├── .gitignore ├── README.md └── api ├── original.js └── generated.js /.gitignore: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | .idea -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /README.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | # insultAPI 2 | Finally... A way to deliver Shakespearian insults via REST API. 3 | #### Original Insults 4 | insultapi.now.sh/api/original 5 | 6 | #### Generated Insults 7 | insultapi.now.sh/api/generated -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /api/original.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | const insults = [ 2 | 'A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.', 3 | 'Away, you starvelling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish!', 4 | 'Away, you three-inch fool!', 5 | 'Come, come, you froward and unable worms!', 6 | 'Go, prick thy face, and over-red thy fear, Thou lily-liver’d boy.', 7 | 'His wit’s as thick as a Tewkesbury mustard.', 8 | 'I am pigeon-liver’d and lack gall.', 9 | 'I am sick when I do look on thee.', 10 | 'I must tell you friendly in your ear, sell when you can, you are not for all markets.', 11 | 'If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.', 12 | 'I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands.', 13 | 'I scorn you, scurvy companion.', 14 | 'Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.', 15 | 'More of your conversation would infect my brain.', 16 | 'My wife’s a hobby horse!', 17 | 'Peace, ye fat guts!', 18 | 'Poisonous bunch-backed toad!', 19 | 'The rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril', 20 | 'The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes.', 21 | 'There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.', 22 | 'Thine forward voice, now, is to speak well of thine friend; thine backward voice is to utter foul speeches and to detract.', 23 | 'That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?', 24 | 'Thine face is not worth sunburning.', 25 | 'This woman’s an easy glove, my lord, she goes off and on at pleasure.', 26 | 'Thou art a boil, a plague sore', 27 | 'Was the Duke a flesh-monger, a fool and a coward?', 28 | 'Thou art as fat as butter.', 29 | 'Here is the babe, as loathsome as a toad.', 30 | 'Like the toad; ugly and venomous.', 31 | 'Thou art unfit for any place but hell.', 32 | 'Thou cream faced loon', 33 | 'Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch!', 34 | 'Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat.', 35 | 'Thou elvish-mark’d, abortive, rooting hog!', 36 | 'Thou leathern-jerkin, crystal-button, knot-pated, agatering, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish pouch!', 37 | 'Thou lump of foul deformity', 38 | 'That poisonous bunch-back’d toad!', 39 | 'Thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows.', 40 | 'Thou subtle, perjur’d, false, disloyal man!', 41 | 'Thou whoreson zed , thou unnecessary letter!', 42 | 'Thy sin’s not accidental, but a trade.', 43 | 'Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of Nile.', 44 | 'Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon.', 45 | 'Would thou wouldst burst!', 46 | 'You poor, base, rascally, cheating lack-linen mate!', 47 | 'You are as a candle, the better burnt out.', 48 | 'You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe!', 49 | 'You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish–O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!', 50 | 'Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage.', 51 | 'Virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese.', 52 | 'Villain, I have done thy mother', 53 | ] 54 | 55 | const getOriginalInsult = () => { 56 | return insults[Math.floor(Math.random() * insults.length)]; 57 | } 58 | 59 | module.exports = async (req, res) => { 60 | res.send(getOriginalInsult()); 61 | } -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /api/generated.