├── .gitignore ├── LICENSE ├── config.example.js ├── package-lock.json ├── package.json ├── readme.md └── src ├── assets ├── ad.png ├── circle-mask.png ├── fonts │ └── ArialBI.ttf ├── gay.png ├── img │ ├── dym.png │ ├── fail.png │ └── feelings.png ├── js │ └── facts.js ├── json │ ├── 8ball.json │ ├── jokes.json │ ├── quoteAuthors.json │ └── quotes.json └── tovade-mustang.png ├── index.js ├── models ├── author.js └── user.js ├── routes ├── animals.js ├── canvas.js ├── fun.js └── info.js └── utils ├── functions.js ├── mongoDB.js └── quoteAuthors.js /.gitignore: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | /node_modules 2 | config.js 3 | arc-sw.js -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /LICENSE: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | Apache License 2 | Version 2.0, January 2004 3 | http://www.apache.org/licenses/ 4 | 5 | TERMS AND CONDITIONS FOR USE, REPRODUCTION, AND DISTRIBUTION 6 | 7 | 1. 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The text should be enclosed in the appropriate 184 | comment syntax for the file format. We also recommend that a 185 | file or class name and description of purpose be included on the 186 | same "printed page" as the copyright notice for easier 187 | identification within third-party archives. 188 | 189 | Copyright 2021 tovade-dev 190 | 191 | Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); 192 | you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. 193 | You may obtain a copy of the License at 194 | 195 | http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 196 | 197 | Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software 198 | distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, 199 | WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. 200 | See the License for the specific language governing permissions and 201 | limitations under the License. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /config.example.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | module.exports = { 2 | port: 3000, //the port for the api to run on. 3 | servers: ["http://localhost:3000"], //the servers for the docs 4 | genius: "", //genius api key 5 | discord: "https://discord.gg/u8NgtppkRp", //your discord url 6 | mongo: "", // Your mongoDB url 7 | }; 8 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /package.json: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | { 2 | "name": "tovade-api", 3 | "version": "1.0.0", 4 | "description": "Work in progress please wait.", 5 | "main": "./src/index.js", 6 | "scripts": { 7 | "start": "npm install && node ./src/index.js", 8 | "dev": "nodemon ./src/index.js" 9 | }, 10 | "author": "", 11 | "license": "ISC", 12 | "type": "commonjs", 13 | "dependencies": { 14 | "@tovade/genius-lyrics": "^4.2.9", 15 | "body-parser": "^1.19.0", 16 | "canvas": "^2.8.0", 17 | "cheerio": "^1.0.0-rc.9", 18 | "cors": "^2.8.5", 19 | "express": "^4.17.1", 20 | "express-rate-limit": "^5.3.0", 21 | "fs": "0.0.1-security", 22 | "g-i-s": "^2.1.6", 23 | "glob": "^7.1.7", 24 | "jimp": "^0.16.1", 25 | "moment": "^2.29.1", 26 | "mongoose": "^5.12.13", 27 | "node-fetch": "^2.6.1", 28 | "path": "^0.12.7", 29 | "swagger-jsdoc": "^6.1.0", 30 | "swagger-ui-express": "^4.1.6", 31 | "worldometer-coronavirus-info": "^3.0.0" 32 | }, 33 | "devDependencies": { 34 | "@types/cors": "^2.8.10", 35 | "@types/glob": "^7.1.3", 36 | "@types/swagger-jsdoc": "^6.0.0", 37 | "@types/swagger-ui-express": "^4.1.2" 38 | } 39 | } 40 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /readme.md: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 |

2 |
3 | Tovade's API 4 |
5 |

6 | 7 |

An API with a lot of premium endpoints for free, even image manipulation!

8 | 9 |
10 | 11 | [![Discord](https://img.shields.io/discord/853257514699194378.svg?label=&logo=discord&logoColor=ffffff&color=7389D8&labelColor=6A7EC2)](https://discord.gg/y3eQ8wraD5) 12 | [![CodeFactor](https://www.codefactor.io/repository/github/tovade-dev/api/badge)](https://www.codefactor.io/repository/github/tovade-dev/api) 13 | ![Website](https://img.shields.io/website?down_color=red&down_message=offline&up_color=green&up_message=online&url=https%3A%2F%2Fapi.tovade.xyz%2Fdocs%2F) 14 | 15 |
16 | 17 |

18 | About 19 | • 20 | Features 21 | • 22 | License 23 | • 24 | Credits 25 |

26 | 27 | ## ❓ About 28 | 29 | An API with 25 endpoints in 4 categories and COUNTING. 30 | 31 | If you liked this repository, feel free to leave a star ⭐ to help promote the API! 32 | 33 | ## ❗ Features 34 | 35 | There are 4 categories: 36 | 37 |
38 | Animal 39 | 47 |
48 |
49 | Canvas 50 |
51 | 61 |
62 |
63 | Fun 64 |
65 | 74 |
75 |
76 | Info 77 |
78 | 84 | covid 85 |
86 | 87 | ## 📝 To-Do 88 | 89 | This API is in a continuous state of development, some pending ideas are: 90 | 91 | - More image manipulation endpoints. 92 | 93 | ## 📖 License 94 | 95 | Released under [Apache License 2.0](https://github.com/tovade-dev/api/blob/main/LICENSE). 96 | 97 | ## 📜 Credits 98 | 99 | - **[I am Ben#6686](https://github.com/Spiderjockey02)** - Docs & stuff. 100 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/ad.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/tovade-dev/api/7468cb83ce0c7d09ba7293573b178e55a1fff950/src/assets/ad.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/circle-mask.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/tovade-dev/api/7468cb83ce0c7d09ba7293573b178e55a1fff950/src/assets/circle-mask.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/fonts/ArialBI.ttf: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/tovade-dev/api/7468cb83ce0c7d09ba7293573b178e55a1fff950/src/assets/fonts/ArialBI.ttf -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/gay.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/tovade-dev/api/7468cb83ce0c7d09ba7293573b178e55a1fff950/src/assets/gay.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/img/dym.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/tovade-dev/api/7468cb83ce0c7d09ba7293573b178e55a1fff950/src/assets/img/dym.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/img/fail.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/tovade-dev/api/7468cb83ce0c7d09ba7293573b178e55a1fff950/src/assets/img/fail.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/img/feelings.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/tovade-dev/api/7468cb83ce0c7d09ba7293573b178e55a1fff950/src/assets/img/feelings.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/js/facts.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | const facts = new Array( 2 | "Most American car horns honk in the key of F.", 3 | "The name Wendy was made up for the book 'Peter Pan.'", 4 | "Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.", 5 | "Every time you lick a stamp, you consume 1/10 of a calorie.", 6 | "The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.", 7 | "Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.", 8 | "Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every 2 weeks otherwise it will digest itself.", 9 | "The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; '7' was selected after the original 7-ounce containers and 'UP' for the direction of the bubbles.", 10 | "101 Dalmatians, Peter Pan, Lady and the Tramp, and Mulan are the only Disney cartoons where both parents are present and don't die throughout the movie.", 11 | "A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.", 12 | "'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.", 13 | "To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs - it will let you go instantly.", 14 | "Reindeer like to eat bananas.", 15 | "No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver and purple.", 16 | "The word 'samba' means 'to rub navels together.'", 17 | "Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.", 18 | "The electric chair was invented by a dentist.", 19 | "The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II Killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.", 20 | "More people are killed annually by donkeys than airplane crashes.", 21 | "A 'jiffy' is a unit of time for 1/100th of a second.", 22 | "A whale's penis is called a dork.", 23 | "Because of the rotation of the earth, an object can be thrown farther if it is thrown west.", 24 | "The average person spends 6 months of their life sitting at red lights.", 25 | "In 1912 a law passed in Nebraska where drivers in the country at night were required to stop every 150 yards, send up a skyrocket, wait eight minutes for the road to clear before proceeding cautiously, all the while blowing their horn and shooting off flares.", 26 | "More Monopoly money is printed in a year, than real money throughout the world.", 27 | "Caesar salad has nothing to do with any of the Caesars. It was first concocted in a bar in Tijuana, Mexico, in the 1920's.", 28 | "One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.", 29 | "Crocodiles and alligators are surprisingly fast on land. Although they are rapid, they are not agile. So, if being chased by one, run in a zigzag line to lose him or her.", 30 | "Seattle’s Fremont Bridge rises up and down more than any drawbridge in the world.", 31 | "Right-handed people live, on average; nine years longer than left handed people.", 32 | "Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.", 33 | "In the United States, a pound of potato chips costs two hundred times more than a pound of potatoes.", 34 | "A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel.", 35 | "A person cannot taste food unless it is mixed with saliva. For example, if a strong-tasting substance like salt is placed on a dry tongue, the taste buds will not be able to taste it. As soon as a drop of saliva is added and the salt is dissolved, however, a definite taste sensation results. This is true for all foods.", 36 | "Nearly 80% of all animals on earth have six legs.", 37 | "In the marriage ceremony of the ancient Inca Indians of Peru, the couple was considered officially wed when they took off their sandals and handed them to each other.", 38 | "Ninety percent of all species that have become extinct have been birds.", 39 | "There is approximately one chicken for every human being in the world.", 40 | "Most collect calls are made on father's day.", 41 | "The first automobile race ever seen in the United States was held in Chicago in 1895. The track ran from Chicago to Evanston, Illinois. The winner was J. Frank Duryea, whose average speed was 71/2 miles per hour.", 42 | "Each of us generates about 3.5 pounds of rubbish a day, most of it paper.", 43 | "Women manage the money and pay the bills in 75% of all Americans households.", 44 | "A rainbow can be seen only in the morning or late afternoon. It can occur only when the sun is 40 degrees or less above the horizon.", 45 | "It has NEVER rained in Calama, a town in the Atacama Desert of Chile.", 46 | "It costs more to buy a new car today in the United States than it cost Christopher Columbus to equip and undertake three voyages to and from the New World.", 47 | "The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.", 48 | "An eighteenth-century German named Matthew Birchinger, known as 'the little man of Nuremberg,' played four musical instruments including the bagpipes, was an expert calligrapher, and was the most famous stage magician of his day. He performed tricks with the cup and balls that have never been explained. Yet Birchinger had no hands, legs, or thighs, and was less than 29 inches tall.", 49 | "Daylight Saving Time is not observed in most of the state of Arizona and parts of Indiana.", 50 | "Ants closely resemble human manners: When they wake, they stretch & appear to yawn in a human manner before taking up the tasks of the day.", 51 | "Bees have 5 eyes. There are 3 small eyes on the top of a bee's head and 2 larger ones in front.", 52 | "Count the number of cricket chirps in a 15-second period, add 37 to the total, and your result will be very close to the actual outdoor Fahrenheit temperature.", 53 | "One-fourth of the world's population lives on less than $200 a year. Ninety million people survive on less than $75 a year.", 54 | "Butterflies taste with their hind feet.", 55 | "Only female mosquito’s' bite and most are attracted to the color blue twice as much as to any other color.", 56 | "If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.", 57 | "It is illegal to hunt camels in the state of Arizona.", 58 | "In eighteenth-century English gambling dens, there was an employee whose only job was to swallow the dice if there was a police raid.", 59 | "There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.", 60 | "The human tongue tastes bitter things with the taste buds toward the back. Salty and pungent flavors are tasted in the middle of the tongue, sweet flavors at the tip!", 61 | "The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.", 62 | "When you sneeze, air and particles travel through the nostrils at speeds over100 mph. During this time, all bodily functions stop, including your heart, contributing to the impossibility of keeping one's eyes open during a sneeze.", 63 | "Annual growth of WWW traffic is 314,000%", 64 | "%60 of all people using the Internet, use it for pornography.", 65 | "In 1778, fashionable women of Paris never went out in blustery weather without a lightning rod attached to their hats.", 66 | "Sex burns 360 calories per hour.", 67 | "A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.", 68 | "Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it.", 69 | "The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words. More than 2 billion pencils are manufactured each year in the United States. If these were laid end to end they would circle the world nine times.", 70 | "The pop you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually a bubble of gas burning.", 71 | "A literal translation of a standard traffic sign in China: 'Give large space to the festive dog that makes sport in the roadway.'", 72 | "You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.", 73 | "Larry Lewis ran the 100-yard dash in 17.8 seconds in 1969, thereby setting a new world's record for runners in the 100-years-or-older class. He was 101.", 74 | "In a lifetime the average human produces enough quarts of spit to fill 2 swimming pools.", 75 | "It's against the law to doze off under a hair dryer in Florida/against the law to slap an old friend on the back in Georgia/against the law to Play hopscotch on a Sunday in Missouri.", 76 | "Barbie's measurements, if she were life-size, would be 39-29-33.", 77 | "The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30ft.", 78 | "One third of all cancers are sun related.", 79 | "THE MOST UNUSUAL CANNONBALL: On two occasions, Miss 'Rita Thunderbird' remained inside the cannon despite a lot of gunpowder encouragement to do otherwise. She performed in a gold lamé bikini and on one of the two occasions (1977) Miss Thunderbird remained lodged in the cannon, while her bra was shot across the Thames River.", 80 | "It has been estimated that humans use only 10% of their brain.", 81 | "Valentine Tapley from Pike County, Missouri grew chin whiskers attaining a length of twelve feet six inches from 1860 until his death 1910, protesting Abraham Lincoln's election to the presidency.", 82 | "Most Egyptians died by the time they were 30 about 300 years ago,", 83 | "For some time Frederic Chopin, the composer and pianist, wore a beard on only one side of his face, explaining: 'It does not matter, my audience sees only my right side.'", 84 | "1 in every 4 Americans has appeared someway or another on television.", 85 | "1 in 8 Americans has worked at a McDonalds restaurant.", 86 | "70% of all boats sold are used for fishing.", 87 | "Studies have shown that children laugh an average of 300 times/day and adults 17 times/day, making the average child more optimistic, curious, and creative than the adult.", 88 | "A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.", 89 | "The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.", 90 | "You were born with 300 bones, but by the time you are an adult you will only have 206.", 91 | "If you go blind in one eye you only lose about one fifth of your vision but all your sense of depth.", 92 | "Women blink nearly twice as much as men.", 93 | "The strongest muscle (Relative to size) in the body is the tongue.", 94 | "A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.", 95 | "American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.", 96 | "Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.", 97 | "A palindrome is a sentence or group of sentences that reads the same backwards as it does forward: Ex: 'Red rum, sir, is murder.' 'Ma is as selfless as I am.' 'Nurse, I spy gypsies. Run!' 'A man, a plan, a canal - Panama.' 'He lived as a devil, eh?'", 98 | "The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's 'Born in the USA'", 99 | "In 1986 Congress & President Ronald Reagan signed Public Law 99-359, which changed Daylight Saving Time from the last Sunday in April to the first Sunday in April. It was estimated to save the nation about 300,000 barrels of oil each year by adding most of the month April to D.S.T.", 100 | "The thumbnail grows the slowest, the middle nail the fastest, nearly 4 times faster than toenails.", 101 | "The Human eyes never grow, but nose and ears never stop growing.", 102 | "The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had.", 103 | "Tom Sawyer was the first novel written on a typewriter.", 104 | "If Texas were a country, its GNP would be the fifth largest of any country in the world.", 105 | "There are 1 million ants for every human in the world.", 106 | "Odds of being killed by lightening? 1 in 2million/killed in a car crash? 1 in 5,000/killed by falling out of bed? 1 in 2million/killed in a plane crash? 1 in 25 million.", 107 | "Since 1978, 37 people have died by Vending Machine's falling on them. 13 people are killed annually. All this while trying to shake merchandise out of them. 113 people have been injured.", 108 | "Half the foods eaten throughout the world today were developed by farmers in the Andes Mountains (including potatoes, maize, sweet potatoes, squash, all varieties of beans, peanuts, manioc, papayas, strawberries, mulberries and many others).", 109 | "The 'Golden Arches' of fast food chain McDonalds is more recognized worldwide than the religious cross of Christianity.", 110 | "Former basketball superstar Michael Jordan is the most recognized face in the world, more than the pope himself.", 111 | "The average talker sprays about 300 microscopic saliva droplets per minute, about 2.5 droplets per word.", 112 | "The Earth experiences 50,000 Earth quakes per year and is hit by Lightning 100 times a second.", 113 | "Every year 11,000 Americans injure themselves while trying out bizarre sexual positions.", 114 | "If we had the same mortality rate now as in 1900, more than half the people in the world today would not be alive.", 115 | "On average, Americans eat 18 acres of pizza everyday.", 116 | "Researchers at the Texas Department of Highways in Fort Worth determined the cow population of the U.S. burps some 50 million tons of valuable hydrocarbons into the atmosphere each year. The accumulated burps of ten average cows could keep a small house adequately heated and its stove operating for a year.", 117 | "During a severe windstorm or rainstorm the Empire State Building sways several feet to either side.", 118 | "In the last 3,500 years, there have been approximately 230 years of peace throughout the civilized world.", 119 | "The Black Death reduced the population of Europe by one third in the period from 1347 to 1351.", 120 | "The average person spends about two years on the phone in a lifetime.", 121 | "Length of beard an average man would grow if he never shaved 27.5 feet", 122 | "Over 60% of all those who marry get divorced.", 123 | "400-quarter pounders can be made from 1 cow.", 124 | "A full-loaded supertanker traveling at normal speed takes at least 20 minutes to stop.", 125 | "Coca-Cola was originally green.", 126 | "Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.", 127 | "Hong Kong holds the most Rolls Royce’s per capita.", 128 | "Average number of days a West German goes without washing his underwear: 7", 129 | "WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific armed their airplanes while stationed with .