├── .gitignore ├── .dockerignore ├── .github └── FUNDING.yml ├── Dockerfile ├── bot ├── helpers │ ├── bindMethods.js │ ├── ticker.js │ ├── tasker.js │ └── office.js ├── office-simulator.js └── data │ └── actions.js ├── index.js ├── package.json ├── license.md └── readme.md /.gitignore: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | node_modules -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /.dockerignore: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | node_modules 2 | npm-debug.log 3 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /.github/FUNDING.yml: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | github: [tholman] 2 | custom: ['https://ko-fi.com/tholman', 'https://www.buymeacoffee.com/tholman'] 3 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /Dockerfile: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | FROM node:10 2 | WORKDIR /usr/src/app 3 | 4 | COPY package*.json ./ 5 | 6 | RUN npm install 7 | 8 | COPY . . 9 | 10 | CMD [ "node", "index.js" ] 11 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /bot/helpers/bindMethods.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | /** 2 | * Because scoping is hard 3 | */ 4 | 5 | function bindMethods(context, methodNames) { 6 | methodNames.map(function (methodName) { 7 | context[methodName] = context[methodName].bind(context); 8 | }); 9 | } 10 | 11 | module.exports = bindMethods; 12 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /index.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | /** 2 | * Office Simulator Slack Bot! 3 | * - Don't forget to clean your forks after using them! 4 | */ 5 | 6 | const name = process.env.BOT_NAME || "Office Simulator"; 7 | const token = process.env.SLACK_TOKEN || "THIS-NEEDS-CHANGING"; 8 | const channel = process.env.CHANNEL || "general"; 9 | 10 | var OfficeSimulator = require("./bot/office-simulator"); 11 | var officeSimulator = new OfficeSimulator({ 12 | token: token, 13 | channel: channel, 14 | name: name 15 | }); 16 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /bot/helpers/ticker.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | /** 2 | * Keeping track of time! 3 | */ 4 | 5 | var bindMethods = require("./bindMethods"); 6 | 7 | class ticker { 8 | constructor(params) { 9 | this.intervalTime = params.interval; 10 | this.callback = params.callback; 11 | this.interval = null; 12 | 13 | bindMethods(this, ["callCallback"]); 14 | 15 | this.init(); 16 | } 17 | 18 | init() { 19 | this.interval = setInterval(this.callCallback, this.intervalTime); 20 | } 21 | 22 | callCallback() { 23 | this.callback(new Date()); 24 | } 25 | } 26 | 27 | module.exports = ticker; 28 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /package.json: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | { 2 | "name": "office-simulator", 3 | "version": "1.0.0", 4 | "description": "Completely accurate simulator of office life.", 5 | "main": "index.js", 6 | "scripts": { 7 | "test": "echo \"Error: no test specified\" && exit 1", 8 | "start": "node index.js" 9 | }, 10 | "repository": { 11 | "type": "git", 12 | "url": "git+https://github.com/tholman/office-simulator.git" 13 | }, 14 | "keywords": [ 15 | "office", 16 | "simulator", 17 | "bot", 18 | "slack" 19 | ], 20 | "author": "Tim Holman", 21 | "license": "MIT", 22 | "bugs": { 23 | "url": "https://github.com/tholman/office-simulator/issues" 24 | }, 25 | "homepage": "https://github.com/tholman/office-simulator#readme", 26 | "dependencies": { 27 | "slackbots": "^1.2.0" 28 | } 29 | } 30 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /license.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | MIT License 2 | 3 | Copyright (c) 2017 Tim Holman (http://tholman.com) 4 | 5 | Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a copy 6 | of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), to deal 7 | in the Software without restriction, including without limitation the rights 8 | to use, copy, modify, merge, publish, distribute, sublicense, and/or sell 9 | copies of the Software, and to permit persons to whom the Software is 10 | furnished to do so, subject to the following conditions: 11 | 12 | The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in all 13 | copies or substantial portions of the Software. 14 | 15 | THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR 16 | IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, 17 | FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NONINFRINGEMENT. IN NO EVENT SHALL THE 18 | AUTHORS OR COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, DAMAGES OR OTHER 19 | LIABILITY, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT OR OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM, 20 | OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN THE 21 | SOFTWARE. 