: "Joy feels like a heart attack" 177 | *When expansion threatens identity* 178 | 179 | ### Fragments: 180 | 181 | **The Terror of Good Feelings** 182 | - "Big heartfelt open joy is harder to feel. It feels less safe. 'Oh my god this can be taken away from me'. 'Oh my god what's happening, who am I in this?'" (Week 7) 183 | - "When I'm excited about something, I experience anxiety because joy can feel 'unmooring' - it dissolves the contrasts by which I know myself." (Week 7) 184 | 185 | **Full Poem - Two Possums (Joy Breaking Through)** 186 | ``` 187 | Two possums 188 | havin' a disagreement 189 | under the deck. 190 | 191 | Sounded like they were 192 | in the living room with me. 193 | I opened the front door 194 | and banged my knee on the doorframe 195 | involuntary jump. 196 | 197 | Shouted across the house 198 | to my wife, "Possum battle!" 199 | She said, "I can't come see, 200 | I'm bottomless!" 201 | 202 | The night is warm and windy, 203 | joy spills over the cup of my heart. 204 | ``` 205 | 206 | **The Body's Confusion** 207 | - "Fear of excitement means I'm already excited. Heart attack anxiety means my heart is already breaking open." (Week 7) 208 | - "The feelings are so big, so expansive, the idea of self can't compete." (Week 7) 209 | 210 | **Full Poem - Why Would It Be** 211 | ``` 212 | Why would it be 213 | that your Soul's desire 214 | is a righteous good? 215 | 216 | Has anything 217 | you've ever loved 218 | been so simply beige? 219 | 220 | The other side 221 | shines with the joy 222 | of misery welcomed 223 | earnestly home. 224 | 225 | So, kiss the brow 226 | of your small one, 227 | loving their dark creativity. 228 | 229 | Your Soul invites friendship 230 | with even that part of you. 231 | ``` 232 | 233 | **When Joy Arrives** 234 | - "I felt the try-hard relax and a colorful joy appeared. A sense of unabashed pleasure." (Week 6) 235 | - "Without the fear: there's enough. It shows up when I open to connection. It floods in when I'm vulnerable with my excitement." (Week 6) 236 | 237 | **Revelation** 238 | - "It's so nice to be held back from the electric possibility of becoming all of me." (Week 1) 239 | - "Beginning to feel the joy of not needing to be liked. Small glimmers." (Week 7) 240 | 241 | --- 242 | 243 | ## Entry Point 5: "My body rebels when I ignore myself" 244 | *GERD, raccoons, and midnight messages* 245 | 246 | ### Fragments: 247 | 248 | **The Body's Protests** 249 | - "I eat too much when disconnected. My body uses GERD as a messenger when my mind won't listen. The raccoon at night is watching me ignore myself." (Week 7) 250 | - "Woke with a smattering of somatic discomfort. Feeling ill. Spent time surfing the emotions. A lot of constriction." (Week 4) 251 | 252 | **Full Poem - The Body Groans** 253 | ``` 254 | The body groans. 255 | Relax relax relax. 256 | What if it were easy, 257 | what if the abundance of love and connection 258 | was just how it is? 259 | What if you didn't have to work to earn it? 260 | What if you got to be a part of a team? 261 | ``` 262 | 263 | **Disconnection Patterns** 264 | - "Disconnection to self feels like isolating. hanging out with the phone. trying to make projects to be seen." (Week 4) 265 | - "Connection to self feels like saying yes to relationship. spending time together." (Week 4) 266 | 267 | **Movement as Medicine** 268 | - "The body is opened up again after exercise. Had been bottled up. If I do a ride like that 3x a week this energy will have a chance to move and it will level out." (Week 4) 269 | - "When I laid on the earth instead of pushing through frustration, young parts found the space they needed." (Week 8) 270 | 271 | **Revelation** 272 | - "My body knows before my mind does." (Week 7) 273 | - "Feeling the intensity of these feelings, not rushing them off or pushing through them. Meeting them with curiosity. They appear to relax and energy begins to flow again." (Week 4) 274 | 275 | --- 276 | 277 | ## Entry Point 6: "I've been frozen in self-reliance" 278 | *The glacier and the thaw* 279 | 280 | ### Fragments: 281 | 282 | **The Frozen State** 283 | - "The glacier of self-reliance is thawing, but old patterns keep trying to freeze it back up." (Week 8) 284 | - "I don't trust anyone. I'll figure it out myself." (Week 2) 285 | 286 | **Ancestral Ice** 287 | - "The shame around asking for