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measuring 27 feet before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, he went through 'the whole 9 yards', hence the term.", 130 | "Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.", 131 | "Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.", 132 | "Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation.", 133 | "In the early 1940s, the FCC assigned television's Channel 1 to mobile services (like two-way radios in taxis) but did not re-number the other channel assignments.", 134 | "The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.", 135 | "Firehouses have circular stairways originating from the old days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.", 136 | "The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.", 137 | "111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321", 138 | "Statues in parks: If the horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.", 139 | "The expression 'to get fired' comes from long ago Clans that wanted to get rid of unwanted people, so they would burn their houses instead of killing them, creating the term 'Got fired'.", 140 | "'I am.' is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.", 141 | "Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.", 142 | "The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.", 143 | "The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.", 144 | "The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight in case of war or emergency, they could be used as airstrips.", 145 | "The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army. G.P. for 'General Purpose' vehicle.", 146 | "The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary, because when it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.", 147 | "The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.", 148 | "If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19, the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.", 149 | "In Aspen Colorado, you can have a maximum income of $104,000 and still receive government subsidized housing.", 150 | "Honking of car horns for a couple that just got married is an old superstition to insure great sex.", 151 | "Dr. Kellogg introduced Kellogg's Corn Flakes in hopes that it would reduce masturbation.", 152 | "The sperm of a mouse is actually longer than the sperm of an elephant.", 153 | "In medieval France, unfaithful wives were made to chase a chicken through town naked.", 154 | "The Black Widow spider eats her mate during or after sex.", 155 | "Napoleon's penis was sold to an American Urologist for $40,000.", 156 | "Eating the heart of a male Partridge was the cure for impotence in ancient Babylon.", 157 | "A bull can inseminate 300 cows from one single ejaculation.", 158 | "When a Hawaiian woman wears a flower over her left ear, it means that she is not available.", 159 | "The 'save' icon on Microsoft Word shows a floppy disk with the shutter on backwards.", 160 | "The only nation whose name begins with an 'A', but doesn't end in an 'A' is Afghanistan.", 161 | "The following sentence: 'A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.' Contains the nine different pronunciations of 'ough' in the English Language.", 162 | "The verb 'cleave' is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate.", 163 | "The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.", 164 | "The shape of plant collenchyma’s cells and the shape of the bubbles in beer foam are the same - they are orthotetrachidecahedrons.", 165 | "Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason.", 166 | "Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.", 167 | "Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.", 168 | "PEZ candy even comes in a Coffee flavor.", 169 | "The first song played on Armed Forces Radio during operation Desert Shield was 'Rock the Casba' by the Clash.", 170 | "Non-dairy creamer is flammable.", 171 | "The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the 'American Pie.' (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)", 172 | "Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.", 173 | "Golf courses cover 4% of North America.", 174 | "The average person will accidentally eat just under a pound of insects every year.", 175 | "Until 1994, world maps and globes sold in Albania only had Albania on them.", 176 | "The value of Pi will be officially 'rounded down' to 3.14 from 3.14159265359 on December 31, 1999.", 177 | "The Great Wall of China is the only man-made structure visible from space.", 178 | "A piece of paper can be folded no more then 9 times.", 179 | "The amount of computer Memory required to run WordPerfect for Win95 is 8 times the amount needed aboard the space shuttle.", 180 | "The average North American will eat 35,000 cookies during their life span.", 181 | "Between 25% and 33% of the population sneeze when exposed to light.", 182 | "The most common name in world is Mohammed.", 183 | "Mount Olympus Mons on Mars is three times the size of Mount Everest.", 184 | "Most toilets flush in E flat.", 185 | "2,000 pounds of space dust and other space debris fall on the Earth every day.", 186 | "Each month, there is at least one report of UFOs from each province of Canada.", 187 | "40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.", 188 | "You can be fined up to $1,000 for whistling on Sunday in Salt Lake City, Utah.", 189 | "It takes about 142.18 licks to reach the center of a Tootsie pop.", 190 | "The serial number of the first MAC ever produced was 2001.", 191 | "It is illegal to eat oranges while bathing in California.", 192 | "If done perfectly, a rubix cube combination can be solved in 17 turns.", 193 | "The average American butt is 14.9 inches long.", 194 | "More bullets were fired in 'Starship Troopers' than any other movie ever made.", 195 | "60% of electrocutions occur while talking on the telephone during a thunderstorm.", 196 | "The name of the girl on the statue of liberty is Mother of Exiles.", 197 | "3.6 cans of Spam are consumed each second.", 198 | "There's a systematic lull in conversation every 7 minutes.", 199 | "The buzz from an electric razor in America plays in the key of B flat; Key of G in England.", 200 | "There are 1,575 steps from the ground floor to the top of the Empire State building.", 201 | "The world's record for keeping a Lifesaver in the mouth with the hole intact is 7 hrs 10 min.", 202 | "There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.", 203 | "The world record for spitting a watermelon seed is 65 feet 4 inches.", 204 | "In the Philippine jungle, the yo-yo was first used as a weapon.", 205 | "Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.", 206 | "Texas is also the only state that is allowed to fly its state flag at the same height as the U.S. flag.", 207 | "The three most recognized Western names in China are Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, & Elvis Presley.", 208 | "There is a town in Newfoundland, Canada called Dildo.", 209 | "The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.", 210 | "All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.", 211 | "In space, astronauts are unable to cry, because there is no gravity and the tears won't flow.", 212 | "Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.", 213 | "There are more plastic flamingos in the U.S that there are real ones.", 214 | "The crack of a whip is actually a tiny sonic boom, since the tip breaks the sound barrier.", 215 | "Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets in our solar system combined.", 216 | "Hot water is heavier than cold.", 217 | "The common idea that only 10% of the brain is used it not true as it is impossible to determine the actual percentage because of the complexity of the brain.", 218 | "Lawn darts are illegal in Canada.", 219 | "There are more psychoanalysts per capita in Buenos Aires than any other place in the world.", 220 | "Between 2 and 3 jockeys are killed each year in horse racing.", 221 | "5,840 people with pillow related injuries checked into U.S. emergency rooms in 1992.", 222 | "The average woman consumes 6 lbs of lipstick in her lifetime.", 223 | "Some individuals express concern sharing their soap, rightly so, considering 75% of all people wash from top to bottom.", 224 | "Conception occurs most in the month of December.", 225 | "CBS' '60 Minutes' is the only TV show without a theme song/music.", 226 | "Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.", 227 | "'Obsession' is the most popular boat name.", 228 | "On average, Americans' favorite smell is banana.", 229 | "If one spells out numbers, they would have to count to One Thousand before coming across the letter 'A'.", 230 | "Honey is the only food which does not spoil.", 231 | "3.9% of all women do not wear underwear.", 232 | "This common everyday occurrence composed of 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, and 9% dioxide is called a 'fart'.", 233 | "'Evaluation and Parameterization of Stability and Safety Performance Characteristics of Two and Three Wheeled Vehicular Toys for Riding.' Title of a $230,000 research project proposed by the Department of Health, Education and Welfare, to study the various ways children fall off bicycles.", 234 | "Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.", 235 | "Meteorologists claim they're right 85% of the time (think about that one!)", 236 | "In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die.", 237 | "Los Angeles' full name 'El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula' is reduced to 3.63% of its size in the abbreviation 'L.A.'.", 238 | "If you went out into space, you would explode before you suffocated because there's no air pressure.", 239 | "The only real person to ever to appear on a pez dispenser was Betsy Ross.", 240 | "Mike Nesmith's (the guitarist of The Monkeys) mom invented White Out.", 241 | "Only 6 people in the whole world have died from moshing.", 242 | "241. In a test performed by Canadian scientists, using various different styles of music, it was determined that chickens lay the most eggs when pop music was played.", 243 | "The storage capacity of human brain exceeds 4 Terabytes.", 244 | "In Vermont, the ratio of cows to people is 10:1", 245 | "Any free-moving liquid in outer space will form itself into a sphere, because of its surface tension.", 246 | "The average American looks at eight houses before buying one.", 247 | "In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.", 248 | "Koala is Aboriginal for 'no drink'.", 249 | "Shakespeare spelled his OWN name several different ways.", 250 | "The first contraceptive was crocodile dung used by the ancient Egyptians.", 251 | "A signature is called a John Hancock because he signed the Declaration of Independence. Only 2 people signed the declaration of independence on July 4. The Last person signed 2 years later.", 252 | "Arnold Schonberg suffered from triskaidecaphobia, the fear of the number 13. He died at 13 minutes from midnight on Friday the 13th.", 253 | "Mozart wrote the nursery rhyme 'twinkle, twinkle, little star' at the age of 5.", 254 | "Weatherman Willard Scott was the first original Ronald McDonald.", 255 | "Virginia Woolf wrote all her books standing.", 256 | "Einstein couldn't speak fluently until after his ninth birthday. His parents thought he was mentally retarded.", 257 | "Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.", 258 | "Deborah Winger did the voice of E.T.", 259 | "Kelsey Grammar sings and plays the piano for the theme song of Fraiser.", 260 | "Thomas Edison, acclaimed inventor of the light bulb, was afraid of the dark.", 261 | "In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.", 262 | "You can sail all the way around the world at latitude 60 degrees south.", 263 | "The earth weighs around 6,588,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons.", 264 | "Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.", 265 | "Porcupines can float in water.", 266 | "The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.", 267 | "A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.", 268 | "The longest one-syllable word in the English language is 'screeched.'", 269 | "All of the clocks in the movie 'Pulp Fiction' are stuck on 4:20, a national pot-smokers hour.", 270 | "'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt.'", 271 | "Almonds are a member of the peach family.", 272 | "Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.", 273 | "Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.", 274 | "There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.", 275 | "Tigers not only have striped fur, they have striped skin!", 276 | "In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.", 277 | "On the ground, a group of geese is a gaggle, in the sky it is a skein.", 278 | "To Ensure Promptness, one is expected to pay beyond the value of service – hence the later abbreviation: T.I.P.", 279 | "When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state's third largest city.", 280 | "The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's 'Its A Wonderful Life.'", 281 | "A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.", 282 | "A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.", 283 | "On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper left-hand corner of the '1'encased in the 'shield' and a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.", 284 | "The name for Oz in the 'Wizard of Oz' was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z; hence the name 'OZ.'", 285 | "The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.", 286 | "Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.", 287 | "John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.", 288 | "There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.", 289 | "The scene where Indiana Jones shoots the swordsman in Raider’s of the Lost Ark was Harrison Ford's idea so that he could take a bathroom break.", 290 | "A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.", 291 | "A snail can sleep for three years.", 292 | "All polar bears are left-handed.", 293 | "China has more English speakers than the United States.", 294 | "Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.", 295 | "February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.", 296 | "If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.", 297 | "If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.", 298 | "In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.", 299 | "Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.", 300 | "The word 'set' has more definitions than any other word in the English language.", 301 | "Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.", 302 | "On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.", 303 | "One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the 1930s lobbied against hemp farmers they saw it as competition.", 304 | "Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.", 305 | "Some lions mate over 50 times a day.", 306 | "Starfish haven't got brains.", 307 | "The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.", 308 | "The name of all continents in the world end with the same letter that they start with.", 309 | "There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.", 310 | "The longest word comprised of one row on the keyboard is: TYPEWRITER", 311 | "You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. ", 312 | "The average person spends 12 weeks a year 'looking for things'.", 313 | "The symbol on the 'pound' key (#) is called an octothorpe.. ", 314 | "The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle. ", 315 | "Ingrown toenails are hereditary. ", 316 | "'Underground' is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters 'und'", 317 | "The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is: pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.. ", 318 | "The longest place-name still in use is: Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiakitnatahu, a New Zealand hill. ", 319 | "An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. ", 320 | "Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.", 321 | "Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays. ", 322 | "Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy. ", 323 | "The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers. ", 324 | "Steely Dan got their name from a sexual device depicted in the book 'The Naked Lunch'. ", 325 | "The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.", 326 | "There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, 'therein': the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein. ", 327 | "A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. ", 328 | "Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball. ", 329 | "The male gypsy moth can 'smell' the virgin female gypsy moth from 1.8 miles away. ", 330 | "The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti. ", 331 | "The word 'dexter' whose meaning refers to the right hand is typed with only the left hand. ", 332 | "To 'testify' was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles. ", 333 | "Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning 'containing arsenic.' ", 334 | "The word 'Checkmate' in chess comes from the Persian phrase 'Shah Mat,' which means 'the king is dead.'", 335 | "The first episode of 'Joanie Loves Chachi' was the highest rated American program in the history of Korean television, a country where 'Chachi' translates to 'penis'. ", 336 | "Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. ", 337 | "The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses. ", 338 | "Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey. ", 339 | "The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.", 340 | "Giraffes have no vocal cords.", 341 | "The pupils of a goat's eyes are square.", 342 | "Van Gogh only sold one painting when he was alive.", 343 | "A standard slinky measures 87 feet when stretched out.", 344 | "The highest per capita Jell-O comsumption in the US is Des Moines.", 345 | "If a rooster can't fully extend its neck, it can't crow.", 346 | "There were always 56 curls in Shirley Temple's hair.", 347 | "The eyes of a donkey are positioned so that it can see all four feet at all times.", 348 | "Worcestershire sauce in essentially an Anchovy Ketchup.", 349 | "Rhode Island is the only state which the hammer throw is a legal high school sport.", 350 | "The average lifespan of an eyelash is five months.", 351 | "A spider has transparent blood.", 352 | "Every acre of American crops harvested contains 100 pounds of insects.", 353 | "Prince Charles is an avid collecter of toilet seats.", 354 | "The most common street name in the U.S. is Second Street.", 355 | "Tehran is the most expensive city on earth.", 356 | "The sweat drops drawn in cartoon comic strips are called pleuts.", 357 | "Babies are most likely to be born on Tuesdays.", 358 | "The HyperMart outside of Garland Texas has 58 check-outs.", 359 | "The Minneapolis phone book has 21 pages of Andersons.", 360 | "In the 1980's American migraines increased by 60%.", 361 | "Poland is the 'stolen car capital of the world'.", 362 | "Jefferson invented the dumbwaiter, the monetary system, and the folding attic ladder.", 363 | "The S in Harry S. Truman did not stand for anything.", 364 | "In Miconesia, coins are 12 feet across.", 365 | "A horse can look forward with one eye and back with the other.", 366 | "Shakespeare is quoted 33,150 times in the Oxford English dictionary.", 367 | "The word Pennsylvania is