22 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /bot/helpers/tasker.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | /** 2 | * What actions and when! 3 | */ 4 | 5 | var bindMethods = require("./bindMethods"); 6 | 7 | class tasker { 8 | constructor(data) { 9 | this.data = data; 10 | } 11 | 12 | getRandomAction() { 13 | var totalActions = this.data.actions.length; 14 | 15 | var action = Object.assign( 16 | {}, 17 | this.data.actions[Math.floor(Math.random() * totalActions)] 18 | ); // Clone 19 | action.message = this.addVariantsToAction(action.message); 20 | 21 | return action; 22 | } 23 | 24 | getReaction(action) { 25 | return this.data.reactions[action]; 26 | } 27 | 28 | addVariantsToAction(action) { 29 | var parsedAction = []; 30 | var splitAction = action.split("%"); 31 | 32 | for (var i = 0; i < splitAction.length; i++) { 33 | if (this.data.variants[splitAction[i]]) { 34 | var variants = this.data.variants[splitAction[i]]; 35 | parsedAction.push( 36 | variants[Math.floor(Math.random() * variants.length)] 37 | ); 38 | } else { 39 | parsedAction.push(splitAction[i]); 40 | } 41 | } 42 | 43 | return parsedAction.join(""); 44 | } 45 | } 46 | 47 | module.exports = tasker; 48 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /bot/office-simulator.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | /** 2 | * Bot Manager 3 | */ 4 | 5 | var SlackBot = require("slackbots"); 6 | 7 | var Ticker = require("./helpers/ticker"); 8 | var Office = require("./helpers/office"); 9 | 10 | var bindMethods = require("./helpers/bindMethods"); 11 | 12 | class officeSimulator { 13 | // New Manager 14 | constructor(params) { 15 | this.token = params.token; 16 | this.name = params.name; 17 | this.channel = params.channel; 18 | 19 | // Off while in the plane 20 | this.bot = new SlackBot({ 21 | token: this.token, 22 | name: this.name 23 | }); 24 | 25 | bindMethods(this, ["init", "onTick"]); 26 | 27 | this.bot.on("start", this.init); 28 | } 29 | 30 | // Initial Announcement 31 | // Set up memory and timings 32 | init() { 33 | this.announce( 34 | "Hi, and welcome to Office Simulator. Remember there's no I in Team." 35 | ); 36 | 37 | this.ticker = new Ticker({ 38 | interval: 420000, // Check a tick every 7 minutes 39 | callback: this.onTick 40 | }); 41 | 42 | this.office = new Office({ 43 | floors: 3, 44 | hours: { 45 | open: 10, // 10 46 | close: 18 // til 6 47 | }, 48 | objects: {} 49 | }); 50 | } 51 | 52 | onTick(date) { 53 | // If there are announcements to be made, announce them! 54 | var announcement = this.office.getAnnouncement(date); 55 | if (!announcement) { 56 | return; 57 | } 58 | 59 | this.announce(announcement.item.message); 60 | } 61 | 62 | // Speak! 63 | announce(announcement) { 64 | this.bot.postMessageToChannel(this.channel, announcement, { 65 | icon_emoji: ":chart_with_downwards_trend:" 66 | }); 67 | } 68 | } 69 | 70 | module.exports = officeSimulator; 71 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /readme.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | # Office Simulator Slackbot 2 | Office slack messages are the passive agressive post-its of the modern world. Do you miss the office life? You won't any more with this realistic office slack simulator. 3 | 4 | ## In action 5 | We have spared no expense, simulating the most realistic office messages, so you are never really at ease! 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | **This is serious stuff** 13 | - Complete Realism 14 | - 100% vetted passive agression! 15 | - And of course, it REMEMBERS! 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | *... 5 days later:* 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | **Lets see that again!** 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | *... 8 days later:* 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | ## Installation 32 | 33 | 1. Firstly, you will need to create a new "bot" integration, in your slack [settings](http://my.slack.com/services/new/bot). Type a username `Office Simulator` and click "Add Bot Integration". 34 | 35 | 2. Once the bot is created, you will be shown an `API token` ... copy this, we'll need it later. 36 | 37 | 3. Next, clone this project, or download it as a [ZIP](https://github.com/tholman/office-simulator/archive/master.zip) and extract it. 38 | 39 | 4. Open up `index.js` in the root directory, and add replace `SLACK_API_TOKEN` with your slack token. You can also change the channel from `general` to one of your other channels, if you wish. 40 | 41 | 5. Finally, run `npm install` and `npm start` in the project, and you should see the initial team building message. 