help is ancestral—mom frazzled, dad absent." (Week 8) 288 | - "Not knowing is shameful... Having the answer makes you good. Not having the answer makes you bad." (Week 2) 289 | 290 | **The Breakdown that Breaks Through** 291 | - "I decided to drive the Lexus (despite subconscious misgivings) and the alternator seems to have gone out. This is drumming up all sorts of emotions. A strong reliance trigger is at the root of it." (Week 8) 292 | - "There's a part of me that loves the problem, gets excited by the anguish of all this, that feels alive in the excitement of the possibility of breaking down somewhere." (Week 8) 293 | 294 | **Simple Wisdom from the Tow Truck** 295 | - "'People helping people' is nothing to the tow truck driver. His natural interdependence highlights my cultivated isolation." (Week 8) 296 | - "The collaborative world isn't actually expanding - my willingness to perceive and engage with it is." (Week 8) 297 | 298 | **Revelation - The Paradox** 299 | - "My pattern is to over design without inviting people in. To avoid reliance. Reliance is freedom." (Multiple weeks) 300 | - "Leaning into helplessness is one of the most potent change agents for self-reliance." (Week 5) 301 | - "We're healed in relationship. To be loved for the thing we're ashamed of." (Week 1 & 8) 302 | 303 | --- 304 | 305 | ## Entry Point 7: "I feel like I don't belong anywhere" 306 | *The nomad's longing* 307 | 308 | ### Fragments: 309 | 310 | **Between Worlds** 311 | - "A part that feels out of context. Between many contexts. The value of aesthetics in one camp, the value of emotional fitness in another, the technical acumen of a third. Many languages, nomadic. The longing for belonging." (Week 3) 312 | - "I have been digitally culturally spiritually homeless. This is my home." (Week 1) 313 | 314 | **The Special Separation** 315 | - "This is my loneliness. No one else has a loneliness this special." (Week 4) 316 | - "The distance from a tangible local need. Silence and solitude foreground the feeling. An ache near my heart which tells me I don't have a place." (Week 3) 317 | 318 | **The Bottom** 319 | - "I have touched such horrendous loneliness and still I'm here. There is a joy stirring." (Week 3) 320 | - "The belief that I am a mistake, that there's no place for me plays itself across reality because I must have it so." (Week 3) 321 | 322 | **Full Poem - Patience** 323 | ``` 324 | Patience is the slow unraveling 325 | of an urgent tangle, 326 | careful hands 327 | enjoying knots 328 | unrushed. 329 | Invited to speak 330 | the natural pace 331 | of our voice, 332 | nowhere else to be 333 | in the living room 334 | of Soul. 335 | ``` 336 | 337 | **Revelation** 338 | - "You already belong. The belief that you're a mistake plays itself across reality because you insist on it." (Week 3) 339 | - "The special loneliness I've protected isn't special at all. It's the common human experience I've been using to keep myself separate." (Week 5) 340 | - "The threshold of belonging offers an opportunity to become intimate with the intensities of love." (Week 3) 341 | 342 | --- 343 | 344 | ## Entry Point 8: "I abandon things right before they bloom" 345 | *The threshold dance* 346 | 347 | ### Fragments: 348 | 349 | **The Pattern** 350 | - "The threshold dance - retreating just before breakthrough - keeps me safe but stuck. I abandon what I most desire at the moment of its arrival." (Week 7) 351 | - "I'm recognizing a pattern where I wait until things are extremely painful until I clarify and move toward what I want." (Week 4) 352 | 353 | **Full Poem - Something is Shifting** 354 | ``` 355 | Something is shifting 356 | The gates are moving 357 | The keepers are rejiggering their positions 358 | 359 | I am afraid of combining project based learning, the garden, and the portfolio 360 | 361 | The patterns of play are open source 362 | Who has the sense of what's coming? 363 | How can I not know? 364 | How can I be in the service of the sense? 