misspelled on the Liberty Bell.", 368 | "NBA superstar Michael Jordan was originally cut from his high school basketball team.", 369 | "You spend 7 years of your life in the bathroom.", 370 | "A family of 26 could go to the movies in Mexico city for the price of one in Tokyo.", 371 | "10,000 Dutch cows pass through the Amsterdam airport each year.", 372 | "Approximately every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls their hamstring.", 373 | "Simplistic passwords contribute to over 80% of all computer password break-ins.", 374 | "The top 3 health-related searches on the Internet are (in this order): Depression, Allergies, & Cancer.", 375 | "Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.", 376 | "Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.", 377 | "Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.", 378 | "Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.", 379 | "The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.", 380 | "All US Presidents have worn glasses; some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.", 381 | "Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.", 382 | "Walt Disney was afraid of mice.", 383 | "The site with the highest number of women visitors between the age of 35 and 44 years old: Alka-Seltzer.com", 384 | "The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.", 385 | "Pearls melt in vinegar.", 386 | "It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.", 387 | "Thirty-five percent of people who use personal ads for dating are already married.", 388 | "The 3 most valuable brand names on earth are Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser (in that order).", 389 | "Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.", 390 | "Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a 'Friday the 13th'.", 391 | "The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they can be easily confused at a crime scene.", 392 | "The mask worn by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.", 393 | "The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games--MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL--are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.", 394 | "Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.", 395 | "When the French Academy was preparing its first dictionary, it defined 'crab' as, 'A small red fish, which walks backwards.' This definition was sent with a number of others to the naturalist Cuvier for his approval. The scientist wrote back, 'Your definition, gentlemen, would be perfect, only for three exceptions. The crab is not a fish, it is not red and it does not walk backwards.'", 396 | "Dr. Jack Kevorkian first patient has Alzheimer's disease.", 397 | "Fictional/horror writer Stephen King sleeps with a nearby light on to calm his fear of the dark.", 398 | "It's possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.", 399 | "It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of its mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down.", 400 | "The very first song played on MTV was 'Video Killed The Radio Star' by the Buggles.", 401 | "William Marston engineered one of the earliest forms of the polygraph in the early 1900's. Later he went on to create the comic strip Wonder Woman, a story about a displaced Amazon princess who forces anyone caught in her magic lasso to tell the truth", 402 | "Americans travel 1,144,721,000 miles by air every day", 403 | "The the U.S. you dial '911'. In Stockholm, Sweden you dial 90000", 404 | "38% of American men say they love their cars more than women", 405 | "The U.S. military operates 234 golf courses", 406 | "100% of lottery winners do gain weight", 407 | "Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers were all invented by women", 408 | "A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.", 409 | "A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.", 410 | "Cats urine glows under a black light.", 411 | "In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.", 412 | "Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was host of 'Lorne Greene's Wild Kingdom.'", 413 | "Pamela Anderson Lee is Canada's Centennial Baby, being the first baby born on the centennial anniversary of Canada's independence.", 414 | "Pinocchio is Italian for 'pine head.'", 415 | "When possums are playing 'possum', they are not 'playing.' They actually pass out from sheer terror.", 416 | "Who's that playing the piano on the 'Mad About You' theme? Paul Reiser himself.", 417 | "Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.", 418 | "Most lipstick contains fish scales!", 419 | "Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants!", 420 | "There are more than 10 million bricks in the Empire State Building!", 421 | "Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand!", 422 | "The placement of a donkey's eyes in its' heads enables it to see all four feet at all times!", 423 | "The average American/Canadian will eat about 11.9 pounds of cereal per year!", 424 | "Over 1000 birds a year die from smashing into windows!", 425 | "The state of Florida is bigger than England!", 426 | "Dolphins sleep with one eye open!", 427 | "In the White House, there are 13,092 knives, forks and spoons!", 428 | "Recycling one glass jar, saves enough energy to watch T.V for 3 hours!", 429 | "Owls are one of the only birds who can see the color blue!", 430 | "Honeybees have a type of hair on their eyes!", 431 | "A jellyfish is 95 percent water!", 432 | "In Bangladesh, kids as young as 15 can be jailed for cheating on their finals!", 433 | "The katydid bug hears through holes in its hind legs!", 434 | "Q is the only letter in the alphabet that does not appear in the name of any of the United States!", 435 | "166,875,000,000 pieces of mail are delivered each year in the US", 436 | "Bats always turn left when exiting a cave", 437 | "The praying mantis is the only insect that can turn its head", 438 | "Daffy Duck's middle name is 'Dumas'", 439 | "In Disney's Fantasia, the Sorcerer's name is 'Yensid' (Disney backwards.)", 440 | "In The Empire Strikes Back there is a potato hidden in the asteroid field", 441 | "Walt Disney holds the world record for the most Academy Awards won by one person, he has won twenty statuettes, and twelve other plaques and certificates", 442 | "James Bond's car had three different license plates in Goldfinger", 443 | "Canada makes up 6.67 percent of the Earth's land area", 444 | "South Dakota is the only U.S state which shares no letters with the name of it's capital", 445 | "The KGB is headquartered at No. 2 Felix Dzerzhinsky Square, Moscow", 446 | "The Vatican city registered 0 births in 1983", 447 | "Spain leads the world in cork production", 448 | "There are 1,792 steps in the Eiffel Tower", 449 | "There are 269 steps to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa", 450 | "Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand while drawing with the other", 451 | "Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.", 452 | "Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.", 453 | "The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses.", 454 | "There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.", 455 | "The average secretary’s left hand does 56% of the typing.", 456 | "A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.", 457 | "There are more chickens than people in the world (at least before that chicken-flu thing).", 458 | "Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey.", 459 | "The longest one-syllable word in the English language is 'screeched.'", 460 | "All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.", 461 | "No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.", 462 | "'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'.", 463 | "All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.", 464 | "Almonds are members of the peach family.", 465 | "Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.", 466 | "Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.", 467 | "There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.", 468 | "Los Angeles’s full name is 'El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula'. And can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, 'L.A.'", 469 | "A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.", 470 | "An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain.", 471 | "Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.", 472 | "In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.", 473 | "Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.", 474 | "The only real person to be a Pez head was Betsy Ross.", 475 | "When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers plays football at home, the stadium becomes the state’s third largest city.", 476 | "The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s 'Its A Wonderful Life'", 477 | "A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.", 478 | "A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.", 479 | "A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.", 480 | "A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.", 481 | "On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper left-hand corner of the '1' encased in the 'shield' and a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.", 482 | "It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.", 483 | "The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.", 484 | "Who’s that playing the piano on the 'Mad About You' theme? Paul Reiser himself.", 485 | "The male gypsy moth can 'smell' the virgin female gypsy moth from 1.8 miles away (pretty good trick).", 486 | "In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.", 487 | "The name for Oz in the 'Wizard of Oz' was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence 'Oz.'", 488 | "The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.", 489 | "Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.", 490 | "John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.", 491 | "The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.", 492 | "There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.", 493 | "'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.", 494 | "The 'pound' key on your keyboard (#) is called an octotroph.", 495 | "The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.", 496 | "The 'dot' over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.", 497 | "Table tennis balls have been known to travel off the paddle at speeds up to 160 km/hr.", 498 | "Pepsi originally contained pepsin, thus the name.", 499 | "The original story from 'Tales of 1001 Arabian Nights' begins, 'Aladdin was a little Chinese boy.'", 500 | "Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.", 501 | "Honey is the only natural food that is made without destroying any kind of life. What about milk you say? A cow has to eat grass to produce milk and grass are living.", 502 | "Hawaiian alphabet only has 12 letters: A, E, I, O, U, H, K, L, M, N, P, W", 503 | "Honey is the only food that does not spoil.", 504 | "And one single teaspoon of honey represents the life work of 12 bees.", 505 | "Flamingos only can eat with their heads upside down.", 506 | "Lighter was invented ten years before the match was.", 507 | "It’s physically impossible for a pig to look up at the sky.", 508 | "The first internet domain name to ever be registered is Symbolics.com on March 15th, 1985.", 509 | "Humans are born with 350 bones in their body, but when reaching adulthood, we only 260.", 510 | "There are 150 verses in Greek national anthem which making it the longest national anthem in the world.", 511 | "This is impossible to tickle yourself.", 512 | "A typical pencil can draw a line that is 35 miles long.", 513 | "Astronauts get taller in space due to the lack of gravity.", 514 | "The total surface area of human lungs is 750 square feet. That’s roughly the same area as on-side of a tennis court.", 515 | "Mosquitos have contributed to more deaths than any animals on earth.", 516 | "An octopus has 3 hearts, 9 brains & blue blood.", 517 | "The hair on a polar bear is actually not white but clear. They appear white because it reflects light.", 518 | "A chameleon can move its eyes in two different directions at the same time.", 519 | "Buttermilk does not contain any butter and actually low in fat.", 520 | "A giraffe can go longer without water than a camel can.", 521 | "Australia has the biggest camel population in the world.", 522 | "Snails can sleep up to 3 years.", 523 | "Methane gases produced by cow products as much pollution as cars do.", 524 | "The majority of the duct in your house is made up from your own dead skin.", 525 | "Most lipstick contains fish scales.", 526 | "Most ice-cream contains pig skins (Gelatin).", 527 | "The Philippine island of Luzon contains a lake that contains an island that contains a lake that contains another island.", 528 | "Hudson Bay Area in Canada had less gravity than rest of the world and scientists do not know why.", 529 | "Only one to two percent of the entire world population are natural redheads.", 530 | "Sloppy handwriting has doctors kills more than 7,000 people and injures more than 1.5million people annually due to getting the wrong medication.", 531 | "Putting sugar on a wound or cut will greatly reduce pain and shorten healing process.", 532 | "Real diamonds do not show up in X-ray.", 533 | "Due to extreme pressure and weather conditions, it literally rains diamonds on Neptune and Uranus.", 534 | "There are 7 different kinds of twins: Identical, Fraternal, Half-Identical, Mirror Image Twins, Mixed Chromosome Twins, Superfecundation and Superfetation.", 535 | "Before the 17th century, carrots were actually purple. They didn’t get their orange color until mutation occupied.", 536 | "If the sun is scaled down to the size of a white blood cell, the Milky Way would be equal the size of the United States.", 537 | "A grammatical pedantry syndrome is a form of OCD in which suffers feel the need to correct every grammatical error that they see.", 538 | "Scorpions can hold their breath underwater for up to 6 days.", 539 | "In zero gravity, a candle’s flame is round and blue.", 540 | "Only 8 percent of the world’s money exists in physical form, the rest is in computers.", 541 | "Crows are able to recognize human faces and even hold grudges against ones that they don’t like.", 542 | "Your cellphone carries up to ten times more bacteria than a toilet seat.", 543 | "Humans and bananas share about 50 percent of the same DNA.", 544 | "Humans have fewer chromosomes than a potato.", 545 | "An American Pharmacist named John Pemberton invented Coca-Cola who advertises it as a nerve tonic for curing headaches and fatigue.", 546 | "Statistically, you are more likely to die on the way to buy a lottery ticket than you are to win the lottery itself.", 547 | "The word checkmate comes from the Arabic which means 'the king is dead.'", 548 | "Hot water turns to ice faster than cool water. This is known as the Mpemba effect.", 549 | "Apollo 7 Mission was the first 'astronaut ice cream' flew in space. However, it was so unpopular among astronauts and was retired from the menu after only one trip into space.", 550 | "Apollo 8 astronauts were the first to celebrate Christmas in space.", 551 | "IV Is The Roman Numeral designation for 4 everywhere. However, on the clock face, 4 is displayed as 'IIII'.", 552 | "The Apple Macintosh had the signatures Of its design team engraved inside its case.", 553 | "Japan has the most vending machines per capita, a staggering 1:23.", 554 | "A study by University Chicago in 1915, it concluded that the easiest color to spot at a distance is the color yellow. Which is why the most popular color for taxi cabs are yellow.", 555 | "Japanese police declare murders that they cannot solve as suicides, in order to save faces and keep crime rate artificially low.", 556 | "The smallest poisonous frogs only 10 millimeters (0.393701 inch) in length.", 557 | "Farting helps to reduce blood pressure and is good for your overall health.", 558 | "In 1994, the US Air Force did research on creating a gay bomb (are informal names for theoretical non-lethal chemical weapon) which is a non-lethal bomb containing very strong human sexual pheromones that would make the enemy forces attracted to each other.", 559 | "There are around 1,584 people in the United States named 'Seven'.", 560 | "The classic heart shape that we all know was meant to be two hearts fused together.", 561 | "The water we drink is older than the sun. The sun is 4.6 billion years old.", 562 | "The water on our planet is very old. The water we have now is the same water that existed hundreds of millions of year ago. The next time you drink a glass of water, you could be about to sip on dinosaur pee.", 563 | "Meanwhile, about 40% of Americans think humans and dinosaurs existed at the same time.", 564 | "Nobody knows who named our planet 'Earth'.", 565 | "Michael Nicholson from Michigan. He has one bachelor’s degree, two associate’s degrees, 22 master’s degrees, three specialist degrees and one doctoral degree, making him the most credentialed person in history.", 566 | "Practicing a kill in your head will make you better at it, but only if you’re already good at it.", 567 | "If two identical twins have children with another pair of identical twins, then their children will genetically be full siblings.", 568 | "In Biertan village (located in Transylvania, Romania) the church had a 'divorce-reconciliation room.' Couples that wanted to get a divorce had to live in a room for two weeks with one small bed, one chair, one table, one plate and one spoon. In 300 years, they only had one divorce.", 569 | "Killing a panda in China is a seriously crime. It is punishable by death.", 570 | "December 4th is the National Cookie Day!", 571 | "Beards can slow the aging process by stopping water from leaving the skin, keeping it moisturized.", 572 | "A survey found that 33% of men and 43% of women claimed that they had fallen in love with someone they did not initially find attractive.", 573 | "Most people dream in color, but those who grow up watching television in black and white are more likely to dream in black and white.", 574 | "Mixing your drinks with diet soda can get you drunk about 18% faster than regular soda. Hummm…", 575 | "The number of H2O molecules in 10 drops of water is roughly equal to the total amount of stars in the universe.", 576 | "Octopuses have copper-based blood instead of iron-based blood, which is why their blood is blue rather than red.", 577 | "Also, they have three hearts and nine brains", 578 | "The hormones responsible for your growth are only produced when you sleep.", 579 | "You touch your face an average of once every three minutes. And you properly touched your face after you read it.", 580 | "People who sleep less than six hours a night are 4.2 times more likely to catch a cold compared those who get more than seven hours of sleep.", 581 | "Dogs can make about 100 different facial expressions.", 582 | "Iceland has no army as is often recognized as the most peaceful country in the world.", 583 | "Shigeru Miyamoto – maker of Super Mario Bros. and Donkey Kong – is not allowed to bike to work because his safety is too important to Nintendo.", 584 | "Every year, women lose approximately 1.73 billion bobby pins.", 585 | "Dolphins give each other 'names' – Specific sounds that they use to call friends and family.", 586 | "Chimpanzee babies like to play with dolls – They’ll make dolls out of sticks and rocks for themselves.", 587 | "Squirrels plant thousands of trees every year, simply by forgetting where they put their acorns.", 588 | "Koalas can sleep for up to 20 hours a day.", 589 | "The average woman will spend one full year of her life trying to decide what to wear.", 590 | "The average woman owns eight times more makeup than she actually uses.", 591 | "Rainbows that appear at night are called 'moonbows.'", 592 | "100 million years ago, crocodiles had long legs and could gallop after their prey.", 593 | "The real Top Gun school give a $5 fine to any staff member that quotes the movie." 