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | const first = [ 2 | 'artless', 3 | 'bawdy', 4 | 'beslubbering', 5 | 'bootless', 6 | 'churlish', 7 | 'cockered', 8 | 'clouted', 9 | 'craven', 10 | 'currish', 11 | 'dankish', 12 | 'dissembling', 13 | 'droning', 14 | 'errant', 15 | 'fawning', 16 | 'fobbing', 17 | 'froward', 18 | 'frothy', 19 | 'gleeking', 20 | 'goatish', 21 | 'gorbellied', 22 | 'impertinent', 23 | 'infectious', 24 | 'jarring', 25 | 'loggerheaded', 26 | 'lumpish', 27 | 'mammering', 28 | 'mangled', 29 | 'mewling', 30 | 'paunchy', 31 | 'pribbling', 32 | 'puking', 33 | 'puny', 34 | 'qualling', 35 | 'rank', 36 | 'reeky', 37 | 'roguish', 38 | 'ruttish', 39 | 'saucy', 40 | 'spleeny', 41 | 'spongy', 42 | 'surly', 43 | 'tottering', 44 | 'unmuzzled', 45 | 'vain', 46 | 'venomed', 47 | 'villainous', 48 | 'warped', 49 | 'wayward', 50 | 'weedy', 51 | 'yeasty' 52 | ] 53 | 54 | const second = [ 55 | 'base-court', 56 | 'bat-fowling', 57 | 'beef-witted', 58 | 'beetle-headed', 59 | 'boil-brained', 60 | 'clapper-clawed', 61 | 'clay-brained', 62 | 'common-kissing', 63 | 'crook-pated', 64 | 'dismal-dreaming', 65 | 'dizzy-eyed', 66 | 'doghearted', 67 | 'dread-bolted', 68 | 'earth-vexing', 69 | 'elf-skinned', 70 | 'fat-kidneyed', 71 | 'fen-sucked', 72 | 'flap-mouthed', 73 | 'fly-bitten', 74 | 'folly-fallen', 75 | 'fool-born', 76 | 'full-gorged', 77 | 'guts-griping', 78 | 'half-faced', 79 | 'hasty-witted', 80 | 'hedge-born', 81 | 'hell-hated', 82 | 'idle-headed', 83 | 'ill-breeding', 84 | 'ill-nurtured', 85 | 'knotty-pated', 86 | 'milk-livered', 87 | 'motley-minded', 88 | 'onion-eyed', 89 | 'plume-plucked', 90 | 'pottle-deep', 91 | 'pox-marked', 92 | 'reeling-ripe', 93 | 'rough-hewn', 94 | 'rude-growing', 95 | 'rump-fed', 96 | 'shard-borne', 97 | 'sheep-biting', 98 | 'spur-galled', 99 | 'swag-bellied', 100 | 'tardy-gaited', 101 | 'tickle-brained', 102 | 'toad-spotted', 103 | 'unchin-snouted', 104 | 'weather-bitten' 105 | ]; 106 | 107 | const third = [ 108 | 'apple-john', 109 | 'baggage', 110 | 'barnacle', 111 | 'bladder', 112 | 'boar-pig', 113 | 'bugbear', 114 | 'bum-bailey', 115 | 'canker-blossom', 116 | 'clack-dish', 117 | 'clotpole', 118 | 'coxcomb', 119 | 'codpiece', 120 | 'death-token', 121 | 'dewberry', 122 | 'flap-dragon', 123 | 'flax-wench', 124 | 'flirt-gill', 125 | 'foot-licker', 126 | 'fustilarian', 127 | 'giglet', 128 | 'gudgeon', 129 | 'haggard', 130 | 'harpy', 131 | 'hedge-pig', 132 | 'horn-beast', 133 | 'hugger-mugger', 134 | 'joithead', 135 | 'lewdster', 136 | 'lout', 137 | 'maggot-pie', 138 | 'malt-worm', 139 | 'mammet', 140 | 'measle', 141 | 'minnow', 142 | 'miscreant', 143 | 'moldwarp', 144 | 'mumble-news', 145 | 'nut-hook', 146 | 'pigeon-egg', 147 | 'pignut', 148 | 'puttock', 149 | 'pumpion', 150 | 'ratsbane', 151 | 'scut', 152 | 'skainsmate', 153 | 'strumpet', 154 | 'varlot', 155 | 'vassal', 156 | 'whey-face', 157 | 'wagtail' 158 | ]; 159 | 160 | const getGeneratedInsult = () => { 161 | return "Thou " + first[Math.floor(Math.random() * first.length)] + " " + 162 | second[Math.floor(Math.random() * second.length)] + " " + 163 | third[Math.floor(Math.random() * third.length)] + "!"; 164 | } 165 | 166 | module.exports = async (req, res) => { 167 | res.send(getGeneratedInsult()); 168 | } --------------------------------------------------------------------------------