42 | 43 | ## Something to add? 44 | 45 | Please, add new messages for the slackbot, etc, to the `/data/actions.js` file... you can use the `%modifier%` to add custom random alterations, as well as the `reaction` key, to add custom reactions. 46 | 47 | Submit a PR, and I'll check it out! 48 | 49 | ## Note 50 | 51 | Office simulator only posts once or twice a day, so if it doesn't seem to be constantly going, its due to painstakingly accurate realism. 52 | 53 | ## License 54 | 55 | The MIT License 56 | 57 | Copyright (c) 2020 Tim Holman - http://tholman.com 58 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /bot/helpers/office.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | /** 2 | * Keeping track of time! 3 | */ 4 | 5 | var bindMethods = require("./bindMethods"); 6 | var actionData = require("../data/actions"); 7 | var Tasker = require("./tasker"); 8 | 9 | class office { 10 | constructor(params) { 11 | this.floors = params.floors; 12 | this.objects = params.objects; 13 | this.hours = params.hours; 14 | this.shedule = []; 15 | this.tasker = new Tasker(actionData); 16 | 17 | this.init(); 18 | } 19 | 20 | init() { 21 | // Shedule an initial item 22 | this.sheduleItem(new Date(), this.tasker.getRandomAction()); 23 | } 24 | 25 | sheduleItem(date, item) { 26 | this.shedule.push({ date: date, item: item }); 27 | } 28 | 29 | sheduleReaction(announcement) { 30 | var futureDate = this.getRandomTimeInOfficeHours(); 31 | 32 | // Any future date further than 2 days ahead 33 | futureDate.setDate( 34 | futureDate.getDate() + Math.floor(Math.random() * 10) + 2 35 | ); 36 | futureDate = this.getNonWeekendDate(futureDate); 37 | 38 | this.sheduleItem(futureDate, announcement); 39 | } 40 | 41 | getAnnouncement(date) { 42 | for (var i = 0; i < this.shedule.length; i++) { 43 | var announcement = this.shedule[i]; 44 | 45 | // If announcement is past due time, announce it 46 | 47 | console.log(date, announcement.date, announcement.date < date); 48 | if (announcement.date < date) { 49 | // Remove it from the TO BE shedule 50 | this.shedule.splice(i, 1); 51 | 52 | // If there are no actions sheduled, shedule another 53 | if (this.shedule.length === 0) { 54 | this.sheduleItem( 55 | this.getRandomTimeInOfficeHours(), 56 | this.tasker.getRandomAction() 57 | ); 58 | } 59 | 60 | // If it has a "reaction", shedule the reaction 61 | if (announcement.item.reaction) { 62 | this.sheduleReaction( 63 | this.tasker.getReaction(announcement.item.reaction) 64 | ); 65 | } 66 | 67 | // Announce the current item! 68 | return announcement; 69 | } 70 | } 71 | } 72 | 73 | // Return random time tomorrow 74 | getRandomTimeInOfficeHours() { 75 | var date = new Date(); 76 | 77 | // Tomorrow (but not weekend) 78 | date.setDate(date.getDate() + 1); 79 | date = this.getNonWeekendDate(date); 80 | 81 | // Random hour between opening and closing; 82 | date.setHours( 83 | Math.floor(Math.random() * (this.hours.close - this.hours.open + 1)) + 84 | this.hours.open 85 | ); 86 | 87 | // Random Minute 88 | date.setMinutes(Math.floor(Math.random() * 59)); 89 | 90 | return date; 91 | } 92 | 93 | getNonWeekendDate(date) { 94 | if (date.getDay() < 1) { 95 | date.setDate(date.getDate() + 1); 96 | } else if (date.getDay() > 5) { 97 | date.setDate(date.getDate() + 3); 98 | } 99 | 100 | return date; 101 | } 102 | } 103 | 104 | module.exports = office; 105 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /bot/data/actions.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | /** 2 | * Actions 3 | * - Json object of what the bot can say, and proceeding actions 4 | */ 5 | 6 | var variants = { 7 | days: ["today", "tomorrow", "on Monday", "on Tuesday", "on Wednesday", "on Thursday", "on Friday"], 8 | eatingItems: ["forks", "spoons", "mugs", "cups"], 9 | rooms: ["kitchen", "bathroom", "phone booth"], 10 | stationary: ["stapler", "hole punch", "glue pot"], 11 | websites: ["Facebook", "YouTube", "Reddit"], 12 | foodItems: ["yogurt", "raisins", "tomatoes", "eggs"], 13 | passiveAggressiveOpeners: [""], 14 | passiveAggresiveClosers: ["", "", "", "", "I'll be keeping my eye out.", "We're all on the same team here.", "I'm not your mother.", "Creatives! This is about you!"], // Seeded with more "ignores"; 15 | printerCodes: ["030f", "030g", "b-01", "b-03", "6830_1", "6830_2", "6830_3"] 16 | } 17 | 18 | // Not all actions have an equal or opposite reaction 19 | var actions = [ 20 | 21 | { 22 | message: "Remember, we have clients in the office %days% so everyone be quiet near the meeting rooms." 