594 | ); 595 | module.exports = { 596 | facts: facts, 597 | }; 598 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/json/8ball.json: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | [ 2 | "Yes.", 3 | "No.", 4 | "My sources say yes", 5 | "Most likely.", 6 | "idk", 7 | "maybe sometime", 8 | "Outlook good.", 9 | "Signs point to yes.", 10 | "Definitely", 11 | "Absolutely", 12 | "Nope.", 13 | "No thanks, I won’t be able to make it.", 14 | "No Way!", 15 | " It is certain.", 16 | "It is decidedly so.", 17 | "Without a doubt.", 18 | "Yes - definitely.", 19 | "You may rely on it.", 20 | "As I see it, yes." 21 | ] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/json/jokes.json: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | [ 2 | { 3 | "id": 1, 4 | "type": "general", 5 | "setup": "What did the fish say when it hit the wall?", 6 | "punchline": "Dam." 7 | }, 8 | { 9 | "id": 2, 10 | "type": "general", 11 | "setup": "How do you make a tissue dance?", 12 | "punchline": "You put a little boogie on it." 13 | }, 14 | { 15 | "id": 3, 16 | "type": "general", 17 | "setup": "What's Forrest Gump's password?", 18 | "punchline": "1Forrest1" 19 | }, 20 | { 21 | "id": 4, 22 | "type": "general", 23 | "setup": "What do you call a belt made out of watches?", 24 | "punchline": "A waist of time." 25 | }, 26 | { 27 | "id": 5, 28 | "type": "general", 29 | "setup": "Why can't bicycles stand on their own?", 30 | "punchline": "They are two tired" 31 | }, 32 | { 33 | "id": 6, 34 | "type": "general", 35 | "setup": "How does a train eat?", 36 | "punchline": "It goes chew, chew" 37 | }, 38 | { 39 | "id": 7, 40 | "type": "general", 41 | "setup": "What do you call a singing Laptop", 42 | "punchline": "A Dell" 43 | }, 44 | { 45 | "id": 8, 46 | "type": "general", 47 | "setup": "How many lips does a flower have?", 48 | "punchline": "Tulips" 49 | }, 50 | { 51 | "id": 9, 52 | "type": "general", 53 | "setup": "How do you organize an outer space party?", 54 | "punchline": "You planet" 55 | }, 56 | { 57 | "id": 10, 58 | "type": "general", 59 | "setup": "What kind of shoes does a thief wear?", 60 | "punchline": "Sneakers" 61 | }, 62 | { 63 | "id": 11, 64 | "type": "general", 65 | "setup": "What's the best time to go to the dentist?", 66 | "punchline": "Tooth hurty." 67 | }, 68 | { 69 | "id": 12, 70 | "type": "knock-knock", 71 | "setup": "Knock knock. \n Who's there? \n A broken pencil. \n A broken pencil who?", 72 | "punchline": "Never mind. It's pointless." 73 | }, 74 | { 75 | "id": 13, 76 | "type": "knock-knock", 77 | "setup": "Knock knock. \n Who's there? \n Cows go. \n Cows go who?", 78 | "punchline": "No, cows go moo." 79 | }, 80 | { 81 | "id": 14, 82 | "type": "knock-knock", 83 | "setup": "Knock knock. \n Who's there? \n Little old lady. \n Little old lady who?", 84 | "punchline": "I didn't know you could yodel!" 85 | }, 86 | { 87 | "id": 15, 88 | "type": "programming", 89 | "setup": "What's the best thing about a Boolean?", 90 | "punchline": "Even if you're wrong, you're only off by a bit." 91 | }, 92 | { 93 | "id": 16, 94 | "type": "programming", 95 | "setup": "What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy?", 96 | "punchline": "Inheritance" 97 | }, 98 | { 99 | "id": 17, 100 | "type": "programming", 101 | "setup": "Where do programmers like to hangout?", 102 | "punchline": "The Foo Bar." 103 | }, 104 | { 105 | "id": 18, 106 | "type": "programming", 107 | "setup": "Why did the programmer quit his job?", 108 | "punchline": "Because he didn't get arrays." 109 | }, 110 | { 111 | "id": 19, 112 | "type": "general", 113 | "setup": "Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?", 114 | "punchline": "It ended in a tie." 115 | }, 116 | { 117 | "id": 20, 118 | "type": "general", 119 | "setup": "What do you call a laughing motorcycle?", 120 | "punchline": "A Yamahahahaha." 121 | }, 122 | { 123 | "id": 21, 124 | "type": "general", 125 | "setup": "A termite walks into a bar and says...", 126 | "punchline": "'Where is the bar tended?'" 127 | }, 128 | { 129 | "id": 22, 130 | "type": "general", 131 | "setup": "What does C.S. Lewis keep at the back of his wardrobe?", 132 | "punchline": "Narnia business!" 133 | }, 134 | { 135 | "id": 23, 136 | "type": "programming", 137 | "setup": "Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?", 138 | "punchline": "Because Oct 31 == Dec 25" 139 | }, 140 | { 141 | "id": 24, 142 | "type": "programming", 143 | "setup": "A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks...", 144 | "punchline": "'Can I join you?'" 145 | }, 146 | { 147 | "id": 25, 148 | "type": "programming", 149 | "setup": "How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?", 150 | "punchline": "None that's a hardware problem" 151 | }, 152 | { 153 | "id": 26, 154 | "type": "programming", 155 | "setup": "If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program", 156 | "punchline": "the rest of them will write Perl" 157 | }, 158 | { 159 | "id": 27, 160 | "type": "programming", 161 | "setup": "['hip', 'hip']", 162 | "punchline": "(hip hip array)" 163 | }, 164 | { 165 | "id": 28, 166 | "type": "programming", 167 | "setup": "To understand what recursion is...", 168 | "punchline": "You must first understand what recursion is" 169 | }, 170 | { 171 | "id": 29, 172 | "type": "programming", 173 | "setup": "There are 10 types of people in this world...", 174 | "punchline": "Those who understand binary and those who don't" 175 | }, 176 | { 177 | "id": 30, 178 | "type": "general", 179 | "setup": "What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?", 180 | "punchline": "Put it on my bill" 181 | }, 182 | { 183 | "id": 31, 184 | "type": "general", 185 | "setup": "What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?", 186 | "punchline": "It gets toad away" 187 | }, 188 | { 189 | "id": 32, 190 | "type": "general", 191 | "setup": "did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France?", 192 | "punchline": "they were cooked in Greece" 193 | }, 194 | { 195 | "id": 33, 196 | "type": "programming", 197 | "setup": "Which song would an exception sing?", 198 | "punchline": "Can't catch me - Avicii" 199 | }, 200 | { 201 | "id": 34, 202 | "type": "knock-knock", 203 | "setup": "Knock knock. \n Who's there? \n Opportunity.", 204 | "punchline": "That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!" 205 | }, 206 | { 207 | "id": 35, 208 | "type": "programming", 209 | "setup": "Why do Java programmers wear glasses?", 210 | "punchline": "Because they don't C#" 211 | }, 212 | { 213 | "id": 36, 214 | "type": "general", 215 | "setup": "Why did the mushroom get invited to the party?", 216 | "punchline": "Because he was a fungi." 217 | }, 218 | { 219 | "id": 37, 220 | "type": "general", 221 | "setup": "Why did the mushroom get invited to the party?", 222 | "punchline": "Because he was a fungi." 223 | }, 224 | { 225 | "id": 38, 226 | "type": "general", 227 | "setup": "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity...", 228 | "punchline": "It's impossible to put down" 229 | }, 230 | { 231 | "id": 39, 232 | "type": "general", 233 | "setup": "If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're in there?", 234 | "punchline": "European" 235 | }, 236 | { 237 | "id": 40, 238 | "type": "general", 239 | "setup": "Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?", 240 | "punchline": "Never mind...it's tearable" 241 | }, 242 | { 243 | "id": 41, 244 | "type": "general", 245 | "setup": "I just watched a documentary about beavers.", 246 | "punchline": "It was the best dam show I ever saw" 247 | }, 248 | { 249 | "id": 42, 250 | "type": "general", 251 | "setup": "If you see a robbery at an Apple Store...", 252 | "punchline": "Does that make you an iWitness?" 253 | }, 254 | { 255 | "id": 43, 256 | "type": "general", 257 | "setup": "A ham sandwhich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says...", 258 | "punchline": "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here" 259 | }, 260 | { 261 | "id": 44, 262 | "type": "general", 263 | "setup": "Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?", 264 | "punchline": "Because he was a little horse" 265 | }, 266 | { 267 | "id": 45, 268 | "type": "general", 269 | "setup": "If you boil a clown...", 270 | "punchline": "Do you get a laughing stock?" 271 | }, 272 | { 273 | "id": 46, 274 | "type": "general", 275 | "setup": "Finally realized why my plant sits around doing nothing all day...", 276 | "punchline": "He loves his pot." 277 | }, 278 | { 279 | "id": 47, 280 | "type": "general", 281 | "setup": "Don't look at the eclipse through a colander.", 282 | "punchline": "You'll strain your eyes." 283 | }, 284 | { 285 | "id": 48, 286 | "type": "general", 287 | "setup": "I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.", 288 | "punchline": "I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!" 289 | }, 290 | { 291 | "id": 49, 292 | "type": "general", 293 | "setup": "Why do chicken coops only have two doors?", 294 | "punchline": "Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans" 295 | }, 296 | { 297 | "id": 50, 298 | "type": "general", 299 | "setup": "What do you call a factory that sells passable products?", 300 | "punchline": "A satisfactory" 301 | }, 302 | { 303 | "id": 51, 304 | "type": "general", 305 | "setup": "When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery?", 306 | "punchline": "Yep, people are just dying to get in there" 307 | }, 308 | { 309 | "id": 52, 310 | "type": "general", 311 | "setup": "Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?", 312 | "punchline": "He couldn't see himself doing it" 313 | }, 314 | { 315 | "id": 53, 316 | "type": "general", 317 | "setup": "How do you make holy water?", 318 | "punchline": "You boil the hell out of it" 319 | }, 320 | { 321 | "id": 54, 322 | "type": "general", 323 | "setup": "I had a dream that I was a muffler last night.", 324 | "punchline": "I woke up exhausted!" 325 | }, 326 | { 327 | "id": 55, 328 | "type": "general", 329 | "setup": "Why is peter pan always flying?", 330 | "punchline": "Because he neverlands" 331 | }, 332 | { 333 | "id": 56, 334 | "type": "programming", 335 | "setup": "How do you check if a webpage is HTML5?", 336 | "punchline": "Try it out on Internet Explorer" 337 | }, 338 | { 339 | "id": 57, 340 | "type": "general", 341 | "setup": "What do you call a cow with no legs?", 342 | "punchline": "Ground beef!" 343 | }, 344 | { 345 | "id": 58, 346 | "type": "general", 347 | "setup": "I dropped a pear in my car this morning.", 348 | "punchline": "You should drop another one, then you would have a pair." 349 | }, 350 | { 351 | "id": 59, 352 | "type": "general", 353 | "setup": "Lady: How do I spread love in this cruel world?", 354 | "punchline": "Random Dude: [...💘]" 355 | }, 356 | { 357 | "id": 60, 358 | "type": "programming", 359 | "setup": "A user interface is like a joke.", 360 | "punchline": "If you have to explain it then it is not that good." 361 | }, 362 | { 363 | "id": 61, 364 | "type": "knock-knock", 365 | "setup": "Knock knock. \n Who's there? \n Hatch. \n Hatch who?", 366 | "punchline": "Bless you!" 367 | }, 368 | { 369 | "id": 62, 370 | "type": "general", 371 | "setup": "What do you call sad coffee?", 372 | "punchline": "Despresso." 373 | }, 374 | { 375 | "id": 63, 376 | "type": "general", 377 | "setup": "Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop?", 378 | "punchline": "To make ends meat." 379 | }, 380 | { 381 | "id": 64, 382 | "type": "general", 383 | "setup": "Did you hear about the hungry clock?", 384 | "punchline": "It went back four seconds." 385 | }, 386 | { 387 | "id": 65, 388 | "type": "general", 389 | "setup": "Well...", 390 | "punchline": "That’s a deep subject." 391 | }, 392 | { 393 | "id": 66, 394 | "type": "general", 395 | "setup": "Did you hear the story about the cheese that saved the world?", 396 | "punchline": "It was legend dairy." 397 | }, 398 | { 399 | "id": 67, 400 | "type": "general", 401 | "setup": "Did you watch the new comic book movie?", 402 | "punchline": "It was very graphic!" 403 | }, 404 | { 405 | "id": 68, 406 | "type": "general", 407 | "setup": "I started a new business making yachts in my attic this year...", 408 | "punchline": "The sails are going through the roof." 409 | }, 410 | { 411 | "id": 69, 412 | "type": "general", 413 | "setup": "I got hit in the head by a soda can, but it didn't hurt that much...", 414 | "punchline": "It was a soft drink." 415 | }, 416 | { 417 | "id": 70, 418 | "type": "general", 419 | "setup": "I can't tell if i like this blender...", 420 | "punchline": "It keeps giving me mixed results." 421 | }, 422 | { 423 | "id": 71, 424 | "type": "general", 425 | "setup": "I couldn't get a reservation at the library...", 426 | "punchline": "They were fully booked." 427 | }, 428 | { 429 | "id": 72, 430 | "type": "programming", 431 | "setup": "I was gonna tell you a joke about UDP...", 432 | "punchline": "...but you might not get it." 433 | }, 434 | { 435 | "id": 73, 436 | "type": "programming", 437 | "setup": "The punchline often arrives before the set-up.", 438 | "punchline": "Do you know the problem with UDP jokes?" 439 | }, 440 | { 441 | "id": 74, 442 | "type": "programming", 443 | "setup": "Why do C# and Java developers keep breaking their keyboards?", 444 | "punchline": "Because they use a strongly typed language." 445 | }, 446 | { 447 | "id": 75, 448 | "type": "general", 449 | "setup": "What do you give to a lemon in need?", 450 | "punchline": "Lemonaid." 451 | }, 452 | { 453 | "id": 76, 454 | "type": "general", 455 | "setup": "Never take advice from electrons.", 456 | "punchline": "They are always negative." 457 | }, 458 | { 459 | "id": 78, 460 | "type": "general", 461 | "setup": "Hey, dad, did you get a haircut?", 462 | "punchline": "No, I got them all cut." 463 | }, 464 | { 465 | "id": 79, 466 | "type": "general", 467 | "setup": "What time is it?", 468 | "punchline": "I don't know... it keeps changing." 469 | }, 470 | { 471 | "id": 80, 472 | "type": "general", 473 | "setup": "A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, \"Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?\"", 474 | "punchline": "Pop,goes the weasel." 475 | }, 476 | { 477 | "id": 81, 478 | "type": "general", 479 | "setup": "Bad at golf?", 480 | "punchline": "Join the club." 481 | }, 482 | { 483 | "id": 82, 484 | "type": "general", 485 | "setup": "Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?", 486 | "punchline": "Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump." 487 | }, 488 | { 489 | "id": 83, 490 | "type": "general", 491 | "setup": "Can February march?", 492 | "punchline": "No, but April may." 493 | }, 494 | { 495 | "id": 84, 496 | "type": "general", 497 | "setup": "Can I watch the TV?", 498 | "punchline": "Yes, but don’t turn it on." 499 | }, 500 | { 501 | "id": 85, 502 | "type": "general", 503 | "setup": "Dad, can you put my shoes on?", 504 | "punchline": "I don't think they'll fit me." 505 | }, 506 | { 507 | "id": 86, 508 | "type": "general", 509 | "setup": "Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?", 510 | "punchline": "They say the business is toast." 511 | }, 512 | { 513 | "id": 87, 514 | "type": "general", 515 | "setup": "Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color?", 516 | "punchline": "They had a reptile dysfunction." 517 | }, 518 | { 519 | "id": 88, 520 | "type": "general", 521 | "setup": "Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?", 522 | "punchline": "There was nothing left but de Brie." 523 | }, 524 | { 525 | "id": 89, 526 | "type": "general", 527 | "setup": "Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence?", 528 | "punchline": "It was udder destruction." 529 | }, 530 | { 531 | "id": 90, 532 | "type": "general", 533 | "setup": "Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?", 534 | "punchline": "They say he made a mint." 535 | }, 536 | { 537 | "id": 91, 538 | "type": "general", 539 | "setup": "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?", 540 | "punchline": "He's all right now." 541 | }, 542 | { 543 | "id": 92, 544 | "type": "general", 545 | "setup": "Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?", 546 | "punchline": "It's ok, he woke up." 547 | }, 548 | { 549 | "id": 93, 550 | "type": "general", 551 | "setup": "Did you hear about the Mexican train killer?", 552 | "punchline": "He had loco motives" 553 | }, 554 | { 555 | "id": 94, 556 | "type": "general", 557 | "setup": "Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?", 558 | "punchline": "The food is great, but there’s just no atmosphere." 559 | }, 560 | { 561 | "id": 95, 562 | "type": "general", 563 | "setup": "Did you hear about the runner who was criticized?", 564 | "punchline": "He just took it in stride" 565 | }, 566 | { 567 | "id": 96, 568 | "type": "general", 569 | "setup": "Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?", 570 | "punchline": "He had a very esteemed colleague." 571 | }, 572 | { 573 | "id": 97, 574 | "type": "general", 575 | "setup": "Did you hear about the submarine industry?", 576 | "punchline": "It really took a dive..." 577 | }, 578 | { 579 | "id": 98, 580 | "type": "general", 581 | "setup": "Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?", 582 | "punchline": "Now we just have to call him Dav." 583 | }, 584 | { 585 | "id": 99, 586 | "type": "general", 587 | "setup": "Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?", 588 | "punchline": "It reads \"Small medium at large.\"" 589 | }, 590 | { 591 | "id": 100, 592 | "type": "general", 593 | "setup": "Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun?", 594 | "punchline": "She was a roman catholic." 595 | }, 596 | { 597 | "id": 101, 598 | "type": "general", 599 | "setup": "Did you hear the news?", 600 | "punchline": "FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on." 601 | }, 602 | { 603 | "id": 102, 604 | "type": "general", 605 | "setup": "Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid?", 606 | "punchline": "Neither did he." 607 | }, 608 | { 609 | "id": 103, 610 | "type": "general", 611 | "setup": "Did you know crocodiles could grow up to 15 feet?", 612 | "punchline": "But most just have 4." 613 | }, 614 | { 615 | "id": 104, 616 | "type": "general", 617 | "setup": "What do ghosts call their true love?", 618 | "punchline": "Their ghoul-friend" 619 | }, 620 | { 621 | "id": 105, 622 | "type": "general", 623 | "setup": "Did you know that protons have mass?", 624 | "punchline": "I didn't even know they were catholic." 625 | }, 626 | { 627 | "id": 106, 628 | "type": "general", 629 | "setup": "Did you know you should always take an extra pair of pants golfing?", 630 | "punchline": "Just in case you get a hole in one." 631 | }, 632 | { 633 | "id": 107, 634 | "type": "general", 635 | "setup": "Do I enjoy making courthouse puns?", 636 | "punchline": "Guilty" 637 | }, 638 | { 639 | "id": 108, 640 | "type": "general", 641 | "setup": "Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk?", 642 | "punchline": "The stock market." 643 | }, 644 | { 645 | "id": 109, 646 | "type": "general", 647 | "setup": "Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is?", 648 | "punchline": "In a nutshell, it's an oak tree." 649 | }, 650 | { 651 | "id": 110, 652 | "type": "general", 653 | "setup": "Ever wondered why bees hum?", 654 | "punchline": "It's because they don't know the words." 655 | }, 656 | { 657 | "id": 111, 658 | "type": "general", 659 | "setup": "Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane?", 660 | "punchline": "They mostly wrap." 661 | }, 662 | { 663 | "id": 112, 664 | "type": "general", 665 | "setup": "Have you heard of the band 1023MB?", 666 | "punchline": "They haven't got a gig yet." 667 | }, 668 | { 669 | "id": 113, 670 | "type": "general", 671 | "setup": "Have you heard the rumor going around about butter?", 672 | "punchline": "Never mind, I shouldn't spread it." 673 | }, 674 | { 675 | "id": 114, 676 | "type": "general", 677 | "setup": "How are false teeth like stars?", 678 | "punchline": "They come out at night!" 