365 | This creates a wiggle within. A turning of my stomach 366 | A part of me wishes to hands-on create 367 | To discover new pattern 368 | To be the name on the building 369 | Another deeper sense wishes to serve 370 | An emerging energy 371 | A communal possibility 372 | A relational, collaborative way of supporting through the projects which define us 373 | Open up 374 | Speak to those who hear the call 375 | It's here, waiting to meet you 376 | It lives in relationship 377 | 378 | A vision of reaching out 379 | A vision of interviewing 380 | A vision of being a man in conversation 381 | Using the garden to report on what I'm finding 382 | To aide in the communication of essay 383 | 384 | A part of me wishes to throw out this notion 385 | This friction. This sense of a right way to do it 386 | This idea of what an essay is 387 | Of how communication should work 388 | Of what is trying to be accomplished 389 | The fear of setting out with a goal 390 | Of not living up 391 | ``` 392 | 393 | **The Fear of Arrival** 394 | - "The thing that we're avoiding is usually the most direct path to our freedom." (Week 6) 395 | - "The tendency to jump ahead into a should vision... this a pleasurable way to not do the small work close to hand." (Week 3) 396 | 397 | **Revelation** 398 | - "Projects are an iterative container for evolution. Not for the purpose of being done." (Week 6) 399 | - "Have a light hand with your experiments. Risk their loss. What's important will make it through to harvest." (Week 2) 400 | - "It takes as long as it takes." (Week 6) 401 | 402 | --- 403 | 404 | ## Entry Point 9: "Anger feels like drowning" 405 | *The dam and the flow* 406 | 407 | ### Fragments: 408 | 409 | **The Dam** 410 | - "The shame around anger is a dam holding back the movement toward moving emotion this way." (Week 8) 411 | - "I am fucking pissed about the abuse when I was younger. What I did to myself, what was done to me. I needed loving attention and I got shame and grief and scolding." (Week 4) 412 | 413 | **When It Moves** 414 | - "When Kristen offered 'I see your anger and don't judge you,' something fundamental shifted." (Week 8) 415 | - "Moving emotion through my body - ranting, shaking, yelling into pillows - creates immediate clarity." (Week 8) 416 | 417 | **The Ocean Teaching** 418 | ``` 419 | The ocean as loving awareness. 420 | Everything made of the same stuff. 421 | Infinite abundance. 422 | Don't need to hold onto any particular aspect of any of it, 423 | there's so much. 424 | ``` 425 | 426 | **Revelation** 427 | - "Emotions seem to be the core of the work." (Week 4) 428 | - "Stop treating emotions like binding contracts. They're weather systems moving through, neither permanent nor personal." (Week 7) 429 | - "If you're scared of feeling an emotion you're already in it." (Week 6) 430 | 431 | --- 432 | 433 | ## Entry Point 10: "Words feel closed, not open" 434 | *When language becomes a cage* 435 | 436 | ### Fragments: 437 | 438 | **The Constriction** 439 | - "When the words are open rather than closed, love flows through them more readily. The language of the world becomes connective." (Week 8) 440 | - "When released from the belief that I have an obligation to be understood there is a lot more spaciousness." (Week 2) 441 | 442 | **The Writer's Pain** 443 | - "The sharp pain of loving the writing. I have missed the dance of words. I miss connecting through. I fear the sharp pain of my critical voices." (Week 4) 444 | - "On the notion of plagiary, I got it in my head from school that if I weren't entirely original that I was stealing or wrong This is an impossible mind and is a type of torture." (Week 7) 445 | 446 | **Technical Overflow** 447 | - "Your 'technical overflow' isn't about ideas—it's connection seeking. Try 'i'm feeling scattered and want you to see me' instead." (Week 2) 448 | 449 | **Full Poem - The Garden Teaching** 450 | ``` 451 | The garden a living shrine 452 | in devotional friendship with the Ally 453 | who is a teacher 454 | ``` 455 | 456 | **Revelation** 457 | - "In the space healing affords, new definitions of words arise." (Week 8) 458 | - "True expression requires neither total exposure nor complete protection, but rather a rhythmic pulse between intimacy and boundary." (Week 1) 459 | - "Originality was never the point. The lineage of ideas flows through me, not from me." (Week 7) 460 | 461 | --- 462 | 463 | ## Universal Fragments 464 | *These speak across all entry points* 465 | 466 | **The Garden** 467 | - "As within, so without." (Multiple weeks) 468 | - "My garden is a practice of loving myself." (Week 1) 469 | - "The garden grows whether you're watching or not." (Week 8) 470 | 471 | **Fear as Gateway** 