├── README.md
└── coder8ball


/README.md:
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 1 | # coder8ball
 2 | 
 3 | This Magic 8-Ball provides the solution to all the bug reports that are piling
 4 | up in your repositories.  Just roll it and it will tell you what to do with
 5 | them!
 6 | 
 7 | # Example
 8 | 
 9 | ```
10 | ~ $ coder8ball
11 | Explain that their particular system configuration isn't supported.
12 | ~ $ coder8ball
13 | Close without explanation.
14 | ~ $ coder8ball
15 | Pretend it's a problem with systemd.
16 | ```
17 | 
18 | # Bugs
19 | 
20 | If you find any bugs in this software, just go ahead and open an issue.  I will
21 | then pretend that I'm actively working on the issue.
22 | 


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/coder8ball:
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 1 | #!/bin/sh
 2 | shuf -n1 <<EOF
 3 | Close with "Won't fix."
 4 | Close with "Works for me." independently of whether it works
 5 | Close with "#YOLO"
 6 | Close without explanation.
 7 | Close it and pretend the issue is too old and probably already fixed.
 8 | Ask for unrelated information about their system.
 9 | Ask the reporter to submit a patch since it's open source.
10 | Ask the reporter to upgrade to the most recent development branch.
11 | Pretend you fixed it with a completely unrelated commit.
12 | Pretend you have plans to fix it in the near future.
13 | Pretend the bug lies in a dependency of the program.
14 | Pretend it's a duplicate issue.
15 | Pretend it's a problem with systemd.
16 | Pretend you're actively working on a solution.
17 | Ignore the issue entirely.
18 | Explain that their particular system configuration isn't supported.
19 | Explain that you are currently very busy with your sex life.
20 | Give instructions to fix it, which will actually break the reporters system.
21 | Just fucking fix the issue.
22 | EOF
23 | 


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