679 | }, 680 | { 681 | "id": 115, 682 | "type": "general", 683 | "setup": "How can you tell a vampire has a cold?", 684 | "punchline": "They start coffin." 685 | }, 686 | { 687 | "id": 116, 688 | "type": "general", 689 | "setup": "How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning?", 690 | "punchline": "He was a good conductor." 691 | }, 692 | { 693 | "id": 117, 694 | "type": "general", 695 | "setup": "How come the stadium got hot after the game?", 696 | "punchline": "Because all of the fans left." 697 | }, 698 | { 699 | "id": 118, 700 | "type": "general", 701 | "setup": "How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?", 702 | "punchline": "He felt his presents." 703 | }, 704 | { 705 | "id": 119, 706 | "type": "general", 707 | "setup": "How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?", 708 | "punchline": "He ate the pizza before it was cool." 709 | }, 710 | { 711 | "id": 120, 712 | "type": "general", 713 | "setup": "How do hens stay fit?", 714 | "punchline": "They always egg-cercise!" 715 | }, 716 | { 717 | "id": 121, 718 | "type": "general", 719 | "setup": "How do locomotives know where they're going?", 720 | "punchline": "Lots of training" 721 | }, 722 | { 723 | "id": 122, 724 | "type": "general", 725 | "setup": "How do the trees get on the internet?", 726 | "punchline": "They log on." 727 | }, 728 | { 729 | "id": 123, 730 | "type": "general", 731 | "setup": "How do you find Will Smith in the snow?", 732 | "punchline": " Look for fresh prints." 733 | }, 734 | { 735 | "id": 124, 736 | "type": "general", 737 | "setup": "How do you fix a broken pizza?", 738 | "punchline": "With tomato paste." 739 | }, 740 | { 741 | "id": 125, 742 | "type": "general", 743 | "setup": "How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?", 744 | "punchline": "You use a pumpkin patch." 745 | }, 746 | { 747 | "id": 126, 748 | "type": "general", 749 | "setup": "How do you get a baby alien to sleep?", 750 | "punchline": " You rocket." 751 | }, 752 | { 753 | "id": 127, 754 | "type": "general", 755 | "setup": "How do you get two whales in a car?", 756 | "punchline": "Start in England and drive West." 757 | }, 758 | { 759 | "id": 128, 760 | "type": "general", 761 | "setup": "How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?", 762 | "punchline": "Your head hits the ceiling!" 763 | }, 764 | { 765 | "id": 129, 766 | "type": "general", 767 | "setup": "How do you make a hankie dance?", 768 | "punchline": "Put a little boogie in it." 769 | }, 770 | { 771 | "id": 130, 772 | "type": "general", 773 | "setup": "How do you make holy water?", 774 | "punchline": "You boil the hell out of it." 775 | }, 776 | { 777 | "id": 131, 778 | "type": "general", 779 | "setup": "How do you organize a space party?", 780 | "punchline": "You planet." 781 | }, 782 | { 783 | "id": 132, 784 | "type": "general", 785 | "setup": "How do you steal a coat?", 786 | "punchline": "You jacket." 787 | }, 788 | { 789 | "id": 133, 790 | "type": "general", 791 | "setup": "How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?", 792 | "punchline": "You will see one later and one in a while." 793 | }, 794 | { 795 | "id": 134, 796 | "type": "general", 797 | "setup": "How does a dyslexic poet write?", 798 | "punchline": "Inverse." 799 | }, 800 | { 801 | "id": 135, 802 | "type": "general", 803 | "setup": "How does a French skeleton say hello?", 804 | "punchline": "Bone-jour." 805 | }, 806 | { 807 | "id": 136, 808 | "type": "general", 809 | "setup": "How does a penguin build it’s house?", 810 | "punchline": "Igloos it together." 811 | }, 812 | { 813 | "id": 137, 814 | "type": "general", 815 | "setup": "How does a scientist freshen their breath?", 816 | "punchline": "With experi-mints!" 817 | }, 818 | { 819 | "id": 138, 820 | "type": "general", 821 | "setup": "How does the moon cut his hair?", 822 | "punchline": "Eclipse it." 823 | }, 824 | { 825 | "id": 139, 826 | "type": "general", 827 | "setup": "How many apples grow on a tree?", 828 | "punchline": "All of them!" 829 | }, 830 | { 831 | "id": 140, 832 | "type": "general", 833 | "setup": "How many bones are in the human hand?", 834 | "punchline": "A handful of them." 835 | }, 836 | { 837 | "id": 141, 838 | "type": "general", 839 | "setup": "How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?", 840 | "punchline": "Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it." 841 | }, 842 | { 843 | "id": 142, 844 | "type": "general", 845 | "setup": "How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?", 846 | "punchline": "Let's go ride bikes!" 847 | }, 848 | { 849 | "id": 143, 850 | "type": "general", 851 | "setup": "How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?", 852 | "punchline": "1 or 2? 1... or 2?" 853 | }, 854 | { 855 | "id": 144, 856 | "type": "general", 857 | "setup": "How many seconds are in a year?", 858 | "punchline": "12. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd.... etc" 859 | }, 860 | { 861 | "id": 145, 862 | "type": "general", 863 | "setup": "How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?", 864 | "punchline": "A Brazilian" 865 | }, 866 | { 867 | "id": 146, 868 | "type": "general", 869 | "setup": "How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?", 870 | "punchline": "Ten-tickles!" 871 | }, 872 | { 873 | "id": 147, 874 | "type": "general", 875 | "setup": "How much does a hipster weigh?", 876 | "punchline": "An instagram." 877 | }, 878 | { 879 | "id": 148, 880 | "type": "general", 881 | "setup": "How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?", 882 | "punchline": "A little shaken." 883 | }, 884 | { 885 | "id": 149, 886 | "type": "general", 887 | "setup": "Is the pool safe for diving?", 888 | "punchline": "It deep ends." 889 | }, 890 | { 891 | "id": 150, 892 | "type": "general", 893 | "setup": "Is there a hole in your shoe?", 894 | "punchline": "No… Then how’d you get your foot in it?" 895 | }, 896 | { 897 | "id": 151, 898 | "type": "general", 899 | "setup": "What did the spaghetti say to the other spaghetti?", 900 | "punchline": "Pasta la vista, baby!" 901 | }, 902 | { 903 | "id": 152, 904 | "type": "general", 905 | "setup": "What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe?", 906 | "punchline": "200 Dollars." 907 | }, 908 | { 909 | "id": 153, 910 | "type": "general", 911 | "setup": "Want to hear a chimney joke?", 912 | "punchline": "Got stacks of em! First one's on the house" 913 | }, 914 | { 915 | "id": 154, 916 | "type": "general", 917 | "setup": "Want to hear a joke about construction?", 918 | "punchline": "Nah, I'm still working on it." 919 | }, 920 | { 921 | "id": 155, 922 | "type": "general", 923 | "setup": "Want to hear my pizza joke?", 924 | "punchline": "Never mind, it's too cheesy." 925 | }, 926 | { 927 | "id": 156, 928 | "type": "general", 929 | "setup": "What animal is always at a game of cricket?", 930 | "punchline": "A bat." 931 | }, 932 | { 933 | "id": 157, 934 | "type": "general", 935 | "setup": "What are the strongest days of the week?", 936 | "punchline": "Saturday and Sunday...the rest are weekdays." 937 | }, 938 | { 939 | "id": 158, 940 | "type": "general", 941 | "setup": "What biscuit does a short person like?", 942 | "punchline": "Shortbread. " 943 | }, 944 | { 945 | "id": 159, 946 | "type": "general", 947 | "setup": "What cheese can never be yours?", 948 | "punchline": "Nacho cheese." 949 | }, 950 | { 951 | "id": 160, 952 | "type": "general", 953 | "setup": "What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?", 954 | "punchline": "A spelling bee." 955 | }, 956 | { 957 | "id": 161, 958 | "type": "general", 959 | "setup": "What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend?", 960 | "punchline": "She wasn't right for me, so I really don't carrot all." 961 | }, 962 | { 963 | "id": 162, 964 | "type": "general", 965 | "setup": "What did Michael Jackson name his denim store?", 966 | "punchline": " Billy Jeans!" 967 | }, 968 | { 969 | "id": 163, 970 | "type": "general", 971 | "setup": "What did one nut say as he chased another nut?", 972 | "punchline": " I'm a cashew!" 973 | }, 974 | { 975 | "id": 164, 976 | "type": "general", 977 | "setup": "What did one plate say to the other plate?", 978 | "punchline": "Dinner is on me!" 979 | }, 980 | { 981 | "id": 165, 982 | "type": "general", 983 | "setup": "What did one snowman say to the other snow man?", 984 | "punchline": "Do you smell carrot?" 985 | }, 986 | { 987 | "id": 166, 988 | "type": "general", 989 | "setup": "What did one wall say to the other wall?", 990 | "punchline": "I'll meet you at the corner!" 991 | }, 992 | { 993 | "id": 167, 994 | "type": "general", 995 | "setup": "What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented?", 996 | "punchline": "Lil Caesars" 997 | }, 998 | { 999 | "id": 168, 1000 | "type": "general", 1001 | "setup": "What did the 0 say to the 8?", 1002 | "punchline": "Nice belt." 1003 | }, 1004 | { 1005 | "id": 169, 1006 | "type": "general", 1007 | "setup": "What did the beaver say to the tree?", 1008 | "punchline": "It's been nice gnawing you." 1009 | }, 1010 | { 1011 | "id": 170, 1012 | "type": "general", 1013 | "setup": "What did the big flower say to the littler flower?", 1014 | "punchline": "Hi, bud!" 1015 | }, 1016 | { 1017 | "id": 180, 1018 | "type": "general", 1019 | "setup": "What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school?", 1020 | "punchline": "Bison." 1021 | }, 1022 | { 1023 | "id": 181, 1024 | "type": "general", 1025 | "setup": "What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?", 1026 | "punchline": "Look, no hands!" 1027 | }, 1028 | { 1029 | "id": 182, 1030 | "type": "general", 1031 | "setup": "What did the dog say to the two trees?", 1032 | "punchline": "Bark bark." 1033 | }, 1034 | { 1035 | "id": 183, 1036 | "type": "general", 1037 | "setup": "What did the Dorito farmer say to the other Dorito farmer?", 1038 | "punchline": "Cool Ranch!" 1039 | }, 1040 | { 1041 | "id": 184, 1042 | "type": "general", 1043 | "setup": "What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?", 1044 | "punchline": "Damn!" 1045 | }, 1046 | { 1047 | "id": 185, 1048 | "type": "general", 1049 | "setup": "What did the grape do when he got stepped on?", 1050 | "punchline": "He let out a little wine." 1051 | }, 1052 | { 1053 | "id": 186, 1054 | "type": "general", 1055 | "setup": "What did the judge say to the dentist?", 1056 | "punchline": "Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?" 1057 | }, 1058 | { 1059 | "id": 187, 1060 | "type": "general", 1061 | "setup": "What did the late tomato say to the early tomato?", 1062 | "punchline": "I’ll ketch up" 1063 | }, 1064 | { 1065 | "id": 188, 1066 | "type": "general", 1067 | "setup": "What did the left eye say to the right eye?", 1068 | "punchline": "Between us, something smells!" 1069 | }, 1070 | { 1071 | "id": 189, 1072 | "type": "general", 1073 | "setup": "What did the mountain climber name his son?", 1074 | "punchline": "Cliff." 1075 | }, 1076 | { 1077 | "id": 189, 1078 | "type": "general", 1079 | "setup": "What did the ocean say to the beach?", 1080 | "punchline": "Thanks for all the sediment." 1081 | }, 1082 | { 1083 | "id": 190, 1084 | "type": "general", 1085 | "setup": "What did the ocean say to the shore?", 1086 | "punchline": "Nothing, it just waved." 1087 | }, 1088 | { 1089 | "id": 191, 1090 | "type": "general", 1091 | "setup": "Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees?", 1092 | "punchline": "They're really good at it." 1093 | }, 1094 | { 1095 | "id": 192, 1096 | "type": "general", 1097 | "setup": "What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?", 1098 | "punchline": "Aye Matey!" 1099 | }, 1100 | { 1101 | "id": 193, 1102 | "type": "general", 1103 | "setup": "What did the Red light say to the Green light?", 1104 | "punchline": "Don't look at me I'm changing!" 1105 | }, 1106 | { 1107 | "id": 194, 1108 | "type": "general", 1109 | "setup": "What did the scarf say to the hat?", 1110 | "punchline": "You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer." 1111 | }, 1112 | { 1113 | "id": 195, 1114 | "type": "general", 1115 | "setup": "What did the shy pebble wish for?", 1116 | "punchline": "That she was a little boulder." 1117 | }, 1118 | { 1119 | "id": 196, 1120 | "type": "general", 1121 | "setup": "What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?", 1122 | "punchline": "Don't look I'm changing!" 1123 | }, 1124 | { 1125 | "id": 197, 1126 | "type": "general", 1127 | "setup": "What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor?", 1128 | "punchline": "Make me one with everything." 1129 | }, 1130 | { 1131 | "id": 198, 1132 | "type": "general", 1133 | "setup": "What do birds give out on Halloween?", 1134 | "punchline": "Tweets." 1135 | }, 1136 | { 1137 | "id": 199, 1138 | "type": "general", 1139 | "setup": "What do I look like?", 1140 | "punchline": "A JOKE MACHINE!?" 1141 | }, 1142 | { 1143 | "id": 200, 1144 | "type": "general", 1145 | "setup": "What do prisoners use to call each other?", 1146 | "punchline": "Cell phones." 1147 | }, 1148 | { 1149 | "id": 201, 1150 | "type": "general", 1151 | "setup": "What do vegetarian zombies eat?", 1152 | "punchline": "Grrrrrainnnnnssss." 1153 | }, 1154 | { 1155 | "id": 202, 1156 | "type": "general", 1157 | "setup": "What do you call a bear with no teeth?", 1158 | "punchline": "A gummy bear!" 1159 | }, 1160 | { 1161 | "id": 203, 1162 | "type": "general", 1163 | "setup": "What do you call a bee that lives in America?", 1164 | "punchline": "A USB." 1165 | }, 1166 | { 1167 | "id": 204, 1168 | "type": "general", 1169 | "setup": "What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?", 1170 | "punchline": "A stick." 1171 | }, 1172 | { 1173 | "id": 205, 1174 | "type": "general", 1175 | "setup": "What do you call a careful wolf?", 1176 | "punchline": "Aware wolf." 1177 | }, 1178 | { 1179 | "id": 206, 1180 | "type": "general", 1181 | "setup": "What do you call a cow on a trampoline?", 1182 | "punchline": "A milk shake!" 1183 | }, 1184 | { 1185 | "id": 207, 1186 | "type": "general", 1187 | "setup": "What do you call a cow with no legs?", 1188 | "punchline": "Ground beef." 1189 | }, 1190 | { 1191 | "id": 208, 1192 | "type": "general", 1193 | "setup": "What do you call a cow with two legs?", 1194 | "punchline": "Lean beef." 1195 | }, 1196 | { 1197 | "id": 209, 1198 | "type": "general", 1199 | "setup": "What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?", 1200 | "punchline": "Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." 1201 | }, 1202 | { 1203 | "id": 210, 1204 | "type": "general", 1205 | "setup": "What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice?", 1206 | "punchline": "A Popsicle." 1207 | }, 1208 | { 1209 | "id": 211, 1210 | "type": "general", 1211 | "setup": "What do you call a dictionary on drugs?", 1212 | "punchline": "High definition." 1213 | }, 1214 | { 1215 | "id": 212, 1216 | "type": "general", 1217 | "setup": "what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?", 1218 | "punchline": "a labracadabrador" 1219 | }, 1220 | { 1221 | "id": 213, 1222 | "type": "general", 1223 | "setup": "What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?", 1224 | "punchline": "R2 detour." 1225 | }, 1226 | { 1227 | "id": 214, 1228 | "type": "general", 1229 | "setup": "What do you call a duck that gets all A's?", 1230 | "punchline": "A wise quacker." 1231 | }, 1232 | { 1233 | "id": 215, 1234 | "type": "general", 1235 | "setup": "What do you call a fake noodle?", 1236 | "punchline": "An impasta." 1237 | }, 1238 | { 1239 | "id": 216, 1240 | "type": "general", 1241 | "setup": "What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythmn?", 1242 | "punchline": "A metro-gnome" 1243 | }, 1244 | { 1245 | "id": 217, 1246 | "type": "general", 1247 | "setup": "What do you call a fat psychic?", 1248 | "punchline": "A four-chin teller." 1249 | }, 1250 | { 1251 | "id": 218, 1252 | "type": "general", 1253 | "setup": "What do you call a fly without wings?", 1254 | "punchline": "A walk." 1255 | }, 1256 | { 1257 | "id": 219, 1258 | "type": "general", 1259 | "setup": "What do you call a girl between two posts?", 1260 | "punchline": "Annette." 1261 | }, 1262 | { 1263 | "id": 220, 1264 | "type": "general", 1265 | "setup": "What do you call a group of disorganized cats?", 1266 | "punchline": "A cat-tastrophe." 1267 | }, 1268 | { 1269 | "id": 221, 1270 | "type": "general", 1271 | "setup": "What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?", 1272 | "punchline": "An Orca-stra." 1273 | }, 1274 | { 1275 | "id": 222, 1276 | "type": "general", 1277 | "setup": "What do you call a monkey in a mine field?", 1278 | "punchline": "A babooooom!" 1279 | }, 1280 | { 1281 | "id": 223, 1282 | "type": "general", 1283 | "setup": "What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?", 1284 | "punchline": "Shakespeare." 1285 | }, 1286 | { 1287 | "id": 224, 1288 | "type": "general", 1289 | "setup": "What do you call a pig that knows karate?", 1290 | "punchline": "A pork chop!" 1291 | }, 1292 | { 1293 | "id": 225, 1294 | "type": "general", 1295 | "setup": "What do you call a pig with three eyes?", 1296 | "punchline": "Piiig" 1297 | }, 1298 | { 1299 | "id": 226, 1300 | "type": "general", 1301 | "setup": "What do you call a pile of cats?", 1302 | "punchline": " A Meowtain." 1303 | }, 1304 | { 1305 | "id": 227, 1306 | "type": "general", 1307 | "setup": "What do you call a sheep with no legs?", 1308 | "punchline": "A cloud." 1309 | }, 1310 | { 1311 | "id": 228, 1312 | "type": "general", 1313 | "setup": "What do you call a troublesome Canadian high schooler?", 1314 | "punchline": "A poutine." 1315 | }, 1316 | { 1317 | "id": 229, 1318 | "type": "general", 1319 | "setup": "What do you call an alligator in a vest?", 1320 | "punchline": "An in-vest-igator!" 1321 | }, 1322 | { 1323 | "id": 230, 1324 | "type": "general", 1325 | "setup": "What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe?", 1326 | "punchline": "Roberto" 1327 | }, 1328 | { 1329 | "id": 231, 1330 | "type": "general", 1331 | "setup": "What do you call an eagle who can play the piano?", 1332 | "punchline": "Talonted!" 1333 | }, 1334 | { 1335 | "id": 232, 1336 | "type": "general", 1337 | "setup": "What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?", 1338 | "punchline": "An irrelephant." 1339 | }, 1340 | { 1341 | "id": 233, 1342 | "type": "general", 1343 | "setup": "What do you call an old snowman?", 1344 | "punchline": "Water." 1345 | }, 1346 | { 1347 | "id": 234, 1348 | "type": "general", 1349 | "setup": "What do you call cheese by itself?", 1350 | "punchline": "Provolone." 1351 | }, 1352 | { 1353 | "id": 235, 1354 | "type": "general", 1355 | "setup": "What do you call corn that joins the army?", 1356 | "punchline": "Kernel." 1357 | }, 1358 | { 1359 | "id": 236, 1360 | "type": "general", 1361 | "setup": "What do you call someone with no nose?", 1362 | "punchline": "Nobody knows." 1363 | }, 1364 | { 1365 | "id": 237, 1366 | "type": "general", 1367 | "setup": "What do you call two barracuda fish?", 1368 | "punchline": " A Pairacuda!" 1369 | }, 1370 | { 1371 | "id": 238, 1372 | "type": "general", 1373 | "setup": "What do you do on a remote island?", 1374 | "punchline": "Try and find the TV island it belongs to." 1375 | }, 1376 | { 1377 | "id": 239, 1378 | "type": "general", 1379 | "setup": "What do you do when you see a space man?", 1380 | "punchline": "Park your car, man." 1381 | }, 1382 | { 1383 | "id": 240, 1384 | "type": "general", 1385 | "setup": "What do you get hanging from Apple trees?", 1386 | "punchline": "Sore arms." 1387 | }, 1388 | { 1389 | "id": 241, 1390 | "type": "general", 1391 | "setup": "What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?", 1392 | "punchline": "A bah-humbug." 1393 | }, 1394 | { 1395 | "id": 242, 1396 | "type": "general", 1397 | "setup": "What do you get when you cross a chicken with a skunk?", 1398 | "punchline": "A fowl smell!" 1399 | }, 1400 | { 1401 | "id": 243, 1402 | "type": "general", 1403 | "setup": "What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?", 1404 | "punchline": "Hare spray." 