472 | - "Feel the fear and the rest happens." (Week 1) 473 | - "Finding the fears in your life is like finding the doorways to get out of the stuck patterns you're in." (Week 1) 474 | - "The sense of self dies in the undefended process." (Week 1) 475 | 476 | **The Truth About Parts** 477 | - "I love creatives. The messy, the emotional, the brilliant, the ordinary, the gifted, the weird, the driven, the sad and mopey, the can't get started and can't get out of bed, the too much and need to be seen." (Week 3) 478 | - "How you meet them is how you meet yourself." (Week 3) 479 | 480 | **Spring Update** 481 | ``` 482 | Spring update 483 | The bees were in the purple trees in the front yard last week. 484 | Pollinating away. 485 | This week The bees seem to have moved on and the trees are exploding with green. 486 | ``` 487 | 488 | **Final Wisdom** 489 | - "Your most profound strength is the ability to feel discomfort all the way through." (Week 8) 490 | - "When I honor what I truly care about—even when it feels small or insignificant—I discover a path to both freedom and form." (Week 8) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /public/nine-entries.html: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Garden of Nine Entries 7 | 202 | 203 | 204 | 205 |
206 | 207 |
208 |
🔥
209 |
There's a sharp pain when I think about sharing
210 |
211 | 212 | 213 |
214 |
📐
215 |
I build elaborate systems to avoid simple feelings
216 |
217 | 218 | 219 |
220 |
🎭
221 |
I can't stop lashing myself forward
222 |
223 | 224 | 225 |
226 |
⚡
227 |
Joy feels like a heart attack
228 |
229 | 230 | 231 |
232 |
🦝
233 |
My body rebels when I ignore myself
234 |
235 | 236 | 237 |
238 |
🧊
239 |
I've been frozen in self-reliance
240 |
241 | 242 | 243 |
244 |
🧭
245 |
I feel like I don't belong anywhere
246 |
247 | 248 | 249 |
250 |
🚪
251 |
I abandon things right before they bloom
252 |
253 | 254 | 255 |
256 |
🌊
257 |
Anger feels like drowning
258 |
259 |
260 | 261 | 262 |
263 |

264 |

265 |
266 |
Take a breath to return to the garden
267 |
268 | 269 | 533 | 534 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/pages/the-first-nine/index.astro: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | --- 2 | // src/pages/the-first-nine/index.astro 3 | import { Image } from 'astro:assets'; 4 | import bell from '../../assets/images/bell.png'; 5 | import ladder from '../../assets/images/ladder.png'; 6 | import whip from '../../assets/images/whip.png'; 7 | import balloonheart from '../../assets/images/balloonheart.png'; 8 | import raccoon from '../../assets/images/raccoon.png'; 9 | import icehand from '../../assets/images/icehand.png'; 10 | import snail from '../../assets/images/snail.png'; 11 | import flower from '../../assets/images/flower.png'; 12 | import match from '../../assets/images/match.png'; 13 | import thefeltsense from '../../assets/images/thefeltsense.png'; 14 | import birdsign from '../../assets/images/birdsign.png'; 15 | import star from '../../assets/images/star.png'; 16 | import background from '../../assets/images/background.png'; 17 | import ohhand from '../../assets/images/ohhand.png'; 18 | import beebranch from '../../assets/images/beebranch.png'; 19 | import bees from '../../assets/images/bees.png'; 20 | --- 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | Garden of Nine Entries 30 | 471 | 472 | 473 | 474 |
475 | star 476 | star 477 | star 478 | thefeltsense 479 | 480 |
481 |
bell
482 |
There's a sharp pain when I think about sharing
483 |
484 | 485 | 486 |
487 |
ladder
488 |
I build elaborate systems to avoid simple feelings
489 |
490 | 491 | 492 |
493 |
whip
494 |
I can't stop lashing myself forward
495 |
496 | 497 | 498 |
499 |
balloonheart
500 |
Joy feels like a heart attack
501 |
502 | 503 | 504 |
505 |
raccoon
506 |
My body rebels when I ignore myself
507 |
508 | 509 | 510 |
511 |
icehand
512 |
I've been frozen in self-reliance
513 |
514 | 515 | 516 |
517 |
snail
518 |
I feel like I don't belong anywhere
519 |
520 | 521 | 522 |
523 |
flower
524 |
I abandon things right before they bloom
525 |
526 | 527 | 528 |
529 |
match
530 |
Anger feels like drowning
531 |
532 |
533 | 534 | 535 |
536 |

537 |

538 |
539 |
540 |
541 |
birdsign
Take a breath, return to garden
542 |
543 | 544 | 545 | 546 | 594 | 595 | 973 | 974 | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------