23 | }, 24 | 25 | { 26 | message: "Whoever made the mess in the %rooms%, learn to clean up after yourself!" 27 | }, 28 | 29 | { 30 | message: "Hey all, don't forget to wash your %eatingItems% after you eat!" 31 | }, 32 | 33 | { 34 | message: "Just a little reminder, all food left in the fridge without a name on it will be thrown away at the end of the day." 35 | }, 36 | 37 | { 38 | message: "Everyone will recieve a lunch survey in their inbox today, please fill it out %days%! Feel free to suggest options as well.", 39 | reaction: "lunch-survey" 40 | }, 41 | 42 | { 43 | message: "Remember! I don't want to name names but if you're borrowing the office %stationary%, please RETURN it to its correct position." 44 | }, 45 | 46 | { 47 | message: "%websites% is NOT allowed in the office, we don't want to have to block it, but we will if it continues being a problem." 48 | }, 49 | 50 | { 51 | message: "I'll be going to the stationary store later, if anyone needs anything?" 52 | }, 53 | 54 | { 55 | message: "Everyone, remember to fill out your timesheets before the end of the month.", 56 | reaction: "timesheets" 57 | }, 58 | 59 | { 60 | message: "Whoever left the open yogurt in the fridge, please remove it.", 61 | reaction: "yogurt" 62 | }, 63 | 64 | { 65 | message: "Someone's been overwatering the plants again, please leave it to facilities to water them." 66 | }, 67 | 68 | { 69 | message: "Please make sure you keep your workspace clean and professional, remember we have clients visiting soon!" 70 | }, 71 | 72 | { 73 | message: "You do NOT need to turn the toaster off at the wall, this is the third time this week! %passiveAggresiveClosers%" 74 | }, 75 | 76 | { 77 | message: "The %printerCodes% printer on the first floor is out of ink, we've ordered some more, but don't expect it in until next Wednesday." 78 | }, 79 | 80 | { 81 | message: "Reminder: We have no problem with listening to music while you work, BUT, you must use headphones... otherwise the noise is distracting to others trying to work." 82 | }, 83 | 84 | { 85 | message: "This is the third time this year we've had to buy new %eatingItems% for the office... please don't take these home, they're for everyone." 86 | }, 87 | 88 | { 89 | message: "Remember, (@)channeling everyone is against our corporate policy, no matter how dire." 90 | }, 91 | 92 | { 93 | message: "Don't forget, it's casual day tomorrow... this doesn't mean jeans and a t shirt, please still dress smart." 94 | }, 95 | 96 | { 97 | message: "Don't forget to log your sick days into the system, tracking these IS important." 98 | }, 99 | 100 | { 101 | message: "Yes, we are aware of the current paper shortage, and have ordered more. Please do your photocopies on the first floor, until new supplies arrive.", 102 | reaction: "paper-shortage" 103 | }, 104 | 105 | { 106 | message: "Seems like it's time everyone read over our office email policy again, especially regarding personal emails." 107 | }, 108 | 109 | { 110 | message: "Don't forget the ergonomics lunch and learn later today!" 111 | }, 112 | 113 | { 114 | message: "Everyone, please remember to pick up your packages from the package room, it's beginning to look like a pig sty in there." 115 | }, 116 | { 117 | message: "Don't forget to check all recipients on an email BEFORE hitting send on a reply/reply all! If you need cold medicine or scissors, check the supply room first." 118 | }, 119 | { 120 | message: "Please DO NOT use the staple feature on the %printerCodes% printer. This breaks it. A manual stapler has been provided.", 121 | reaction: "printer-stapler" 122 | } 123 | ] 124 | 125 | var reactions = { 126 | "lunch-survey": { 127 | message: "Well, it looks like only a few of you filled out that lunch survey, so, for better or for worse, it will be the same lunch this week as last." 128 | }, 129 | "yogurt": { 130 | message: "Well, looks like no one removed the yogurt, and now we are growing all sorts of moulds in the fridge. Great." 131 | }, 132 | "paper-shortage": { 133 | message: "Ok, we have new paper again. This should get us through the month." 134 | }, 135 | "timesheets": { 136 | message: "Seriously, no one has put in a single timesheet. Come on people!" 137 | }, 138 | "printer-stapler": { 139 | message: "Was a warning not posted? The printer is no longer working due to someone trying to use the staple feature. Expect it to be fixed %days%" 140 | }, 141 | }; 142 | 143 | module.exports = {variants: variants, actions: actions, reactions: reactions}; 144 | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------