1405 | }, 1406 | { 1407 | "id": 244, 1408 | "type": "general", 1409 | "setup": "What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?", 1410 | "punchline": "Frostbite." 1411 | }, 1412 | { 1413 | "id": 245, 1414 | "type": "general", 1415 | "setup": "What do you give a sick lemon?", 1416 | "punchline": "Lemonaid." 1417 | }, 1418 | { 1419 | "id": 246, 1420 | "type": "general", 1421 | "setup": "What does a clock do when it's hungry?", 1422 | "punchline": "It goes back four seconds!" 1423 | }, 1424 | { 1425 | "id": 247, 1426 | "type": "general", 1427 | "setup": "What does a female snake use for support?", 1428 | "punchline": "A co-Bra!" 1429 | }, 1430 | { 1431 | "id": 248, 1432 | "type": "general", 1433 | "setup": "What does a pirate pay for his corn?", 1434 | "punchline": "A buccaneer!" 1435 | }, 1436 | { 1437 | "id": 249, 1438 | "type": "general", 1439 | "setup": "What does an angry pepper do?", 1440 | "punchline": "It gets jalapeño face." 1441 | }, 1442 | { 1443 | "id": 250, 1444 | "type": "general", 1445 | "setup": "What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?", 1446 | "punchline": "It gets toad." 1447 | }, 1448 | { 1449 | "id": 251, 1450 | "type": "general", 1451 | "setup": "What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?", 1452 | "punchline": "They will give you a piece of your mind." 1453 | }, 1454 | { 1455 | "id": 252, 1456 | "type": "general", 1457 | "setup": "What has ears but cannot hear?", 1458 | "punchline": "A field of corn." 1459 | }, 1460 | { 1461 | "id": 253, 1462 | "type": "general", 1463 | "setup": "What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song?", 1464 | "punchline": " I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand..." 1465 | }, 1466 | { 1467 | "id": 254, 1468 | "type": "general", 1469 | "setup": "What is a tornado's favorite game to play?", 1470 | "punchline": "Twister!" 1471 | }, 1472 | { 1473 | "id": 255, 1474 | "type": "general", 1475 | "setup": "What is a vampire's favorite fruit?", 1476 | "punchline": "A blood orange." 1477 | }, 1478 | { 1479 | "id": 256, 1480 | "type": "general", 1481 | "setup": "What is a witch's favorite subject in school?", 1482 | "punchline": "Spelling!" 1483 | }, 1484 | { 1485 | "id": 257, 1486 | "type": "general", 1487 | "setup": "What is red and smells like blue paint?", 1488 | "punchline": "Red paint!" 1489 | }, 1490 | { 1491 | "id": 258, 1492 | "type": "general", 1493 | "setup": "What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?", 1494 | "punchline": "I don't know and I don't care." 1495 | }, 1496 | { 1497 | "id": 259, 1498 | "type": "general", 1499 | "setup": "What is the hardest part about sky diving?", 1500 | "punchline": "The ground." 1501 | }, 1502 | { 1503 | "id": 260, 1504 | "type": "general", 1505 | "setup": "What is the leading cause of dry skin?", 1506 | "punchline": "Towels" 1507 | }, 1508 | { 1509 | "id": 261, 1510 | "type": "general", 1511 | "setup": "What is the least spoken language in the world?", 1512 | "punchline": "Sign Language" 1513 | }, 1514 | { 1515 | "id": 262, 1516 | "type": "general", 1517 | "setup": "What is the tallest building in the world?", 1518 | "punchline": "The library, it’s got the most stories!" 1519 | }, 1520 | { 1521 | "id": 263, 1522 | "type": "general", 1523 | "setup": "What is this movie about?", 1524 | "punchline": "It is about 2 hours long." 1525 | }, 1526 | { 1527 | "id": 264, 1528 | "type": "general", 1529 | "setup": "What kind of award did the dentist receive?", 1530 | "punchline": "A little plaque." 1531 | }, 1532 | { 1533 | "id": 265, 1534 | "type": "general", 1535 | "setup": "What kind of bagel can fly?", 1536 | "punchline": "A plain bagel." 1537 | }, 1538 | { 1539 | "id": 266, 1540 | "type": "general", 1541 | "setup": "What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?", 1542 | "punchline": "A stega-snore-us." 1543 | }, 1544 | { 1545 | "id": 267, 1546 | "type": "general", 1547 | "setup": "What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator?", 1548 | "punchline": "A Fermilabrador Retriever." 1549 | }, 1550 | { 1551 | "id": 268, 1552 | "type": "general", 1553 | "setup": "What kind of magic do cows believe in?", 1554 | "punchline": "MOODOO." 1555 | }, 1556 | { 1557 | "id": 269, 1558 | "type": "general", 1559 | "setup": "What kind of music do planets listen to?", 1560 | "punchline": "Nep-tunes." 1561 | }, 1562 | { 1563 | "id": 270, 1564 | "type": "general", 1565 | "setup": "What kind of pants do ghosts wear?", 1566 | "punchline": "Boo jeans." 1567 | }, 1568 | { 1569 | "id": 271, 1570 | "type": "general", 1571 | "setup": "What kind of tree fits in your hand?", 1572 | "punchline": "A palm tree!" 1573 | }, 1574 | { 1575 | "id": 272, 1576 | "type": "general", 1577 | "setup": "What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?", 1578 | "punchline": "A nervous wreck." 1579 | }, 1580 | { 1581 | "id": 273, 1582 | "type": "general", 1583 | "setup": "What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?", 1584 | "punchline": "A tuba toothpaste." 1585 | }, 1586 | { 1587 | "id": 274, 1588 | "type": "general", 1589 | "setup": "What time did the man go to the dentist?", 1590 | "punchline": "Tooth hurt-y." 1591 | }, 1592 | { 1593 | "id": 275, 1594 | "type": "general", 1595 | "setup": "What type of music do balloons hate?", 1596 | "punchline": "Pop music!" 1597 | }, 1598 | { 1599 | "id": 276, 1600 | "type": "general", 1601 | "setup": "What was a more important invention than the first telephone?", 1602 | "punchline": "The second one." 1603 | }, 1604 | { 1605 | "id": 277, 1606 | "type": "general", 1607 | "setup": "What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?", 1608 | "punchline": "Squash." 1609 | }, 1610 | { 1611 | "id": 278, 1612 | "type": "general", 1613 | "setup": "What's black and white and read all over?", 1614 | "punchline": "The newspaper." 1615 | }, 1616 | { 1617 | "id": 279, 1618 | "type": "general", 1619 | "setup": "What's blue and not very heavy?", 1620 | "punchline": " Light blue." 1621 | }, 1622 | { 1623 | "id": 280, 1624 | "type": "general", 1625 | "setup": "What's brown and sticky?", 1626 | "punchline": "A stick." 1627 | }, 1628 | { 1629 | "id": 281, 1630 | "type": "general", 1631 | "setup": "What's orange and sounds like a parrot?", 1632 | "punchline": "A Carrot." 1633 | }, 1634 | { 1635 | "id": 282, 1636 | "type": "general", 1637 | "setup": "What's red and bad for your teeth?", 1638 | "punchline": "A Brick." 1639 | }, 1640 | { 1641 | "id": 283, 1642 | "type": "general", 1643 | "setup": "What's the best thing about elevator jokes?", 1644 | "punchline": "They work on so many levels." 1645 | }, 1646 | { 1647 | "id": 284, 1648 | "type": "general", 1649 | "setup": "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?", 1650 | "punchline": "You can tune a guitar but you can't \"tuna\"fish!" 1651 | }, 1652 | { 1653 | "id": 285, 1654 | "type": "general", 1655 | "setup": "What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?", 1656 | "punchline": "One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter." 1657 | }, 1658 | { 1659 | "id": 286, 1660 | "type": "general", 1661 | "setup": "What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?", 1662 | "punchline": "An ion! " 1663 | }, 1664 | { 1665 | "id": 287, 1666 | "type": "general", 1667 | "setup": "What's the worst part about being a cross-eyed teacher?", 1668 | "punchline": "They can't control their pupils." 1669 | }, 1670 | { 1671 | "id": 288, 1672 | "type": "general", 1673 | "setup": "What's the worst thing about ancient history class?", 1674 | "punchline": "The teachers tend to Babylon." 1675 | }, 1676 | { 1677 | "id": 289, 1678 | "type": "general", 1679 | "setup": "What’s brown and sounds like a bell?", 1680 | "punchline": "Dung!" 1681 | }, 1682 | { 1683 | "id": 290, 1684 | "type": "general", 1685 | "setup": "What’s E.T. short for?", 1686 | "punchline": "He’s only got little legs." 1687 | }, 1688 | { 1689 | "id": 291, 1690 | "type": "general", 1691 | "setup": "What’s Forest Gump’s Facebook password?", 1692 | "punchline": "1forest1" 1693 | }, 1694 | { 1695 | "id": 292, 1696 | "type": "general", 1697 | "setup": "What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?", 1698 | "punchline": "Well, the flag is a big plus." 1699 | }, 1700 | { 1701 | "id": 293, 1702 | "type": "general", 1703 | "setup": "What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?", 1704 | "punchline": "About 5000 miles." 1705 | }, 1706 | { 1707 | "id": 294, 1708 | "type": "general", 1709 | "setup": "When do doctors get angry?", 1710 | "punchline": "When they run out of patients." 1711 | }, 1712 | { 1713 | "id": 295, 1714 | "type": "general", 1715 | "setup": "When does a joke become a dad joke?", 1716 | "punchline": "When it becomes apparent." 1717 | }, 1718 | { 1719 | "id": 296, 1720 | "type": "general", 1721 | "setup": "When is a door not a door?", 1722 | "punchline": "When it's ajar." 1723 | }, 1724 | { 1725 | "id": 297, 1726 | "type": "general", 1727 | "setup": "Where did you learn to make ice cream?", 1728 | "punchline": "Sunday school." 1729 | }, 1730 | { 1731 | "id": 298, 1732 | "type": "general", 1733 | "setup": "Where do bees go to the bathroom?", 1734 | "punchline": " The BP station." 1735 | }, 1736 | { 1737 | "id": 299, 1738 | "type": "general", 1739 | "setup": "Where do hamburgers go to dance?", 1740 | "punchline": "The meat-ball." 1741 | }, 1742 | { 1743 | "id": 300, 1744 | "type": "general", 1745 | "setup": "Where do rabbits go after they get married?", 1746 | "punchline": "On a bunny-moon." 1747 | }, 1748 | { 1749 | "id": 301, 1750 | "type": "general", 1751 | "setup": "Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?", 1752 | "punchline": "The baa-baa shop." 1753 | }, 1754 | { 1755 | "id": 302, 1756 | "type": "general", 1757 | "setup": "Where do you learn to make banana splits?", 1758 | "punchline": "At sundae school." 1759 | }, 1760 | { 1761 | "id": 303, 1762 | "type": "general", 1763 | "setup": "Where do young cows eat lunch?", 1764 | "punchline": "In the calf-ateria." 1765 | }, 1766 | { 1767 | "id": 304, 1768 | "type": "general", 1769 | "setup": "Where does batman go to the bathroom?", 1770 | "punchline": "The batroom." 1771 | }, 1772 | { 1773 | "id": 305, 1774 | "type": "general", 1775 | "setup": "Where does Fonzie like to go for lunch?", 1776 | "punchline": "Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyy." 1777 | }, 1778 | { 1779 | "id": 306, 1780 | "type": "general", 1781 | "setup": "Where does Napoleon keep his armies?", 1782 | "punchline": "In his sleevies." 1783 | }, 1784 | { 1785 | "id": 307, 1786 | "type": "general", 1787 | "setup": "Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?", 1788 | "punchline": "At the bottom! " 1789 | }, 1790 | { 1791 | "id": 308, 1792 | "type": "general", 1793 | "setup": "Where’s the bin?", 1794 | "punchline": "I haven’t been anywhere!" 1795 | }, 1796 | { 1797 | "id": 309, 1798 | "type": "general", 1799 | "setup": "Which side of the chicken has more feathers?", 1800 | "punchline": "The outside." 1801 | }, 1802 | { 1803 | "id": 310, 1804 | "type": "general", 1805 | "setup": "Who did the wizard marry?", 1806 | "punchline": "His ghoul-friend" 1807 | }, 1808 | { 1809 | "id": 311, 1810 | "type": "general", 1811 | "setup": "Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?", 1812 | "punchline": "The hip Doctor!" 1813 | }, 1814 | { 1815 | "id": 312, 1816 | "type": "general", 1817 | "setup": "Why are fish easy to weigh?", 1818 | "punchline": "Because they have their own scales." 1819 | }, 1820 | { 1821 | "id": 313, 1822 | "type": "general", 1823 | "setup": "Why are fish so smart?", 1824 | "punchline": "Because they live in schools!" 1825 | }, 1826 | { 1827 | "id": 314, 1828 | "type": "general", 1829 | "setup": "Why are ghosts bad liars?", 1830 | "punchline": "Because you can see right through them!" 1831 | }, 1832 | { 1833 | "id": 315, 1834 | "type": "general", 1835 | "setup": "Why are graveyards so noisy?", 1836 | "punchline": "Because of all the coffin." 1837 | }, 1838 | { 1839 | "id": 316, 1840 | "type": "general", 1841 | "setup": "Why are mummys scared of vacation?", 1842 | "punchline": "They're afraid to unwind." 1843 | }, 1844 | { 1845 | "id": 317, 1846 | "type": "general", 1847 | "setup": "Why are oranges the smartest fruit?", 1848 | "punchline": "Because they are made to concentrate. " 1849 | }, 1850 | { 1851 | "id": 318, 1852 | "type": "general", 1853 | "setup": "Why are pirates called pirates?", 1854 | "punchline": "Because they arrr!" 1855 | }, 1856 | { 1857 | "id": 319, 1858 | "type": "general", 1859 | "setup": "Why are skeletons so calm?", 1860 | "punchline": "Because nothing gets under their skin." 1861 | }, 1862 | { 1863 | "id": 320, 1864 | "type": "general", 1865 | "setup": "Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?", 1866 | "punchline": "It's two-tired." 1867 | }, 1868 | { 1869 | "id": 321, 1870 | "type": "general", 1871 | "setup": "Why can't you use \"Beef stew\"as a password?", 1872 | "punchline": "Because it's not stroganoff." 1873 | }, 1874 | { 1875 | "id": 322, 1876 | "type": "general", 1877 | "setup": "Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?", 1878 | "punchline": "Because then it'd be a foot!" 1879 | }, 1880 | { 1881 | "id": 323, 1882 | "type": "general", 1883 | "setup": "Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?", 1884 | "punchline": "The p is silent." 1885 | }, 1886 | { 1887 | "id": 324, 1888 | "type": "general", 1889 | "setup": "Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie?", 1890 | "punchline": "Because it was rated arrr!" 1891 | }, 1892 | { 1893 | "id": 325, 1894 | "type": "general", 1895 | "setup": "Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?", 1896 | "punchline": "He was too far out, man." 1897 | }, 1898 | { 1899 | "id": 326, 1900 | "type": "general", 1901 | "setup": "Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?", 1902 | "punchline": "He made a grave mistake." 1903 | }, 1904 | { 1905 | "id": 327, 1906 | "type": "general", 1907 | "setup": "Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships?", 1908 | "punchline": "So they could Scandinavian." 1909 | }, 1910 | { 1911 | "id": 328, 1912 | "type": "general", 1913 | "setup": "Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?", 1914 | "punchline": "Because he had a vowel movement." 1915 | }, 1916 | { 1917 | "id": 329, 1918 | "type": "general", 1919 | "setup": "Why did the barber win the race?", 1920 | "punchline": "He took a short cut." 1921 | }, 1922 | { 1923 | "id": 330, 1924 | "type": "general", 1925 | "setup": "Why did the belt go to prison?", 1926 | "punchline": "He held up a pair of pants!" 1927 | }, 1928 | { 1929 | "id": 331, 1930 | "type": "general", 1931 | "setup": "Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall?", 1932 | "punchline": "To prove that he was framed!" 1933 | }, 1934 | { 1935 | "id": 332, 1936 | "type": "general", 1937 | "setup": "Why did the chicken get a penalty?", 1938 | "punchline": "For fowl play." 1939 | }, 1940 | { 1941 | "id": 333, 1942 | "type": "general", 1943 | "setup": "Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?", 1944 | "punchline": "Because he was a little horse!" 1945 | }, 1946 | { 1947 | "id": 334, 1948 | "type": "general", 1949 | "setup": "Why did the coffee file a police report?", 1950 | "punchline": "It got mugged." 1951 | }, 1952 | { 1953 | "id": 335, 1954 | "type": "general", 1955 | "setup": "Why did the cookie cry?", 1956 | "punchline": "Because his mother was a wafer so long" 1957 | }, 1958 | { 1959 | "id": 336, 1960 | "type": "general", 1961 | "setup": "Why did the cookie cry?", 1962 | "punchline": "It was feeling crumby." 1963 | }, 1964 | { 1965 | "id": 337, 1966 | "type": "general", 1967 | "setup": "Why did the cowboy have a weiner dog?", 1968 | "punchline": "Somebody told him to get a long little doggy." 1969 | }, 1970 | { 1971 | "id": 338, 1972 | "type": "general", 1973 | "setup": "Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?", 1974 | "punchline": "To hold his pants up." 1975 | }, 1976 | { 1977 | "id": 339, 1978 | "type": "general", 1979 | "setup": "Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?", 1980 | "punchline": "To go with the traffic jam." 1981 | }, 1982 | { 1983 | "id": 340, 1984 | "type": "general", 1985 | "setup": "Why did the half blind man fall in the well?", 1986 | "punchline": "Because he couldn't see that well!" 1987 | }, 1988 | { 1989 | "id": 341, 1990 | "type": "general", 1991 | "setup": "Why did the house go to the doctor?", 1992 | "punchline": "It was having window panes." 1993 | }, 1994 | { 1995 | "id": 342, 1996 | "type": "general", 1997 | "setup": "Why did the kid cross the playground?", 1998 | "punchline": "To get to the other slide." 1999 | }, 2000 | { 2001 | "id": 343, 2002 | "type": "general", 2003 | "setup": "Why did the man put his money in the freezer?", 2004 | "punchline": "He wanted cold hard cash!" 2005 | }, 2006 | { 2007 | "id": 344, 2008 | "type": "general", 2009 | "setup": "Why did the man run around his bed?", 2010 | "punchline": "Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!" 2011 | }, 2012 | { 2013 | "id": 345, 2014 | "type": "general", 2015 | "setup": "Why did the melons plan a big wedding?", 2016 | "punchline": "Because they cantaloupe!" 2017 | }, 2018 | { 2019 | "id": 346, 2020 | "type": "general", 2021 | "setup": "Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?", 2022 | "punchline": "Because it was well armed." 2023 | }, 2024 | { 2025 | "id": 347, 2026 | "type": "general", 2027 | "setup": "Why did the opera singer go sailing?", 2028 | "punchline": "They wanted to hit the high Cs." 2029 | }, 2030 | { 2031 | "id": 348, 2032 | "type": "general", 2033 | "setup": "Why did the scarecrow win an award?", 2034 | "punchline": "Because he was outstanding in his field." 2035 | }, 2036 | { 2037 | "id": 349, 2038 | "type": "general", 2039 | "setup": "Why did the tomato blush?", 2040 | "punchline": "Because it saw the salad dressing." 2041 | }, 2042 | { 2043 | "id": 350, 2044 | "type": "general", 2045 | "setup": "Why did the tree go to the dentist?", 2046 | "punchline": "It needed a root canal." 2047 | }, 2048 | { 2049 | "id": 351, 2050 | "type": "general", 2051 | "setup": "Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?", 2052 | "punchline": "Lack of concentration." 2053 | }, 2054 | { 2055 | "id": 352, 2056 | "type": "general", 2057 | "setup": "Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub?", 2058 | "punchline": "Because he is 2 square." 2059 | }, 2060 | { 2061 | "id": 353, 2062 | "type": "general", 2063 | "setup": "Why didn’t the orange win the race?", 2064 | "punchline": "It ran out of juice." 2065 | }, 2066 | { 2067 | "id": 354, 2068 | "type": "general", 2069 | "setup": "Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?", 2070 | "punchline": "Because he had no guts." 2071 | }, 2072 | { 2073 | "id": 355, 2074 | "type": "general", 2075 | "setup": "Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?", 2076 | "punchline": "Because they might peel!" 2077 | }, 2078 | { 2079 | "id": 356, 2080 | "type": "general", 2081 | "setup": "Why do bears have hairy coats?", 2082 | "punchline": "Fur protection." 2083 | }, 2084 | { 2085 | "id": 357, 2086 | "type": "general", 2087 | "setup": "Why do bees have sticky hair?", 2088 | "punchline": "Because they use honey combs!" 2089 | }, 2090 | { 2091 | "id": 358, 2092 | "type": "general", 2093 | "setup": "Why do bees hum?", 2094 | "punchline": "Because they don't know the words." 2095 | }, 2096 | { 2097 | "id": 359, 2098 | "type": "general", 2099 | "setup": "Why do birds fly south for the winter?", 2100 | "punchline": "Because it's too far to walk." 2101 | }, 2102 | { 2103 | "id": 360, 2104 | "type": "general", 2105 | "setup": "Why do choirs keep buckets handy?", 2106 | "punchline": "So they can carry their tune" 2107 | }, 2108 | { 2109 | "id": 361, 2110 | "type": "general", 2111 | "setup": "Why do crabs never give to charity?", 2112 | "punchline": "Because they’re shellfish." 2113 | }, 2114 | { 2115 | "id": 362, 2116 | "type": "general", 2117 | "setup": "Why do ducks make great detectives?", 2118 | "punchline": "They always quack the case." 2119 | }, 2120 | { 2121 | "id": 363, 2122 | "type": "general", 2123 | "setup": "Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?", 2124 | "punchline": "Because it's indivisible." 2125 | }, 2126 | { 2127 | "id": 364, 2128 | "type": "general", 2129 | "setup": "Why do pirates not know the alphabet?", 2130 | "punchline": "They always get stuck at \"C\"." 2131 | }, 2132 | { 2133 | "id": 365, 2134 | "type": "general", 2135 | "setup": "Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?", 2136 | "punchline": "They have no hands to knock on the door." 2137 | }, 2138 | { 2139 | "id": 366, 2140 | "type": "general", 2141 | "setup": "Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?", 2142 | "punchline": "Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat." 2143 | }, 2144 | { 2145 | "id": 367, 2146 | "type": "general", 2147 | "setup": "Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days?", 2148 | "punchline": "Dunno, they're just a bit shady." 2149 | }, 2150 | { 2151 | "id": 368, 2152 | "type": "general", 2153 | "setup": "Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups?", 2154 | "punchline": "Because they can't even." 2155 | }, 2156 | { 2157 | "id": 369, 2158 | "type": "general", 2159 | "setup": "Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?", 2160 | "punchline": "To prevent bat breath!" 2161 | }, 2162 | { 2163 | "id": 370, 2164 | "type": "general", 2165 | "setup": "Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?", 2166 | "punchline": "Because they're so good at it." 2167 | }, 2168 | { 2169 | "id": 371, 2170 | "type": "general", 2171 | "setup": "Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?", 2172 | "punchline": "Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan." 2173 | }, 2174 | { 2175 | "id": 372, 2176 | "type": "general", 2177 | "setup": "Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?", 2178 | "punchline": "Because it's a little meteor." 2179 | }, 2180 | { 2181 | "id": 373, 2182 | "type": "general", 2183 | "setup": "Why does it take longer to get from 1st to 2nd base, than it does to get from 2nd to 3rd base?", 2184 | "punchline": "Because there’s a Shortstop in between!" 2185 | }, 2186 | { 2187 | "id": 374, 2188 | "type": "general", 2189 | "setup": "Why does Norway have barcodes on their battleships?", 2190 | "punchline": "So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian." 2191 | }, 2192 | { 2193 | "id": 375, 2194 | "type": "general", 2195 | "setup": "Why does Superman get invited to dinners?", 2196 | "punchline": "Because he is a Supperhero." 2197 | }, 2198 | { 2199 | "id": 376, 2200 | "type": "general", 2201 | "setup": "Why does Waldo only wear stripes?", 2202 | "punchline": "Because he doesn't want to be spotted." 2203 | }, 2204 | { 2205 | "id": 377, 2206 | "type": "programming", 2207 | "setup": "Knock-knock.", 2208 | "punchline": "A race condition. Who is there?" 2209 | }, 2210 | { 2211 | "id": 378, 2212 | "type": "programming", 2213 | "setup": "What's the best part about TCP jokes?", 2214 | "punchline": "I get to keep telling them until you get them." 2215 | }, 2216 | { 2217 | "id": 379, 2218 | "type": "programming", 2219 | "setup": "A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.", 2220 | "punchline": "A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t." 2221 | }, 2222 | { 2223 | "id": 380, 2224 | "type": "programming", 2225 | "setup": "There are 10 kinds of people in this world.", 2226 | "punchline": "Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who weren't expecting a base 3 joke." 2227 | }, 2228 | { 2229 | "id": 381, 2230 | "type": "general", 2231 | "setup": "Two guys walk into a bar . . .", 2232 | "punchline": "The first guy says \"Ouch!\" and the second says \"Yeah, I didn't see it either.\"" 2233 | }, 2234 | { 2235 | "id": 382, 2236 | "type": "programming", 2237 | "setup": "What did the router say to the doctor?", 2238 | "punchline": "It hurts when IP." 2239 | }, 2240 | { 2241 | "id": 383, 2242 | "type": "programming", 2243 | "setup": "An IPv6 packet is walking out of the house.", 2244 | "punchline": "He goes nowhere." 2245 | }, 2246 | { 2247 | "id": 384, 2248 | "type": "programming", 2249 | "setup": "A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer.", 2250 | "punchline": "Bartender says, \"here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!\"" 2251 | }, 2252 | { 2253 | "id": 385, 2254 | "type": "programming", 2255 | "setup": "3 SQL statements walk into a NoSQL bar. Soon, they walk out", 2256 | "punchline": "They couldn't find a table." 2257 | }, 2258 | { 2259 | "id": 386, 2260 | "type": "general", 2261 | "setup": "I saw a nice stereo on Craigslist for $1. Seller says the volume is stuck on ‘high’", 2262 | "punchline": "I couldn’t turn it down." 2263 | }, 2264 | { 2265 | "id": 387, 2266 | "type": "general", 2267 | "setup": "My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.", 2268 | "punchline": "I had to draw my own conclusions." 2269 | } 2270 | ] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/assets/tovade-mustang.png: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://raw.githubusercontent.com/tovade-dev/api/7468cb83ce0c7d09ba7293573b178e55a1fff950/src/assets/tovade-mustang.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/index.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | const express = require("express"); 2 | const glob = require("glob"); 3 | const path = require("path"); 4 | const app = express(); 5 | const cors = require("cors"); 6 | const bodyparser = require("body-parser"); 7 | const swaggerJsDoc = require("swagger-jsdoc"); 8 | const swaggerUI = require("swagger-ui-express"); 9 | const config = require("../config"); 10 | app.use(bodyparser.json()); 11 | app.use( 12 | cors({ 13 | exposedHeaders: ["Authorisation"], 14 | }) 15 | ); 16 | const loadFiles = async () => { 17 | let files = glob.sync("./src/routes/*.js"); 18 | files.forEach((route) => { 19 | const file = require(`${path.resolve(route)}`); 20 | app.use(`/v1${file.endpoint}`, file.router); 21 | }); 22 | }; 23 | const swaggerOptions = { 24 | swaggerDefinition: { 25 | info: { 26 | title: "Tovade's api", 27 | description: "A premium like api for free.", 28 | }, 29 | servers: config.servers, 30 | }, 31 | explorer: true, 32 | apis: [__dirname + "/routes/*.js"], 33 | }; 34 | const swaggerDocs = swaggerJsDoc(swaggerOptions); 35 | const rateLimit = require("express-rate-limit"); 36 | app.set("trust proxy", 1); 37 | 38 | const limiter = rateLimit({ 39 | windowMs: 10 * 60 * 1000, //10 minutes 40 | max: 100, 41 | }); 42 | app.use(limiter); 43 | app.use("/docs", swaggerUI.serve, swaggerUI.setup(swaggerDocs)); 44 | app.use(express.static("src/assets/img")); 45 | app.get("/", (req, res) => { 46 | res.redirect("/docs"); 47 | }); 48 | app.get("/discord", (req, res) => { 49 | res.redirect(config.discord); 50 | }); 51 | app.get("/favicon.ico", (req, res) => { 52 | res.sendFile(path.join(__dirname + "/assets", "tovade-mustang.png")); 53 | }); 54 | require("./utils/mongoDB"); 55 | loadFiles(); 56 | app.listen(config.port, function () { 57 | console.log(`Running on port: ${config.port}`); 58 | }); 59 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/models/author.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | const { Schema, model } = require("mongoose"); 2 | 3 | module.exports = model( 4 | "author", 5 | new Schema({ 6 | id: String, 7 | slug: String, 8 | name: String, 9 | bio: String, 10 | link: String, 11 | quotes: Number, 12 | }) 13 | ); 14 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/models/user.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | const mongo = require("mongoose"); 2 | module.exports = mongo.model( 3 | "users", 4 | new mongo.Schema({ 5 | id: { type: String }, 6 | key: { type: String }, 7 | ratelimit: { 8 | max: { type: Number, default: 300 }, 9 | used: { type: Number, default: 0 }, 10 | }, 11 | stats: { 12 | total: { type: Number, default: 0 }, 13 | }, 14 | }) 15 | ); 16 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/routes/animals.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | const { Router } = require("express"); 2 | 3 | const route = Router(); 4 | const { fetchAnimal } = require("../utils/functions"); 5 | /** 6 | * @swagger 7 | * /v1/animal/dog: 8 | * get: 9 | * description: Returns a random dog image and fact. 10 | * tags: [animal] 11 | * responses: 12 | * 200: 13 | * description: Success 14 | * 400: 15 | * description: Error 16 | */ 17 | route.get("/dog", async (req, res) => { 18 | const d = await fetchAnimal("dog"); 19 | 20 | return res.json(d); 21 | }); 22 | /** 23 | * @swagger 24 | * /v1/animal/cat: 25 | * get: 26 | * description: Returns a random cat image and fact. 27 | * tags: [animal] 28 | * responses: 29 | * 200: 30 | * description: Success 31 | * 400: 32 | * description: Error 33 | */ 34 | route.get("/cat", async (req, res) => { 35 | const e = await fetchAnimal("cat"); 36 | 37 | return res.json(e); 38 | }); 39 | /** 40 | * @swagger 41 | * /v1/animal/panda: 42 | * get: 43 | * description: Returns a random panda image and fact. 44 | * tags: [animal] 45 | * responses: 46 | * 200: 47 | * description: Success 48 | * 400: 49 | * description: Error 50 | */ 51 | route.get("/panda", async (req, res) => { 52 | const e = await fetchAnimal("panda"); 53 | 54 | return res.json(e); 55 | }); 56 | /** 57 | * @swagger 58 | * /v1/animal/fox: 59 | * get: 60 | * description: Returns a random fox image and fact. 61 | * tags: [animal] 62 | * responses: 63 | * 200: 64 | * description: Success 65 | * 400: 66 | * description: Error 67 | */ 68 | route.get("/fox", async (req, res) => { 69 | const e = await fetchAnimal("fox"); 70 | 71 | return res.json(e); 72 | }); 73 | /** 74 | * @swagger 75 | * /v1/animal/koala: 76 | * get: 77 | * description: Returns a random koala image and fact. 78 | * tags: [animal] 79 | * responses: 80 | * 200: 81 | * description: Success 82 | * 400: 83 | * description: Error 84 | */ 85 | route.get("/koala", async (req, res) => { 86 | const e = await fetchAnimal("koala"); 87 | 88 | return res.json(e); 89 | }); 90 | /** 91 | * @swagger 92 | * /v1/animal/birb: 93 | * get: 94 | * description: Returns a random birb image and fact. 95 | * tags: [animal] 96 | * responses: 97 | * 200: 98 | * description: Success 99 | * 400: 100 | * description: Error 101 | */ 102 | route.get("/birb", async (req, res) => { 103 | const e = await fetchAnimal("birb"); 104 | 105 | return res.json(e); 106 | }); 107 | 108 | module.exports = { 109 | endpoint: "/animal", 110 | router: route, 111 | }; 112 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/routes/canvas.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | const { Router } = require("express"); 2 | const { loadImage, createCanvas, registerFont } = require("canvas"); 3 | const jimp = require("jimp"); 4 | const route = Router(); 5 | 6 | /** 7 | * @swagger 8 | * /v1/canvas/magik: 9 | * get: 10 | * description: Create funny image 11 | * tags: [Canvas] 12 | * parameters: 13 | * - name: image 14 | * description: The url of the image. 15 | * in: query 16 | * required: true 17 | * type: string 18 | * responses: 19 | * 200: 20 | * description: Success 21 | * 400: 22 | * description: Error 23 | */ 24 | route.get("/magik", async (req, res) => { 25 | let int = req.query.intensity; 26 | if (!req.query.image) 27 | return res.json({ error: true, message: "No image url.", status: 400 }); 28 | 29 | if (!int) int = Math.floor(Math.random() * 10); 30 | const data = await loadImage(req.query.image); 31 | const canvas = createCanvas(data.width, data.height); 32 | const ctx = canvas.getContext("2d"); 33 | ctx.drawImage(data, 0, 0); 34 | const ddata = ctx.getImageData(0, 0, data.width, data.height); 35 | const temp = ctx.getImageData(0, 0, data.width, data.height); 36 | const stride = data.width * 4; 37 | for (let i = 0; i < data.width; i++) { 38 | for (let j = 0; j < data.height; j++) { 39 | const xs = Math.round( 40 | parseInt(int) * Math.sin(2 * Math.PI * 3 * (j / data.height)) 41 | ); 42 | const ys = Math.round( 43 | parseInt(int) * Math.cos(2 * Math.PI * 3 * (i / data.width)) 44 | ); 45 | const dest = j * stride + i * 4; 46 | const src = (j + ys) * stride + (i + xs) * 4; 47 | ddata.data[dest] = temp.data[src]; 48 | ddata.data[dest + 1] = temp.data[src + 1]; 49 | ddata.data[dest + 2] = temp.data[src + 2]; 50 | } 51 | } 52 | ctx.putImageData(ddata, 0, 0); 53 | res.set({ "Content-Type": "image/png" }); 54 | return res.send(canvas.toBuffer()); 55 | }); 56 | 57 | /** 58 | * @swagger 59 | * /v1/canvas/brighten: 60 | * get: 61 | * description: brighten up an image 62 | * tags: [Canvas] 63 | * parameters: 64 | * - name: image 65 | * description: The url of the image. 66 | * in: query 67 | * required: true 68 | * type: string 69 | * responses: 70 | * 200: 71 | * description: Success 72 | * 400: 73 | * description: Error 74 | */ 75 | route.get("/brighten", async (req, res) => { 76 | let imgUrl = req.query.image; 77 | if (!imgUrl) 78 | return res.json({ 79 | error: true, 80 | message: "missing image query", 81 | }); 82 | let img; 83 | try { 84 | img = await jimp.read(imgUrl); 85 | } catch (err) { 86 | return res.status(400).json({ 87 | error: true, 88 | message: "Failed to load this image", 89 | }); 90 | } 91 | 92 | img.brightness(0.5); 93 | res.set({ "Content-Type": "image/png" }); 94 | res.status(200).send(await img.getBufferAsync("image/png")); 95 | }); 96 | 97 | /** 98 | * @swagger 99 | * /v1/canvas/greyscale: 100 | * get: 101 | * description: greyscale an image 102 | * tags: [Canvas] 103 | * parameters: 104 | * - name: image 105 | * description: The url of the image. 106 | * in: query 107 | * required: true 108 | * type: string 109 | * responses: 110 | * 200: 111 | * description: Success 112 | * 400: 113 | * description: Error 114 | */ 115 | route.get("/greyscale", async (req, res) => { 116 | let imgUrl = req.query.image; 117 | if (!imgUrl) 118 | return res.json({ 119 | error: true, 120 | message: "missing image query", 121 | }); 122 | let img; 123 | try { 124 | img = await jimp.read(imgUrl); 125 | } catch (err) { 126 | return res.status(400).json({ 127 | error: true, 128 | message: "Failed to load this image", 129 | }); 130 | } 131 | 132 | img.greyscale(); 133 | res.set({ "Content-Type": "image/png" }); 134 | res.status(200).send(await img.getBufferAsync("image/png")); 135 | }); 136 | 137 | /** 138 | * @swagger 139 | * /v1/canvas/circle: 140 | * get: 141 | * description: circle an image 142 | * tags: [Canvas] 143 | * parameters: 144 | * - name: image 145 | * description: The url of the image. 146 | * in: query 147 | * required: true 148 | * type: string 149 | * responses: 150 | * 200: 151 | * description: Success 152 | * 400: 153 | * description: Error 154 | */ 155 | route.get("/circle", async (req, res) => { 156 | let imgUrl = req.query.image; 157 | if (!imgUrl) 158 | return res.json({ 159 | error: true, 160 | message: "missing image query", 161 | }); 162 | const image = await jimp.read(imgUrl); 163 | const mask = await jimp.read("./src/assets/circle-mask.png"); 164 | image.resize(512, 512); 165 | image.mask(mask, 0, 0); 166 | let raw; 167 | image.getBuffer(`image/png`, (err, buffer) => { 168 | raw = buffer; 169 | }); 170 | res.set({ "Content-Type": "image/png" }); 171 | res.status(200).send(raw); 172 | }); 173 | 174 | /** 175 | * @swagger 176 | * /v1/canvas/blur: 177 | * get: 178 | * description: blur an image 179 | * tags: [Canvas] 180 | * parameters: 181 | * - name: image 182 | * description: The url of the image. 183 | * in: query 184 | * required: true 185 | * type: string 186 | * responses: 187 | * 200: 188 | * description: Success 189 | * 400: 190 | * description: Error 191 | */ 192 | route.get("/blur", async (req, res) => { 193 | let imgUrl = req.query.image; 194 | if (!imgUrl) 195 | return res.json({ 196 | error: true, 197 | message: "missing image query", 198 | }); 199 | let intensity = req.query.intensity; 200 | if (!intensity) intensity = 10; 201 | let img; 202 | try { 203 | img = await jimp.read(imgUrl); 204 | } catch (err) { 205 | return res.status(400).json({ 206 | error: true, 207 | message: "Failed to load this image", 208 | }); 209 | } 210 | 211 | img.blur(parseInt(intensity)); 212 | res.set({ "Content-Type": "image/png" }); 213 | res.status(200).send(await img.getBufferAsync("image/png")); 214 | }); 215 | 216 | /** 217 | * @swagger 218 | * /v1/canvas/invert: 219 | * get: 220 | * description: invert an image 221 | * tags: [Canvas] 222 | * parameters: 223 | * - name: image 224 | * description: The url of the image. 225 | * in: query 226 | * required: true 227 | * type: string 228 | * responses: 229 | * 200: 230 | * description: Success 231 | * 400: 232 | * description: Error 233 | */ 234 | route.get("/invert", async (req, res) => { 235 | let imgUrl = req.query.image; 236 | if (!imgUrl) 237 | return res.json({ 238 | error: true, 239 | message: "missing image query", 240 | }); 241 | let img; 242 | try { 243 | img = await jimp.read(imgUrl); 244 | } catch (err) { 245 | return res.json({ 246 | error: true, 247 | message: "Failed to load this image", 248 | }); 249 | } 250 | 251 | img.invert(); 252 | res.set({ "Content-Type": "image/png" }); 253 | res.status(200).send(await img.getBufferAsync("image/png")); 254 | }); 255 | 256 | /** 257 | * @swagger 258 | * /v1/canvas/gay: 259 | * get: 260 | * description: gay an image 261 | * tags: [Canvas] 262 | * parameters: 263 | * - name: image 264 | * description: The url of the image. 265 | * in: query 266 | * required: true 267 | * type: string 268 | * responses: 269 | * 200: 270 | * description: Success 271 | * 400: 272 | * description: Error 273 | */ 274 | route.get("/gay", async (req, res) => { 275 | let imgUrl = req.query.image; 276 | if (!imgUrl) 277 | return res.json({ 278 | error: true, 279 | message: "missing image query", 280 | }); 281 | let bg = await loadImage(`${__dirname}/../assets/gay.png`); 282 | let img = await loadImage(imgUrl); 283 | const canvas = createCanvas(480, 480); 284 | const ctx = canvas.getContext(`2d`); 285 | ctx.drawImage(img, 0, 0, 480, 480); 286 | ctx.drawImage(bg, 0, 0, 480, 480); 287 | res.set({ "Content-Type": "image/png" }); 288 | res.status(200).send(canvas.toBuffer()); 289 | }); 290 | 291 | /** 292 | * @swagger 293 | * /v1/canvas/ad: 294 | * get: 295 | * description: ad an image 296 | * tags: [Canvas] 297 | * parameters: 298 | * - name: image 299 | * description: The url of the image. 300 | * in: query 301 | * required: true 302 | * type: string 303 | * responses: 304 | * 200: 305 | * description: Success 306 | * 400: 307 | * description: Error 308 | */ 309 | route.get("/ad", async (req, res) => { 310 | let imgUrl = req.query.image; 311 | if (!imgUrl) 312 | return res.json({ 313 | error: true, 314 | message: "missing image query", 315 | }); 316 | let bg = await loadImage(`${__dirname}/../assets/ad.png`); 317 | let img = await loadImage(imgUrl); 318 | const canvas = createCanvas(550, 474); 319 | const ctx = canvas.getContext(`2d`); 320 | ctx.drawImage(img, 150, 75, 230, 230); 321 | ctx.drawImage(bg, 0, 0, 550, 474); 322 | res.set({ "Content-Type": "image/png" }); 323 | res.status(200).send(canvas.toBuffer()); 324 | }); 325 | /** 326 | * @swagger 327 | * /v1/canvas/feelings: 328 | * get: 329 | * description: feel 330 | * tags: [Canvas] 331 | * parameters: 332 | * - name: text 333 | * description: The text to place on the image. 334 | * in: query 335 | * required: true 336 | * type: string 337 | * responses: 338 | * 200: 339 | * description: Success 340 | * 400: 341 | * description: Error 342 | */ 343 | route.get("/feelings", async (req, res) => { 344 | let text = req.query.text; 345 | if (!text) 346 | return res.json({ 347 | error: true, 348 | message: "missing text query", 349 | }); 350 | let bg = await loadImage(`${__dirname}/../assets/img/feelings.png`); 351 | 352 | const canvas = createCanvas(1080, 1204); 353 | const ctx = canvas.getContext("2d"); 354 | ctx.drawImage(bg, 0, 0, 1080, 1204); 355 | ctx.font = "28px Impact"; 356 | ctx.fillText(text, 150, 840); 357 | res.set({ "Content-Type": "image/png" }); 358 | res.status(200).send(canvas.toBuffer()); 359 | }); 360 | /** 361 | * @swagger 362 | * /v1/canvas/dym: 363 | * get: 364 | * description: did you mean 365 | * tags: [Canvas] 366 | * parameters: 367 | * - name: top 368 | * description: The top text to place on the google search 369 | * in: query 370 | * required: true 371 | * type: string 372 | * responses: 373 | * 200: 374 | * description: Success 375 | * 400: 376 | * description: Error 377 | */ 378 | route.get("/dym", async (req, res) => { 379 | let top = req.query.top; 380 | if (!top) 381 | return res.json({ 382 | error: true, 383 | message: 384 | "missing text query, try reading the docs: https://api.tovade.xyz/docs", 385 | }); 386 | let bottom = req.query.bottom; 387 | if (!bottom) 388 | return res.json({ 389 | error: true, 390 | message: 391 | "missing text query, try reading the docs: https://api.tovade.xyz/docs", 392 | }); 393 | let bg = await loadImage(`${__dirname}/../assets/img/dym.png`); 394 | const font = registerFont(`${__dirname}/../assets/fonts/ArialBI.ttf`, { 395 | family: "ArialBI", 396 | }); 397 | const canvas = createCanvas(1302, 316); 398 | const ctx = canvas.getContext("2d"); 399 | ctx.drawImage(bg, 0, 0, 1302, 316); 400 | ctx.font = "35px Arial"; 401 | ctx.fillText(top, 41, 76); 402 | ctx.font = "35px ArialBI"; 403 | ctx.fillText(bottom, 295, 280); 404 | res.set({ "Content-Type": "image/png" }); 405 | res.status(200).send(canvas.toBuffer()); 406 | }); 407 | /** 408 | * @swagger 409 | * /v1/canvas/fail: 410 | * get: 411 | * description: what a fail 412 | * tags: [Canvas] 413 | * parameters: 414 | * - name: image 415 | * description: The url of the image. 416 | * in: query 417 | * required: true 418 | * type: string 419 | * responses: 420 | * 200: 421 | * description: Success 422 | * 400: 423 | * description: Error 424 | */ 425 | route.get("/fail", async (req, res) => { 426 | let imgUrl = req.query.image; 427 | if (!imgUrl) 428 | return res.json({ 429 | error: true, 430 | message: "missing image query", 431 | }); 432 | let img; 433 | try { 434 | img = await jimp.read(imgUrl); 435 | img.resize(620, 410) 436 | } catch (err) { 437 | return res.json({ 438 | error: true, 439 | message: "Failed to load this image", 440 | }); 441 | } 442 | const bonk = await jimp.read(`${__dirname}/../assets/img/fail.png`); 443 | bonk.composite(img, 70, 48 ) 444 | res.set({ "Content-Type": "image/png" }); 445 | res.status(200).send(await bonk.getBufferAsync("image/png")); 446 | }); 447 | module.exports = { 448 | endpoint: "/canvas", 449 | router: route, 450 | }; 451 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/routes/fun.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | const { Router } = require("express"); 2 | const cheerio = require("cheerio"); 3 | const fetch = require("node-fetch"); 4 | const route = Router(); 5 | const jokes = require("../assets/json/jokes.json"); 6 | const eightball = require("../assets/json/8ball.json"); 7 | const { facts } = require("../assets/js/facts"); 8 | const quotes = require("../assets/json/quotes.json"); 9 | /** 10 | * @swagger 11 | * /v1/fun/wyr: 12 | * get: 13 | * description: Would you rather. 14 | * tags: [fun] 15 | * responses: 16 | * 200: 17 | * description: Success 18 | * 400: 19 | * description: Error 20 | */ 21 | route.get("/wyr", async (req, res) => { 22 | const data = await fetch("http://either.io").then((resp) => resp.text()); 23 | const $ = cheerio.load(data); 24 | 25 | const wyr = String($('div[class="option"] a').text()).split("\n"); 26 | const votes = [ 27 | Number( 28 | $( 29 | 'div[class="result result-1"] div[class="total-votes"] span[class="count"]' 30 | ) 31 | .html() 32 | .replace(/,+/g, "") 33 | ), 34 | Number( 35 | $( 36 | 'div[class="result result-2"] div[class="total-votes"] span[class="count"]' 37 | ) 38 | .html() 39 | .replace(/,+/g, "") 40 | ), 41 | ]; 42 | const total_votes = Number( 43 | $('span[class="contents"]').text().split(" votes")[0].replace(/,+/g, "") 44 | ); 45 | const percentage = [ 46 | ((votes[0] / total_votes) * 100).toFixed(2), 47 | ((votes[1] / total_votes) * 100).toFixed(2), 48 | ]; 49 | const author = $('span[id="question-author"] a').text(); 50 | 51 | return res.json({ 52 | questions: [wyr[1].trim(), wyr[2].trim()], 53 | votes: { 54 | 1: votes[0], 55 | 2: votes[1], 56 | }, 57 | percentage: { 58 | 1: percentage[0], 59 | 2: percentage[1], 60 | }, 61 | author: author, 62 | }); 63 | }); 64 | /** 65 | * @swagger 66 | * /v1/fun/joke: 67 | * get: 68 | * description: Just getting an joke. 69 | * tags: [fun] 70 | * responses: 71 | * 200: 72 | * description: Success 73 | * 400: 74 | * description: Error 75 | */ 76 | route.get("/joke", (req, res) => { 77 | const joke = jokes[Math.floor(Math.random() * jokes.length)]; 78 | 79 | return res.json({ 80 | question: joke.setup, 81 | answer: joke.punchline, 82 | category: joke.type, 83 | }); 84 | }); 85 | /** 86 | * @swagger 87 | * /v1/fun/reverse: 88 | * get: 89 | * description: Reverse some text. 90 | * tags: [fun] 91 | * parameters: 92 | * name: content 93 | * description: The text to reverse. 94 | * in: query 95 | * required: true 96 | * type: string 97 | * responses: 98 | * 200: 99 | * description: Success 100 | * 400: 101 | * description: Error 102 | */ 103 | route.get("/reverse", (req, res) => { 104 | const content = req.query.content; 105 | if (!content) 106 | return res.json({ 107 | error: true, 108 | message: "Provide the content to reverse.", 109 | }); 110 | if (typeof content !== "string") 111 | return res.json({ 112 | error: true, 113 | message: "Make sure the message is a String.", 114 | }); 115 | 116 | const reversed = content.split("").reverse().join(" "); 117 | return res.json({ 118 | content: reversed, 119 | }); 120 | }); 121 | /** 122 | * @swagger 123 | * /v1/fun/8ball: 124 | * get: 125 | * description: Returns a random answer. 126 | * tags: [fun] 127 | * responses: 128 | * 200: 129 | * description: Success 130 | * 400: 131 | * description: Error 132 | */ 133 | route.get("/8ball", (req, res) => { 134 | return res.json({ 135 | answer: eightball[Math.floor(Math.random() * eightball.length)], 136 | }); 137 | }); 138 | /** 139 | * @swagger 140 | * /v1/fun/fact: 141 | * get: 142 | * description: Just getting an fact. 143 | * tags: [fun] 144 | * responses: 145 | * 200: 146 | * description: Success 147 | * 400: 148 | * description: Error 149 | */ 150 | route.get("/fact", (req, res) => { 151 | const fact = facts[Math.floor(Math.random() * facts.length)]; 152 | 153 | return res.json({ fact: fact }); 154 | }); 155 | /** 156 | * @swagger 157 | * /v1/fun/quote: 158 | * get: 159 | * description: Just getting an quote. 160 | * tags: [fun] 161 | * responses: 162 | * 200: 163 | * description: Success 164 | * 400: 165 | * description: Error 166 | */ 167 | route.get("/quote", (req, res) => { 168 | const quote = quotes[Math.floor(Math.random() * quotes.length)]; 169 | 170 | return res.json({ 171 | content: quote.content, 172 | author: quote.author, 173 | tags: quote.tags, 174 | id: quote.authorId, 175 | slug: quote.authorSlug, 176 | }); 177 | }); 178 | /** 179 | * @swagger 180 | * /v1/fun/mine-sweeper: 181 | * get: 182 | * description: Make a mine-sweeper board. 183 | * tags: [fun] 184 | * responses: 185 | * 200: 186 | * description: Success 187 | * 400: 188 | * description: Error 189 | */ 190 | route.get('/mine-sweeper', async (req, res) => { 191 | let size1 = req.query.size 192 | let bomb = req.query.bombs 193 | 194 | let size = size1 || 5 195 | let bombs = bomb || 10 196 | 197 | const minesweeper = (size, bombs) => { 198 | let board = []; 199 | 200 | for (let i = 0; i < size; i++) { 201 | board.push([]); 202 | for (let j = 0; j < size; j++) { 203 | board[i].push(0); 204 | } 205 | } 206 | 207 | let x = Math.floor(Math.random() * size); 208 | let y = Math.floor(Math.random() * size); 209 | 210 | for (let i = 0; i < bombs; i++) { 211 | 212 | x = Math.floor(Math.random() * size); 213 | y = Math.floor(Math.random() * size); 214 | 215 | if (board[y][x] == `☠️`) { 216 | --i; 217 | continue; 218 | } 219 | 220 | board[y][x] = `☠️`; 221 | 222 | } 223 | 224 | x = 0; 225 | y = 0; 226 | 227 | for (y = 0; y < size; y++) { 228 | for (x = 0; x < size; x++) { 229 | if (board[y][x] == `☠️`) { 230 | for (let m = -1; m <= 1; m++) { 231 | for (let n = -1; n <= 1; n++) { 232 | if (typeof board[y + m] === 'undefined') continue; 233 | if (typeof board[y + m][x + n] === 'undefined') continue; 234 | if (board[y + m][x + n] == `☠️`) continue; 235 | board[y + m][x + n] += 1; 236 | } 237 | } 238 | } 239 | } 240 | } 241 | return board; 242 | }; 243 | const format = board => { 244 | let result = ""; 245 | 246 | const numberToEmoji = { 247 | 0: `0️⃣`, 248 | 1: `1️⃣`, 249 | 2: `2️⃣`, 250 | 3: `3️⃣`, 251 | 4: `4️⃣`, 252 | 5: `5️⃣`, 253 | 6: `6️⃣`, 254 | 7: `7️⃣`, 255 | 8: `8️⃣` 256 | } 257 | 258 | board.forEach(col => { 259 | col.forEach(row => { 260 | if (row == `☠️`) { 261 | result += `||☠️||` 262 | } else { 263 | result += `||${numberToEmoji[row]}||` 264 | } 265 | }); 266 | result += "\n"; 267 | }); 268 | 269 | return result; 270 | } 271 | res.send({ 272 | output: format(minesweeper(size, bombs)) 273 | }) 274 | 275 | 276 | }) 277 | 278 | /** 279 | * @swagger 280 | * /v1/fun/quote/author: 281 | * get: 282 | * description: Just getting an author from an quote. 283 | * tags: [fun] 284 | * parameters: 285 | * - name: id 286 | * description: The id from the author (need to use the id query or the slug query). 287 | * in: query 288 | * type: string 289 | * - name: slug 290 | * description: The slug from the author (need to use the id query or the slug query) 291 | * in: query 292 | * type: string 293 | * responses: 294 | * 200: 295 | * description: Success 296 | * 400: 297 | * description: Error 298 | */ 299 | const { getAuthorById, getAuthorBySlug } = require("../utils/quoteAuthors"); 300 | route.get("/quote/author", (req, res) => { 301 | if (req.query.id) return getAuthorById(req.query.id, res); 302 | if (req.query.slug && !req.query.id) 303 | return getAuthorBySlug(req.query.slug, res); 304 | if (!req.query.slug && !req.query.id) 305 | return res.json({ 306 | error: true, 307 | message: 308 | "Need to atleast provide one query parameter: author id or author slug", 309 | }); 310 | }); 311 | module.exports = { 312 | endpoint: "/fun", 313 | router: route, 314 | }; 315 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/routes/info.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | const { Router } = require("express"); 2 | const route = Router(); 3 | const worldometer = require('worldometer-coronavirus-info') 4 | const gis = require('g-i-s'); 5 | 6 | /** 7 | * @swagger 8 | * /v1/info/covid: 9 | * get: 10 | * description: Covid statistics 11 | * tags: [info] 12 | * parameters: 13 | * - name: country 14 | * description: country name. 15 | * in: query 16 | * required: false 17 | * type: string 18 | * responses: 19 | * 200: 20 | * description: Success 21 | * 300: 22 | * description: Invalid Country 23 | * 400: 24 | * description: Error 25 | */ 26 | route.get("/covid", async (req, res) => { 27 | try { 28 | const country = req.query.country; 29 | 30 | const corona = await worldometer.trackCountry(country) 31 | let totalCases = corona.cases.total 32 | if (totalCases == null) return res.status(300).send({ 33 | error: 'invalid country' 34 | }) 35 | const recovered = corona.cases.recovered 36 | const deaths = corona.cases.deaths 37 | const dischargePercent = corona.closedCases.percentage.discharge 38 | const deathPercent = corona.closedCases.percentage.death 39 | const closedCases = corona.closedCases.total 40 | const flagImg = corona.country.flagImg 41 | const countryName = corona.country.name 42 | res.status(200).send({ 43 | country: countryName, 44 | totalcases: totalCases, 45 | recovered: recovered, 46 | deaths: deaths, 47 | dischargePercent: dischargePercent, 48 | deathPercent: deathPercent, 49 | closedCases: closedCases, 50 | flagimg: flagImg 51 | 52 | }) 53 | 54 | } catch (e) { 55 | const coronaa = await worldometer.trackAll()//returns object 56 | const totalCasesa = coronaa.totalCases //returns total cases 57 | const totalDeaths = coronaa.totalDeaths 58 | const totalRecovered = coronaa.totalRecovered 59 | const activeCases = coronaa.activeCases 60 | const closedCasesa = coronaa.closedCases 61 | const mildCases = coronaa.condition.mild 62 | const criticalCases = coronaa.condition.critical 63 | res.status(200).send({ 64 | country: "World", 65 | cases: totalCasesa, 66 | deaths: totalDeaths, 67 | recovered: totalRecovered, 68 | activecases: activeCases, 69 | closedcases: closedCasesa, 70 | mildcases: mildCases, 71 | criticalases: criticalCases 72 | }) 73 | } 74 | }); 75 | 76 | /** 77 | * @swagger 78 | * /v1/info/npm: 79 | * get: 80 | * description: fetch NPM data 81 | * tags: [info] 82 | * parameters: 83 | * - name: package 84 | * description: The package name. 85 | * in: query 86 | * required: true 87 | * type: string 88 | * responses: 89 | * 200: 90 | * description: Success 91 | * 400: 92 | * description: Error 93 | */ 94 | 95 | const { fetchPkg, fetchSub, fetchLyrics } = require("../utils/functions"); 96 | route.get("/npm", async (req, res) => { 97 | if (!req.query.package) 98 | return res.json({ 99 | error: true, 100 | message: "No npm package was provided in the query", 101 | }); 102 | const data = await fetchPkg(req.query.package); 103 | return res.json(data); 104 | }); 105 | /** 106 | * @swagger 107 | * /v1/info/lyrics: 108 | * get: 109 | * description: fetch song data 110 | * tags: [info] 111 | * parameters: 112 | * - name: song 113 | * description: The song name. 114 | * in: query 115 | * required: true 116 | * type: string 117 | * responses: 118 | * 200: 119 | * description: Success 120 | * 400: 121 | * description: Error 122 | */ 123 | route.get("/lyrics", async (req, res) => { 124 | if (!req.query.song) 125 | return res.json({ 126 | error: true, 127 | message: "No song was provided in the query", 128 | }); 129 | const data = await fetchLyrics(req.query.song); 130 | res.send(data); 131 | }); 132 | 133 | /** 134 | * @swagger 135 | * /v1/info/reddit: 136 | * get: 137 | * description: fetch the latest post of a subreddit 138 | * tags: [info] 139 | * parameters: 140 | * - name: sub 141 | * description: Name of subreddit. 142 | * in: query 143 | * required: true 144 | * type: string 145 | * responses: 146 | * 200: 147 | * description: Success 148 | * 400: 149 | * description: Error 150 | */ 151 | route.get("/reddit", async (req, res) => { 152 | if (!req.query.sub) 153 | return res.json({ 154 | error: true, 155 | message: 156 | "Missing subreddit! example: https://api.tovade.xyz/v1/info/reddit?sub=discord ", 157 | }); 158 | const data = await fetchSub(req.query.sub); 159 | return res.json(data); 160 | }); 161 | /** 162 | * @swagger 163 | * /v1/info/imagesearch: 164 | * get: 165 | * description: search in google by image 166 | * tags: [info] 167 | * parameters: 168 | * - name: search 169 | * description: your query. 170 | * in: query 171 | * required: true 172 | * type: string 173 | * responses: 174 | * 200: 175 | * description: Success 176 | * 400: 177 | * description: Error 178 | */ 179 | route.get('/imagesearch', async (req, res) => { 180 | if (!req.query.search) return res.json({error: "text query missing"}) 181 | 182 | gis(req.query.search, sendResults); 183 | function sendResults(error, results) { 184 | if (error) { 185 | 186 | res.json({ 187 | error: 'An error occured' 188 | }) 189 | } 190 | else { 191 | 192 | res.send(JSON.stringify(results, null, ' ')) 193 | } 194 | } 195 | 196 | }) 197 | module.exports = { 198 | endpoint: "/info", 199 | router: route, 200 | }; 201 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/utils/functions.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | const fetch = require("node-fetch"); 2 | const moment = require("moment"); 3 | async function fetchPkg(pkg) { 4 | const res = await fetch( 5 | `https://registry.npmjs.com/${encodeURIComponent(pkg)}` 6 | ).catch(); 7 | if (res.status === 404) 8 | return { error: true, message: "Package does not exist." }; 9 | const body = await res.json(); 10 | return { 11 | description: body.description || "No description.", 12 | version: body["dist-tags"].latest, 13 | license: body.license || "None", 14 | author: body.author ? body.author.name : "Unknown User.", 15 | createdAt: moment.utc(body.time.created).format("YYYY/MM/DD hh:mm:ss"), 16 | last_modify: body.time.modified 17 | ? moment.utc(body.time.modified).format("YYYY/MM/DD hh:mm:ss") 18 | : "has never been modified", 19 | repository: body.repository 20 | ? `[View Here](${body.repository.url.split("+")[1]})` 21 | : "None", 22 | maintainers: body.maintainers.map((user) => user.name).join(", "), 23 | }; 24 | } 25 | async function fetchSub(sub) { 26 | const dataRes = await fetch( 27 | `https://reddit.com/r/${sub}/new.json?limit=1` 28 | ).then((rese) => rese.json()); 29 | if (dataRes.statusCode === 404) return "Invalid subreddit?"; 30 | const post = dataRes.data.children[0]; 31 | const p = post?.data; 32 | if (!p) return { error: true, message: "Subreddit does not exist." }; 33 | return { 34 | title: p.title || "", 35 | url: p.url || "", 36 | thumbnail: p.thumbnail, 37 | published: moment.utc(p.created_utc).format("YYYY/MM/DD hh:mm:ss"), 38 | permalink: `https://reddit.com${p.permalink}`, 39 | nsfw: p.over_18, 40 | author: { 41 | name: p.author || "Deleted", 42 | }, 43 | sub: { 44 | name: p.subreddit || sub, 45 | }, 46 | extra: { 47 | score: p.score, 48 | }, 49 | votes: { 50 | upvotes: p.ups, 51 | downvotes: p.downs, 52 | }, 53 | }; 54 | } 55 | const genius = require("@tovade/genius-lyrics"); 56 | const config = require("../../config"); 57 | 58 | async function fetchLyrics(song) { 59 | const g = new genius.Client(config.genius); 60 | const searches = await g.songs.search(song); 61 | const firstSong = searches[0]; 62 | const lyrics = await firstSong.lyrics(); 63 | 64 | return { 65 | thumbnail: firstSong.raw.song_art_image_thumbnail_url, 66 | title: firstSong.raw.title, 67 | author: firstSong.raw.primary_artist.name, 68 | lyrics: lyrics || "No Lyrics found.", 69 | }; 70 | } 71 | async function fetchAnimal(type) { 72 | const data = await fetch(`https://some-random-api.ml/animal/${type}`).then( 73 | (d) => d.json() 74 | ); 75 | 76 | return { 77 | fact: data.fact, 78 | image: data.image, 79 | }; 80 | } 81 | module.exports = { 82 | fetchPkg, 83 | fetchSub, 84 | fetchLyrics, 85 | fetchAnimal, 86 | }; 87 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/utils/mongoDB.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | const { connect, connection } = require("mongoose"); 2 | const config = require("../../config"); 3 | 4 | connect(config.mongo, { 5 | useNewUrlParser: true, 6 | useUnifiedTopology: true, 7 | useFindAndModify: false, 8 | }); 9 | 10 | connection.on("connected", () => { 11 | console.log("Connected to mongoDB!"); 12 | }); 13 | connection.on("reconnecting", () => { 14 | console.log("Reconnecting to mongoDB......"); 15 | }); 16 | connection.on("disconnected", () => { 17 | console.log("Disconnected from mongoDB"); 18 | }); 19 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- /src/utils/quoteAuthors.js: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 | const quoteAuthor = require("../assets/json/quoteAuthors.json"); 2 | const model = require("../models/author"); 3 | async function getAuthorById(id, res) { 4 | const m = await model.findOne({ 5 | id, 6 | }); 7 | if (!m) return res.json({ error: true, message: "No quote author found. " }); 8 | if (m) { 9 | return res.json({ 10 | name: m.name, 11 | bio: m.bio, 12 | link: m.link, 13 | quotes: m.quotes, 14 | }); 15 | } 16 | } 17 | async function getAuthorBySlug(slug, res) { 18 | const m = await model.findOne({ 19 | slug, 20 | }); 21 | if (!m) return res.json({ error: true, message: "No quote author found. " }); 22 | if (m) { 23 | return res.json({ 24 | name: m.name, 25 | bio: m.bio, 26 | link: m.link, 27 | quotes: m.quotes, 28 | }); 29 | } 30 | } 31 | 32 | module.exports = { 33 | getAuthorById, 34 | getAuthorBySlug, 35 | }; 36 | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------